Did I blow it ?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
So I was with this woman at my place kissing her. Things are getting heated so I took my trousers/pants off. She just looked at my penis for a moment and then said is that for harambe .

I didn’t get her meaning and then she said did you get your d1ck out for harambe ? Because we ain’t having sex . There was an awkward silence for a few minutes and then she left . That was two days ago . Is it over ? What should I do ? I haven’t messaged or spoke to her since .
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hungrysalamander
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#2
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#2
Definitely a troll. No one has used that harambe meme since 2016.
If this is real then you should've asked for consent before doing so.
Last edited by hungrysalamander; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #1
#3
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(Original post by hungrysalamander)
Definitely a troll. No one has used that harambe meme since 2016.
If this is real then you should've asked for consent before doing so.

not trolling . We’re were all over each other , isn’t there such thing as implied consent?
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booklover1313
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#4
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#4
(Original post by Anonymous)
not trolling . We’re were all over each other , isn’t there such thing as implied consent?
Being happy to kiss someone isn't the same as consenting to see someone naked.... consent has to be explicit, because what you thought was 'implied consent' isn't what she thought. You can't infer or guess about consent.
If you do want to message, then apologise for doing something without asking beforehand.
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Anonymous #1
#5
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(Original post by booklover1313)
Being happy to kiss someone isn't the same as consenting to see someone naked.... consent has to be explicit, because what you thought was 'implied consent' isn't what she thought. You can't infer or guess about consent.
If you do want to message, then apologise for doing something without asking beforehand.
I understand what you are saying but when a girl has her tongue down your throat and he hands down your trousers I think implied consent is real and valid .
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CaptainDuckie
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#6
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#6
I definitely do think there is a thing such as implied consent, it’s bizarre and weird to think that you need to ask them if they want sex with you every time. It’s obvious what someone wants when the time is right, but I wouldn’t have took my pants of straight away like you did.

The way she behaved was rude and childish tbh. No need to start cracking jokes, all she had to do was say she didn’t want sex with you. Things just got misinterpreted, that is all. Nothing wrong with that.
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Anonymous #1
#7
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#7
(Original post by CaptainDuckie)
I definitely do think there is a thing such as implied consent, it’s bizarre and weird to think that you need to ask them if they want sex with you every time. It’s obvious what someone wants when the time is right, but I wouldn’t have took my pants of straight away like you did.

The way she behaved was rude and childish tbh. No need to start cracking jokes, all she had to do was say she didn’t want sex with you. Things just got misinterpreted, that is all. Nothing wrong with that.
Exactly my feeling .

as for the harambe thing , she used the reference because earlier in the day we were talking about memes and how they blow up . Just like that one . Probably was stuck in her head .

im not trolling .
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booklover1313
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#8
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I understand what you are saying but when a girl has her tongue down your throat and he hands down your trousers I think implied consent is real and valid .
How on earth is implied consent a real thing?? In a court of law, saying 'oh I assumed it would be ok with her' just wouldn't be enough. You need to get actual consent. You don't have to stop and give a 5 minute speech formally requesting consent, you can just say 'do you want to do this' or 'is it ok if I do xyz'.

You can't assume what somebody is comfortable with.
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Anonymous #1
#9
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#9
(Original post by booklover1313)
How on earth is implied consent a real thing?? In a court of law, saying 'oh I assumed it would be ok with her' just wouldn't be enough. You need to get actual consent. You don't have to stop and give a 5 minute speech formally requesting consent, you can just say 'do you want to do this' or 'is it ok if I do xyz'.

You can't assume what somebody is comfortable with.
But she can assume it she puts her hands down my pants ? . I wasn’t and still not complaining but she didn’t ask and didn’t have to ? Implied consent .

Sounds like a double standard .
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booklover1313
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#10
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#10
(Original post by Anonymous)
But she can assume it she puts her hands down my pants ? . I wasn’t and still not complaining but she didn’t ask and didn’t have to ? Implied consent .

Sounds like a double standard .
You are right, she shouldn't have assumed that she could put her hands down your trousers. She should have asked beforehand. But just because you did actually feel comfortable with that doesn't mean that 'implied consent' is always felt by the other person. In her case, her guess was correct. But there is no guarantee that you would have been ok with it.
So you can't just assume.
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CaptainDuckie
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#11
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#11
(Original post by Anonymous)
Exactly my feeling .

as for the harambe thing , she used the reference because earlier in the day we were talking about memes and how they blow up . Just like that one . Probably was stuck in her head .

im not trolling .


You’ve done nothing wrong mate, just need to be a bit more cautious about your actions next time. Take it one step at a time, and don’t jump straight into nude otherwise things like this might happen.

I do still think implied consent is valid and real though. For example, if a girl was kissing you, and it was getting heated and like you said she had her tongue down your throat, it’s perfectly reasonable to expect sex to follow after it. I don’t know why you’d need to have a “chat” with them before hand about intercourse in this instance, it’s just obvious. Her actions are screaming at you that she wants something more, and although I’d agree that you need to have a quick sign post before whacking out your penis, sometimes it isn’t even needed. Maybe because it was your first time though, best way to go about it would’ve been that - but even then this is arguable.

However, had you went nude and started forcing her to have sex with you then that’s when it starts becoming wrong. All this situation was was just misinterpretation, you are not a bad person, you have lessons in life you need to learn from sometimes. If anything, she’s the one in the wrong for making rude comments in such situation.
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