English Language Paper 1 Question 5

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leroy5
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Will someone be able to mark my English language paper 1 Question 5 practice answer or tell me if I need any improvements.
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b1nary
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yeah
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leroy5
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(Original post by leroy5)
Will someone be able to mark my English language paper 1 Question 5 practice answer or tell me if I need any improvements.
my story was here
Last edited by leroy5; 1 month ago
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leroy5
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(Original post by b1nary)
yeah
i just uploaded the answer in the comment section i included at least 10 language devices 10 higher vocabulary words and i need to work on include more punctuation.

what do you think i should work on and how many marks do you think this will get me
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Alfie1001
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(Original post by leroy5)
Journey to Heaven


As the sun engulfed my line of sight I was able to see what I have been waiting a lifetime for my soul and body were one and I felt as pure as ice and all I could think of is when I would reach the crossroads; I was blessed with the privilege of that my steadfast could companion me on this journey I have been waiting a lifetime for.

This walk felt felt peaceful, wonderful and relaxing.

As the suns shimmer began to fade, what was around began to show itself the way nature was presented made me feel euphoric so overwhelming : of the way it was presented nothing felt out of place with a perfect imperfection the magnitude of the beauty was gargantuan. it felt as I was Dorthey and this was my yellow brick road.

Embarking upon the gates of heaven I could see what should be my furthermore ,perplexed as the gates would not swing open on my arrival. Gods generosity guided me in everything I do, so for me to be denied access is a abomination. The gates stood firm so this is not where I belong. this was the worst best day of my life.

This walk felt doubtful disheartening and befuddling.

Heaven is not where I belong, I don't know what I could of done to be accepted who knows? I was so indignant the walk to hell was daunting this could not be my faint I was a angel I spread the word of god with every fibre in my body I could of told a billion souls . this path was rotten each step more degutting than the next it was a disgusting place to be life along this path was miniscule.

Embarking upon the gates one thing was clear the gates were a pre echo of death and I was trembling at the thought of this being my eternity but my time has come the crows waved goodbye as if I was never going to be seen again. I was morose until the glimmer of light showed it self my lord and saviour has come to take my home.
You need to use at least 9 (different) forms of punctuation in order to access the higher marks. Try varying sentence length as well as paragraph lengths. You may want to consider only using 2/3 words for a paragraph or even one word. Following this advice will allow you to access those higher boundaries.
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leroy5
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(Original post by Alfie1001)
You need to use at least 9 (different) forms of punctuation in order to access the higher marks. Try varying sentence length as well as paragraph lengths. You may want to consider only using 2/3 words for a paragraph or even one word. Following this advice will allow you to access those higher boundaries.
how is the content side of this work do you have corrections for that
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Alfie1001
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(Original post by leroy5)
how is the content side of this work do you have corrections for that
The content is standard. Some of the techniques seem very forced (like the simile in the first sentence and the omission of punctuation there, too).

I find when students write stories, they are one of two things: (1) so very boring or (2) just not as creative as we would have liked.

This would have been better off as a description - usually they are easier to pick up marks in.
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dahlia06
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(Original post by Alfie1001)
The content is standard. Some of the techniques seem very forced (like the simile in the first sentence and the omission of punctuation there, too).

I find when students write stories, they are one of two things: (1) so very boring or (2) just not as creative as we would have liked.

This would have been better off as a description - usually they are easier to pick up marks in.
have u done your gcses?
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Alfie1001
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(Original post by dahlia06)
have u done your gcses?
Many years ago, yes.
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dahlia06
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(Original post by Alfie1001)
Many years ago, yes.
mind if i send you my story on private message and could you give me some feedback? i just dont want to risk someone using my ideas or story
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leroy5
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(Original post by Alfie1001)
The content is standard. Some of the techniques seem very forced (like the simile in the first sentence and the omission of punctuation there, too).
I find when students write stories, they are one of two things: (1) so very boring or (2) just not as creative as we would have liked.

This would have been better off as a description - usually they are easier to pick up marks in.
how many marks do you think i would get with the added punctuation
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Alfie1001
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(Original post by dahlia06)
mind if i send you my story on private message and could you give me some feedback? i just dont want to risk someone using my ideas or story
You may.
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Alfie1001
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(Original post by leroy5)
how many marks do you think i would get with the added punctuation
The marks awarded work in levels.

For A06 (where punctuation is included), these are the levels:

Level 4 (13-16 marks)
Level 3 (9-12 marks)
Level 2 (5-8 marks)
Level 1 (1-4 marks)
Level 0 (no marks)

If you include 9 different forms of punctuation, you will already be placed in level 4 and this means the examiner exercises their discretion as to what mark in that bracket to award you.

If you fail to use different forms of punctuation, you will limit your potential to get those higher marks and will be stuck at level 2 or 3.

The answer to your question is that it entirely depends.
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