Being one of the only Muslims in the workplace - pubs, etc.
Not sure if I'm posting this in the right place but I'll go ahead anyway.
I just started a new job after graduating uni last year and have been feeling a bit out of place to say the least. I'm technically not the only Muslim there but I am the only practicing one in my team. I'm not even that strictly religious (I don't wear hijab, I dress fairly western but still modest, etc.) but I just feel quite awkward. My team arranges to go to the pub every week and I obviously can't go because I'm just not comfortable in that kind of environment (I tried going back in freshers week of uni and absolutely hated it). I don't really have a problem with them socialising, it is office culture, after all. There are a couple of other muslims in my team but they don't practice it (e.g. neither fasted during Ramadan and one of them drinks alcohol). So when they go to the pub and my other colleagues ask why I can't go (i.e. "X goes to the pub and is Muslim, why can't you come along?"), it puts me in a very awkward situation.
I'm not quite sure why I'm even posting this but was wondering if anyone had some kind of advice. I don't want things to be changed for me if everyone else is ok with it. But I can't help but feel a bit sad that I'm not getting to know everyone. I feel like it's making me come across as really anti-social when everyone else in my life will agree I'm the complete opposite! It just felt like it was easier at uni because people seemed to be more understanding and we'd just go out for meals or do other social activities instead.
I just started a new job after graduating uni last year and have been feeling a bit out of place to say the least. I'm technically not the only Muslim there but I am the only practicing one in my team. I'm not even that strictly religious (I don't wear hijab, I dress fairly western but still modest, etc.) but I just feel quite awkward. My team arranges to go to the pub every week and I obviously can't go because I'm just not comfortable in that kind of environment (I tried going back in freshers week of uni and absolutely hated it). I don't really have a problem with them socialising, it is office culture, after all. There are a couple of other muslims in my team but they don't practice it (e.g. neither fasted during Ramadan and one of them drinks alcohol). So when they go to the pub and my other colleagues ask why I can't go (i.e. "X goes to the pub and is Muslim, why can't you come along?"), it puts me in a very awkward situation.
I'm not quite sure why I'm even posting this but was wondering if anyone had some kind of advice. I don't want things to be changed for me if everyone else is ok with it. But I can't help but feel a bit sad that I'm not getting to know everyone. I feel like it's making me come across as really anti-social when everyone else in my life will agree I'm the complete opposite! It just felt like it was easier at uni because people seemed to be more understanding and we'd just go out for meals or do other social activities instead.
hi !!
i’m really sorry, i’m a hindu and don’t drink either and i know sometimes you feel like an outsider when we can’t partake in typical english activities like going to the pub or spoons !!!
my advice would be to try arrange different activities with your colleagues aside from them going to the pub, e.g at the vet clinic i did work experience at, every Friday after work they would all go to the gym and do a workout together 😂 might not be your type of activity but you know what i mean, try suggesting things to do // arranging things so that you guys can spend more time together.
hope this is somewhat helpful !!!
i’m really sorry, i’m a hindu and don’t drink either and i know sometimes you feel like an outsider when we can’t partake in typical english activities like going to the pub or spoons !!!
my advice would be to try arrange different activities with your colleagues aside from them going to the pub, e.g at the vet clinic i did work experience at, every Friday after work they would all go to the gym and do a workout together 😂 might not be your type of activity but you know what i mean, try suggesting things to do // arranging things so that you guys can spend more time together.
hope this is somewhat helpful !!!
Always trust your gut instinct and listen to what your common sense is telling you.
It is your right to decide how you spend your free time and whether you want to meetup with coworkers socially.
Have you suggested alternative meetup venues that you are comfortable attending and able to eat & drink most items on the menu?
Some of my friends who are are very strict mormons and fundamentalist vegan hindus do this, picking up the bill under the "asker pays" system.
They will not eat nor drink anything within premises where caffeine, dairy products, booze or red meat have been consumed.
Good luck!
It is your right to decide how you spend your free time and whether you want to meetup with coworkers socially.
Have you suggested alternative meetup venues that you are comfortable attending and able to eat & drink most items on the menu?
Some of my friends who are are very strict mormons and fundamentalist vegan hindus do this, picking up the bill under the "asker pays" system.
They will not eat nor drink anything within premises where caffeine, dairy products, booze or red meat have been consumed.
Good luck!
Original post by aliaa03
hi !!
i’m really sorry, i’m a hindu and don’t drink either and i know sometimes you feel like an outsider when we can’t partake in typical english activities like going to the pub or spoons !!!
my advice would be to try arrange different activities with your colleagues aside from them going to the pub, e.g at the vet clinic i did work experience at, every Friday after work they would all go to the gym and do a workout together 😂 might not be your type of activity but you know what i mean, try suggesting things to do // arranging things so that you guys can spend more time together.
hope this is somewhat helpful !!!
i’m really sorry, i’m a hindu and don’t drink either and i know sometimes you feel like an outsider when we can’t partake in typical english activities like going to the pub or spoons !!!
my advice would be to try arrange different activities with your colleagues aside from them going to the pub, e.g at the vet clinic i did work experience at, every Friday after work they would all go to the gym and do a workout together 😂 might not be your type of activity but you know what i mean, try suggesting things to do // arranging things so that you guys can spend more time together.
hope this is somewhat helpful !!!
