I watch war films to block out my night-time anger and depression

Watch this thread
Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
and generally consume 5 different types of media at the same time to avoid having a genuine original thought
0
reply
jack456789
Badges: 10
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
why are u depressed
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#3
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#3
(Original post by jack456789)
why are u depressed
idk i hate myself for being cringey and dumb and I feel like a failure compared to my brother
0
reply
jack456789
Badges: 10
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#4
Report 1 month ago
#4
why do you feel like a failure and dumb compared to your brother?
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#5
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#5
(Original post by jack456789)
why do you feel like a failure and dumb compared to your brother?
cos he's a talented musician and has loads of friends and I do nothing with my spare time and am not very sociable. I don't think I'm dumber than him rly, but he's much more energetic and likeable
0
reply
jack456789
Badges: 10
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#6
Report 1 month ago
#6
its not all that. once u realise that, you wont care, but i can sympathize. i mean i pretty much do the same thing as you, in terms of not being social and being 'productive', whatever that means.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#7
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#7
(Original post by jack456789)
its not all that. once u realise that, you wont care, but i can sympathize. i mean i pretty much do the same thing as you, in terms of not being social and being 'productive', whatever that means.
But i think it IS all that - the best times of my life have been when I've had a lot of friends and been respected for being good at things...

for a year or so I was ok with being a nobody cos I felt confident in myself for other reasons, but now I want to be somebody and do things again, but it's hard to start, especially right at the end of the uni year when everyone else has exams (my course had early exams a months ago)

and I get so angry that my mum prefers my brother and tries to construe everything he does as perfect as well, even when he's being quite selfish and manipulative :mad:

I know the solution is to be proactive and start socialising and getting involved in societies and making summer plans, but in a perverse way I'm too angry and bitter to even try, which I know is pathetic...

I will make a plan and begin acting on it tomorrow. I do know what I want but it annoys me that it comes so much easier to my brother than to me. I was supposed to be 'the smart one' and the talented one in the family, but it was all bull
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#8
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#8
also he's 25 and has a job but is moving home again which I'm not that happy about cos he just sucks up all the attention and is really loud and selfish
0
reply
Meduse
Badges: 16
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#9
Report 1 month ago
#9
This is a common habit that goes along with stress, anxiety and depression. Watching films/playing videogames is something many people turn to as an escape. Consequently, 'binge watching' these kinds of films can cause further anxiety and depression.

It seems like you have self-esteem issues. Comparison is the worst thing anyone can do. While your brother may be this and that, I guarantee there are many things you are that he isn't. I'm sure you have talents that he doesn't. Don't put yourself down, there's really no need. Life on its own can be tough, so you need to learn to accept yourself.

I would advise you to speak to a GP/school nurse, or if not, a trusted adult about your feelings, before they get any worse.

As for things you can do in the meantime, trying to limit your screen time can be beneficial. Replace it with reading a book, exercising or taking a walk outside. Anything to get you away from the screen.

(If you want any additional advice, feel free to PM me. I can send some resources your way if you'd like.)
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#10
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#10
(Original post by Meduse)
This is a common habit that goes along with stress, anxiety and depression. Watching films/playing videogames is something many people turn to as an escape. Consequently, 'binge watching' these kinds of films can cause further anxiety and depression.

It seems like you have self-esteem issues. Comparison is the worst thing anyone can do. While your brother may be this and that, I guarantee there are many things you are that he isn't. I'm sure you have talents that he doesn't. Don't put yourself down, there's really no need. Life on its own can be tough, so you need to learn to accept yourself.

I would advise you to speak to a GP/school nurse, or if not, a trusted adult about your feelings, before they get any worse.

As for things you can do in the meantime, trying to limit your screen time can be beneficial. Replace it with reading a book, exercising or taking a walk outside. Anything to get you away from the screen.

(If you want any additional advice, feel free to PM me. I can send some resources your way if you'd like.)
I really don't see why I shouldn't compare myself to others. My parents and grandparents do, my teachers do, and so do people I know socially. I wouldn't even care if the differences between him and I didn't make people treat my like crap

I'm so angry all the time now, and I'm not even living at home. I can't talk to anyone about this really, and I'm not going to put my mental health in some quack's hands and give up on any remaining self reliance. I just need to prove myself. That's actually some of the best motivation there is in life - it's how my brother got to where HE is, so now I think it's my turn to show what I can do. I didn't feel the need to prove myself in sixth form cos I've always been good at school and got into oxford without really trying, but academics alone is so blatantly not enough anymore

Also people have negative feelings for a reason, and they're rarely pathological - they're there to show you that you're living againt your own values and self expectations. I'm not going to lull myself into a comfortable numbness with therapy and mental health jargon, I'm going to use my feelings to reach my goals

but thank you for your kind concern ((:
0
reply
Meduse
Badges: 16
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#11
Report 1 month ago
#11
(Original post by Anonymous)
But i think it IS all that - the best times of my life have been when I've had a lot of friends and been respected for being good at things...

for a year or so I was ok with being a nobody cos I felt confident in myself for other reasons, but now I want to be somebody and do things again, but it's hard to start, especially right at the end of the uni year when everyone else has exams (my course had early exams a months ago)

and I get so angry that my mum prefers my brother and tries to construe everything he does as perfect as well, even when he's being quite selfish and manipulative :mad:

I know the solution is to be proactive and start socialising and getting involved in societies and making summer plans, but in a perverse way I'm too angry and bitter to even try, which I know is pathetic...

