controlling mother

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 2 months ago
#1
I’m 22 years old and my moms controlling is so ridiculous. For context, I’m a muslim girl who’s just finishing uni. My mother has always been stict but I just put it to her being concerned because I was young but over the last few years it’s being getting worse. I’m a homebody/introvert so I don’t go out much however whenever I do my mom blows up my phone telling me to come home asap. Once I went out and even told her it was a friends birthday and at 7pm she started calling me saying I need to get home screaming her head off. I eventually got home at around 9ish pm and she went offff. She called me all types of words and told me to get out of her house. if you’re muslim you would know that muslim girls don’t really move out unless they’re married. I told her she was being unreasonable but she doesn’t care at all. Last week I went on a weekend trip which i told her about FOUR MONTHS in advance. She was cool with it but the moment she saw me packing and getting ready to leave she started a huge argument. She said she didn’t want to have a daughter who was a h*e and that I was gonna do drugs and all these other things. I was shocked she even viewed me this way. I eventually just left the house and went in my trip but whilst i was gone i tried to contact her and she wouldn’t talk to me. She blocked my number and since I’ve been back she hasn’t spoken to me and only says little rude remarks about what I got up to and how i dress. I went to a kpop concert (literally the most innocent thing ever) and wore my hijab the whole time. She’s been telling me to move out and that since i’m grown enough to do my own thing I should be grown enough to get out of her house. I’ve really had enough. I graduate in the summer and plan on going on a two week trip around Europe to celebrate and I don’t even know how to tell her seeing the way she reacted when i went on the weekend trip i don’t know what to expect. I think I’m going to apply to do my masters in another city and then stay in that city once i’m done so I don’t have to return to this. however i’m kinda sad because my mother and I did once have a good relationship and I feel like I’ve ruined that but I also do need to live my life and can’t always make my mom happy. Anyone ever experienced this and how did you gain your freedom?
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HyperRiot8
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#2
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#2
Eeesh, it is what it is. Like u said ur a grown woman and your mother certainly should not be acting like this. Keep doing you and eventually ur mum should come around and see that she's in the wrong and that ur a grown adult capable of taking care of yourself. All the best!
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Mohammed_80
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#3
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#3
(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m 22 years old and my moms controlling is so ridiculous. For context, I’m a muslim girl who’s just finishing uni. My mother has always been stict but I just put it to her being concerned because I was young but over the last few years it’s being getting worse. I’m a homebody/introvert so I don’t go out much however whenever I do my mom blows up my phone telling me to come home asap. Once I went out and even told her it was a friends birthday and at 7pm she started calling me saying I need to get home screaming her head off. I eventually got home at around 9ish pm and she went offff. She called me all types of words and told me to get out of her house. if you’re muslim you would know that muslim girls don’t really move out unless they’re married. I told her she was being unreasonable but she doesn’t care at all. Last week I went on a weekend trip which i told her about FOUR MONTHS in advance. She was cool with it but the moment she saw me packing and getting ready to leave she started a huge argument. She said she didn’t want to have a daughter who was a h*e and that I was gonna do drugs and all these other things. I was shocked she even viewed me this way. I eventually just left the house and went in my trip but whilst i was gone i tried to contact her and she wouldn’t talk to me. She blocked my number and since I’ve been back she hasn’t spoken to me and only says little rude remarks about what I got up to and how i dress. I went to a kpop concert (literally the most innocent thing ever) and wore my hijab the whole time. She’s been telling me to move out and that since i’m grown enough to do my own thing I should be grown enough to get out of her house. I’ve really had enough. I graduate in the summer and plan on going on a two week trip around Europe to celebrate and I don’t even know how to tell her seeing the way she reacted when i went on the weekend trip i don’t know what to expect. I think I’m going to apply to do my masters in another city and then stay in that city once i’m done so I don’t have to return to this. however i’m kinda sad because my mother and I did once have a good relationship and I feel like I’ve ruined that but I also do need to live my life and can’t always make my mom happy. Anyone ever experienced this and how did you gain your freedom?
Assalamualakium sister I want to first congratulate you on your completion of university and how your on the verge of now graduating duaa goes to you and the entire Muslim Ummah may Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala the almighty and all merciful continue to make you and bring you always success 🤲🏽👊🏽💯. Being a fellow Muslim myself from an Asian household do you reckon Asian parents are controlling and overprotective because they want what’s best for us, that they think for the good of us so that we don’t go down the wrong path and that we priorities education and studying first as well as being protective over our welfare and well-being knowing that one day once we get married in reality there’s some of us who will stick with our parents for life as your partner will be living with your in laws in this context it’ll be you and that any me-time between the both of you lot isn’t really left. Could that possibly be why?
Last edited by Mohammed_80; 2 months ago
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HyperRiot8
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#4
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#4
(Original post by Mohammed_80)
Assalamualakium sister I want to first congratulate you on your completion of university and how your on the verge of now graduating duaa goes to you and the entire Muslim Ummah may Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala the almighty and all merciful continue to make you and bring you always success 🤲🏽👊🏽💯. Being a fellow Muslim myself from an Asian household do you reckon Asian parents are controlling and overprotective because they want what’s best for us, that they think for the good of us so that we don’t go down the wrong path and that we priorities education and studying first as well as being protective over our welfare and well-being knowing that one day once we get married in reality there’s some of us who will stick with our parents for life as your partner will be living with your in laws in this context it’ll be you and that any me-time between the both of you lot isn’t really left. Could that possibly be why?
I myself am a Muslim and I have to say that this goes beyond her mother wanting what's best for her. She's a 22 year old woman, not a teen in secondary school. She's more than capable of knowing what's best for her and as she said in her original post, all she's doing is socialising/hanging out with her friends not doing hard drugs and coming home the next morning with a hangover. Islam teaches us to respect our parents and heed their advice but on this occasion her mum is totally wrong, needs to take a chill pill and let her daughter live her life.
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Mohammed_80
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#5
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#5
(Original post by HyperRiot8)
I myself am a Muslim and I have to say that this goes beyond her mother wanting what's best for her. She's a 22 year old woman, not a teen in secondary school. She's more than capable of knowing what's best for her and as she said in her original post, all she's doing is socialising/hanging out with her friends not doing hard drugs and coming home the next morning with a hangover. Islam teaches us to respect our parents and heed their advice but on this occasion her mum is totally wrong, needs to take a chill pill and let her daughter live her life.
Salaam clearly you don’t know the Asian society
and Asian household as Asian parents are overprotective. I am clearly in the same path as OP as I am 21 years old man and my mother still clearly worries about me and just wants what’s best for me, she maybe socialising and hanging out with her friends if in the instance they decide they go out past their curfew we live in this society where idiots are lurking by at 3am, 4am in the morning and if something happens to the sister for example kidnapping, or even worse do you remember that incident where bless a young sister sabina a promising teacher passed away in London to go and visit friends whilst at the park May her soul be resting peacefully in jannah and who will then be fault and responsible you or I given your advice if followed you’ll be at fault Hence her mother will be controlling of her on the basis of her safety, well-being and welfare. Because the duniya isn’t how it once was there are dangerous people with toxic, evil intentions.
Last edited by Mohammed_80; 2 months ago
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Cri$i$
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#6
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#6
I won't comment since I'm not in your situation so I really don't know what to say however May Allah ﷻ make it easy for you sister. You're Mum shouldn't be kicking you out - where are you going to stay?
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londonmyst
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#7
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#7
I hope that you are able to end all contact with your mother very soon and move far away.
Then work towards building the happy future life that you want.

