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Is this a good EPQ conclusion? help.

I don't know if this is a good conclusion, any feedback will be appreciated. Here it is:
When initially faced with the question ‘why has the USA never had a female president?’, the answer that seems most obvious is that the American public won’t vote one in. However, through my research, I discovered multiple factors which may contribute to the lack of a female president.
Role congruity theory proposes that voters use stereotypes to make assumptions about candidates, and that these stereotypes about women negatively impact how people perceive them as leaders. While the 2016 presidential race demonstrated that women can win over the public, the singular occasion is not sufficient enough evidence to rule out Americans not wanting to vote for a woman as a factor. However, it does suggest that it is not the only reason for the lack of a female president, and that there must be something else at play. In this essay, I argue that the other thing at play is that not enough women are running for office in the first place in order to enter the supply of possible presidential candidates. The reasons for this include the sexist environment of US politics, gender differences in self-perceived qualifications, women receiving less encouragement to run and the absence of a quota system.
After exploring each of these reasons, I can conclude that, to a certain extent, the unwillingness of Americans to vote for a woman is the reason that the United States has never had a female president, but it is not the sole reason. I believe, based on this essay’s research, that it is a combination of all the factors which make up the reason for there never being a female president. It is difficult to conclude which element has the largest impact as the factors are all intertwined and cannot be measured independently.
Seems good.
Moved to EPQ
Reply 3
Looks good to me :smile:
Best of luck with your EPQ!
I think this is a good conclusion overall but I do have a few tips.

"and that there must be something else at play. In this essay, I argue that the other thing at play is"

I don't think the term 'at play' is the right way to phrase this. You could go for something like 'there are other factors affecting this'. I think it is more academic if you say that. Also if this is the conclusion it should be 'in this essay I have argued' rather than 'in this essay I argue that'

Your final line should be a little more succinct. I would literally state what you think the most important reason is here.
Reply 5
thank you so much!

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