The Student Room Group

Uni sexual assault hell has destroyed me

In my first month at uni I had a horrible time, during freshers some guy tried to grind up against me during a halls party and I screamed at him and then I was basically public enemy number 1 as he was popular with all the other girls, fast forward a few weeks later I was raped by another guy after another party, I was a drunk but not so that I couldnt remember, it was awful I said no but he forced himself on me. I went to the SU to speak to someone about it but I got fobbed off, they said they cant do anything because I was drunk. I dropped out of uni soon after and since I drink more and more and have become withdrawn, my parents dont care they were quite annoyed i quit uni as they wanted rid of me out of the house in the first place, I tried to speak to a counsellor but that was no help either, I really thought this doesn't happen at uni but I have been proved wrong. Any advice?

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Original post by starxoxox
Speak to someone trustworthy
WHY DID YOU GET THAT DRUNK
girl you need to control urself
got any friends?
go to less untrustworthy parties if that's the case

I wasn't too drunk I still knew where I was and what I was doing
It sounds like you had an awful experience at university, and your uni sound sh*t with the way they handled the situation. Don't blame yourself, because you was drinking, no one should deserve this and honestly that guy should be locked up for what he did. I would find someone to talk to who you can trust about your experience. Have you filed a complaint to the police, on what happened, since you know who did it?
Original post by Anonymous
I wasn't too drunk I still knew where I was and what I was doing

if you have a drinking addiction at parties then stop it coz things like this could happen.if you feel that threatned then apply to a different uni.try seeing a therapist but if you really think u can't just let it go,then file a lawsuit
Original post by IronWoman2002
It sounds like you had an awful experience at university, and your uni sound sh*t with the way they handled the situation. Don't blame yourself, because you was drinking, no one should deserve this and honestly that guy should be locked up for what he did. I would find someone to talk to who you can trust about your experience. Have you filed a complaint to the police, on what happened, since you know who did it?

I wanted to but I thought if the uni wouldn't take me seriously then I guessed the police wouldn't
I’m sorry you have gone through this. None of your actions condone you being assaulted. You are young, your life is ahead of you. Speak to a counsellor, it’s amazing and you can recover the person you are again
Original post by starxoxox
Speak to someone trustworthy
WHY DID YOU GET THAT DRUNK
girl you need to control urself
got any friends?
go to less untrustworthy parties if that's the case


Fr..
Original post by Anonymous
In my first month at uni I had a horrible time, during freshers some guy tried to grind up against me during a halls party and I screamed at him and then I was basically public enemy number 1 as he was popular with all the other girls, fast forward a few weeks later I was raped by another guy after another party, I was a drunk but not so that I couldnt remember, it was awful I said no but he forced himself on me. I went to the SU to speak to someone about it but I got fobbed off, they said they cant do anything because I was drunk. I dropped out of uni soon after and since I drink more and more and have become withdrawn, my parents dont care they were quite annoyed i quit uni as they wanted rid of me out of the house in the first place, I tried to speak to a counsellor but that was no help either, I really thought this doesn't happen at uni but I have been proved wrong. Any advice?


You could still report it. However, if you don't have concrete evidence, there's a high possibility your case won't make it to court because CPS (Crown Prosecution Service) will reject it. The only way to really get it aside from CCTV is getting a swab test done within 72 hours of the event. I'm so sorry about the way you've been treated by people you should trust after you went through that.
Original post by Anonymous
I wanted to but I thought if the uni wouldn't take me seriously then I guessed the police wouldn't

Police have a duty of care to take any complaint of this nature seriously. Unfortunately, unless you've got some evidence, it's unlikely to result in a prosecution. However, the police can still put you in contact with the charities / organisations who may be able to help you deal with the issue.

TBH, I'm very very surprised the University aren't taking it more seriously... at the very least they should put you in contact with a Student Advice Centre or counsellor.
Original post by Truthseeker12345
I’m sorry you have gone through this. None of your actions condone you being assaulted. You are young, your life is ahead of you. Speak to a counsellor, it’s amazing and you can recover the person you are again

PRSOM. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don't let one disgusting man take it away from you forever. You can return to your old life, return to uni and be successful.
Original post by starxoxox
if you have a drinking addiction at parties then stop it coz things like this a bound to happen.if you feel that threatned then apply to a different uni.try seeing a therapist but if you really think u can't just let it go,then file a lawsuit

Is this not victim blaming? 'You drank too much, so it was going to happen anyway.'
Original post by starxoxox
Speak to someone trustworthy
WHY DID YOU GET THAT DRUNK
girl you need to control urself
got any friends?
go to less untrustworthy parties if that's the case


Not exactly sympathetic. Sounds like you making out its all her fault she got drunk.

@Anon Im so sorry you had to go through this. People do get drunk, but you were not that drunk to notice someone taking advantage, and you at the time remember saying no and they carried on. That is rape. Unfortunately unis are shocking when it comes to reporting and dealing it. Im afraid unis are not the ones that can charge and arrest the one that did it, its the police. Have you gone to them? If not, please report it, its never too late. That person thinks they got away with it and can do it to someone else. Who did you speak to at the SU? They also need reporting, not exactly helpful are they? Unis are to at least help and support, but sounds like they did exactly that and fob you off.
Please keep speaking with the councillor as well. It's not going to be quick fix session thats going to make you feel better.
If you ever do go out with friends in the future, please remember safety in numbers, and always keep an eye on your drinks at all times.
Original post by starxoxox
if you have a drinking addiction at parties then stop it coz things like this a bound to happen.if you feel that threatned then apply to a different uni.try seeing a therapist but if you really think u can't just let it go,then file a lawsuit

What the? seriously?
Original post by SagaciousSag
Is this not victim blaming? 'You drank too much, so it was going to happen anyway.'

