Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Since I've started uni 7 weeks ago, I met this wonderful girl (let's call her Ruby). We see each other at least twice a day, cheer each other up when we feel bad and spend at least 20 minutes hugging each other (usually initiated by her). I'm really into her and want us to be more than friends. She has a boyfriend of two years, but she finds the idea of having more intimate contact than french kissing with him disgusting. Her boyfriend will come over to our university this week.

    What do you recommend me to do?
    • #2
    #2

    That's a tough one. Do you know how she feels about you? Have you talked about any of this?

    Maybe you should just meet this guy and see what he's like, see how they are together, then go from there?

    Sorry if that's not helpful at all!
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Tell her how you feel. It sounds to me that she may like you and if confused about what sh wants. Then again, you could be in the friend zone. But you'll never know unless you try. And it certainly sounds like she and her boyfriend arent getting on, if she is replused by him
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I'd lay a complex trap for the boyfriend involving a tiger, four cans of paint and a clothes peg.

    As for the girl, well, next time she hugs you, give her a lovebite. If the lady doth protest, she's probably not into you.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    your relationship with this girl sounds the same as me and this guy i have met at uni 7 weeks ago
    first of all if she has a boyfriend of 2 years then what is she doing getting close to you she should know thats not right
    second i think you should tell her how you feel least then it is out in the open and up to her what she wants to do!
    cos me and this guy may say we r not into each other but if im honest....

    :suith:
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    Could it be, could it be that she's joking with you, and she doesn't really see you with her?
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Tell her you like her, and then keep away when the boyfriend comes - don't fight him for her. She'll make her own decision.

    She may be leading you on, though.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    When her boyfriend comes, you hide behind a door and hit him over the head with a frying pan... If you haven't got one of those, a rolling pin will do...
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Dionysia)
    Tell her you like her, and then keep away when the boyfriend comes - don't fight him for her. She'll make her own decision.

    She may be leading you on, though.
    I -exactly agree , with this!
    • #3
    #3

    I AM that girl, just been with my boyfriend for three years, not two. And I don't feel disgusted when I do other things, I just would rather not. I like the simple intimacy of a really long, warm cuddle and hand-holding, things like that. Yet I love him more than I could say and am pretty damn sure we're going to be getting married when we're older. (Am Anonymous, JUST in case.)

    I have a friend like you - as in, I may as well be the girl in your problem. I adore this friend of mine; whenever he's low he'll talk to me about it and vice-versa. We don't hug for too long, however, as for us I think that'd kind of be crossing a barrier too far. But our hugs are good ones, and we'll talk for hours about nothing and everything; I'd do anything for him, and he's said to me that he cares about me. Our feelings towards each other, though, are probably closer to brother and sister than boyfriend/girlfriend, though it has to be said that I do confuse the two sometimes and wonder if I do have deeper feelings for him.

    But I find it doesn't matter; even if I do, I won't act on them for several reasons, including that I'm very much in love with someone else, I like that me and him have an almost-intimate friendship without there being anything sexual between us, and finally that I'm 100% certain he doesn't get the lines mixed up about our friendship like I do. I'm pretty sure he sees me as only a friend, always.

    But that's all right. I love him as a friend, and that'll always be enough. So long as he's around, that's all that really matters.

    So my advice to you? Stay the good friend for now; I know you like her and I know her feelings for her boyfriend are complicated, but making a move probably isn't the best idea. It's like me and my friend; if he ever did tell me that he had different feelings for me/kissed me/anything like that, although part of me would be happy, part of me would hate him for throwing something out in the open that could confuse my feelings not just with him, but with my boyfriend as well. (I'd still want to know, frustratingly.)

    So basically what I'm saying is even though you want something more, it's not worth it. Just enjoy what you have with her now, because she'll always need you. When she argues with him or has a ****** day or anything like that, she'll still come to you. Yes, she'll have her boyfriend there, but there's something about having a close, personal friend that makes all the difference.

    Just appreciate the intimacy you have with her now. I'm really sorry, I wish I could say "go for it, who cares who gets hurt?" but I honestly can't. She may be confused, she may love her boyfriend but doesn't feel very sexual towards him, but speaking as a girl who knows, it's not worth ******* up. Because even if I do get confused about my feelings for my friend from time to time, I wouldn't do anything about it. Because my relationship is worth fighting for.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Btw, I've told a mutual friend during the first week ago that I really liked her and I think she might have told her, but I also told that friend that I wouldn't consider doing something as she has a boyfriend.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Anyone else have any opinions to share?
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I AM that girl, just been with my boyfriend for three years, not two. And I don't feel disgusted when I do other things, I just would rather not. I like the simple intimacy of a really long, warm cuddle and hand-holding, things like that. Yet I love him more than I could say and am pretty damn sure we're going to be getting married when we're older. (Am Anonymous, JUST in case.)

    I have a friend like you - as in, I may as well be the girl in your problem. I adore this friend of mine; whenever he's low he'll talk to me about it and vice-versa. We don't hug for too long, however, as for us I think that'd kind of be crossing a barrier too far. But our hugs are good ones, and we'll talk for hours about nothing and everything; I'd do anything for him, and he's said to me that he cares about me. Our feelings towards each other, though, are probably closer to brother and sister than boyfriend/girlfriend, though it has to be said that I do confuse the two sometimes and wonder if I do have deeper feelings for him.

    But I find it doesn't matter; even if I do, I won't act on them for several reasons, including that I'm very much in love with someone else, I like that me and him have an almost-intimate friendship without there being anything sexual between us, and finally that I'm 100% certain he doesn't get the lines mixed up about our friendship like I do. I'm pretty sure he sees me as only a friend, always.

    But that's all right. I love him as a friend, and that'll always be enough. So long as he's around, that's all that really matters.

    So my advice to you? Stay the good friend for now; I know you like her and I know her feelings for her boyfriend are complicated, but making a move probably isn't the best idea. It's like me and my friend; if he ever did tell me that he had different feelings for me/kissed me/anything like that, although part of me would be happy, part of me would hate him for throwing something out in the open that could confuse my feelings not just with him, but with my boyfriend as well. (I'd still want to know, frustratingly.)

    So basically what I'm saying is even though you want something more, it's not worth it. Just enjoy what you have with her now, because she'll always need you. When she argues with him or has a ****** day or anything like that, she'll still come to you. Yes, she'll have her boyfriend there, but there's something about having a close, personal friend that makes all the difference.

    Just appreciate the intimacy you have with her now. I'm really sorry, I wish I could say "go for it, who cares who gets hurt?" but I honestly can't. She may be confused, she may love her boyfriend but doesn't feel very sexual towards him, but speaking as a girl who knows, it's not worth ******* up. Because even if I do get confused about my feelings for my friend from time to time, I wouldn't do anything about it. Because my relationship is worth fighting for.
    I hold exactly the same opinion.... and even the same problem. I will never leave my bf for my guy mate, i love him too much. I love my guy mate cuz he is there for me when i need to talk.

    If you do somthing about it, you will muck up your friendship
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: November 9, 2008
Poll
Do you agree with the PM's proposal to cut tuition fees for some courses?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.