How do I move out for University without my parents knowing?

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Anonymous #1
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So my parents are super strict and will definitely disown me if I leave for University, but I plan on doing it anyway. I’ve payed for a PO Box so I can receive all of my mail there instead of at home, and thankfully the university(Sheffield)has told me that they don’t send by post, so I’m covered on that front as well.

One of my biggest concerns however, is the accommodation. How do I apply without my parents knowing? Any help would be highly appreciated, thanks.
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Hotheaded
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#2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So my parents are super strict and will definitely disown me if I leave for University, but I plan on doing it anyway. I’ve payed for a PO Box so I can receive all of my mail there instead of at home, and thankfully the university(Sheffield)has told me that they don’t send by post, so I’m covered on that front as well.

One of my biggest concerns however, is the accommodation. How do I apply without my parents knowing? Any help would be highly appreciated, thanks.
I have a few Qs- are you getting SFE?
Will your parents realise you aren’t at home?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Hotheaded)
I have a few Qs- are you getting SFE?
Will your parents realise you aren’t at home?
Yeah I’m going to be applying soon, although I’ll of course have to settle for the minimum maintenance loan, but it should be enough for me.

They will, but thankfully I go out frequently anyway e.g. for shopping or to the cinema. However, I did forget to mention the fact that my Dad opened my mail a couple of days ago and found about the PO Box I applied for (I would have been there and got it myself, but I didn’t expect to get it so soon).
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Piybo
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It sounds like your in a rather dilemma.. I don’t think it’s really possible, as you need to apply for student finance (tuition fees and maintenance loan) where which the tuition fees are not means tested, however the maintenance loan is means tested, and based on your total household income from which they determine what you’re entitled to. Applying for student finance involves your parents, as they have to fill in various details and financial info. Therefore, I am totally stumped at what you could do. Possibly contact SFEngland and explain to them the situation you’ve found yourself in. If your intending to go to uni this year you need to get applied asap as the SF process takes 6weeks min and you will have to also apply for accom on top of that. If I’m right, I don’t think you can apply for accom before your SF application is approved.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Piybo)
It sounds like your in a rather dilemma.. I don’t think it’s really possible, as you need to apply for student finance (tuition fees and maintenance loan) where which the tuition fees are not means tested, however the maintenance loan is means tested, and based on your total household income from which they determine what you’re entitled to. Applying for student finance involves your parents, as they have to fill in various details and financial info. Therefore, I am totally stumped at what you could do. Possibly contact SFEngland and explain to them the situation you’ve found yourself in. If your intending to go to uni this year you need to get applied asap as the SF process takes 6weeks min and you will have to also apply for accom on top of that. If I’m right, I don’t think you can apply for accom before your SF application is approved.
I need to make a decision soon because I actually applied for two courses: One is for CS at Leeds, and the other (the one I REALLY want to do) is Japanese at Sheffield. If I go to Leeds, I will be staying at home but if I go to Sheffield, I am definitely going to be moving out. It sucks that being born to *****y dictator parents means I need to deal with this garbage.
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Anonymous #1
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Another option that I have if I do decide to move away, is to go to Sheffield and do the degree and while I’m doing that, apply for CS degree apprenticeships (I’d probably go for the pwc one at Leeds). That way, if I get in, I will pretty much be set for life and will never have to see my parents again. It’ll be the ultimate FU to them, but of course, that’s a pretty big if considering how competitive they are and how hard it is to get
in to one of them.
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Anonymusy
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I'm not sure how much accommodation would cost you as I stayed at home and commuted when I was at uni but I'm guessing it's not cheap with other costs to consider. You probably would need the highest maintenance loan which you would need your parents to apply for unless you got a part time job while you study or move out for good and apply independently. I don't really know, speak to student finance about what options are available. It's best to find out how much accommodation is going to cost too to see if the minimum maintenance loan would be enough to pay for it alongside everything else you need.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymusy)
I'm not sure how much accommodation would cost you as I stayed at home and commuted when I was at uni but I'm guessing it's not cheap with other costs to consider. You probably would need the highest maintenance loan which you would need your parents to apply for unless you got a part time job while you study or move out for good and apply independently. I don't really know, speak to student finance about what options are available. It's best to find out how much accommodation is going to cost too to see if the minimum maintenance loan would be enough to pay for it alongside everything else you need.
I did find very cheap student accommodation on a website (mystudenthalls.com). It was £70/week, with bills included, plus a nice cubicle shower! I’ve also got £2000 saved up, and as soon my exams are finished (in early June) I’m going to apply for a 12 hour shift warehouse job (4 on 4 off). I’ll be able to make around £2000/month, so I’ll have an extra £4000 (I’m going to work for 2 months or so). Hopefully that should be enough.

