This discussion is now closed.
Check out other Related discussions
- US -Should I apply ED to a 30% AR college with AAB A-level grades?
- i just ended a close friendship.
- She only want me for my looks I think
- Social life with chronic illnesses
- Trying to make sense of my messed up life
- GCSE English lit paper 2 Inspector calls question
- Preparing to resign from my job
- Biomedical Science industrial placement requirements
- Shall I move schools or not?
- Masters in different subject.
- I am a failed artist
- LMA Liverpool (Music)
- Investment banking apprenticeship
- when should I apply for accommodation in Uni of Edinburgh
- my mum being weird
- 1st edition of last person to post
- Im pretty sure someone copied me in the maths exam...
- Anyone else retained NO friends from university?
- Top University and the USA Elections:
- Lack of male attention in yr13
Life = Mess
Anon or delete please.
At the moment, I'm pretty down. In fact, I'm really not in a great way. I don't know what to do anymore, I don't know how to get out of my current situation. Okay, this may be a long post, but I'll really appreciate any help. I've broken stuff down into sub-categories, instead of spamming the forum with a load of posts about my problems which are all interrelated anyway.
In no particular order:
Academic/career
I've finished university. I was supposed to do a Masters this year in the same university. However, I decided to appeal against my grade (I was 0.5% off a 2.1) and discovered that the university had made some serious errors during marking which affected my degree. Great. Well, after my appeal went to a hearing, they rejected my application for a Masters and refused to give me any references for other universities. The one reference I received from one of my tutors for a volunteer position was a BAD one. I won the appeal though, and they're apparently remarking my work. That was over a month ago.
I've never had a job. Call me lazy, and I'm sure you will, but that's that. I've had problems in the past, but generally I just can't get one because I come across as remarkably unemployable. Why employ someone with no experience over someone with experience? Anyway, I don't really want to have a normal career. I want to be an author, or at a push, a journalist. I can't even bring myself to write at the moment though, and as for journalism... it seems far too hard to get into with a crappy 2.2.
Mental Health
I've suffered from depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember, to varying degrees. I've had such bad health anxieties that I've been unable to do anything for certain periods, and although my anxiety seems to be under control, I'm still worrying a lot. As I type this my head feels hot and sort of stuffy, like it's packed full of cotton wool. I'm fighting my stupid mind to stop it from conjuring negative thoughts about what could possibly be wrong with me.
The depression comes and goes, and includes insecurity, self loathing and the usual stuff. I feel like I'm completely worthless, that I've let myself and everyone else around me down time and time again, and that I've not fulfilled my potential and never will.
I also have anger issues. When I'm playing the computer games that dominate my life, I lose my temper pretty much daily. In the past I've smashed things up, now I tend to shout and perhaps stamp on the floor, so maybe that's less destructive. I've had the police called out by a housemate last year because of these outbursts.
I also suffer from derealisation/depersonalisation. Nothing really feels real anymore, except perhaps negative things. I care about things because I know I should, rather than actually caring. Sometimes I think that if I did something perceived as "bad" it wouldn't really matter, because I'm not really here.
Relationships
My first serious girlfriend became my stepsister. Laugh, snort in disbelief, do whatever. I've had it all before. But there it is. My dad met her mum through me, and I had to deal with that. We were together for 2 and a half years, from 16-18 - it probably wouldn't have lasted anyway, but her moving in with her mum to my dad's house basically ended it. And after she'd dumped me, after all the tears, I'd have to watch her bring her new boyfriend back. And hear them. They're still together now, and, though she lives in another part of the city with him, they visit regularly. I'm over her now, but on some level I still resent her for being happy when I'm not.
I do actually have a girlfriend, which may seem hard considering how ****** up I am. I'm not particularly nice to her. It'd probably be best for her if I ended it, but selfishly, because she cares so much about me and I have no one else (all my friends have moved away, I have NO friends in this city other than ex-***********) I can't bear to break it off. She's a nice person in general, and we get on, and I've done nice things for her in between being cold and distant. But there we go.
So, this is me. I'm not getting any younger, I've moved back in with my parents. I have no job or potential job, I don't want one even if I could get one, I feel (alternatively) emotionally dead and depressed. I can't bring myself to do anything I want to do. If you can bear to read any more about my pathetic life, click the spoiler for a fictional piece I wrote that pretty much sums things up. It's typically me to fictionalise my own stupid life. Sorry for wasting your time.
