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i'm getting jealous because my best friend is with other girls

my guy best friend recently has been invited to parties with groups of girls. the next day, everyone who went to the party posted pictures of them and him and in some photos his hand was behind girls backs.
to my other friend, he admitted that one of the girls was pretty and how she could never compare to her.
for how he treated my friend, i got so pissed off that i decided not to talk to him for a few days. my friend is so self-conscious so i couldn't let that slide. additionally, the fact that he has been prioritising all of the girls over me when i've been his best friend for 4 years. i care about him so much and i love him so so much but he would leave me on delivered for almost a whole day for no reason. it makes me feel as if my place in his heart has been taken by one of those girls he met at the party.
i have been talking to dryly to him on text because i feel like he has changed a lot and i don't like it.
also, as bad as this seems, i've been avoiding eye contact with him for days. i know he looks at me, but i don't want to look or talk to him. idk if this is jealousy that i feel or what. in person, he doesn't treat me the same either: he used to play around with me and stuff but he does none of that to me but to the other girls instead.

my girl best friend (who he said was less pretty than a girl he met at the party) said that he thinks i hate him and that he doesn't mind that knowing that my parents are strict so it's hard for us to be good friends. he also told her that i've been texting really dryly (which ik i have been ) and really short messages.

idk if this is meant to be the end of a friendship but it sure feels that way. i really really miss the old him to the point where sometimes it makes me cry how much i miss him and how jealous i get of the other girls. ofc it's not that i want him all to myself, but it's the fact that he doesn't even talk to me anymore.
after all i've done for him: sent him paragraphs on end when his mental health is playing up, telling him that he is the most beautiful man in the world when he is insecure about his looks, telling him that i love him and that i always will, and helping him with all his problems.
i just feel so sh*tty right now. as if this was all a waste of my time: this whole friendship and everything. those girls will never help him the way that i did. i treated him like i was his girlfriend (or when i was sad he treated me like he was my boyfriend) because i loved him endlessly. i can't even explain how much i loved him. all my female friends at school, there would always be a reason why i slightly dislike them. but he was my everything. i trusted him with things that i never even told my female best friends.
now he has changed
and i feel like i can't trust him.
and for the first time in 4 years, he has made me feel angry and furious.
like i've been replaced

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Reply 1
Yep - that's jealousy for you, and anger because he has spurned you for some pretty girls. Oh how that hurts. Yes it does!

Ouch - your guy has changed, older, wiser and is finding that there is excitement and pleasure in chasing new fresh faces, and those fresh faces have replaced you.

Maybe you have read much more into this relationship over the past years because you shared so many cordial exchanges? Men can be like that, but they are also led many times by their eyes (& trousers) This man sounds like he is a total obsessive about himself. You have fed and soothed his ego and been really useful to him, provided a necessary prop when the going got rough and then it's 'see you' - how rude.

Well when you can finally let go of the hurt and the pain you feel, you can let go of this selfish man and his supersized sense of self. Unfortunately many men go through a time finding other women, sex, anything exciting (some keep on doing this for a lifetime - I think there's a 'sex straying' gene). They don't care who they trash or hurt in the process as they are too busy finding out that their appendage works and then can think of nothing else.

How do you reconcile this? Let him go. You have been a very good friend to him, and he probably never even thought any more of that until now. You have been very loyal , and invested so much of your time with him. Going forward you should never change or do anything different. It is his loss. The only thing is that is horrid is that this is one of life's learning experiences which creates that lived in face, the frown lines and the invisible scar on our heart. It is a real loss for you. It's OK to acknowledge that loss and feel the pain too. Take comfort and support from your caring girl friends. Get lots of hugs, allow them to give you TLC and if you feel like crying just cry. This is all about how you feel. Make sure you don't beat yourself up. Do not change at all, you have nothing to do differently. You might find yourself reviewing the past few months and years. You did what you did because you cared tremendously for someone, but at the eleventh hour it was spurned. Don't look back and try and recreate what once was. That has gone forever. This is a life battle scar. You will probably be wary of someone doing exactly the same again and will be on the alert for someone like him just to doing it all over again, but this time you won't let them. Time will tell.

