Extremely embarrassed about online dating

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
I'm a huge introvert and I've not got a burning desire to have a relationship but I do want to experience some form of it and meet new people then who knows.. I've tried a few od apps throughout the years because it's the easiest method with straight forward intentions.

Everyone who knows me knows I'm not huge on romance (happening to me personally not like the genre) but that I don't really care a lot about meeting my soul mate. Every time I join an app, which I on and off for a few weeks to a month, I will instantly panick if I see anyone I recognise on it. Even someone I hardly know but have spoken to. There's just an overwhelming wave of embarrassment for it and I just pray I have seen them before they see me. I always delete after that. It's so frustrating because I don't want to be ashamed of it but I don't get how not to be.

Even if I was openly a romantic seeking a bf I would still be embarrassed so it's not for those reasonings. And if I manage to find someone on it, which I have before, I will make up a lie as to how I met them and feel shameful to even talk to them about it. There's just something about advertising yourself with clear pictures and intentions on a profile that so mortifying to think of anyone you know seeing it. Like I don't want my old friend to know that I'm "looking for a relationship". That's not their business. I feel like it just makes me look pathetic, as if I can't find someone in real life. I don't know If I could but again I'm not overly concerned about doing that just to have a meet cute. (Although a meet cute would be significantly better).

I tried seeing if anyone else's feels like this but I don't see anything online. It feels like no one is ashamed or humiliated by it. I'm not saying you should be, I meant people who feel the same as me. It would be great to give no ***** and be confident in dating online but I just can't. Funny thing is that it is less shameful than ever since so many conventionally attractive people use it themselves so obviously everyone is struggling to find connections in the real world to an extent.

Sorry for the rant just asking if anyone else feels this way and if anyone has advice. This was just a venting post tbh.


Please don't quote incase I delete. Many thanks 🙏
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clarkenuttal
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#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
I personally do not see a point in dating apps as most pictures and profiles you come across are either fake or exaggerated nevertheless. Why not just meet people up casually and build up. Not every meet needs to end up in relationships and if you take this burden off your head and meet just to have a great time then you would be able to be yourself and express yourself better. And frankly speaking no one has a right to comment on your personal relationship or how you meet your partner so I say don’t give a d*** about them and put yourself before others and it should solve many things you mentioned
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1582
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#3
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#3
Meeting someone via an app doesn't mean that you're incapable of finding someone in person. Using apps widen the pool by allowing you to meet people you might not otherwise cross paths with organically. It also allows people a platform to easily communicate that they're open to dating and to openly state what it is they are looking for. They're useful for finding someone whose goals and values match yours.

I met my current girlfriend on Tinder and I'm not ashamed of that. I knew what I wanted and trying to find it offline was tiresome. I have no issue approaching people but I was struggling to find someone offline who matched my ideals and wanted more than just sex. Neither my partner nor I like dating apps (who actually does?) but we're glad that using one resulted in us meeting. Heck, we didn't even talk on the app beyond scheduling the date. I was blown away by her bio and photos and decided to skip the ******** and directly asked her out for a drink in the opening message - I expected to be shut down, because I imagined I wasn't her type, but to my surprise it worked. We met at a pub the following week and I knew by the end of the date that I wanted to be with this girl. I later learned that I am exactly her type and she was shocked I'd go for someone like her. It's not a match that would have happened in person: she's classically beautiful, fashionable, and knowledgeable about seemingly everything - and I'm this artsy androgynous nerd with a mohawk, facial piercings, and tattoos. Even if we had crossed paths in say a coffee shop rather than on the app there's no way we would have guessed based on appearances that we'd be the others type. We likely would have assumed we'd have nothing in common, when it turns out we have many shared passions and values and even work in the same field. And we both wanted an exclusive relationship, rather than something open or just sex. I don't like dating apps, but I'm really grateful that using one allowed me to find exactly the type of person and relationship I wanted.

Yes, there's always the chance you might encounter someone you know on one. As long as your content is clean, there's nothing to be embarrassed about there. There's nothing shameful about wanting to meet somebody and find love. It's a very natural and human thing to want! No one is going to find you pathetic for that. Although depending on how you act after they might. Story time: a couple of months ago a girl screenshot my profile on Tinder and sent it to me via Facebook. I already knew she was using the app because I'd swiped left on her previously. Her behaviour was what made it awkward, rather than the fact she knew I was using the app. Oh and the not so subtle "isn't it funny we're both looking right now?" and the following terrible, self-deprecating attempts at trying to fish for compliments and gauge my interest that ensued. I had to outright tell her I wasn't interested to put an end to it. Dear lord, if you do encounter someone you know on a dating app, I'd suggest politely ignoring it. This should just be standard etiquette IMO!

tl;dr - apps aren't just for the type of person who can't get a date and aimlessly swipe right on every remotely attractive person; they are useful for being able to find someone who specifically matches your ideals and who you might never have had the opportunity to meet / felt you could have approached in person. If you know what you want then have confidence in that. It's no one else's business if you use dating apps and if you encounter someone you know on one then just politely ignore that you saw their profile, and hopefully they'll do the same for you in return. And for the love of god please do not use finding someone you know on an app as an excuse to message them elsewhere if they don't match with you!
Last edited by 1582; 1 month ago
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luckuc
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#4
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#4
it seems to me that you are looking in the wrong place for dating just, you will definitely be lucky)
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