Would you tell a guy friend an honest answer to why you rejected him romantically?

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Anonymous #1
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A question for the straight females - Would you ever tell a guy friend the honest answer as to why you rejected him romantically if he asks?
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StriderHort
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Most people wouldn't be 100% honest, it doesn't tend to make things any easier.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by StriderHort)
Most people wouldn't be 100% honest, it doesn't tend to make things any easier.
Well if a girl rejects a guy friend romantically, isn’t the answer going to be that she’s not attracted to him anyway?
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StriderHort
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Well if a girl rejects a guy friend romantically, isn’t the answer going to be that she’s not attracted to him anyway?
Impossible to know, people/friends can answer lots of things and have lots of varying history. There isn't a 100% answer you will get from anyone beyond a cliched platitude. In several cases I've heard people simply say they don't want to lose their friendship for a date.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by StriderHort)
Impossible to know, people/friends can answer lots of things and have lots of varying history. There isn't a 100% answer you will get from anyone beyond a cliched platitude. In several cases I've heard people simply say they don't want to lose their friendship for a date.
I feel like that’s likely just a way of justifying the truth though. The truth being that they’re just not attracted to that person.
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Old Skool Freak
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(Original post by StriderHort)
Impossible to know, people/friends can answer lots of things and have lots of varying history. There isn't a 100% answer you will get from anyone beyond a cliched platitude. In several cases I've heard people simply say they don't want to lose their friendship for a date.
(Original post by Anonymous)
I feel like that’s likely just a way of justifying the truth though. The truth being that they’re just not attracted to that person.
But sometimes it's just politeness, no?

I mean, would you really want one of your girl-mates you were crushing on to say, "I never go out with you because you're butters. Look at you, You're short, ugly, socially inept, and you smell because you only wash once a week. Get a life!". Even if you knew it were true, you'd probably think she was a "female dog"

Besides, let's face it... most guys are capable of physically overpowering most girls, so there's also the issue of her personal safety / well being she has to consider.

Sometimes it's just better to take things at face value, rather than overthinking it.
Last edited by Old Skool Freak; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Old Skool Freak)
But sometimes it's just politeness, no?

I mean, would you really want one of your girl-mates you were crushing on to say, "I never go out with you because you're butters. Look at you, You're short, ugly, socially inept, and you smell because you only wash once a week. Get a life!". Even if you knew it were true, you'd probably think she was a "female dog"

Besides, let's face it... most guys are capable of physically overpowering most girls, so there's also the issue of her personal safety / well being she has to consider.

Sometimes it's just better to take things at face value, rather than overthinking it.
But it’s not face value if you’re not being direct.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Old Skool Freak)
But sometimes it's just politeness, no?

I mean, would you really want one of your girl-mates you were crushing on to say, "I never go out with you because you're butters. Look at you, You're short, ugly, socially inept, and you smell because you only wash once a week. Get a life!". Even if you knew it were true, you'd probably think she was a "female dog"

Besides, let's face it... most guys are capable of physically overpowering most girls, so there's also the issue of her personal safety / well being she has to consider.