The thing is though, I just don't feel that close with my colleagues because all they do is talk about what they got up to at the pub. I'll try and see if I can talk to some of them at lunch and see if they'd be interested.
Thanks for the advice, appreciate it
Original post by londonmyst
Always trust your gut instinct and listen to what your common sense is telling you.
It is your right to decide how you spend your free time and whether you want to meetup with coworkers socially.
Have you suggested alternative meetup venues that you are comfortable attending and able to eat & drink most items on the menu?
Some of my friends who are are very strict mormons and fundamentalist vegan hindus do this, picking up the bill under the "asker pays" system.
They will not eat nor drink anything within premises where caffeine, dairy products, booze or red meat have been consumed.
Good luck!
It is your right to decide how you spend your free time and whether you want to meetup with coworkers socially.
Have you suggested alternative meetup venues that you are comfortable attending and able to eat & drink most items on the menu?
Some of my friends who are are very strict mormons and fundamentalist vegan hindus do this, picking up the bill under the "asker pays" system.
They will not eat nor drink anything within premises where caffeine, dairy products, booze or red meat have been consumed.
Good luck!
I have suggested alternatives, but I know it's annoyed quite a few others in my team that things are having to be changed because of me. I'll try pushing with the ones I'm actually close to in the team though and see if they'd be interested.
Original post by Anonymous
I have suggested alternatives, but I know it's annoyed quite a few others in my team that things are having to be changed because of me. I'll try pushing with the ones I'm actually close to in the team though and see if they'd be interested.
I've experienced similar issues because of my food allergies and diet.
I'm allergic to citrus fruits, citric acid, mint and several artificial sweeteners used as low calorie sugar substitutes.
Only meats I eat are chicken and beef.
Nandos is totally off-limits and I have to be very careful that none of the pizzas I eat contain raw tomato.
Asian foods with citric acid powder, lemon or tomato juice is also something I do everything to avoid.
In my experience, many people are very flexible about meeting up with someone that they want to socialise with.
As long as they are open minded and don't feel that their own legal habits are being stigmatized or their long established traditions at risk of being forced out to oblige a newcomer.
Original post by Shah99
sabr
Indeed, patience is key
Original post by Anonymous
The thing is though, I just don't feel that close with my colleagues because all they do is talk about what they got up to at the pub. I'll try and see if I can talk to some of them at lunch and see if they'd be interested.
Thanks for the advice, appreciate it
Thanks for the advice, appreciate it
What do they get up to at the pub? It can't be that interesting
It's going to be difficult if everyone already has a routine that they're happy with. Tbh I'd suggest going to the pub again if your most recent experience of it is young adults relishing the fact they can legally do something they've had to spend years avoiding their parents finding out about. More and more places are selling zero alcohol drinks, and there are always soft drinks. It sounds like they already know you don't drink alcohol, so unless you want to try and convert them to Islam, just refuse their offers for alcoholic drinks and don't get drawn into an explanation. It would also probably be a good idea to not let anyone include you in a round otherwise that could get awkward when it's your turn.
Original post by Shah99
sabr
What's Federer got to do with this?
I absolutely agree with the advice that you really should go to the pub. Whilst they should respect your culture (not drinking) you need to accept the British culture, and that means 'pub'. I also agree that it's very different going to a student night versus out as adults with their own money (although I don't mind a Friday night in 'Spoons).
Not going will negatively affect your relationship with colleagues.
Not going will negatively affect your relationship with colleagues.
Pubs are more than just venues for alcohol, they are a social hub and a key part of many British people's social life. As others have said there is no compulsion to drink and all pubs serve non-alcoholic drinks such as soft drinks, waters, and tonics. Many are also food venues. Many do coffees (proper espresso style, not instant).
Pubs with work colleagues after hours is not generally the same environment as going to a pub as/ with students.
Pubs with work colleagues after hours is not generally the same environment as going to a pub as/ with students.
Assalamu Alaykum. I know you might feel tempting and upsetting that you can't join in but always remember the Akhirah is greater than the dunya. It's up to you what you do, don't feel pressured into doing anything.
Original post by Anonymous
Pubs are more than just venues for alcohol, they are a social hub and a key part of many British people's social life. As others have said there is no compulsion to drink and all pubs serve non-alcoholic drinks such as soft drinks, waters, and tonics. Many are also food venues. Many do coffees (proper espresso style, not instant).
Pubs with work colleagues after hours is not generally the same environment as going to a pub as/ with students.
Pubs with work colleagues after hours is not generally the same environment as going to a pub as/ with students.
Still, one may feel uncomfortable in such an environment. Because the social aspect revolves around alcohol.
Original post by Apachecow
I absolutely agree with the advice that you really should go to the pub. Whilst they should respect your culture (not drinking) you need to accept the British culture, and that means 'pub'. I also agree that it's very different going to a student night versus out as adults with their own money (although I don't mind a Friday night in 'Spoons).
Not going will negatively affect your relationship with colleagues.
Not going will negatively affect your relationship with colleagues.
There is no point all but forcing an unwilling person to actively participate in traditional social life events when they are too uncomfortable to ever be open to doing so of their own choosing.
Everyone has their own red line and people must trust their gut instinct.
I'm saying this as a carnage adoring girl whose dealbreakers rule out intimate involvement with teetotallers and whose own business culture is incompatible with those who won't touch or consume alcohol for religious and health reasons.
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