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Anxiety
I think this might turn into a bit of a rant, so sorry in advance.
Last year I was diagnosed with sever anxiety disorder and everyone I've told has say "Well, I could have told you that". I've been like this since I was about 8 (now 19) and it's just got worse and worse as I've got older. I've got all sorts of fears and phobias, each more irrational than the last, including taking pills and seeing the doctor.
Now before the 'go see a doctor's start, I have done, I've been diagnosed and I've been to a councillor (urgh) and I've got my next appointment book. This may be all well and good but I'm in the middle of a major anxiety period in my life. From past experience it's going to be nearly impossible for me to leave my room, for me to sleep or to eat for the next two months. Going to the doctors just makes all this worse, the pills I have for when I'm freaking out freak me out more, the councillor thinks I should approach my doctor about a course of antidepressents which have a reasonable effect on anxiety (btw: I'm not any more or less depressed than Jo average teenager, slap bang in the normal band, which is nice)
This terrifies me on so many counts, the most major being I've never tried antidepressents and I don't know what they'll do to be (afraid of losing control) but along with that it would be taking pills regularly (only ever had to do that once and I was freaking out all through the illness) and that, of course, it means at least two more appointments at the doctors.
As for calming myself down. Currently there are no safe people or places for me here. I've made the mistake of going to Uni in the city I was born and have lived in all my life so no matter where I go, there seems to be someone I know wandering past, ready to chat. My housemates are sooooo noisey in halls but it's a normal amount of noise to everyone else, it just drills in my skull. My boyfriend is at Uni 11 hour train journey away *shudder* and my best friend, the only person who can calm me down once I've started, comes to the city to visit his girlfriend pretty much every weekend and isn't allow to see me becasue, for obscure reasons of her own (I'm female but it's clear there's nothing possible between us. She says it's becasue we have 'in jokes') so I'm pretty much alone.
One guy from my course is lovely company, I'm not afraid of him as much as I am everyone else but he's got major problems of his own and when it all goes wrong for him (which is it doing at the moment) he seeks sanctuary at my place. This would be fine if I was fine or at least if my anxiety had gone down to levels relatively normal to me but at the moment, I can't sleep with another person in my room without having nightmares and waking up shaking, crying and generally being a mess. Thankfully he sleeps like the dead (also afraid of panicing in pulbic/in front of people).
Going home isn't an option, my family is really loud (more than normal, actually) my room is now the 'guest room' and I wouldn't be able to get to and from Uni and work on the frankly poor public transport system (also afraid of busses). Going to my bf for a while is also out of the question, he works so hard I couldn't possibly inturrupt him, my best friend is out of the question (his gf would skin my alive) and I simply can't talk to anyone else.
Does anyone have any advice? Currently, the only option available to me is to ride it out but, to be honest, that's not particularly appealing.
Thanks.
Last year I was diagnosed with sever anxiety disorder and everyone I've told has say "Well, I could have told you that". I've been like this since I was about 8 (now 19) and it's just got worse and worse as I've got older. I've got all sorts of fears and phobias, each more irrational than the last, including taking pills and seeing the doctor.
Now before the 'go see a doctor's start, I have done, I've been diagnosed and I've been to a councillor (urgh) and I've got my next appointment book. This may be all well and good but I'm in the middle of a major anxiety period in my life. From past experience it's going to be nearly impossible for me to leave my room, for me to sleep or to eat for the next two months. Going to the doctors just makes all this worse, the pills I have for when I'm freaking out freak me out more, the councillor thinks I should approach my doctor about a course of antidepressents which have a reasonable effect on anxiety (btw: I'm not any more or less depressed than Jo average teenager, slap bang in the normal band, which is nice)
This terrifies me on so many counts, the most major being I've never tried antidepressents and I don't know what they'll do to be (afraid of losing control) but along with that it would be taking pills regularly (only ever had to do that once and I was freaking out all through the illness) and that, of course, it means at least two more appointments at the doctors.
As for calming myself down. Currently there are no safe people or places for me here. I've made the mistake of going to Uni in the city I was born and have lived in all my life so no matter where I go, there seems to be someone I know wandering past, ready to chat. My housemates are sooooo noisey in halls but it's a normal amount of noise to everyone else, it just drills in my skull. My boyfriend is at Uni 11 hour train journey away *shudder* and my best friend, the only person who can calm me down once I've started, comes to the city to visit his girlfriend pretty much every weekend and isn't allow to see me becasue, for obscure reasons of her own (I'm female but it's clear there's nothing possible between us. She says it's becasue we have 'in jokes') so I'm pretty much alone.