Sometimes it's just better to take things at face value, rather than overthinking it.
I also don’t think lieing has any effect on personal safety. It just makes the girl feel better. There’s also a fine line between politeness and being dishonest.
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Anonymous #2
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I wouldn’t ever outright lie to them. So if I don’t like them romantically I would never say to them “I don’t want to ruin our friendship” because that gives the impression that I would consider them romantically if it weren’t for a relationship ruining our friendship. If the only reason is that you’re not physically attracted to the guy I personally wouldn’t tell him that directly but just say “I think we’re better off as friends, I don’t like you romantically”. If it’s because of the guy’s personality then I probably would tell him outright, e.g. “I feel like we’d clash because…” or if it’s a big personality flaw that he should probably fix then I’d tell him. There was one guy who had a big ego and was also quite immature so I told him that directly.
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marple
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Well if a girl rejects a guy friend romantically, isn’t the answer going to be that she’s not attracted to him anyway?
She may be attracted to him, but not enough to want to move from friendship to a relationship. Equally she may think he's unattractive or not boyfriend material. Either way the fact that she's said no should be enough: she doesn't owe him an explanation and doesn't have to defend her decision.
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rosy_posy
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(Original post by marple)
She may be attracted to him, but not enough to want to move from friendship to a relationship. Equally she may think he's unattractive or not boyfriend material. Either way the fact that she's said no should be enough: she doesn't owe him an explanation and doesn't have to defend her decision.
Yes, they should just take "no" for an answer
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by marple)
She may be attracted to him, but not enough to want to move from friendship to a relationship. Equally she may think he's unattractive or not boyfriend material. Either way the fact that she's said no should be enough: she doesn't owe him an explanation and doesn't have to defend her decision.
In most cases no should be enough but from my own experience, I can tell u that's not always the case. A girl told me she don't like me like that etc. after I told her I liked her. We were rlly close. This wasn't easy to digust but after a bit of a fall out (ig u could say), we started getting close again. She sent mixed signals constantly (b4 me professing my feelings and after rejecting me). Ik ppl will say 'it's all in ur head', but trust me ik it's not. The girl literally sent me a love song and asked what it made me feel. She uses songs to express feelings bc she struggles doing so. So from this I can confidently say that, 'no', sometimes isn't enough. Especially when she playin u around like that. This goes both ways. A man doesn't need to justify why either. By nature a person who is rejected will most likely ask y. That's the tricky part. Most ppl use cliches to avoid the q altogether
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gracieee16
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i'd just say that he's not the one for me. it's not my fault that i don't feel a romantic attraction towards him. i can't force myself to like the person or have feelings/
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by marple)
She may be attracted to him, but not enough to want to move from friendship to a relationship. Equally she may think he's unattractive or not boyfriend material. Either way the fact that she's said no should be enough: she doesn't owe him an explanation and doesn't have to defend her decision.
It’s not about owing or defending though. When you get rejected from a job, do you ask for feedback? Employers don’t owe you an explanation either.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by gracieee16)
i'd just say that he's not the one for me. it's not my fault that i don't feel a romantic attraction towards him. i can't force myself to like the person or have feelings/
Yes. And an honest answer would be that you don’t feel romantic attraction for him. Most guys would accept that and walk away.
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gracieee16
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yes. And an honest answer would be that you don’t feel romantic attraction for him. Most guys would accept that and walk away.
yes they should do unless they're really in love and hurt i suppose but they should walk away and find someone for them
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londonmyst
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Yes.
I would tell a guy one or more of the reasons why if I was still on speaking term with him and he was sure that he wanted to know & would be able to handle hearing the answer.

I don't make friends with guys that I'm attracted to and all my guy friends know it.
They would probably know precisely which of my many dealbreakers they are incompatible with, without needing to ask.
Just as I would know with them.
Last edited by londonmyst; 1 month ago
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marple
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It’s not about owing or defending though. When you get rejected from a job, do you ask for feedback? Employers don’t owe you an explanation either.
With a job interview you are trying to improve your performance for a similar job next time. If you apply that approach to dating you are assuming that if only you can out-perform the competition you are entitled to the girl in the same way that you would expect to get the job. Dating does not work in the same way - what one person finds attractive, another might not so unless there are clear shortfalls which should be obvious without asking (think poor hygiene, obnoxious behaviour etc), you just have to accept that this particular girl is not interested in you in that way and move on.
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Zarek
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I think most girls will hold back from saying they don’t find you physically attractive enough or they don’t like your personality. If pushed you might drive it out of them. Typically seeking feedback on why you’re rejected romantically isn’t great because it puts the person the spot when there’s no obligation to explain themselves. And it’s likely to be hurtful more than useful. Realistically you can’t usually revolutionise your appearance or personality. Best just to accept that either they’re not looking for a relationship or that they reckon they can land someone they find more attractive than you.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by marple)
With a job interview you are trying to improve your performance for a similar job next time. If you apply that approach to dating you are assuming that if only you can out-perform the competition you are entitled to the girl in the same way that you would expect to get the job. Dating does not work in the same way - what one person finds attractive, another might not so unless there are clear shortfalls which should be obvious without asking (think poor hygiene, obnoxious behaviour etc), you just have to accept that this particular girl is not interested in you in that way and move on.
I disagree. In my view, they are similar because once you’re rejected by 1 person or job, you move on. However you ask for feedback for future dates or job interviews. Both are competitive by nature, it is the nature of the beast. Girls are comparing guys on apps (even if it’s subconsciously). How else would you select a partner when so many guys are after you?

“Dating does not work in the same way - what one person finds attractive, another might not so unless there are clear shortfalls which should be obvious without asking”. Jobs are exactly the same. What one employer is looking for, another might not.
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