I understand some of how you feel.
I was raised in a controlling toxic household; surrounded by unreasonable people who constantly imposed themselves and their constant bizarre rules upon me.
I escaped before a levels were over 9 years ago and will never go back.
Nor agree to have contact with any of them again.
Good luck!
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Cri$i$
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#8
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#8
(Original post by londonmyst)
I hope that you are able to end all contact with your mother very soon and move far away.
Then work towards building the happy future life that you want.

I understand some of how you feel.
I was raised in a controlling toxic household; surrounded by unreasonable people who constantly imposed themselves and their constant bizarre rules upon me.
I escaped before a levels were over 9 years ago and will never go back.
Nor agree to have contact with any of them again.
Good luck!
She shouldn’t cut ties with her Mum, that’s not what God teaches.
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sofialouisa
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#9
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#9
It sounds like some space between you two might help your relationship (or help end it, depending on what you want to do!) but don't feel like it's your fault at all. You're a grown adult, don't feel guilty for living your life! <3
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londonmyst
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#10
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#10
(Original post by Cri$i$)
She shouldn’t cut ties with her Mum
I disagree.

However this is a relationships thread, not a religious debate or f&s thread.
If you want to start a religious or scriptural interpretations debate- go to one of those forums. :cool:
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Anonymous #2
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#11
Why is she controlling?
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Ghostlady
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#12
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#12
(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m 22 years old and my moms controlling is so ridiculous. For context, I’m a muslim girl who’s just finishing uni. My mother has always been stict but I just put it to her being concerned because I was young but over the last few years it’s being getting worse. I’m a homebody/introvert so I don’t go out much however whenever I do my mom blows up my phone telling me to come home asap. Once I went out and even told her it was a friends birthday and at 7pm she started calling me saying I need to get home screaming her head off. I eventually got home at around 9ish pm and she went offff. She called me all types of words and told me to get out of her house. if you’re muslim you would know that muslim girls don’t really move out unless they’re married. I told her she was being unreasonable but she doesn’t care at all. Last week I went on a weekend trip which i told her about FOUR MONTHS in advance. She was cool with it but the moment she saw me packing and getting ready to leave she started a huge argument. She said she didn’t want to have a daughter who was a h*e and that I was gonna do drugs and all these other things. I was shocked she even viewed me this way. I eventually just left the house and went in my trip but whilst i was gone i tried to contact her and she wouldn’t talk to me. She blocked my number and since I’ve been back she hasn’t spoken to me and only says little rude remarks about what I got up to and how i dress. I went to a kpop concert (literally the most innocent thing ever) and wore my hijab the whole time. She’s been telling me to move out and that since i’m grown enough to do my own thing I should be grown enough to get out of her house. I’ve really had enough. I graduate in the summer and plan on going on a two week trip around Europe to celebrate and I don’t even know how to tell her seeing the way she reacted when i went on the weekend trip i don’t know what to expect. I think I’m going to apply to do my masters in another city and then stay in that city once i’m done so I don’t have to return to this. however i’m kinda sad because my mother and I did once have a good relationship and I feel like I’ve ruined that but I also do need to live my life and can’t always make my mom happy. Anyone ever experienced this and how did you gain your freedom?
Sorry to hear you are experiencing this with your mum. You have not ruined anything purposely. I do think there should be a little compromise from your mum. Naturally she is going to be overprotective. I wish she would just compromise and perhaps see your friends and see that they can be trusted; so when you are in their company you will be safe and sound, and not getting up to the things she said above like drugs etc. I
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