Where next? Distance an issue? Culture?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
Bit of a long one, sorry.

(1)

Whilst I was on holiday with my family in Turkey, I noticed the waitress kept looking over at me and we made eye contact a few times. This then escalated to her smiling at me. I still didn't make a move, because she was probably just being friendly. We made a joke about her spilling chocolate down her when I went and did curry sauce the next day. She giggled at that. Her English isn't very good from the limited chat that I had with her.

The very next day, she upped her game. She changed her hair and changed shorts for a skirt. She was becoming more noticeable with her interactions with me, I was catching her stopping clearing tables and caught her watching me walk away.

I came back by myself this time at lunch, and pulled her over, asking for her name (armed with Google translate). I then got her Instagram, which she had no issues giving me. Her colleagues then came over, and she ran away very quickly. They said she was a crazy girl, the other guy told me to message her but her female was nicer about it. (Guys huh?)

I was a little dubious as it seemed like they were chatting about me, which I later found they were. Especially as they'd look over, giggle and continue what they were doing.

(2)

I did message her, and she was fairly receptive. Sadly I had a few days before I was leaving and offered to take her for a drink (Which was the day before yesterday).

I said I would visit her again, she told me she was waiting.

We sort of arranged a time, and as it got closer to the time, she messaged me asking if I was sitting down in the La Carte, as she could see me. This was very funny as she was waving at me from her room.

I was a little delayed in meeting her, and so did she because she wanted to get ready for the occasion. Incidentally, it was her 21st birthday the next day, so this was her little get out.

(3)

I met her outside her work, but it was dark and she quickly hurried me along as didn't want her colleagues to see us. I gathered she was extremely shy and when I tried to speak with her I realised she didn't understand much English at all. No problem though, we got the gist and found a bar.

At first, she was on her phone a lot and declining calls from her friends. I asked her if she told them she was going, which she did - I guess maybe they were checking up on her. She did relax a little after and asked to take pictures with me and videos on her phone and I let her do the same with mine.

I said she looks very nice today, she said I do too and then she told me she and her colleague call me handsome boy. I can't remember what she said but she does like me and it's so frustrating I took almost 2 weeks to make a move.

We had a bit of a chat, and get to know each other but I don't think it was anywhere near long enough to understand fully everything. I asked a bit about her job and why she seemed so upset, and she told me she basically works for free. She opened up a bit more about that and told me she gets sad for 3 days, she supports herself without her family helping but feels like giving up the job soon.

I told her to keep at it because it's a good experience and I'll be there to chat with her anytime she wants to. She was so lovely and said that I could too.

Towards the end, she was a little receptive but I didn't go in for any kiss, because I thought she was probably not that type of girl. She wanted to go back because it was very late and she had work the next morning. I gave her a nice hug and she wanted to go in a different direction to that of passing her work.

I sent her all the pictures, and she put one of us that she liked on a green background and sent it to me (probably one she sent to her friends?)

(4)

I saw her at Breakfast and she was giggling at me, and I made her something out of the napkin. As I left she was holding it in her hand, how adorable. (I'd ask later if she kept it, and she said yes - I didn't expect her to).

I saw her at lunch as I was going. I said bye which she waved bye - she then messaged me a few hours later to ask if I was leaving, to which I said yes. She replied with a sad face and I said don't worry I'll be back. I said I'd send her a gift in the post once I am home, and she said she would really be happy.

I then messaged her at the airport, the wifi was dodgy and I had departed. She asked if I had left yet. I replied I was home this morning and she has not interacted with me since.

--------

Questions...

(a) I find it strange she hasn't messaged me back today, but she has answered a poll on my Instagram story this afternoon but has kept messaging me extremely limited. She even posted the videos from our night (not showing us together in them - which she said was because of work etc) online. I guess let her cool off for a few days. She seemed pretty sad that I left yesterday?

(b) I promised I'd visit her soon, but I did say that I would offer to video call her, which will help the cause right?

(c) If she keeps in contact, which I really hope she does because I quite like her. I was thinking of getting her a bracelet with either her name on it or the gemstone she's named after as the gift?