Lol I know, thats like saying dont go walking down an alleyway, you are just asking for it.
Original post by Ghostlady
Not exactly sympathetic. Sounds like you making out its all her fault she got drunk.

@Anon Im so sorry you had to go through this. People do get drunk, but you were not that drunk to notice someone taking advantage, and you at the time remember saying no and they carried on. That is rape. Unfortunately unis are shocking when it comes to reporting and dealing it. Im afraid unis are not the ones that can charge and arrest the one that did it, its the police. Have you gone to them? If not, please report it, its never too late. That person thinks they got away with it and can do it to someone else. Who did you speak to at the SU? They also need reporting, not exactly helpful are they? Unis are to at least help and support, but sounds like they did exactly that and fob you off.
Please keep speaking with the councillor as well. It's not going to be quick fix session thats going to make you feel better.
If you ever do go out with friends in the future, please remember safety in numbers, and always keep an eye on your drinks at all times.

Absolutely. Being drunk never gives anyone the right to rape someone. Ever.
Original post by Anonymous
In my first month at uni I had a horrible time, during freshers some guy tried to grind up against me during a halls party and I screamed at him and then I was basically public enemy number 1 as he was popular with all the other girls, fast forward a few weeks later I was raped by another guy after another party, I was a drunk but not so that I couldnt remember, it was awful I said no but he forced himself on me. I went to the SU to speak to someone about it but I got fobbed off, they said they cant do anything because I was drunk. I dropped out of uni soon after and since I drink more and more and have become withdrawn, my parents dont care they were quite annoyed i quit uni as they wanted rid of me out of the house in the first place, I tried to speak to a counsellor but that was no help either, I really thought this doesn't happen at uni but I have been proved wrong. Any advice?


I was also raped at uni…twice. And sexually assaulted. It’s no good, luckily I am one of the 2% of people that actually can feel like my university has dealt with the situation correctly. There will be a disciplinary meeting at the end of the month surrounding the second rapist, so I hope that I do get some justice.

I didn’t drop out for 2 reasons, 1) I am studying a highly competitive course, me dropping out would mean sacrificing that career for good, 2) I have unfortunately dealt with this stuff before uni and so am kind of “numb” to it.

I am very sorry that you had to go through what you went through, but you aren’t αlone, this stuff is increasingly common in universities, over 60% of students are victim to an act of sexual violence. It is not okay.

Also just because you were drunk- doesn’t mean it’s your fault?! I’m disgusted by some of these replies. Yes, it is safer to NOT drink a large amount but it still isn’t your fault- it’s the person that took advantage of you’s fault.
Are you attractive is that why you get all this maybe you should go to another counselor why are your parents so useless.
Original post by Hotheaded
I was also raped at uni…twice. And sexually assaulted. It’s no good, luckily I am one of the 2% of people that actually can feel like my university has dealt with the situation correctly. There will be a disciplinary meeting at the end of the month surrounding the second rapist, so I hope that I do get some justice.

I didn’t drop out for 2 reasons, 1) I am studying a highly competitive course, me dropping out would mean sacrificing that career for good, 2) I have unfortunately dealt with this stuff before uni and so am kind of “numb” to it.

I am very sorry that you had to go through what you went through, but you aren’t αlone, this stuff is increasingly common in universities, over 60% of students are victim to an act of sexual violence. It is not okay.

Also just because you were drunk- doesn’t mean it’s your fault?! I’m disgusted by some of these replies. Yes, it is safer to NOT drink a large amount but it still isn’t your fault- it’s the person that took advantage of you’s fault.

what really upset me looking back, a few nights before it happened another girl said rape never happens in uni halls.
Original post by Anonymous
what really upset me looking back, a few nights before it happened another girl said rape never happens in uni halls.


Well she was wrong, I have no idea why she said that. You are more likely to get raped in uni vs not at uni
Original post by Ghostlady
Not exactly sympathetic. Sounds like you making out its all her fault she got drunk.

@Anon Im so sorry you had to go through this. People do get drunk, but you were not that drunk to notice someone taking advantage, and you at the time remember saying no and they carried on. That is rape. Unfortunately unis are shocking when it comes to reporting and dealing it. Im afraid unis are not the ones that can charge and arrest the one that did it, its the police. Have you gone to them? If not, please report it, its never too late. That person thinks they got away with it and can do it to someone else. Who did you speak to at the SU? They also need reporting, not exactly helpful are they? Unis are to at least help and support, but sounds like they did exactly that and fob you off.
Please keep speaking with the councillor as well. It's not going to be quick fix session thats going to make you feel better.
If you ever do go out with friends in the future, please remember safety in numbers, and always keep an eye on your drinks at all times.


It’s so difficult to report anything to universities or the police, and police actually don’t take your case as “seriously” if you have gone through the interviewing process with the university first as you’ve already had the experience of being interviewed. I honestly think the whole system needs to be improved, but it’s something no one talks about

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