It’s a shame they made the cost of university in this country so ludicrous. An absolute rip off.
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Anonymous #1
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I’m off to bed now so I won’t be able to reply, but I definitely don’t want this thread to be buried, so please keep the advice coming in. Thank you.
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Hotheaded
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeah I’m going to be applying soon, although I’ll of course have to settle for the minimum maintenance loan, but it should be enough for me.

They will, but thankfully I go out frequently anyway e.g. for shopping or to the cinema. However, I did forget to mention the fact that my Dad opened my mail a couple of days ago and found about the PO Box I applied for (I would have been there and got it myself, but I didn’t expect to get it so soon).
Oh nooo, how did he react to that?

With minimum SFE, it will be quite difficult in regards to living costs of uni, I know you mentioned accommodation that costs £2000, which is a lot lower than the standard price for accommodation in Sheffield, and I would be careful. You said you were going to work at a warehouse, so that should give you some money, I’m assuming that you will also have to pay for travel regularly between Sheffield and leeds which I know isn’t expensive but I can all add up!

You also mentioned being a full time student and doing a degree level apprenticeship- I’m not too educated around this topic but I’m not entirely sure that it’s allowed, or that it would be logistical.
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Submarine94
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#11
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So my parents are super strict and will definitely disown me if I leave for University, but I plan on doing it anyway. I’ve payed for a PO Box so I can receive all of my mail there instead of at home, and thankfully the university(Sheffield)has told me that they don’t send by post, so I’m covered on that front as well.

One of my biggest concerns however, is the accommodation. How do I apply without my parents knowing? Any help would be highly appreciated, thanks.
What are their concerns about you moving out? Like what exactly are they worried about? Maybe you can sit down and have a mature conversation with them and address those concerns with them. If that doesn't work, I don't think there is much else you can do tbh if SFE really does need to contact your parents for some details, so they will probably end up finding out anyway and this will cause even bigger issues when they realise you are trying to do something like this behind their back. I think the only option would be if you would completely fund yourself and just don't request maintenance grant and then that way they won't contact your parents to find out their income (idk if this is how it works, it's been a while now since I finished university) but you'd have to get a job ofc and work a lot to save up money. Sheffield shouldn't be expensive anyway, it's all up North where everything is cheaper (down South England, it would be extremely expensive, especially in London). But if both of these options don't work, I guess you'll probably just have to commute, Sheffield isn't far from Leeds (around 40mins on a train I think) best of luck 🙂

Edit: I just found this this https://www.sfengland.slc.co.uk/estrangement.aspx Idk if this is exactly relevant in your case but if you apply for Estranged status from Student Finance, they may be able to help you on some sort of way
Last edited by Submarine94; 1 day ago
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LawStudent456
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#12
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How’s about just tell them you’re moving out?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Hotheaded)
Oh nooo, how did he react to that?

With minimum SFE, it will be quite difficult in regards to living costs of uni, I know you mentioned accommodation that costs £2000, which is a lot lower than the standard price for accommodation in Sheffield, and I would be careful. You said you were going to work at a warehouse, so that should give you some money, I’m assuming that you will also have to pay for travel regularly between Sheffield and leeds which I know isn’t expensive but I can all add up!