One guy from my course is lovely company, I'm not afraid of him as much as I am everyone else but he's got major problems of his own and when it all goes wrong for him (which is it doing at the moment) he seeks sanctuary at my place. This would be fine if I was fine or at least if my anxiety had gone down to levels relatively normal to me but at the moment, I can't sleep with another person in my room without having nightmares and waking up shaking, crying and generally being a mess. Thankfully he sleeps like the dead (also afraid of panicing in pulbic/in front of people).
Going home isn't an option, my family is really loud (more than normal, actually) my room is now the 'guest room' and I wouldn't be able to get to and from Uni and work on the frankly poor public transport system (also afraid of busses). Going to my bf for a while is also out of the question, he works so hard I couldn't possibly inturrupt him, my best friend is out of the question (his gf would skin my alive) and I simply can't talk to anyone else.
Does anyone have any advice? Currently, the only option available to me is to ride it out but, to be honest, that's not particularly appealing.
Thanks.
Reply 1
Bumped as it seems to have taken forever to be moderated
Reply 2
I'm sure you're very aware that it wont be easy, but if you want a way out of the anxiety you have to do what you have to do, because letting it continue will destroy your life. Get it sorted whilst you're young, so you can get a good career, be a good parent or whatever you want to do.
I think firstly you need to give those around you more credit. Dont make assumptions or excuses for people not to offer you support, its not imposing, they'll want to help you as someone they love. Try and speak to people about the problems more, if they have a good level of understanding about what you are feeling and why it will be a lot of help to you.
What i've found helped my anxiety, which was focused around people and social things, was to completly switch off my brain from my body. Day to day life becomes a series of tasks that must be done, no matter how scary. I read up on all aspects of the anxiety, so i understood the mechanisms behind the feelings, why do i feel like that when that happens etc and break the cycles. It is the most terifying thing i've done, but less so that spending a life ruined by anxiety. So yep buy some books on all aspexts of it, amazon will give you reviews which i find tend to be accurate in reflecting their usefullness. The main message that sorted me out is to continually put yourself in the scariest situation, again and again and again. Your mind will soon become accustomed to it, and you can at least deal with it when it comes up. For example, after a long period of never going out, not speaking to anyone i packed a bag and travelled across europe, you have no choice but to get on with it.
I think you should go to the doctors. A phrase that some guy told me once was (this is when i was too nervous to go in the kitchen at uni) if you're hungry, eat. It makes the whole issue i had seem rediculous, but it really is that simple. Trust in the fact that other people do these things everyday with no issue, and you're exactly the same as them underneath. It may help to write down what you're going to say, so if you get to nervous you can hand them the paper and they'll know what youre there for. Sorry i dont have time to write anything else, i hope i've been of some help to you.
I think firstly you need to give those around you more credit. Dont make assumptions or excuses for people not to offer you support, its not imposing, they'll want to help you as someone they love. Try and speak to people about the problems more, if they have a good level of understanding about what you are feeling and why it will be a lot of help to you.
What i've found helped my anxiety, which was focused around people and social things, was to completly switch off my brain from my body. Day to day life becomes a series of tasks that must be done, no matter how scary. I read up on all aspects of the anxiety, so i understood the mechanisms behind the feelings, why do i feel like that when that happens etc and break the cycles. It is the most terifying thing i've done, but less so that spending a life ruined by anxiety. So yep buy some books on all aspexts of it, amazon will give you reviews which i find tend to be accurate in reflecting their usefullness. The main message that sorted me out is to continually put yourself in the scariest situation, again and again and again. Your mind will soon become accustomed to it, and you can at least deal with it when it comes up. For example, after a long period of never going out, not speaking to anyone i packed a bag and travelled across europe, you have no choice but to get on with it.
I think you should go to the doctors. A phrase that some guy told me once was (this is when i was too nervous to go in the kitchen at uni) if you're hungry, eat. It makes the whole issue i had seem rediculous, but it really is that simple. Trust in the fact that other people do these things everyday with no issue, and you're exactly the same as them underneath. It may help to write down what you're going to say, so if you get to nervous you can hand them the paper and they'll know what youre there for. Sorry i dont have time to write anything else, i hope i've been of some help to you.
Reply 3
Hello, thanks for your response.
I might not have made my doctor situation all that clear; I've got appointments booked for the GP to discuss the drugs and another appointment with my councillor. I'm not giving up on that, I'm just worried that it's not helping and more so that the antidepressants either wont help at all (like the beta blockers) or make me worse (like the pills I had to take when I was ill). Also, I wrote a lovely little note to my councillor and he wouldn't read it... I told him I'd never be able to say the things on that paper and I have a stutter which slows things down consierabley and it's easier for me to wirte things down than it is to say them.
Going through the tasks of life fairly mindlessly is how I get myself through most of the time and it simply isn't working at the moment. I confused my councillor when I told him that when I'm concentrating on something (maths problems, a good book, some music) I'm fine but only if I'm totally absorbed and when I snap out of it I realise that I'm shaking, my stomach is churning and I can't form any sort of coherent thought other than the babbled desire to GET OUT.