At the moment, I'm pretty down. In fact, I'm really not in a great way. I don't know what to do anymore, I don't know how to get out of my current situation. Okay, this may be a long post, but I'll really appreciate any help. I've broken stuff down into sub-categories, instead of spamming the forum with a load of posts about my problems which are all interrelated anyway.
In no particular order:
Academic/career
I've finished university. I was supposed to do a Masters this year in the same university. However, I decided to appeal against my grade (I was 0.5% off a 2.1) and discovered that the university had made some serious errors during marking which affected my degree. Great. Well, after my appeal went to a hearing, they rejected my application for a Masters and refused to give me any references for other universities. The one reference I received from one of my tutors for a volunteer position was a BAD one. I won the appeal though, and they're apparently remarking my work. That was over a month ago.
I've never had a job. Call me lazy, and I'm sure you will, but that's that. I've had problems in the past, but generally I just can't get one because I come across as remarkably unemployable. Why employ someone with no experience over someone with experience? Anyway, I don't really want to have a normal career. I want to be an author, or at a push, a journalist. I can't even bring myself to write at the moment though, and as for journalism... it seems far too hard to get into with a crappy 2.2.
Mental Health
I've suffered from depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember, to varying degrees. I've had such bad health anxieties that I've been unable to do anything for certain periods, and although my anxiety seems to be under control, I'm still worrying a lot. As I type this my head feels hot and sort of stuffy, like it's packed full of cotton wool. I'm fighting my stupid mind to stop it from conjuring negative thoughts about what could possibly be wrong with me.
The depression comes and goes, and includes insecurity, self loathing and the usual stuff. I feel like I'm completely worthless, that I've let myself and everyone else around me down time and time again, and that I've not fulfilled my potential and never will.
I also have anger issues. When I'm playing the computer games that dominate my life, I lose my temper pretty much daily. In the past I've smashed things up, now I tend to shout and perhaps stamp on the floor, so maybe that's less destructive. I've had the police called out by a housemate last year because of these outbursts.
I also suffer from derealisation/depersonalisation. Nothing really feels real anymore, except perhaps negative things. I care about things because I know I should, rather than actually caring. Sometimes I think that if I did something perceived as "bad" it wouldn't really matter, because I'm not really here.
Relationships
My first serious girlfriend became my stepsister. Laugh, snort in disbelief, do whatever. I've had it all before. But there it is. My dad met her mum through me, and I had to deal with that. We were together for 2 and a half years, from 16-18 - it probably wouldn't have lasted anyway, but her moving in with her mum to my dad's house basically ended it. And after she'd dumped me, after all the tears, I'd have to watch her bring her new boyfriend back. And hear them. They're still together now, and, though she lives in another part of the city with him, they visit regularly. I'm over her now, but on some level I still resent her for being happy when I'm not.
I do actually have a girlfriend, which may seem hard considering how ****** up I am. I'm not particularly nice to her. It'd probably be best for her if I ended it, but selfishly, because she cares so much about me and I have no one else (all my friends have moved away, I have NO friends in this city other than ex-***********) I can't bear to break it off. She's a nice person in general, and we get on, and I've done nice things for her in between being cold and distant. But there we go.
So, this is me. I'm not getting any younger, I've moved back in with my parents. I have no job or potential job, I don't want one even if I could get one, I feel (alternatively) emotionally dead and depressed. I can't bring myself to do anything I want to do. If you can bear to read any more about my pathetic life, click the spoiler for a fictional piece I wrote that pretty much sums things up. It's typically me to fictionalise my own stupid life. Sorry for wasting your time.
Spoiler
You need to seek professional help. It sounds like you are deeply depressed.
It's not a negative thing, it's just necessary for you right now, from what I can gather.
If you need to, you're welcome to PM me. I suffer from a personality disorder, plus I was very depressed last year (to the point that I couldn't go out because of anxiety attacks). So I get at least a bit of what you are going through.
Until then, chin up... And I really do urge you to see a doctor.
It's not a negative thing, it's just necessary for you right now, from what I can gather.
If you need to, you're welcome to PM me. I suffer from a personality disorder, plus I was very depressed last year (to the point that I couldn't go out because of anxiety attacks). So I get at least a bit of what you are going through.
