I have suffered for 10 years

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Anonymous #1
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Of all mistakes in my life, the worst I have ever made is I had a deep crush on a female teacher while in high school 10 years ago, which is known by everyone in my cohort & used to make me a laughing stock.

10 years on, I am now a PGR student, no matter how I deceive myself into believing that time could flush everything out, I am still suffering from the aftermath of my laughable teenage obsession.

When I graduated from high school 7 years ago & entered university, I could not integrate with the university community because I missed her - as well as the rosy-tinted high school days - so much. I ruined my 4 years of undergrad mostly because of that.

I did have a crush on a female schoolmate when I was an undergrad, it did not end well because she felt it, distanced herself from me & deleted me from her Instagram's list of followers 2 days before our graduation ceremony.

After my self-destruction of undergrad life, I worked on 2 awful temporary jobs, which I lost within a year due to the COVID recession, which further took a toll on me mentally.

Back then, my only psychological burden was that female teacher & the memories associated with her. Right now, my psychological burden also includes the 4 years of undergrad life I ruined, which, together, has been too much for me to bear.

That female teacher got married 4 years ago. I have stopped making contact with her since 2020 as well. While undergrad, I mailed her seasonal greeting cards twice a year as a sign of decency & she would reciprocate with thanks via social media whenever she received one from me. Relationship is cordial. However, I have stopped doing so since 2020 when I decided to break with my awful past.

I can never forgive myself, nor can I ever reconcile with my past self. This stigma follows & probably will follow me for the rest of my life. It is more difficult than the hardest quantum mechanical problem in the world. No matter how I try to live normally, this keeps hurting, even crippling my ability to smile.

I can never really love another girl. I can never develop a sincere relationship. I don't know if it is because of her. I no longer love her, honestly, but it continues hurting me. I am extremely sensitive to words like "obsession" or "infatuation" because they mean what I did before.

I wrote this as I sobbed on my bed, under my blanket. My heart aches - I don't know why. I feel devastated by the nonsense in past 10 years. I have lost faith in literally everything, including my research studies.

To female users who come across my post:

How would you feel if you know a man who is or used to be extremely obsessed with you?
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username5706823
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(Original post by Anonymous)
To female users who come across my post:

How would you feel if you know a man who is or used to be extremely obsessed with you?
Had that happen... was creeped out and traumatised.

Go see a therapist dude. ASAP. This isn't healthy.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Summer Bird)
Had that happen... was creeped out and traumatised.

Go see a therapist dude. ASAP. This isn't healthy.
It's not our fault to get obsessed with someone else...Moreover, I no longer love that female teacher. She is part of the history. I would rather avoid her for the rest of my life when I realise how much I hurt myself spiritually because of her. I want to start anew, free of all trauma.
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username5706823
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It's not our fault to get obsessed with someone else...Moreover, I no longer love that female teacher. She is part of the history. I would rather avoid her for the rest of my life when I realise how much I hurt myself spiritually because of her. I want to start anew, free of all trauma.
that's why I said to go see a therapist :rolleyes:
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Summer Bird)
that's why I said to go see a therapist :rolleyes:
How do you think I shall respond
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Youve been suffering for 10 years. So it’s time for you to shake your ass. On a yacht. In Dubai. In a thong.
What are you talking about?
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Max1989
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(Original post by Anonymous)
How do you think I shall respond
By getting a therapist?

I've been in almost exactly the same position, be it my obsession was for 7 years and it was a friend not a teacher, you can get over it but you need help doing so, it's hard but you don't have spend your whole life like this
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anaturner
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Youve been suffering for 10 years. So it’s time for you to shake your ass. On a yacht. In Dubai. In a thong.
PRSOM
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Max1989)
By getting a therapist?

I've been in almost exactly the same position, be it my obsession was for 7 years and it was a friend not a teacher, you can get over it but you need help doing so, it's hard but you don't have spend your whole life like this
I could not get back the years I lost though...what shall I do for that
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Oxford Mum
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I could not get back the years I lost though...what shall I do for that
Frankly there is nothing you can do to get your past back.

The lady was a female teacher. If she would have found out and reciprocated, she would have got into a lot of trouble, maybe sacked or even more mortifying, you could both feature in the newspapers!

Thank goodness you just kept it distant and cordial. Now she’s married and is probably blithely unaware you fancied her. This makes things so much less embarrassing, particularly as many pupils have a secret crush on a teacher.

If you keep on hankering after this unavailable person, you may well ruin the rest of your life. Don’t you want a nice, uncomplicated girl to go out on dates with, share a laugh and to love?

Even if the impossible happened and you had got to be in a relationship with her, you may find out she is different to the fantasy. She may have annoying habits, have different hobbies etc which would make you incompatible.