The people around me... well, there aren't any others. I simply don't talk that much, people hold no special interest to me and, if given my choice, I would spend a life of solitude but that's impossible for me at the moment so I have the three guys mentioned above, my only friends and all the closer and more precious for it. I've had to tell a couple of people at work and I'm just wishing I'd pulled a sicky instead, I simply don't want people to know I exist. Now, this isn't social phobia as I've seen it described in books or on the net as I'm not afraid of being judged and found wanting or anything like that. I just don't like people enough to confide in them my name, let alone my mental health status (it's worth mentioning I don't dislike them enough to come in and kill em all either
)
The exposure to things that scare you idea is the basis of cognative behavoural therapy, isn't it? I've spent a while using this and it's the reason I'm not a total recluse and the reason I've been improving steadily for the last three and a bit years. It's a brilliant idea (although, I might add, it simply doesn't work with exams as you're not exposed to them frequently enough) and is the method I emply when not it this extreme state of constant anxiety. At the moment, conciousness seems to be my trigger, I can see no correlation between my anxiety and my triggers at the moment and when I'm panicing, I'm totally incoherent anyway.
I know this phase will pass but they've just got steadily worse as I'm older and now I'm legally supposed to know better, having a massive panic attack in public my result in me being taken to a certain unit of a certain hospital like a firend of mine was when he had a nervous breakdown on a night out. The reason they didn't keep him was he was off his face drunk. I don't drink. I don't have that as a way to escape either my anxiety or the doctors.
Oh blimey, another rant. Sorry.
Thank you again for your response. It's good to know that the steps I've taken are positive ones and that, in the long run, they'll work out.
I might not have made my doctor situation all that clear; I've got appointments booked for the GP to discuss the drugs and another appointment with my councillor. I'm not giving up on that, I'm just worried that it's not helping and more so that the antidepressants either wont help at all (like the beta blockers) or make me worse (like the pills I had to take when I was ill). Also, I wrote a lovely little note to my councillor and he wouldn't read it... I told him I'd never be able to say the things on that paper and I have a stutter which slows things down consierabley and it's easier for me to wirte things down than it is to say them.
Going through the tasks of life fairly mindlessly is how I get myself through most of the time and it simply isn't working at the moment. I confused my councillor when I told him that when I'm concentrating on something (maths problems, a good book, some music) I'm fine but only if I'm totally absorbed and when I snap out of it I realise that I'm shaking, my stomach is churning and I can't form any sort of coherent thought other than the babbled desire to GET OUT.
The people around me... well, there aren't any others. I simply don't talk that much, people hold no special interest to me and, if given my choice, I would spend a life of solitude but that's impossible for me at the moment so I have the three guys mentioned above, my only friends and all the closer and more precious for it. I've had to tell a couple of people at work and I'm just wishing I'd pulled a sicky instead, I simply don't want people to know I exist. Now, this isn't social phobia as I've seen it described in books or on the net as I'm not afraid of being judged and found wanting or anything like that. I just don't like people enough to confide in them my name, let alone my mental health status (it's worth mentioning I don't dislike them enough to come in and kill em all either
)The exposure to things that scare you idea is the basis of cognative behavoural therapy, isn't it? I've spent a while using this and it's the reason I'm not a total recluse and the reason I've been improving steadily for the last three and a bit years. It's a brilliant idea (although, I might add, it simply doesn't work with exams as you're not exposed to them frequently enough) and is the method I emply when not it this extreme state of constant anxiety. At the moment, conciousness seems to be my trigger, I can see no correlation between my anxiety and my triggers at the moment and when I'm panicing, I'm totally incoherent anyway.
I know this phase will pass but they've just got steadily worse as I'm older and now I'm legally supposed to know better, having a massive panic attack in public my result in me being taken to a certain unit of a certain hospital like a firend of mine was when he had a nervous breakdown on a night out. The reason they didn't keep him was he was off his face drunk. I don't drink. I don't have that as a way to escape either my anxiety or the doctors.
Oh blimey, another rant. Sorry.
Thank you again for your response. It's good to know that the steps I've taken are positive ones and that, in the long run, they'll work out.
Reply 4
17
While I don't have a severe case of anxiety... and thus can't empathise completely with the situation.
My own suggestion would be to work on your own thinking patterns, there are plenty of avaliable material out there offering insight on problems such as these and life in general.
You're already aware of these things so that's a plus!
I can't say I'm a fan of medicine, but that's just because I'm stubborn as heck when it comes to solving my own problems.
My own suggestion would be to work on your own thinking patterns, there are plenty of avaliable material out there offering insight on problems such as these and life in general.
You're already aware of these things so that's a plus!