(d) Is there anything wrong with pursuing with her? It's a bit of a distance but she's confirmed she likes me, and you can see it in her face in the pictures/video when I am with her, she really enjoyed my company.
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isabella goldy
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#2
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#2
Hi, nice story. I liked it. Answering shortly.
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Gavin2016
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#3
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#3
Nothing wrong with pursuing it, you lose nothing in doing so. I would say don't write off what her colleagues said, 'she's crazy'. She might not have both feet planted firmly on the ground and be all over the place. Not that it's a no goer necessarily on that basis, but how many guys rocking up from abroad each week? how active is her local social life??? etc.

Her not putting up photos of you together on social media is something to be wary off. In a way you can't blame her as you are there and gone and may never return for all she knows. If she puts up photos of you it may turn off or cause trouble dating local guys. Local guys are always there for her, you, you live a long way abroad, somewhere she unlikely ha the money to visit and probably wouldn't get a tourist visa to anyway being a young unattached girl with no good wage job. So from her perspective she doesn't wish to ruin her local prospects of a guy who are likely to be her future. So far you're just a guy who flew by but isn't offering her any real deal. Out in poor countries like Turkey women have to be careful not to ruin their prospects of getting a good wage earning male by wasting lots of time hanging after some guy from abroad who doesn't end up coming through for her.

So yeah continue communicating, above all though don't send money or give her money if with her unless you're living with her, etc. If you give money when in a casual relationship you'll never know if she really likes you fir who you are or because you give her money, that can screw a relationship right up, good luck!
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oglez92
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#4
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#4
I guess the most important question is what outcome do.you both want ? Long term, casual etc. It seems like she's interested in you. But it's probably just a bit of fun for her, a holiday romance.
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Anonymous #1
#5
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#5
(Original post by isabella goldy)
Hi, nice story. I liked it. Answering shortly.
Thanks for reading, glad you enjoyed reading. No problem
(Original post by Gavin2016)
Nothing wrong with pursuing it, you lose nothing in doing so. I would say don't write off what her colleagues said, 'she's crazy'. She might not have both feet planted firmly on the ground and be all over the place. Not that it's a no goer necessarily on that basis, but how many guys rocking up from abroad each week? how active is her local social life??? etc.

Her not putting up photos of you together on social media is something to be wary off. In a way you can't blame her as you are there and gone and may never return for all she knows. If she puts up photos of you it may turn off or cause trouble dating local guys. Local guys are always there for her, you, you live a long way abroad, somewhere she unlikely ha the money to visit and probably wouldn't get a tourist visa to anyway being a young unattached girl with no good wage job. So from her perspective she doesn't wish to ruin her local prospects of a guy who are likely to be her future. So far you're just a guy who flew by but isn't offering her any real deal. Out in poor countries like Turkey women have to be careful not to ruin their prospects of getting a good wage earning male by wasting lots of time hanging after some guy from abroad who doesn't end up coming through for her.

So yeah continue communicating, above all though don't send money or give her money if with her unless you're living with her, etc. If you give money when in a casual relationship you'll never know if she really likes you fir who you are or because you give her money, that can screw a relationship right up, good luck!
(Original post by oglez92)
I guess the most important question is what outcome do.you both want ? Long term, casual etc. It seems like she's interested in you. But it's probably just a bit of fun for her, a holiday romance.
I sort of knew that once I had gone home, she might go a little quiet with me. Strangely she hasn't even been that active since I left either, so maybe it's upset her a bit? We saw each other twice, sometimes 3 times a day. Then we had our a little evening out. I know she says she gets sad for a few days before getting over it. I did say that I am here to talk with her if she wants, and she returned the favour and said the same for me. But maybe this has hit her differently because even in the pictures and videos she took of us, she was so happy.

I am not sure why they called her crazy girl, I did ask her and I am sure she said it wasn't true. But her female colleague was saying to me her name is beautiful, it's after the precious gemstone and was a bit nicer towards her colleague. I think she's never gone out with a British guy, as she had only been in that job since the season started.

The not putting pictures on social media was because she didn't want her job to see us out together. I think it's forbidden for workers to go out with guests of the hotel or she didn't want them to know. She was extremely awkward near the hotel and was much more relaxed once we were further down the beach. But I know for a fact she has sent one of the images she liked to her friends because she edited it and put the photo in the background when she sent it to me. She was very strict with me not sharing the images of us together on social media, in case someone saw them.