Whilst you are young and there is a large pool of girls to choose from, get out with your mates and speak to some girls your own age. You have so much life to catch up on. Live your life happily and well, and someone will turn up, I promise you.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Oxford Mum)
Frankly there is nothing you can do to get your past back.

The lady was a female teacher. If she would have found out and reciprocated, she would have got into a lot of trouble, maybe sacked or even more mortifying, you could both feature in the newspapers!

Thank goodness you just kept it distant and cordial. Now she’s married and is probably blithely unaware you fancied her. This makes things so much less embarrassing, particularly as many pupils have a secret crush on a teacher.

If you keep on hankering after this unavailable person, you may well ruin the rest of your life. Don’t you want a nice, uncomplicated girl to go out on dates with, share a laugh and to love?

Even if the impossible happened and you had got to be in a relationship with her, you may find out she is different to the fantasy. She may have annoying habits, have different hobbies etc which would make you incompatible.

Whilst you are young and there is a large pool of girls to choose from, get out with your mates and speak to some girls your own age. You have so much life to catch up on. Live your life happily and well, and someone will turn up, I promise you.
I would say I no longer want anything to do with her because it seems I have put myself in today's distress for her. I have already suffered too much for her. Even if, at the very least probability, I see her again, I would choose to cruelly turn away. I would also say I don't crave romantic relationships but a few female friends would suffice. I want to live as normally as my peers do. Would I want more than that over time? I would see - carefully see.
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Oxford Mum
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I would say I no longer want anything to do with her because it seems I have put myself in today's distress for her. I have already suffered too much for her. Even if, at the very least probability, I see her again, I would choose to cruelly turn away. I would also say I don't crave romantic relationships but a few female friends would suffice. I want to live as normally as my peers do. Would I want more than that over time? I would see - carefully see.
The chances of bumping into her are probably slim. Even if you sit her and she does not see you, it’s still ok to dart into another shop or something if it would cause you pain to say hi. Please do not blame her for causing you distress either. It is you who controls your own emotions. As I say she may not be aware you were interested in her.

Instead of dwelling on the past and how you deal with this lady, just concentrate on a new life with new people. Ask yourself if your glass is half full or half empty
Last edited by Oxford Mum; 1 month ago
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fareeda234
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Youve been suffering for 10 years. So it’s time for you to shake your ass. On a yacht. In Dubai. In a thong.
Yess Nella Rose
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Oxford Mum)
The chances of bumping into her are probably slim. Even if you sit her and she does not see you, it’s still ok to dart into another shop or something if it would cause you pain to say hi. Please do not blame her for causing you distress either. It is you who controls your own emotions. As I say she may not be aware you were interested in her.

Instead of dwelling on the past and how you deal with this lady, just concentrate on a new life with new people. Ask yourself if your glass is half full or half empty
She knew it, but pretended not to know it, probably to maintain her code of conduct as a teacher. I have never blamed her for this, while I, admittedly, did some pretty nasty things to her, including exposing her private blog to other classes, which is one of the things I can hardly - if not never - forgive myself for. Although I know clearly that no one really cares, I can hardly figure out the reason I keep beating myself up for such nonsense. Sigh.
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Oxford Mum
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(Original post by Anonymous)
She knew it, but pretended not to know it, probably to maintain her code of conduct as a teacher. I have never blamed her for this, while I, admittedly, did some pretty nasty things to her, including exposing her private blog to other classes, which is one of the things I can hardly - if not never - forgive myself for. Although I know clearly that no one really cares, I can hardly figure out the reason I keep beating myself up for such nonsense. Sigh.
It is nonsense but it’s about the kind of high jinx that young people get up to.

It’s 10 years ago for goodness sake! Nobody probably even remembers it, even her!

Please, for your own sake, stop wallowing in this pointless grief.

Just put it behind you. There are many embarrassing things that I may have done 10 years ago but I suppose with my experience I know to put them behind me and live my life.

This is no life. You are trying to punish yourself and that will do you no good whatsoever.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by fareeda234)
Yess Nella Rose
What do you mean?
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fareeda234
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(Original post by Anonymous)
What do you mean?
Nella rose made that quote
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by fareeda234)
Nella rose made that quote
Oh I see.
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Coventry University Student Ambassadors
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Hi there,

Not a female here, but I felt what I read as I have a friend who was in a very similar situation. All I can say is that you'll have to move on and leave that in the past despite how hard it might feel. That is what my friend did, and he healed and now is living life to the fullest as if he didn't go through what he went through. I would say just let that go and focus on creating a balance in your life now, in the present. Seeing a therapist might also prove beneficial. Get your life together and live it to the fullest. Best of luck!

Ivaylo
Student Ambassador
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Napp
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Probably a good idea to see a therapist buddy. a decade long obsession thats crushing aspects of your daily life is not a healthy thing to live with and i seriously doubt itll improve with time without help given how much has elapsed already
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