Until then, chin up... And I really do urge you to see a doctor.
I agree!
Try and see all the good that you have in your life!
I asked if you'd seen a doctor, you really do need to.
You'll be fine
xxx
Try and see all the good that you have in your life!
I asked if you'd seen a doctor, you really do need to.
You'll be fine
xxx
OP, do you have insomnia as well?
angelafleming
OP, do you have insomnia as well?
For years I've gone to bed between 2 am and 7 am. Living here at home with a skylight above my bed means that I'm probably not getting the best sleep in the day so it's making me tired all the time too.
As for seeing a doctor - I've seen counsellors and therapists, but they haven't really helped. I know what's wrong, I know why - I just can't do anything about it.
Anonymous
For years I've gone to bed between 2 am and 7 am. Living here at home with a skylight above my bed means that I'm probably not getting the best sleep in the day so it's making me tired all the time too.
As for seeing a doctor - I've seen counsellors and therapists, but they haven't really helped. I know what's wrong, I know why - I just can't do anything about it.
As for seeing a doctor - I've seen counsellors and therapists, but they haven't really helped. I know what's wrong, I know why - I just can't do anything about it.
Maybe keep trying until you get the right one?
Have you tried anti-depressants of any kind? I use St Johns Wort, and my psychiatrist fully advocates my use of it, he really approves. It's herbal, and it does the same job as an anti-depressant but without all the horrid side effects.
Your writing is really good. Did you ever conider a masters in creative writing?
I feel low sometimes, and writing helps a lot. So does chocolate
If you want anyone to chat to, just PM me.
I feel low sometimes, and writing helps a lot. So does chocolate
If you want anyone to chat to, just PM me.
Sorry, but if these computer games are dominating your life, have you considered turning it off and going outside more?
Also, places like McDonalds, Sainsbury's, will employ you without a degree... It's not great, but it's a start, and you'll have a cash flow.
I've been pretty bad myself, pretty much like thisisyesterday, actually. See your doctor, try to get some CBT or a referral to a pshyc?
Also, places like McDonalds, Sainsbury's, will employ you without a degree... It's not great, but it's a start, and you'll have a cash flow.
I've been pretty bad myself, pretty much like thisisyesterday, actually. See your doctor, try to get some CBT or a referral to a pshyc?
thisisyesterday
Maybe keep trying until you get the right one?
Have you tried anti-depressants of any kind? I use St Johns Wort, and my psychiatrist fully advocates my use of it, he really approves. It's herbal, and it does the same job as an anti-depressant but without all the horrid side effects.
Have you tried anti-depressants of any kind? I use St Johns Wort, and my psychiatrist fully advocates my use of it, he really approves. It's herbal, and it does the same job as an anti-depressant but without all the horrid side effects.
Thanks for the advice. I couldn't ever bring myself to take meds though, I'm already spaced out enough as it is.
I too think your writing is very descriptive. Why not write a play about your life and send it to the BBC?
I heard of a writer who won a prestigious award a year or two ago. He worked as a fork-lift truck driver for some years before he was successful.
Good Luck, get an Xmas job in a shop and do some writing in your spare time.
I prefer the post that you wrote to the piece under the "spoiler" comment.
I heard of a writer who won a prestigious award a year or two ago. He worked as a fork-lift truck driver for some years before he was successful.
Good Luck, get an Xmas job in a shop and do some writing in your spare time.
I prefer the post that you wrote to the piece under the "spoiler" comment.
your writing is wonderfully descriptive!
reading the comments above, i also use st john's wort and have found that it has been extremely beneficial. i would definitely recommend it.
it sounds as though you really need to get out and break your computer game addiction, and to try and make some new friends in your area. staying in on the computer often leaves me feeling depressed, and lonely, because when i am alone i tend to think too much and these thoughts are not always positive ones.
you need to try and bring your attention away from how awful you are feeling, and make a step in another, more positive direction. even a job at the local supermarket would give you something to take your mind off things.
good luck, i really hope you start to feel better soon and would definitely recommend professional help
xx
reading the comments above, i also use st john's wort and have found that it has been extremely beneficial. i would definitely recommend it.
it sounds as though you really need to get out and break your computer game addiction, and to try and make some new friends in your area. staying in on the computer often leaves me feeling depressed, and lonely, because when i am alone i tend to think too much and these thoughts are not always positive ones.
you need to try and bring your attention away from how awful you are feeling, and make a step in another, more positive direction. even a job at the local supermarket would give you something to take your mind off things.
good luck, i really hope you start to feel better soon and would definitely recommend professional help
xx
Thanks, guys and girls. Well, I've had one interview out of 12+ places I've applied to, no jobs.
