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Friendship with girl has collapsed. Just who is in the wrong here?

Last year in my final year I got to be good friends with this girl at uni. I originally knew her from halls but only really hung out with her in the final year as we kept bumping into each other in the library. One of the main reasons for our friendship is that she is from the same part of suburbia in greater London as me, she lives about 2 miles away and we are both back home now. Anyway I asked her out but she said no and friend zoned me. We hung out as friends after uni because she wanted to. She kept messaging me, I think out of boredom at being back home. I found it hard b/c I had a crush on her and still do a bit, although nothing like before. We went out before Christmas to the pub and my mates came along, and now she is in a relationship with one of them. I'm not bothered about my mate, as he is just a guy in our group and I've never been that friendly with him. But they started going out and never even told me which I found very hurtful, especially from her. She went cold on me for ages and then I saw them together hand in hand on the high street. She has messaged me wanting to hang out but I can't bear the thought of it tbh. In fact I don't want to see her again. This has upset her and I think the friendship is over. Now I feel bad. But who was in the wrong here? I mean why didn't she even tell me. I feel pretty hurt tbh. Or am I being overly sensitive?
She made it very clear she didn’t want anything from you, although it might hurt you, she has done nothing wrong by being him. She didn’t have to tell you tbh either
It's you. It's that simple.
I just feel like she used me tbh. She knows I had guy friends and what hurt is the way she went cold on me when we were supposed to be friends, and didn't even tell me that she was going out with a guy that I introduced her to. We were friends and hanging out but she pretty much dumped me over night and I hardly heard anything from her for four months. At the very least I think she could have said thanks, seeing as I introduced them and they are having the time of their lives together. And btw before that my mate was constantly moaning about being single and actually so was she. I just feel used, angry and hurt tbh.
I can understand you being hurt but how do you imagine the conversation would have gone if she had told you. Do you not think that you would have found it awkward as you still have some feelings for her. I somehow get the feeling that you think she should have asked for your permission to see your friend, but as there was never anything between you she doesn’t actually owe you anything apart from friendship. It’s normal that she went cold on you for a while, she was in a new relationship and tied up with that. Things are normalised now and her new boyfriend has his place but she once again has time for all her other friends including you. If it hurts too much to see her then don’t, but the «*who is in the wrong here*» is just childish. You haven’t been wronged It’s just unfortunate for you that she doesn’t feel the same way about you.
Okay, fair enough. But tbh I would have preferred it if she had just told me when I asked her how she was doing in February after not hearing from her for almost two months. Instead she said she was busy in an extremely short message and went cold on me again for another two months. That is after she had been messaging me and we had been hanging out at weekends, meeting for coffee, talking about our new jobs etc. It was only after I bumped into her with the guy that I introduced her to that I found out. I spent (wasted) four months wondering what I had done wrong, if it was something I had said, wracking my brains and even had sleepless nights. And no, call me childish, but tbh I don't want to go to the pub with her and her boyfriend, it would literally make me vomit tbh, and yes I feel very angry and hurt and very used.
I honestly don't think either of you are in the wrong.

You both wanted to remain friends after she declined to date you. She's well within her rights to date elsewhere. You feel uncomfortable with it because you still have feelings and can choose to minimise or end contact with her if you wish. These things happen.
You don’t normally have hundreds of real friends that you keep throughout your life whatever happens. Most people can count their real friends on the fingers of their hands. The others come and go but time spent with them is not «* wasted*» unless of course you think she owed you something which seems to be the case here. If you’re honest with yourself you’re hurt because she prefers your friend which is understandable and human but you’re using the fact that she didn’t contact you to justify you’re feelings. It’ll take time to digest the situation so don’t go to the pub with them if it’s too difficult for you but when you get a girlfriend I think you’ll find your anger will evaporate so try not to be too aggressive in your contact with both of your «* friends*» as you might regret not having them in your social circle afterwards.
Original post by Anonymous
I just feel like she used me tbh. She knows I had guy friends and what hurt is the way she went cold on me when we were supposed to be friends, and didn't even tell me that she was going out with a guy that I introduced her to. We were friends and hanging out but she pretty much dumped me over night and I hardly heard anything from her for four months. At the very least I think she could have said thanks, seeing as I introduced them and they are having the time of their lives together. And btw before that my mate was constantly moaning about being single and actually so was she. I just feel used, angry and hurt tbh.


She probably went distant because having lots of guy friends in a relationship isn’t usually a good idea.

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