I would like to get to know her better and see her again soon, maybe in a few months. But I would like to video call her soon, so she knows I am truthful in what I told her. She mentioned she has trust issues, probably from her previous boyfriend that she had so I think just calling it a day is very cruel.

I was thinking of getting her a gift whilst I was out there for her birthday but failed to find something she would like. I was thinking of getting her a Jade bracelet as that's her name in English, this wouldn't cost that much and would be a lovely touch. It's the thought that counts surely?

But how do I show her my interest didn't depart with the aeroplane? Because I am caught out in this situation now, not sure what to say to her to perk her up.
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Anonymous #1
#6
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(Original post by Anonymous)
But how do I show her my interest didn't depart with the aeroplane? Because I am caught out in this situation now, not sure what to say to her to perk her up.
P.s. I am also wondering what influences her friends have had on her, and if they are **** testing me or if they've been honest with her? She's 21, so I hope they haven't influenced her too much. But she's a smart girl, I could tell that.
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Gavin2016
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#7
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#7
I wouldn't try to guess about her friends/work colleagues involvement. There may be none and just a bit of banter between colleagues. They might not even know each other as well as it looks.

Social media and her not wanting to post anything up I wouldn't worry too much as it's early stages. I would keep quietly cautious though.

I think the main thing is that you need to get back out there a lot more sooner if you're want any sort of relationship to happen. Six months or so is way too long. You really need to think about 4-6 weeks, anything much more and you're not really an active part of her life but more of a penpal even if doing video chat. If you're not a part of her regular life then likelyhood is some other guy will do. A young girl particularly any girl with good looks and/or personality is not going to put herself into the deep freeze on the off chance you may deign to visit again at some point in the future, she has a life to live even in Turkey.

I've briefly dated a few foreign women abroad and I think differences in how women date abroad can be a factor. A lot of stuff can seem strange and not always easy to work out. I don't know exactly about dating culture in Turkey as never dated a girl in Turkey but just bear in mind out that way their society will be a fair bit different to here and that will likely affect their dating culture.

Best way is probably to go back soon and try to spend as much time with her as possible. Some stuff may seem strange but probably best not to react to anything too much and see what you learn along the way. Always the off chance it may work out and go the distance.

I would say though that ask yourself the question, 'would I be prepared to live out there with her?'. While it usually makes more economic sense to live in the UK I've tended to find that dating abroad tends to mean that the girl isn't often if at all willing to let a foreign guy into her day to day life if it's a fly in, fly out situation as because as said you're not really a part of her life as you're not there often enough and that can be a real problem as it tend to make you an outsider and for a relationship you really need to be inside her life. So in my opinion going on too long with a fly in & out situation spending just a week or so there doesn't give best chance of a favourable outcome in my opinion.
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Anonymous #1
#8
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#8
Interestingly I did ask her why she and her colleague kept looking over and that's when she told me because I am a handsome boy and that's what they were calling me. Anyway, I agree with what you mean.

I decided to message her a few days back and she seemed very receptive towards me, but then now she's gone awol again. Very strange because when I was there, she was always messaging me, sometimes messaging me out of the blue. Does she expect I won't visit her? Has her interest waned? I am very much inclined to just forget about it, because I do get fed up with people who say they want to communicate, but don't, not that in this case she's said that. But she told me she would like us to chat.

Everything changed when I went home sadly, and I think there's nothing I could do, except go out there on a whim, but it's so far when I don't have a guaranteed conversation with her at the moment. Why would I waste my time, effort and money? It's highly frustrating because apart from being extremely good looking, she was amazing to be with and I've not experienced that in a long time, not in the UK anyway.

I think maybe now I've tried messaging her again, and eventually, she stops replying again, it's best to just leave her to it?
(Original post by Gavin2016)
I wouldn't try to guess about her friends/work colleagues involvement. There may be none and just a bit of banter between colleagues. They might not even know each other as well as it looks.

Social media and her not wanting to post anything up I wouldn't worry too much as it's early stages. I would keep quietly cautious though.