Have you tried speaking to your local paper, even if they can't give you a job I'm sure they will give you work experience (even if it's unpaid). I'm sure even national newspapers/magazines offer placements, they might help you get noticed and will at least give you something to put on your CV.
You probably need to speak to your GP again about depression. Although getting enough sleep, having a good diet, spending time outdoors, counselling and exercising may help a bit if you really aren't interested in medication (although I know it can be hard to motivate yourself to do these things when you feel depressed).
Good luck (PM me if you want to talk)
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
You probably need to speak to your GP again about depression. Although getting enough sleep, having a good diet, spending time outdoors, counselling and exercising may help a bit if you really aren't interested in medication (although I know it can be hard to motivate yourself to do these things when you feel depressed).
Good luck (PM me if you want to talk)
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Anonymous
Yawn. Stop whining and go out and make a difference to your life. It's called YOUR life for a reason!
Thanks. Why are you anonymous?
Little.miss.vicki: Yeah, I've considered that, I just lack the drive to do anything about it really. Got myself into a pattern of feeling completely apathetic most of the time other than a brief moment of dark anger or intense depression at the state of my life.
Anonymous
Thanks. Why are you anonymous?
Little.miss.vicki: Yeah, I've considered that, I just lack the drive to do anything about it really. Got myself into a pattern of feeling completely apathetic most of the time other than a brief moment of dark anger or intense depression at the state of my life.
Little.miss.vicki: Yeah, I've considered that, I just lack the drive to do anything about it really. Got myself into a pattern of feeling completely apathetic most of the time other than a brief moment of dark anger or intense depression at the state of my life.
If you really are as depressed as your post makes you sound, and you really do want to get better, then I think the only way forwards is medical help. Go and see your doctor.
Also, regarding what you said about not wanting to take anti-depressants because you're already 'spaced out' enough, St Johns Wort hasn't had any such effect on me, I feel exactly the same as I did before, just that my emotions are a lot easier to deal with. They haven't altered my way of thinking completely (I need some very intense therapy to do that for me), but they have made things more bearable in the meantime. As I said, they have the same effect as anti-depressants, but without all the nasty side-effects. You can buy them in Holland and Barrat, you don't even need a prescription for them. After I had a pretty bad reaction to prozac, I am very cynical and careful when it comes to anti-depressants, and would never take anything that was offered on prescription, but this is a herbal remedy.
Anyway I sound like I'm pitching the product to you, I don't work for them honest :P .. Just wanted you to be fully informed before you rule them out completely. If you need anything, I'm oinly a PM away.
See a doctor. They can give you something to make this go away. And without these awful symptoms, you will be able to think about what you really want out of life.
If you're refusing to seek help then there's not much anyone else can do. You probably only need a tiny bit of help, just to pull yourself out of the hole you're in. That's all.
If you're refusing to seek help then there's not much anyone else can do. You probably only need a tiny bit of help, just to pull yourself out of the hole you're in. That's all.
Related discussions
- US -Should I apply ED to a 30% AR college with AAB A-level grades?
- i just ended a close friendship.
- She only want me for my looks I think
- Social life with chronic illnesses
- Trying to make sense of my messed up life
- GCSE English lit paper 2 Inspector calls question
- Preparing to resign from my job
- Biomedical Science industrial placement requirements
- Shall I move schools or not?
- Masters in different subject.
- I am a failed artist
- LMA Liverpool (Music)
- Investment banking apprenticeship
- when should I apply for accommodation in Uni of Edinburgh
- my mum being weird
- 1st edition of last person to post
- Im pretty sure someone copied me in the maths exam...
- Anyone else retained NO friends from university?
- Top University and the USA Elections:
- Lack of male attention in yr13
Latest
Trending
Last reply 3 weeks ago
Mum makes a big deal about me having locked my phoneLast reply 1 month ago
Will they put it on my medical records if I ask for stronger painkillers?Health
8
24