You deserve better. Remember that. Your waiting soul mate is still out there. Not this fly by night. You have the whole world to go at, and a lifetime to find that significant other. You have had a small prelude to the real thing. View it as just that and go forward looking for more in the realms of excitement and mutual exchange. This is now a closed chapter in your life, and a new page for the new start is just being written. You will survive but the first few weeks are a bit rough!
Wild how angry you are just cus he has other friends lol. The way you're acting is probably whats pushed him away.
It seems like you only did a lot for him because you wanted to be more than friends.
Original post by Anonymous
my guy best friend recently has been invited to parties with groups of girls. the next day, everyone who went to the party posted pictures of them and him and in some photos his hand was behind girls backs.
to my other friend, he admitted that one of the girls was pretty and how she could never compare to her.
for how he treated my friend, i got so pissed off that i decided not to talk to him for a few days. my friend is so self-conscious so i couldn't let that slide. additionally, the fact that he has been prioritising all of the girls over me when i've been his best friend for 4 years. i care about him so much and i love him so so much but he would leave me on delivered for almost a whole day for no reason. it makes me feel as if my place in his heart has been taken by one of those girls he met at the party.
i have been talking to dryly to him on text because i feel like he has changed a lot and i don't like it.
also, as bad as this seems, i've been avoiding eye contact with him for days. i know he looks at me, but i don't want to look or talk to him. idk if this is jealousy that i feel or what. in person, he doesn't treat me the same either: he used to play around with me and stuff but he does none of that to me but to the other girls instead.

my girl best friend (who he said was less pretty than a girl he met at the party) said that he thinks i hate him and that he doesn't mind that knowing that my parents are strict so it's hard for us to be good friends. he also told her that i've been texting really dryly (which ik i have been ) and really short messages.

idk if this is meant to be the end of a friendship but it sure feels that way. i really really miss the old him to the point where sometimes it makes me cry how much i miss him and how jealous i get of the other girls. ofc it's not that i want him all to myself, but it's the fact that he doesn't even talk to me anymore.
after all i've done for him: sent him paragraphs on end when his mental health is playing up, telling him that he is the most beautiful man in the world when he is insecure about his looks, telling him that i love him and that i always will, and helping him with all his problems.
i just feel so sh*tty right now. as if this was all a waste of my time: this whole friendship and everything. those girls will never help him the way that i did. i treated him like i was his girlfriend (or when i was sad he treated me like he was my boyfriend) because i loved him endlessly. i can't even explain how much i loved him. all my female friends at school, there would always be a reason why i slightly dislike them. but he was my everything. i trusted him with things that i never even told my female best friends.
now he has changed
and i feel like i can't trust him.
and for the first time in 4 years, he has made me feel angry and furious.
like i've been replaced

I have two suggestions:

1. Speak to him about how you feel. Don't expert him to be a mind reader. After the conversation, you forgive him and carry on.

2. Break up and move on.
I know how u feel cos I had a best guy friend for yrs but when he got a gf he stopped bothering with me so ur just gonna have to move on and don't do so much for some other guy in the future unless it ur bf and he is doing the same for u
Original post by YaliaV123
It seems like you only did a lot for him because you wanted to be more than friends.

that's the worst out of it all.
a few months ago, i did develop feelings for him and that made everything so much worse for me.
Original post by cherlloydfan1
I know how u feel cos I had a best guy friend for yrs but when he got a gf he stopped bothering with me so ur just gonna have to move on and don't do so much for some other guy in the future unless it ur bf and he is doing the same for u


You should have tried to make him your bf. Imagine losing out to what you considered to be the “best guy friend”. You gladly left him in the friendzone until he found someone better to invest his time.
Original post by Wired_1800
You should have tried to make him your bf. Imagine losing out to what you considered to be the “best guy friend”. You gladly left him in the friendzone until he found someone better to invest his time.

idek what 'guy best friend' is anymore.
now thinking about it, is basically is a boyfriend
Do you think perhaps you want to be more than friends with him?

