Completely platonic long term Friendships becoming relationships

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Anonymous #1
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Has anyone ever been in or seen a relationship which started as a friendship which was completely platonic for years?
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1582
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I've tried this before and we successfully destroyed a four year friendship in two weeks. Went from best mates to acquaintances.
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StriderHort
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Not really, no, things are either platonic or they aren't, and as 1582 says, it's a great way to near instantly tear up long term friendships.
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Anonymous #2
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Yes I've seen that. I know this sounds terrible in a way but it is what very unattractive guys usually do to get a girlfriend. Because no girls would ever fancy them on appearance, they make friends with them and then use building attraction techniques to turn that girl into their girlfriend. These techniques are all over youtube. It usually means acting confident, working out, doing sport, having a good job or good career prospects, being good at texting and chatting, taking the girl out on a lot of dates which aren't actually proper dates and then eventually making a move when they have won the girl over. It can take months or years to win a girl over like that but for some guys it works.
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StriderHort
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yes I've seen that. I know this sounds terrible in a way but it is what very unattractive guys usually do to get a girlfriend. Because no girls would ever fancy them on appearance, they make friends with them and then use building attraction techniques to turn that girl into their girlfriend. These techniques are all over youtube. It usually means acting confident, working out, doing sport, having a good job or good career prospects, being good at texting and chatting, taking the girl out on a lot of dates which aren't actually proper dates and then eventually making a move when they have won the girl over. It can take months or years to win a girl over like that but for some guys it works.
Did it work for you?
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Anonymous #2
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No. But a guy I know did this, I guess it has worked for him.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yes I've seen that. I know this sounds terrible in a way but it is what very unattractive guys usually do to get a girlfriend. Because no girls would ever fancy them on appearance, they make friends with them and then use building attraction techniques to turn that girl into their girlfriend. These techniques are all over youtube. It usually means acting confident, working out, doing sport, having a good job or good career prospects, being good at texting and chatting, taking the girl out on a lot of dates which aren't actually proper dates and then eventually making a move when they have won the girl over. It can take months or years to win a girl over like that but for some guys it works.
It is true though. Unattractive guys have no other option. And I don’t see anything wrong with them doing this.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by StriderHort)
Not really, no, things are either platonic or they aren't, and as 1582 says, it's a great way to near instantly tear up long term friendships.
As anon 2 mentions below, some guys have no other option.
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StriderHort
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#9
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(Original post by Anonymous)
As anon 2 mentions below, some guys have no other option.
Or they have decided to wallow in impotence rather than devote time to improving themselves and addressing the reasons they are being rejected, rather than trying to essentially trick someone long term.
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Max1989
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It works yeah, be it rarely but you are also sacrificing the friendship if it doesn't work out, but that said you can't remain friends with someone who you have romantic feelings for as it eats you alive.

I know people who are in long term relationships with people they were platonic with for years, but I also know people who have got together for a month or so to only break up and now keep their distance as it's too awkward. With time you can probably become friends again but after a break up space is needed to move on.
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LittleSkink
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yep, worked for me

In year 1 at Uni ended up in a mixed social group, 5 or 6 lads and similar number of girls. Three had cars, so we used to meet regularly and do stuff like cinema, camping, trips to the coast etc. A couple of pairs formed but the girl I really like was already in a settled relationship, so that reduced some complexity there

Roll forward 2 years, she had split and I was in a car crash - she came to visit me (covered in bandages) and offered to take me to stay at her mums for a few weeks while I got back on my feet, things went from there. Together for 5 years before we drifted apart, took a while (and some grown up conversations) but still great friends today. I get on well with her husband and she likes my wife - awesome lass
Last edited by LittleSkink; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by StriderHort)
Or they have decided to wallow in impotence rather than devote time to improving themselves and addressing the reasons they are being rejected, rather than trying to essentially trick someone long term.
But there are a minority of guys who are so physically and genetically unattractive that no amount of effort will get them a date.
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StriderHort
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(Original post by Anonymous)
But there are a minority of guys who are so physically and genetically unattractive that no amount of effort will get them a date.
Possibly, but if things are that grotesque then I dunno how much good the 'Hang about long enough' plan would overcome that. If you aren't initially sexually attracted to someone then you prob never will be.

