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Boyfriend kind of cheated on me Watch

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    I'm so confused, and in pain - i need advice but theres no one to talk to.

    I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. We recently went to uni, but to different ones. Yesterday I get a chinese girl adding me on msn, and telling me that she asked him to be her boyfriend and she said yes.

    Naturally I went crazy and depressed, and have spent a long time talking to my boyfriend on the phone and emailing the girl.

    My boyfriend said that yes he flirted, but when she asked him out he said no. He says he held her hand, and once slept in her bed because he was "drunk and lonely". Both confirm they have not kissed yet.
    He says she has got confused (she is Chinese, might be a language barrier).
    He says he is going to stop...

    I don't know what to do... does he deserve to be dumped? I love him so much... and maybe it is just flirting that got out of hand? If they had kissed I would dump him like that, but they haven't.

    I need HELP PLEASE
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    "and once slept in her bed because he was "drunk and lonely"

    Sounds a bit dodgy to me to be honest.
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    I know... but they havn't even kissed! *confused*

    Also I am really tired (stayed up till 4am, woke up at 8am), and I found it really difficult to breath last night. I feel so ill... argh in such a bad mood
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    Maybe have a sleep then, take a breather, and think about it later?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I know... but they havn't even kissed! *confused*
    No proof of that, you shouldn't just believe it to be true because he said so. I doubt he would say "I shagged her"
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    (Original post by Resok)
    No proof of that, you shouldn't just believe it to be true because he said so. I doubt he would say "I shagged her"
    I didnt, but the girl also said they hadn't - and I believe her because it would be easier for her if I thought that they did
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    You've only got his word to go by whether they kissed or not and to be honest I think he's sort of overstepped the line here what with sleeping in her bed.. how long is it until drunk and lonely turns into drunk, lonely and horny? If I were you i'd dump him now to avoid further heart break. You will be able to move on, there are plenty of people at uni
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I didnt, but the girl also said they hadn't - and I believe her because it would be easier for her if I thought that they did
    Emotional cheating can be worse than physical.
    I'd rather my boyfriend kiss another girl and not particularly like her than another girl have his heart but never has kissed him.

    Sounds like a bit of lonliness, confusion etc from being apart.
    Personally I'd ask him whether he thinks he can deal with a relationship while he was at uni? Why he felt the need to be with this other girl? And does he like her? etc.

    Some of my close friends have been/are chinese and the language barrier doesn't really affect knowing whether someone likes you/is asking you out most of the time. Most foreign people at uni have fairly good english as well.

    :hugs:
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    (Original post by viirkokka)
    You've only got his word to go by whether they kissed or not and to be honest I think he's sort of overstepped the line here what with sleeping in her bed.. how long is it until drunk and lonely turns into drunk, lonely and horny? If I were you i'd dump him now to avoid further heart break. You will be able to move on, there are plenty of people at uni
    As I said - I think this is true because it would be easier for the girl if she said they had kissed to confirm it was not a misunderstanding - but she said they haven't.

    I know it is possible he might hurt me again... but I don't fall for guys easily and I seriously have not found any potential boyfriends at uni
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    (Original post by amy.dd)
    Emotional cheating can be worse than physical.
    I'd rather my boyfriend kiss another girl and not particularly like her than another girl have his heart but never has kissed him.

    Sounds like a bit of lonliness, confusion etc from being apart.
    Personally I'd ask him whether he thinks he can deal with a relationship while he was at uni? Why he felt the need to be with this other girl? And does he like her? etc.

    Some of my close friends have been/are chinese and the language barrier doesn't really affect knowing whether someone likes you/is asking you out most of the time. Most foreign people at uni have fairly good english as well.

    :hugs:
    But he says he doesnt really like her in that way - just he was lonely or something.
    Yeah, I should ask those questions...

    I know, but I was thinking more cultural barriers too - maybe in China if you flirt you have to be dating Lol i have no idea
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    tbh OP how much do you trust him now?

    i mean, if you saw a picture of him on facebook standing with a girl looking happy, would you just brush it off and think 'hey at least he is having fun' or would you wonder if he is sleeping in that girls bed too and flirting with her?

    because if it is the latter you need to get rid of him, you can't waste your life wondering and not trusting. LDR's especially need a lot of trust to keep them going.

    and to be honest, why would the Chinese girl lie to you?