You also mentioned being a full time student and doing a degree level apprenticeship- I’m not too educated around this topic but I’m not entirely sure that it’s allowed, or that it would be logistical.
Quite terribly. He started going off about how if you want privacy then you shouldn't be living here, calling me stupid, saying ******** like how this is white guy culture (so wanting privacy is a white guy thing, smh). There's no reasoning with them, they are way too far gone, so to the others suggesting that I just talk it out with them, there's only one way that's gonna go, which is not very well. I mean, my dad is the same person that threw a tantrum when I told him that I was applying for a normal job (it was a warehouse one)instead of an IT one (which is absolutely crazy because how the hell am I going to get an IT job without a degree or any experience with coding?). And my mom is pretty much a carbon copy of my dad, she just agrees with everything he says.
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Hotheaded
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Quite terribly. He started going off about how if you want privacy then you shouldn't be living here, calling me stupid, saying ******** like how this is white guy culture (so wanting privacy is a white guy thing, smh). There's no reasoning with them, they are way too far gone, so to the others suggesting that I just talk it out with them, there's only one way that's gonna go, which is not very well. I mean, my dad is the same person that threw a tantrum when I told him that I was applying for a normal job (it was a warehouse one)instead of an IT one (which is absolutely crazy because how the hell am I going to get an IT job without a degree or any experience with coding?). And my mom is pretty much a carbon copy of my dad, she just agrees with everything he says.
Honestly it sounds like a toxic environment, I’m sorry I’m guessing you’re like 17-18? You’re literally almost and adult/α literal adult and should have control over your own life. I never understand parents like this, they never teach their kids how the real world works and completely damage their relationship with their kids. Once their kids do get freedom they’re more likely to go off the rails because of it.

Anyway, I do recommend you do get out of that environment, I suggest opening a student account with Santander as well to get a free railcard so travel is cheaper
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Hotheaded)
Oh nooo, how did he react to that?

With minimum SFE, it will be quite difficult in regards to living costs of uni, I know you mentioned accommodation that costs £2000, which is a lot lower than the standard price for accommodation in Sheffield, and I would be careful. You said you were going to work at a warehouse, so that should give you some money, I’m assuming that you will also have to pay for travel regularly between Sheffield and leeds which I know isn’t expensive but I can all add up!

You also mentioned being a full time student and doing a degree level apprenticeship- I’m not too educated around this topic but I’m not entirely sure that it’s allowed, or that it would be logistical.
Just to clarify, I don't live in Sheffield (or Leeds) so I wouldn't be travelling between them.

Also, with the degree apprenticeships, I meant that I would be applying for them while I was on the Japanese course at Sheffield, and so if I do get in to one of them, it would be in the next September after because that's when they start. In other words, I would switch from doing Japanese at Sheffield to a CS degree apprenticeship. I'm pretty sure that you are allowed to apply to other universities while on a course, right?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Hotheaded)
Honestly it sounds like a toxic environment, I’m sorry I’m guessing you’re like 17-18? You’re literally almost and adult/α literal adult and should have control over your own life. I never understand parents like this, they never teach their kids how the real world works and completely damage their relationship with their kids. Once their kids do get freedom they’re more likely to go off the rails because of it.

Anyway, I do recommend you do get out of that environment, I suggest opening a student account with Santander as well to get a free railcard so travel is cheaper
The sad thing is that I'm actually 21, and these morons have pretty much been treating me the same way ever since I was 5! It's like they're going to be treating me as a baby my whole life! Sometimes I my Dad pisses me off so much that I actually feel like beating the **** out of him, but I know I'm better than that, so I never would.

I've heard about the Santander student account, where they give you an overdraft of £1500. Well there are two problems I see with this. 1) I'm currently with Nationwide, I know I could just switch but I don't know how long that would take. 2) How would I apply without my parents finding out? They're already suspicious after finding out about the PO Box.
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Hotheaded
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(Original post by Anonymous)
The sad thing is that I'm actually 21, and these morons have pretty much been treating me the same way ever since I was 5! It's like they're going to be treating me as a baby my whole life! Sometimes I my Dad pisses me off so much that I actually feel like beating the **** out of him, but I know I'm better than that, so I never would.

