The Student Room Group

How to stop hating yourself

I hate myself. I no longer have motivation to take care of myself, nothing I do is good enough for myself or anyone, I am not a special person. I’m not good at anything and have nearly no friends. I’ve tried everything I could think of and am now at desperate needs. I’ve been to the doctors etc and nothing has helped I believe this is a deep rooted issue - does anyone have any advice I feel so lost
Reply 1
I don't know how long you have felt like this, or indeed how old you are? It must be a truly rotten place for you to be and when your mindset is stuck it is even worse. You can change but it might take a while so be patient.

Your Doctor can only do so much, and does not have all of the answers. But you do. It is your life and you have to make the moves to get going. Sadly in life when the going gets tough things will not come to you, you have to go to them even when you probably don't feel like it.

The down side of getting so mired in the blanket of despair and depression are the negative life glasses you wear - so is it likely anything will succeed?

Challenge the following entrenched thinking patterns:
All-or-nothing thinking. Looking at things in black-or-white categories, with no middle ground
(“If everything is not perfect, I’m a total failure.”)

Overgeneralization. Generalizing from a single negative experience, expecting it to hold true forever
(“I had a bad date, I’ll never find anyone.”)

The mental filter Ignoring positive events and focusing on the negative. Noticing the one thing that went wrong, rather than all the things that went right. (“I got the last question on the test wrong. I’m an idiot.”)

Reducing the positives. Coming up with reasons why positive events (even small ones) don’t count
(“She said she had a good time on our date, but I think she was just being nice.”)

Jumping to conclusions. Making negative interpretations without actual evidence. You act like a mind reader (“He must think I’m pathetic”) or a fortune teller (“I’ll be stuck in this dead-end job forever.”)

Emotional reasoning. Believing that the way you feel reflects reality
(“I feel like such a loser. Everyone must be laughing at me!”)

‘I Should’ and ‘I Must-not.’ Holding yourself to a strict list of what you should and shouldn’t do, and beating yourself up if you don’t live up to those rules. (“I should never have interviewed for that job. I’m an idiot for thinking I could get it.”)

Labelling. Identifying all the mistakes you made and deciding your worth by your own shortcomings
(“I’m a failure; an idiot; a loser.”)

First get a new pair of glasses and imagine you can now see more clearly. If necessary visualise putting a special pair on and then drift with your thoughts to what would be a 'good' life for you - be that with a close knit circle of friends, happy, laughing, where are you living, warm, dry, comfortable, healthy, walking, running, happy? Write these thoughts down and don't lose sight of them, they are your life map going forward. Now we just start with doing physical practical things - the friends and social side might develop later on but each day is a small journey.

Change just one thing each day - get a list of your easy 'to do' things, practical things and decide which one you feel like doing

Beware of your headspace - how is the 'game in your head' - Are you a 'Yes but .... ' always with an excuse why you can't do something if someone offers help or advice etc or are you a 'I can't' mind set if faced with a task?

Start by just 'doing' anything. Don't worry about lack of friends, social life etc. Go to work, go to the shops, go to an appointment, make an effort to talk to someone, anyone. One more person than yesterday. Get out and exercise - walk. Count lamp posts, count steps and do an extra step or lamp post each day. Then walk faster, walk further.

Keep a daily diary so you can see how far you have improved. Scale yourself out of 10 ie 1/10 for Sleep, Exercise, Happy, Worried, Anxious, Sad, walking, talking etc If Madonna can re-invent herself so can you (even on a slimline budget!)

See if your medical centre have cardio walking groups - find the dates & start times

Get volunteering - Find a church group who might need volunteers for helping others with shopping, gardening, companionship

Lets see if all of us here can help you take that step up out of the blanket and back into the light? Never give up, life is short enough. Hoping you feel in a better place soon.

RVS - Volunteering (hospitals)

Volunteer wildlife trust - https://www.wildlifetrusts.org/closer-to-nature/volunteer

Young Minds - https://www.youngminds.org.uk/young-person/

The Calm Zone - Helpline - Campaign against living miserably - Tel 0800 585858 (5pm till midnight)

BETTER BET - 'Qualrics' research online lessons to improve mindset (I do not personally endorse this but it might be worth having a look at some of their lesson clips)
https://ucsf.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_bqqRn0ACsrv2whT?GUID=&Bypass=1&Q_JFE=qdg#1

If ever you need it
Samaritans - Tel 116 123

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