I can't say I'm a fan of medicine, but that's just because I'm stubborn as heck when it comes to solving my own problems.
Reply 5
Tombola
I can't say I'm a fan of medicine, but that's just because I'm stubborn as heck when it comes to solving my own problems.
I know exactly how you feel on that one. Sadly, I can feel my limitations being stretched by this anxiety business so the as-and-when medicine seemed like a good idea. I'm a firm believer that my head's getting me into this mess and with practice it can darn well get me out of it!
Reply 6
I've taken two kinds of anti-depressant (citalopram and sertraline) for a mixture of depression and anxiety, and they've always been far more effective at dealing with my anxiety than with my mood, so they can be very useful for anxiety. It's good that you're seeing a counsellor... have you been offered any kind of CBT or specific anxiety/phobia related therapy?
AnxietyUK (what was formerly the National Phobic Society) have loads of useful resources for people that suffer from anxiety on their website, and they also have a helpline and email support service. They're a really good organisation with people that know what they're talking about, so it might be worth giving them a call or an email and talking through the options that are available?
I'm sorry that you're suffering, and I hope it gets better for you soon!
AnxietyUK (what was formerly the National Phobic Society) have loads of useful resources for people that suffer from anxiety on their website, and they also have a helpline and email support service. They're a really good organisation with people that know what they're talking about, so it might be worth giving them a call or an email and talking through the options that are available?
I'm sorry that you're suffering, and I hope it gets better for you soon!
Reply 7
icedsarcasm
I've taken two kinds of anti-depressant (citalopram and sertraline) for a mixture of depression and anxiety, and they've always been far more effective at dealing with my anxiety than with my mood, so they can be very useful for anxiety. It's good that you're seeing a counsellor... have you been offered any kind of CBT or specific anxiety/phobia related therapy?
AnxietyUK (what was formerly the National Phobic Society) have loads of useful resources for people that suffer from anxiety on their website, and they also have a helpline and email support service. They're a really good organisation with people that know what they're talking about, so it might be worth giving them a call or an email and talking through the options that are available?
I'm sorry that you're suffering, and I hope it gets better for you soon!
AnxietyUK (what was formerly the National Phobic Society) have loads of useful resources for people that suffer from anxiety on their website, and they also have a helpline and email support service. They're a really good organisation with people that know what they're talking about, so it might be worth giving them a call or an email and talking through the options that are available?
I'm sorry that you're suffering, and I hope it gets better for you soon!
The councillor is supposed to be an anxiety-orientated CBT chappy. Did you actually feel less anxious on the anti-depressants? As in did it stop your physical symptoms or were you just not noticing your triggers?
Thanks for the link, I'm going to have a lookee see now.
Reply 8
Oh, I felt like the only one who's getting scared of going out in case they have another panic attack!
Jeez, it looks so stupid when you write it down, doesn't it. I feel crazy at times.
Get well soon, I hope the SSRIs help, Citalopram's meant to be good for anxiety,
Jess x
Jeez, it looks so stupid when you write it down, doesn't it. I feel crazy at times.
Get well soon, I hope the SSRIs help, Citalopram's meant to be good for anxiety,
Jess x
Reply 9
QuantumTheory
Oh, I felt like the only one who's getting scared of going out in case they have another panic attack!
Jeez, it looks so stupid when you write it down, doesn't it. I feel crazy at times.
Get well soon, I hope the SSRIs help, Citalopram's meant to be good for anxiety,
Jess x
Jeez, it looks so stupid when you write it down, doesn't it. I feel crazy at times.
Get well soon, I hope the SSRIs help, Citalopram's meant to be good for anxiety,
Jess x
I do feel crazy sometimes, especially a few years ago when it became apparent that not everyone is like this and that it's not exactly normal. Mind you, this is pretty much the least of my worries at the moment, it's just getting in the way of me sorting out everything else.
You're definately not the only one scared of having panic attacks, a teacher once confronted me about this business (a few years ago now, she's no longer around) and she called it secondary fear, she said that once you can think "it's only a panic attack" you'll get loads better. Which is brilliant, except I hate being touched and the attention that a freak out draws. It's another one of those things I can handle on a normal day... sadly the normal days aren't coming so thick and fast at the moment.
Thanks for your response, I hope you get well
Reply 10
I have generalised anxiety disorder and when I found the right SSRI (escitalopram, for what it's worth) it became *so* much more manageable, seriously. It doesn't necessarily have to be a permanent thing (I am fully intending to come off mine when I feel like I've got enough out of therapy to be able to), but I personally have found it brilliant for taking the edge off things and giving me more space to think about things logically and realise that if you just sit with the feelings of anxiety when they crop up, nothing actually happens. It hasn't got rid of my problems but it's made me more able to deal with them. I've also found I'm more able to respond to therapy constructively.
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