Truly platonic friendships don't get this jealous over spending time with 'pretty girls' as much as this - sure, maybe 'other friends' but not speficially ones that might threaten how he gives you attention. Would you say this is true? :frown: :console:
Original post by Anonymous
idek what 'guy best friend' is anymore.
now thinking about it, is basically is a boyfriend


To me, “guy best friend” is a role that gives the girl plausible deniability and flexibility to do as she wishes without consequences. She can get the bf energy from him e.g. telling him about her problems, spending time with him and, in some cases, collecting resources from him such as going for food or to the cinema together. Basically, it is the bf label without the benefits such as sex and gf energy from the girl.

There are some guys in this painful space but are afraid to do anything because of the repercussions.

She considered him to be her “best guy friend” but he dumped her when he had other options, which should have sent a strong message to her.
Original post by parmezanne
Do you think perhaps you want to be more than friends with him?

Truly platonic friendships don't get this jealous over spending time with 'pretty girls' as much as this - sure, maybe 'other friends' but not speficially ones that might threaten how he gives you attention. Would you say this is true? :frown: :console:

maybe.
it's just that i've always been his number 1. and he's always been mine. and now it feels as though other girls have replaced me and he doesn't need me anymore.
as i said above, he thinks that i hate him, which is partially true. i hate him for the way he just left me so abruptly and he won't come back.
sometimes, i do take a day or two to respond to his texts because i am busy, and then he replies a day later too - which is so bizarre as i always see him online. i did leave him on delivered for a day a couple of times, but there is no reason why he should do it back right?
and then it's just a vicious cycle because i don't talk to him for a whole day again and neither does he
So you are determined to trash your friendship because of the damage you think he has done to your friendship?

Were you expecting some sort of forever platonic Peter Pan type deal? People grow and their needs change. It sounds a lot like you are blurring the lines and expectations between friendships and romance.
Original post by StriderHort
So you are determined to trash your friendship because of the damage you think he has done to your friendship?

Were you expecting some sort of forever platonic Peter Pan type deal? People grow and their needs change. It sounds a lot like you are blurring the lines and expectations between friendships and romance.

jesus well when you put it like that..

you're saying as if he doesn't want our friendship to be normal either
Honestly, why don't you go for a walk with him and just talk through everything. Explain that you were upset because he was rude to your girl best friend. That's the only way to get any resolution.
Your clearly in love with the guy, either tell him how you feel and get together or move on.
Original post by Anonymous
maybe.
it's just that i've always been his number 1. and he's always been mine. and now it feels as though other girls have replaced me and he doesn't need me anymore.
as i said above, he thinks that i hate him, which is partially true. i hate him for the way he just left me so abruptly and he won't come back.
sometimes, i do take a day or two to respond to his texts because i am busy, and then he replies a day later too - which is so bizarre as i always see him online. i did leave him on delivered for a day a couple of times, but there is no reason why he should do it back right?
and then it's just a vicious cycle because i don't talk to him for a whole day again and neither does he


Definitely communicate this to him. If he's unaware you like him (sounds like you do!) he needs to know that you feel left out.
Original post by Rakas21
Your clearly in love with the guy, either tell him how you feel and get together or move on.

i just get scared that if i tell him how i feel about him, he really will never talk to me again. and with GCSEs around the corner, i really don't want there to be any gossip circulating around school
Original post by Anonymous
i just get scared that if i tell him how i feel about him, he really will never talk to me again. and with GCSEs around the corner, i really don't want there to be any gossip circulating around school

You should trust him enough not to gossip about you.
Original post by Wired_1800
You should trust him enough not to gossip about you.

you are actually very much right.
how should i approach it?

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