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how do I bring up the issue of being tight with money?

My boyfriend and I are both in our early twenties and have been dating for 3 years. We’re both students, but he took a year out to work full time, and so he has significantly more money than me.
Following a chat with my mum recently, who mentioned that her favourite trait about my dad is his generosity, it got me thinking.

The only time my boyfriend will pay for our date is if it’s such a special occasion, such as my birthday. Other than this, he will religiously insist on splitting the bill to the exact amount. He knows I am living off a student’s budget, and often asks whether I’ve got enough money before we go on a date. If I don’t - we don’t go.
Not only this, he’ll ask me to pay him back for small things, such as a McDonalds, or £2 parking.

I understand that the reason he has money is probably because he’s quite tight, but I feel like the chivalrous generosity is lacking. He calls me his princess, but I don’t feel like one.

In all other areas, we have a very healthy relationship and can talk any problem
through. But money is such an awkward topic, and I don’t want to appear bratty. How do I bring up that I’d like to be treated a little more like a lady in this instance?
Original post by Anonymous
We’re both students, but he took a year out to work full time, and so he has significantly more money than me.

...chivalrous generosity is lacking.

How do I bring up that I’d like to be treated a little more like a lady in this instance?

Two things:

1. From what you've said, he saved some of the money he earned whilst working. However, if you're both students it's likely that you have similar incomes currently.

2. I'm not sure I understand the reference to being "treated a little more like a lady". Do ladies have some right or expectation to their boyfriend's savings, of which I'm unaware?

I suspect that many a feminist would take objection to your post.

If two male friends go to the cinema together, and they both work at the same company and earn the same salary you'd expect them both to contribute equally to the cost, right? Either by each paying half, or by taking turns to pay. What if one earned more than the other? Should he then pay more for the shared experience?

Having said that, I think I'd find the "splitting the bill to the exact amount" and "pay him back for small things" traits quite irritating. It would be more "normal" for you to contribute equally by taking turns to pay for things of similar value - as people do when buying rounds at a pub, rather than everything paying for their own drink, for example.
Original post by Anonymous
My boyfriend and I are both in our early twenties and have been dating for 3 years. We’re both students, but he took a year out to work full time, and so he has significantly more money than me.
Following a chat with my mum recently, who mentioned that her favourite trait about my dad is his generosity, it got me thinking.

The only time my boyfriend will pay for our date is if it’s such a special occasion, such as my birthday. Other than this, he will religiously insist on splitting the bill to the exact amount. He knows I am living off a student’s budget, and often asks whether I’ve got enough money before we go on a date. If I don’t - we don’t go.
Not only this, he’ll ask me to pay him back for small things, such as a McDonalds, or £2 parking.

I understand that the reason he has money is probably because he’s quite tight, but I feel like the chivalrous generosity is lacking. He calls me his princess, but I don’t feel like one.

In all other areas, we have a very healthy relationship and can talk any problem
through. But money is such an awkward topic, and I don’t want to appear bratty. How do I bring up that I’d like to be treated a little more like a lady in this instance?

I think you should talk to him about student stuff and get into the conversation that way but it is very important to do so because he might not realise that you feel this way. I know my gf likes to treat us sometimes but we will usually split the bill or I'll pay. I know it's awkward to talk abt money but you will feel better after.

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