    :hugs: though, i know it's difficult
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    Mm, this sounds like an unhappy situation. He slept in her bed?! That's way over the mark. If you're desperate to keep him, tell it like it is - he either stops sleeping in her bed and spending time with her or that's it. Otherwise, tell him you're not prepared to go out with someone you can't trust not to do anything with anyone else. It doesn't sound like there's a whole lotta trust in this relationship.
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    (Original post by emilina)
    tbh OP how much do you trust him now?

    i mean, if you saw a picture of him on facebook standing with a girl looking happy, would you just brush it off and think 'hey at least he is having fun' or would you wonder if he is sleeping in that girls bed too and flirting with her?

    because if it is the latter you need to get rid of him, you can't waste your life wondering and not trusting. LDR's especially need a lot of trust to keep them going.

    and to be honest, why would the Chinese girl lie to you?

    :hugs: though, i know it's difficult
    That is true... I really don't feel I can trust him. He has always been a very secretive person...

    But on the other hand, I just can imagine life without him
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That is true... I really don't feel I can trust him. He has always been a very secretive person...

    But on the other hand, I just can imagine life without him
    i know how exactly you feel. but sometimes, in the long run, it is harder to stay with them. you wouldn't be able to live your life properly, you would always be wondering who he is with, if he is flirting, if he likes someone else. stuff like that. so either he regains your trust or you do something about it tbh.

    how far away is he from you out of interest?

    if you wanna chat feel free to PM me

    :hugs:
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    well life without him would be a breeze, your at uni and who else goes to uni? a lot of boys, what can boys become? they can become bf. dump your bf ass out and find yourself someone you can trust
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    (Original post by emilina)
    i know how exactly you feel. but sometimes, in the long run, it is harder to stay with them. you wouldn't be able to live your life properly, you would always be wondering who he is with, if he is flirting, if he likes someone else. stuff like that. so either he regains your trust or you do something about it tbh.

    how far away is he from you out of interest?

    if you wanna chat feel free to PM me

    :hugs:
    Yeah... but its so scary to think about
    And this is the first time anything like this happened... maybe I should give him another chance to earn my trust back.

    He's in London, and I'm in Bristol, so it's not very far. We see eachother often.. he was actually here earlier this week
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah... but its so scary to think about
    And this is the first time anything like this happened... maybe I should give him another chance to earn my trust back.

    He's in London, and I'm in Bristol, so it's not very far. We see eachother often.. he was actually here earlier this week
    yea i know it is. maybe give him another chance but make sure he knows that he has to win back your trust or it is over?

    good luck :hugs:
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    OP, it sounds like you want to give him another chance. If you really think it could still work and that you could learn to trust him again, then go for it. He needs to put in the effort with you though, and make it up to you.

    Personally, I'd find it very hard to stay with someone after that...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    But he says he doesnt really like her in that way - just he was lonely or something.
    Yeah, I should ask those questions...

    I know, but I was thinking more cultural barriers too - maybe in China if you flirt you have to be dating Lol i have no idea
    I dated a few chinese guys as well. They had been in England for a year or two so it may be different if she has just moved to England but I didn't really notice much difference with them. It could be different with her though (I mean here we have people who will sleep with someone they have met for a few hours and people who don't sleep with someone till they have married them so...)

    I'd hope if my boyfriend was lonely he'd turn to me but going to university can be very difficult and quite lonely especially if you have previously spent a lot of time with a bf or gf and are very close to them.

    I'd just make sure he still loves you and that you still love him and want to be together (which is sounds like you do). Obviously your trust is going to be broken but hopefully he is willing to re-earn it.

    Hope it all works out!

    p.s. If you do break up it's not the end of the world, it seems it and the idea of it is horrific but sometimes if you know the relationship is not right or you deserve better then it's just the right thing to do, even if at first it hurts a lot.
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    How did the Chinese girl get your email? Did he give it to her? Kind of weird.. her just adding you...
    and she said that they were now a couple? "Yesterday I get a chinese girl adding me on msn, and telling me that she asked him to be her boyfriend and she said yes."
    --and he says they're not?

    Also.. if he visits you often.. WHY is he drunk and lonely? Perhaps you should talk to him a bit about how he's feeling or why he feels like that..
    Did he go out with the girl and get drunk with her? Why did he follow her to her room anyways? (Was this before or after he visited you last week in Bristol?)

    You do sound like you really want to make it work... perhaps tell him that. But if I were you, I'd have serious trust issues after this. I would kill my bf if he held any girl's hand in an intimate way. If you can talk to him, sort it out and move on.. I suppose that would be the best thing to do.
 
 
 
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