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I've got myself in a tricky situation!!!! Watch

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    Ok, I'm not going to blow my own horn but I'm a good person, I'm always nice to people and always see the good in everyone. If you were to ask anyone I know they would say I am completely trustworthy and wouldn't do anything to hurt a fly. I can't even be horrible to ex's! I am still friends with most of my ex's including the one's who cheated on me and used me, what's wrong with me? Ha ha...anyway that isn't my situation...

    So to cut a long story short I really fancy this guy Jake (just picking a random name), who has a girlfriend. I don't really know her as he never talks about her. He always been really flirty with me and doesn't talk to me when we're out because he says he finds it hard to talk to girls he likes. We are two of this group who friends (who have been friends for years but I only just met most of them including Jake a few months ago). So Jake and I both like each other but I don't think he's planning on splitting with his girlfriend. He was always trying to get me to meet him places and wouldn't shut up about how attracted he was to me and stuff which I found quite flattering but would never meet him. I went round his once to watch a film, he could tell I wasn't going to put out so he didn't bother trying anything and we had a really good night.

    I invited a load of people around mine for a house party including Jake and the rest of our fairly tight group of friends. Most people left leaving Jake and I to talk, we talked about everything, getting on so well, both a bit drunk. One thing led to another and we had sex, we mucked about around my house trying not to get caught by anyone else, it was amazing, I’d never felt so wanted but I felt so guilty and couldn't stop thinking about it. I found it so hot that the other night (which is a couple of weeks later now) I found myself meeting him and again things happened. He had no idea I liked him until the house party and thought he'd never have a chance. Now when he talks to me he keeps telling me how he can't stop wanting more. He makes me feel attractive (for once) and we have such an amazing time whatever we do. It sounds like he’s in control (he probably is a bit) but I know I have the upper hand as I know he thinks I’m just using him as a bit of fun until something better comes along (which isn’t true). But I cannot stop feeling guilty, I know I should, I should probably be hated but I just don't know what to do. I find myself wanting to see him again but I don't know if I can handle the guilt! HELP! :eek: :confused: :confused: :confused: :eek:
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    Is it really THAT bad? , can anyone please help me???
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    I don't remember any of this...

    (just picking a random name)
    ...aha
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    thanks for your help...
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    My advice is to STOP doing anything while he has a girlfriend- how would you feel if it were you?
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    If he did split with his gf and went out with you, woudl you not feel paranoid he would cheat?
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    Erm, you know what you're doing is wrong, and I'm sure he does too. Either ask him to break up with his girlfriend, so she can stop being lied to, or don't go out with him anymore.
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    that's true. i've been cheated on before i know how much it hurts, it isn't nice. i'm really not a bad person, everyone has the weaknesses and i just really don't know how to stop it all. cause to top it one of his friends is supposedly completely in love with me, if our group found out it would be complete devastation!

    i don't know if i'd want to go out with him, part of me really does but the other part knows what he is like but it seems to me that the reason he's with me is because he isn't happy with her... . i am in such a mess and i feel horrible! .
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    WRONG in that Lex Luther from the new (and naff) Superman film way.

    As said above, if he is privvy to a bit of cheating then who is to say that if he dumps his current GF and gets with you that he's going to remain faithful? Also what you're doing is obviously wrong and you need to stop it and tell him to dump his GF before seeing you again.
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    (Original post by Gremlin)
    My advice is to STOP doing anything while he has a girlfriend- how would you feel if it were you?
    Yep SAME , be like playing with matches woulda' it!>
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    would help if she wasn't so...oh it's hard to explain.

    it's finding the way to tell him to stop. i doubt we're ever going to 'get together' or 'be a couple' and that doesn't bother me. the girlfriend does.
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    He has to choose. He can't have both of you. it is not right or fair for anyone. You need to talk to him, tell him how you feel and let him think about who and what it is he wants.
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    i know and he's a **** for it. knowing my luck he'll probably just stay with his girlfriend and find someone else but then again he said it was because he completely trusted me. arg girls you know how i feel? bit of a **** but you like them none the less?
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    He sounds like a typical sleazebag. You feel wanted? Yes wanted for sex, not to be his girlfriend, apparently you're not good enough for that...

    Well if that makes you feel great then so be it but don't be too naive with this slimey *******.
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    don't worry i'm not being naive cause it's so hard to explain and it makes me sound bad but i've got him chasing me, not the other way round. the sex is amazing and our friendship is so close. it almost feels like we are together, it's just not written in stone if you get me?

    but you're right, i need to talk to him, this is insane, either the girlfriend needs to go or i need to go back to what i was doing before and not giving him anything. it's not right. it's not fair on her (even if she isn't the nicest person in the world), it's not fair on our friends and it's not fair on me.
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    Once a cheater always a cheater. Never underestimate how manipulative people can be; how sure are you that you're not really the one chasing him?
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    ha ha pretty sure. i guess i am a tiny bit but i'm not doing any work. he's the one that talks to me as soon as i sign in online and continiously texts me. he seems to get really upset when i say i don't know if i can meet or see him or if i don't text back.
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    Oy, I never understood the 'once a cheater, always a cheater' mode of thought, does that make the OP a cheater now too? So in every relationship she will feel this compulsion to date taken guys? Sure, this guy may be a bit of a slimey little thing, but this 'myth' about cheaters is a bit overblown.

    Saying this, I still don't think it's fair to give the cheater a second chance if he cheated on you! But if he cheated once it doesn't mean he'll cheat again; it just means it'll be incredibly hard to trust the guy because of his past.

    I do like the advice given, however, talk to the guy but it's a definite choice of 'dump him or he dumps her'.
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    (Original post by Desert_Roach)
    Oy, I never understood the 'once a cheater, always a cheater' mode of thought, does that make the OP a cheater now too? So in every relationship she will feel this compulsion to date taken guys? Sure, this guy may be a bit of a slimey little thing, but this 'myth' about cheaters is a bit overblown.

    Saying this, I still don't think it's fair to give the cheater a second chance if he cheated on you! But if he cheated once it doesn't mean he'll cheat again; it just means it'll be incredibly hard to trust the guy because of his past.

    I do like the advice given, however, talk to the guy but it's a definite choice of 'dump him or he dumps her'.

    I can see your point but I actually agree with the 'once a cheater...' school of thought.

    The problem is that once someone has cheated once, they have crossed a moral boundary and set a precedent.....it's way easier to do something again rather than to do it for the first time.

    Doesn't necessarily mean they will cheat...just that maybe they might be more likely to.
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    I think he's taking you along for the ride. You say he trusts you - what about? Not saying anything to his gf, so he can get away with it for even longer?

    Good luck but it sounds like it will end in tears.
 
 
 
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