I've heard about the Santander student account, where they give you an overdraft of £1500. Well there are two problems I see with this. 1) I'm currently with Nationwide, I know I could just switch but I don't know how long that would take. 2) How would I apply without my parents finding out? They're already suspicious after finding out about the PO Box.
Yeah no get the f*** out of there! You are an adult, I fail to see how they think they have any right controlling your life

Also, you shouldn’t really do this but I do… I bank with Lloyds but I wanted the railcard and in the T &Cs it says you have to have £500 per term in there- I get my SFE paid into that account, pay my rent and transfer the rest into my Lloyds account- I don’t recommend doing this though because it’s not really how you should use it 😭

It can be quite simple to switch banks! So don’t worry about that- again, I would apply online- they will send you your card by post and maybe get it sent to your PO Box- you just apply online and it’s super quick
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Quite terribly. He started going off about how if you want privacy then you shouldn't be living here, calling me stupid, saying ******** like how this is white guy culture (so wanting privacy is a white guy thing, smh). There's no reasoning with them, they are way too far gone, so to the others suggesting that I just talk it out with them, there's only one way that's gonna go, which is not very well. I mean, my dad is the same person that threw a tantrum when I told him that I was applying for a normal job (it was a warehouse one)instead of an IT one (which is absolutely crazy because how the hell am I going to get an IT job without a degree or any experience with coding?). And my mom is pretty much a carbon copy of my dad, she just agrees with everything he says.
It sounds like you could apply based on the issues at home for funding through access. You would need to prove the relationship with your parents is an issue though and that would be difficult. You would then be assessed differently. Could your school give advice?

Are your parents asking you to stay at home because they can't afford the extra costs of accomodation? The very cheapest student accomodation at is £4500 a year s/c, at more popular choices it's about £6000. I'd check what you are getting for your £10 a night as hostels in dorms cost more than that and you can't study like that. It's a struggle for parents to find the extra money. The student loans my daughters have doesn't even cover basic rent (by thousands!) and a lot of parents end up in debt because of it. I also think that you need to be more realistic about the actual costs of living away from home and see what's doable. You'd need £2000 for food, travel, some socialising, items for your studies, extra bills like phone/music etc. The cheapest university accomodation is about £4000 on the website, though you could apply for a bursary:
https://leeds.starrezhousing.com/Sta...Token=E61B520E

I really wouldn't just leave home without having a productive conversation as where you talk through all the issues (mediated if needed) as it would scar your relationship for life. I would talk to them about coming to terms that you will soon be 18 and and adult legally in many ways, and that you have a right to privacy (said nicely!). Your message is very emotional and I wonder if both sides need to try and work through a list of important concerns? The financial side of things you talk about from an adult perspective is wrong. It shows maturity that you have worked and saved but please don't underestimate the cost both financially and personally.
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Hotheaded
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#19
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Just to clarify, I don't live in Sheffield (or Leeds) so I wouldn't be travelling between them.

Also, with the degree apprenticeships, I meant that I would be applying for them while I was on the Japanese course at Sheffield, and so if I do get in to one of them, it would be in the next September after because that's when they start. In other words, I would switch from doing Japanese at Sheffield to a CS degree apprenticeship. I'm pretty sure that you are allowed to apply to other universities while on a course, right?
You would need to drop out of the university to apply to another university I’m pretty sure, that or transfer but I’m not sure about how all that works!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Hotheaded)
You would need to drop out of the university to apply to another university I’m pretty sure, that or transfer but I’m not sure about how all that works!
Couldn't I just apply through UCAS while I'm on the course? By the way, I've thought up of another plan which is to go and do CS at Leeds for a year, then in that time, work and save up enough money to go and do Japanese at Sheffield in the following year. I"m looking to save around £10k. Would I still be able to live in student accomodation if I did this?
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