I'd be inclined to get rich and buy a new face or whatever.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by StriderHort)
Or they have decided to wallow in impotence rather than devote time to improving themselves and addressing the reasons they are being rejected, rather than trying to essentially trick someone long term.
I also don’t think this is tricking someone into long term. Nothing immoral has been done by the person. If it works, it works. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t.
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LittleSkink
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you make a good point, the question of "can you become more attracted to a friend over time?"

In my experience (as a bloke) not really. There is something (chemistry /spark whatever you want to call it) there quite quickly or there isn't
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by StriderHort)
Possibly, but if things are that grotesque then I dunno how much good the 'Hang about long enough' plan would overcome that. If you aren't initially sexually attracted to someone then you prob never will be.

I'd be inclined to get rich and buy a new face or whatever.
I think race related prejudice is a big thing initially as well. There are some people who will refuse to consider dating anyone of specific races. Although to be fair this can be overcome as people can change their minds as they get to know someone given a chance. Works better offline than online for obvious reasons.
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LittleSkink
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IMO, in 21st Century race isn't as big a thing as it might have been, but to avoid going down that rabbit hole . . .

I have to agree that first impressions count for a lot - there is strong research to show people decide if they are going to like you (or not) really fast, possibly even within fractions of a second, based on all manner of subconscious cues

In my case, many people (in a work context) have told me that on first meeting I can come across as quite intimidating. That's a first experience I can soften to improve that first impression - I am so lovely really
Last edited by LittleSkink; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by LittleSkink)
IMO, in 21st Century race isn't as big a thing as it might have been, but to avoid going down that rabbit hole . . .

I have to agree that first impressions count for a lot - there is strong research to show people decide if they are going to like you (or not) really fast, possibly even within fractions of a second, based on all manner of subconscious cues

In my case, many people (in a work context) have told me that on first meeting I can come across as quite intimidating. That's a first experience I can soften to improve that first impression - I am so lovely really
Race does matter in online dating. Numerous statistics and research shows that for example Asian men get far less matches as a whole in online dating. Offline it’s less the case but then there are people offline who refuse to date people of other races to their own.
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LittleSkink
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Race does matter in online dating. Numerous statistics and research shows that for example Asian men get far less matches as a whole in online dating. Offline it’s less the case but then there are people offline who refuse to date people of other races to their own.
in 2022, wow - there loss I guess
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Old Skool Freak
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I think race related prejudice is a big thing initially as well. There are some people who will refuse to consider dating anyone of specific races. Although to be fair this can be overcome as people can change their minds as they get to know someone given a chance. Works better offline than online for obvious reasons.
(Original post by LittleSkink)
IMO, in 21st Century race isn't as big a thing as it might have been, but to avoid going down that rabbit hole . . .

As much as I would love to believe that were true, unfortunately I think the OP is right.

People (girls) can start talking to me at any time online, and it's all going well, we're getting on famously... but as soon as they find out I'm black, then I'm ghosted. I never hear from them again, it's like they dropped off the face of the earth. If I'm lucky, I'll get some kind of brush-off (if I'm lucky?!? :lol: ). They're were keen AF beforehand, but as soon as they find out my colour, that's it.

However, in real life on the pub / club scene, I can do significantly better... I'm guessing it's because

1) they can see me as the whole package (not just my skin colour) and make their own judgement about me
2) If they really had a problem with black guys (or whatever), they'd make it clear right away
3) I'm out with other people... and obviously you're judged on the company you keep as well.


I have to agree that first impressions count for a lot - there is strong research to show people decide if they are going to like you (or not) really fast, possibly even within fractions of a second, based on all manner of subconscious cues
TBF, it's human nature to form a natural first impression of someone, and it's on that basis whether you decide to give them the time of day or not. First impressions last, and you never get a second chance to make a first impression.

In my case, many people (in a work context) have told me that on first meeting I can come across as quite intimidating. That's a first experience I can soften to improve that first impression - I am so lovely really
You'd get away with that in a work environment, as you HAVE to have at least a professional relationship with your colleagues... Not only are you "forced" to interact with them, but you can spend more time with them than your own friends / family (based on the traditional 9-5 day at the office; maybe less-so nowadays)

However, in a social environment, that may be harder to get around, because it's more likely that other people would distance themselves from you if they found you intimidating, as they're under no obligation to interact with you if they didn't want to.
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