I think the main thing is that you need to get back out there a lot more sooner if you're want any sort of relationship to happen. Six months or so is way too long. You really need to think about 4-6 weeks, anything much more and you're not really an active part of her life but more of a penpal even if doing video chat. If you're not a part of her regular life then likelyhood is some other guy will do. A young girl particularly any girl with good looks and/or personality is not going to put herself into the deep freeze on the off chance you may deign to visit again at some point in the future, she has a life to live even in Turkey.

I've briefly dated a few foreign women abroad and I think differences in how women date abroad can be a factor. A lot of stuff can seem strange and not always easy to work out. I don't know exactly about dating culture in Turkey as never dated a girl in Turkey but just bear in mind out that way their society will be a fair bit different to here and that will likely affect their dating culture.

Best way is probably to go back soon and try to spend as much time with her as possible. Some stuff may seem strange but probably best not to react to anything too much and see what you learn along the way. Always the off chance it may work out and go the distance.

I would say though that ask yourself the question, 'would I be prepared to live out there with her?'. While it usually makes more economic sense to live in the UK I've tended to find that dating abroad tends to mean that the girl isn't often if at all willing to let a foreign guy into her day to day life if it's a fly in, fly out situation as because as said you're not really a part of her life as you're not there often enough and that can be a real problem as it tend to make you an outsider and for a relationship you really need to be inside her life. So in my opinion going on too long with a fly in & out situation spending just a week or so there doesn't give best chance of a favourable outcome in my opinion.
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Anonymous #1
#9
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#9
(Original post by Anonymous)

I think maybe now I've tried messaging her again, and eventually, she stops replying again, it's best to just leave her to it?
What I was trying to say above was, that I messaged her again this weekend as she stopped messaging me for two days. She was back to herself for two days, then just ghosted again. I am very emotionally intelligent, if a woman doesn't reciprocate conversation I tend to just leave them alone, even if they need me. In this case, not replying at all (despite being active online) I think I'll just leave her alone now unless she contacts me in the future.

They do say distance makes the heart grow fonder.
(Original post by Gavin2016)
Best way is probably to go back soon and try to spend as much time with her as possible. Some stuff may seem strange but probably best not to react to anything too much and see what you learn along the way. Always the off chance it may work out and go the distance.
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Gavin2016
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#10
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Interestingly I did ask her why she and her colleague kept looking over and that's when she told me because I am a handsome boy and that's what they were calling me. Anyway, I agree with what you mean.

I decided to message her a few days back and she seemed very receptive towards me, but then now she's gone awol again. Very strange because when I was there, she was always messaging me, sometimes messaging me out of the blue. Does she expect I won't visit her? Has her interest waned? I am very much inclined to just forget about it, because I do get fed up with people who say they want to communicate, but don't, not that in this case she's said that. But she told me she would like us to chat.

Everything changed when I went home sadly, and I think there's nothing I could do, except go out there on a whim, but it's so far when I don't have a guaranteed conversation with her at the moment. Why would I waste my time, effort and money? It's highly frustrating because apart from being extremely good looking, she was amazing to be with and I've not experienced that in a long time, not in the UK anyway.

I think maybe now I've tried messaging her again, and eventually, she stops replying again, it's best to just leave her to it?
If she's a pretty girl, above average in looks let's say a 8-10 model looks girl or close to then like those girls the world over she undoubtedly won't be short of guys interested in her, that is the likely reason she doesn't reply. Basically all the time it takes replying to dudes takes time, the more men interested the more time it takes, and family and friends messaging on top of that and it will doubtless feel like a full time job replying to everyone. I've tried keeping more than about three girls on the go messenging forward & back and over the course of a few weeks it gets too much, I normally drop the ball with some of them by not replying soon enough and they drop out, it's labour intensive it really is. I'm guessing this girl maybe a bit of as fun time girl so probably plenty of competition.

Now I'm going to guess you're a student as you bring up the cost & bother of going to visit her issue. I think if you were in a full time job with pay well enough exceeding living costs then you would have no problem making the journey. It's only a problem since you aren't making much money at the moment. Turkey isn't bad its just about a four hour flight away, the currency has tanked it so good exchange for the £ means its nice and cheap once there. The flight may cost a couple of hundred or so but like said if you were earning that wouldn't be a big deal. I think you're real problem is that you are not really in a position to pursue a foreign relationship abroad because you lack the disposable income to do so, until that changes you won't really be in the game with this girl.
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