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Short weather description.

Please can you review my description and recommend any changes, I want to memorise a good description for GCSEs but I am not sure if this one is good enough yet. Here is the description:

The sun dripped warmth like hot wax, both soothing and smarting the people below. As if overcome by longing, the land glowed with light, the heat so strong it dazzled. Autumnal leaves danced with the wind whilst sunset bled across the horizon, hurling shafts of glorious light on the grateful crowds below.

A serene sky showed off its artist’s trickery: cobalt blue depths, cerulean outlines to the few white clouds, a sapphire halo around the sun. Beneath, a watcher might rest their eyes and see the sea, stretched out in lazy ripples, in a reflection of an idyllic day.