Mum refusing to support student finance application unless I do her uni work

I recently got an offer to study medicine at a quit prestigious institute after a gap year. My mum has been doing a nursing degree for the past 2-3 years and is in her final year. Throughout her entire degree, she has forced and bullied me and my younger sisters into completing all of her uni assignments for her. When I was in sixth form, being forced to do her assignments left me with very little time to focus on my a levels, forcing me to drop one of my four a levels ( a language that I loved to study and was so passionate about) and almost fail my other three. I see the same cycle repeating with my younger sister who was recently diagnosed with depression. Despite all this, I managed to complete my a levels last year and secure a*a*a which enabled me to get a medicine offer from a top 5 uni in the country. My mother has another assignment coming up and she is outright refusing to send off supporting financial documents for my student finance if I don’t do her assignment for her. She followed through on similar threats 2 months ago when she refused to hand over those same documents which caused me to miss my scholarship application deadline and lose up to £5000 of extra funding that would have significantly improved my quality of life. As a medicine offer holder I can no longer complete assignments for her, it would jeapardise my place on my course and and future medical licensing under the gmc.what hurts the most is, as most ethnic parents do, badly wants me to be a doctor but now is the only thing standing in the way of my future. I have been working 7 days a week during my gap year to accrue savings and get myself entirely independent of her, I physically don’t have the time or energy to do her assignment any more. The student finance deadline is looming, what are my options. Sorry for the extremely niche problem.

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

This is entirely messed up, I'm sorry that you've been going through this. I would contact her university and report her, and tell them the situation of her not completing the assignments herself. I wouldn't use it to threaten her, because then you'd just be doing what she's doing, and it doesn't solve her refusing to complete her part of student finance, but you can call up SFE and explain the situation, and they will likely be able to help you with extending deadlines or providing an alternative route.
While I know this isn't the point of your post, you could do a really good thing by preventing her from becoming a registered nurse.

Reply 2

Anonymous #3

Oh wow. Have you thought about talking about this to your teachers? Obviously its a difficult situation as if you tell them, they would probably want to notify her university. She would get disqualified and kicked off the course, and you would probably get a load of abuse.

I think the MAIN thing right now is to make sure your grades are top priority. If you don't go to university this year for whatever reason, you can always apply again. But if you don't get the grades then you will have to either retake or do an undergrad course then graduate medicine (which is long).

Don't tell your teachers about your mothers situation just yet. Ask your teachers if there is any way of receiving finance without the support of your parents. You probably don't want them to have leverage on you like that anyway. Once your funding, grades and course place are secured, report your mother. What she is doing is absolutely not on and its also risking patients.

Go through your medicine course and save as much money as you can whilst studying, so you can at least pay rent for the summer and you don't have to move back home. After you graduate you can move away. She sounds abusive and toxic. Think of going to university as your way of moving out for good. I totally regret moving back home after university.

Reply 3

Anonymous #3

Also, CONGRATULATIONS on getting your offer! That is truly amazing!!!!! Well done!!!

Reply 4

Anonymous #4

This is probably some form of abuse. You should maybe try and record your mother repeating her threats and send them to police and the uni that offered you the place. You could also try and contact your father if he is present in your life.

Reply 5

Anonymous #3

Original post by Anonymous

I agree, you will need to collect evidence if you want to eventually report her.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

I agree, you will need to collect evidence if you want to eventually report her.

I have evidence, years of emails, texts, recordings: everything I need. I’m just so incredibly scared at the moment. Will be contacting student finance on Monday but this has made me so incredibly stressed and scared. After going through an awful two years at sixth form, I can’t believe SHE’d be the one thing standing in my way.

Reply 7

Anonymous #5

Original post by Anonymous

I recently got an offer to study medicine at a quit prestigious institute

I don't see what relevance prestige and a Top 5 uni has, you do realise medicine is the same at any university?

Reply 8

skylark2

You can't make her support your student finance application. Worth bearing in mind that she doesn't have to for you to get student finance - you will get the minimum amount of maintenance loan, but you will get one, and also the loan to cover your fees.

I haven't filled in the forms to support my kids' student finance applications since the very first time. If you earn more than a certain amount there's no point, it takes forever to fill in, ages for them to process it, and then you get a letter back saying the extra amount you are entitled to is £0 anyway.

Reply 9

Anonymous #3

Original post by Anonymous

You are SO strong to go through all this and still succeed. I am so proud of you. A Levels are such a delicate and important stage in life that you can never get back, and I had my experience ruined by family members. I'm also asian. I'll be honest, don't worry about the finance too much, unless if missing the deadline will mean you lose your place. SFE deal with thousands of students, I'm sure they can sort something out! Grades are the most important thing. Do you have an uncle or aunt who could support your application also?

Reply 10

Anonymous #3

Original post by skylark2

This is true. Just send it off without her support for now. You can deal with it after exams if you would like the extra funding. They deal with thousands of students and their lines are open during the summer, so don't sweat it too much atm.

Reply 11

Anonymous #3

Original post by Anonymous

I don't see what relevance prestige and a Top 5 uni has, you do realise medicine is the same at any university?

OP is happy they have been able to get a place at a top uni. What is your problem?

Reply 12

Anonymous #5

Original post by Anonymous

OP is happy they have been able to get a place at a top uni. What is your problem?

I don't have a problem, getting an offer for medicine itself is an achievement, but I hope they start the course knowing that the university you go to does not make a difference after graduating.

Reply 13

micholate9

Original post by Anonymous

I don't have a problem, getting an offer for medicine itself is an achievement, but I hope they start the course knowing that the university you go to does not make a difference after graduating.

I think the point is that OP managed to get a place at an amazing uni despite their circumstances, as they should be! Whether or not it makes a difference in terms of employability is irrelevant in the context the comment was made!

Reply 14

micholate9

OP, it sounds like such a difficult situation. Very well done for getting your grades and a place at a medical school.

You could ask on the ask SFE forum on here to see if they have any advice?

If you can't get enough funding to support yourself, it may be worth reaching out to the uni to ask about any hardship funds? As you have evidence, you may be able to use that to support your case.

I really hope your situation improves once you've moved out. All the best!