is this adult life?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
i have a fulltime (way long hours) permanent job, a flat i rent, everything is ok. I have no dating life as i can't seem to meet people or make it work. my job takes up an unbelievable amount of my time even though its entry level. I am shattered and i like the work but I'm so tired i come home quite depressed every day. my flatmatess think I'm boring as i just want to stay in and sleep in my room at the weekends. I used to be a much more adventurous person and attract more people. I lost a family member recently too. cant afford counseling and was told by my GP that they don't have any helpful services for me.

Is this normal? what can i do to make my lifestyle and energy levels better? i need my life back...
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Muttly
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#2
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Your room is your prison right now but you also need it for rest and sleep.

When you first start work the long hours can be awful, and when you finish you crash out.
Often if you work 12hrs plus there is no after life - it is eat sleep work; repeat; eat sleep work (you get the picture)

You have the stress of starting a new job, settling in, so any energy is used combatting stress. You are bound to feel rather depressed and lack energy if your family life has changed too by the loss of someone you loved.

If you brutalise your system with excess working hours Mon to Fri you have to give it some TLC at the weekends. That said you can plan your escape from a position of being paid. If you enjoy the work see if there are any internal vacancies. Be strict too about how many hours you are working, ie how many you were rostered for and how much is overtime? It's easy to say but monitor your overtime and if you don't want to do this on health grounds you need to say so to a supervisor. Be careful too of work burn out where you quite literally take work home because there are not enough hours in the day to complete what they give you. You can only do what you can do in your allotted hours and shove the rest back to management and ask how they would like it prioritising? That is a management job, not yours when you get too much to reasonably finish. Remember the CEO and people at the top are paid huge amounts to make decisions to cut staff or run on 75% less time to finish tasks. You are not a machine so don't let someone's well paid management decision be the death of you for overwork and burn out.

You can get your life back but it will take some hard work. Start with being strict about what you eat. Lots of fresh fruit, veg, whole foods and ditch all of the processed foods. Drink lots of water. Why not look for an exercise class, parkour or boxing class near you and devote Sat am to a workout? See if anyone is interested in linking up with a training partner. Look at cycling, running, swimming etc if you can get hold of a bike. As you feel fitter you may find it kick starts your energy levels.

Find things that interest you and then get out of your room and do them. Volunteering can be a good way to meet new people.

I don't know how close you were to the family member who died. That is bound to affect you in your every day. Sometimes there are no opportunities to talk about the loss that you personally feel and sometimes other family members are wrapped up in their own grieving. Acknowledge that you will probably feel sad at times, happy at others but just know sometimes if there are opportunities to talk about the family member who died it can help you too

If you are under 25yrs have a look at Winston's Wish to chat with someone about your personal family loss and help with other support.
Winston's Wish is a bereavement support charity offering help and support for bereavement Tel: 08088 020 021 between 9am-5pm, Monday-Friday.

If you are over 25yrs try Cruse, and their info and advice on coping with bereavement.
https://www.cruse.org.uk/ Tel 0808 808 1677
Monday: 9.30am-5pm
Tuesday: 9.30am-8pm
Wednesday: 9.30am-8pm
Thursday: 9.30am-8pm
Friday: 9.30am-5pm
Saturday and Sunday: 10am -2pm


I hope you can get the support you are hoping for both here and when you reach out to others outside of TSR.
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Ghostlady
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#3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
i have a fulltime (way long hours) permanent job, a flat i rent, everything is ok. I have no dating life as i can't seem to meet people or make it work. my job takes up an unbelievable amount of my time even though its entry level. I am shattered and i like the work but I'm so tired i come home quite depressed every day. my flatmatess think I'm boring as i just want to stay in and sleep in my room at the weekends. I used to be a much more adventurous person and attract more people. I lost a family member recently too. cant afford counseling and was told by my GP that they don't have any helpful services for me.

Is this normal? what can i do to make my lifestyle and energy levels better? i need my life back...
Im very sorry to hear you lost a family member. Right now its very easy to throw yourself into work. Ive done the same when Ive been grieving. It helps keep the mind occupied. But then its all to easy to get into that mind set and end up in a work/sleep ratio which sounds like what you have been doing. Sleep so your not thinking about their passing/ Work so your not thinking about their passing.
So now your into this flow, and of course your flatmates think your boring because thats all your doing.
So you've got yourself into this rut and need to get yourself out of it.
You need time to process the passing, and you need time to make time for you too. But you got to put in the effort for this. Once you start putting in the effort, it then becomes the new habit. Now we know you are working long hours, so make yourself go out for a walk and get back to nature. Once a week. Once a week hang around with flatmates be it a movie night, playing music or what ever. Once a fortnight go out. Whether thats down the local pub, or for a meal or cinema etc. These once a week/ once a fortnight things soon turn into a habit, and you will start to look forward to them. I know its hard atm and cost of living is depressing enough, but at least do the little things, and in turn things will start to look up, and you can start to dream bigger.
As for your passing over of the family member, its ok to be sad, and its ok to be happy too. The pain of that passing over does get less and less as time goes on, and more good memories come back of them in a fond way without getting upset about it.

And no this is not always adult life, its evolving all the time. Depends on who comes into your life/ a job change/ a move of house/ kids maybe/ travel around the world/ join the gym/ play golf/ whatever floats your boat.
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