I will make a plan and begin acting on it tomorrow. I do know what I want but it annoys me that it comes so much easier to my brother than to me. I was supposed to be 'the smart one' and the talented one in the family, but it was all bull
There's a famous quote by the Buddha: 'Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.'

You said it yourself; the best thing you can do for yourself is letting go of your anger and channeling it into something that benefits you.

You can't control those environmental circumstances - like your mum favouring your brother, and him acting selfishly - but what you can control is how you act, how you deal with these things.

Unfortunately, this is situational, and nobody can help with your bitterness unless you decide you wish to stop grasping onto the hot coal.

It's not pathetic to be to angered to move on when you feel the world has treated you unjustly. It's actually normal, and something everybody feels at some point. You just need to push yourself. Each time your brother winds you up or your mum gives him special treatment, and you feel a wave of anger, take yourself out of the situation and take a deep breath. Remind yourself over and over that your response is what will determine your future. You can be just as successful than your brother. That being said, I'm not vouching for unhealthy competition. This is damaging for everyone. I'm merely stating that you have the control, and you don't have to sit believing that you are any less than your brother.
0
reply
Meduse
Badges: 16
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#12
Report 1 month ago
#12
(Original post by Anonymous)
I really don't see why I shouldn't compare myself to others. My parents and grandparents do, my teachers do, and so do people I know socially. I wouldn't even care if the differences between him and I didn't make people treat my like crap

I'm so angry all the time now, and I'm not even living at home. I can't talk to anyone about this really, and I'm not going to put my mental health in some quack's hands and give up on any remaining self reliance. I just need to prove myself. That's actually some of the best motivation there is in life - it's how my brother got to where HE is, so now I think it's my turn to show what I can do. I didn't feel the need to prove myself in sixth form cos I've always been good at school and got into oxford without really trying, but academics alone is so blatantly not enough anymore

Also people have negative feelings for a reason, and they're rarely pathological - they're there to show you that you're living againt your own values and self expectations. I'm not going to lull myself into a comfortable numbness with therapy and mental health jargon, I'm going to use my feelings to reach my goals

but thank you for your kind concern ((:
Comparison is a perfectly natural human function. It can stimulate motivation in some cases. However, unhealthy comparison is becoming more and more common nowadays. Your comparison appears to be unhealthy, because it is not driving any sort of motivation, but rather anger and suffering.

Here's another quote: 'It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society'. Now, this may be an extreme viewpoint - but, just because your parents/grandparents/teachers or whoever feel the need to compare you or even themselves to others, does not mean that it is healthy. Ultimately, if it results in feelings of anger or self-loathing, it is not healthy.

You seem very insistent on 'proving yourself' and not acknowledging the real issue. 'Academics alone is so blatantly enough anymore' - obviously the standards of others are affecting you quite deeply. If you got into Oxford, that is a big achievement and many people would be impressed. It could be that your family has rather an unhealthy dynamic that goes unnoticed because, well, it's all anyone in the family may have ever known. If you have always felt a sense of pressure while growing up, then this may be a possibility.

As I said before, I would advise seeking support. I see this unhealthy competitive obsession worsening. Your perspective is warped by the pressures around you. It's fair to say that unless you meet the expectations that cause such pressures, you may be leading yourself down an endlessly dark tunnel. Essentially, your mental health is contingent upon the ideals of others. This can be detrimental to your emotional wellbeing.

At the end of the day, it is your choice.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#13
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#13
(Original post by Meduse)
Comparison is a perfectly natural human function. It can stimulate motivation in some cases. However, unhealthy comparison is becoming more and more common nowadays. Your comparison appears to be unhealthy, because it is not driving any sort of motivation, but rather anger and suffering.

Here's another quote: 'It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society'. Now, this may be an extreme viewpoint - but, just because your parents/grandparents/teachers or whoever feel the need to compare you or even themselves to others, does not mean that it is healthy. Ultimately, if it results in feelings of anger or self-loathing, it is not healthy.

You seem very insistent on 'proving yourself' and not acknowledging the real issue. 'Academics alone is so blatantly enough anymore' - obviously the standards of others are affecting you quite deeply. If you got into Oxford, that is a big achievement and many people would be impressed. It could be that your family has rather an unhealthy dynamic that goes unnoticed because, well, it's all anyone in the family may have ever known. If you have always felt a sense of pressure while growing up, then this may be a possibility.

As I said before, I would advise seeking support. I see this unhealthy competitive obsession worsening. Your perspective is warped by the pressures around you. It's fair to say that unless you meet the expectations that cause such pressures, you may be leading yourself down an endlessly dark tunnel. Essentially, your mental health is contingent upon the ideals of others. This can be detrimental to your emotional wellbeing.

At the end of the day, it is your choice.
yh I never felt these pressures until about 5 years ago, which is when my life started becoming unbearable, because before then I was the special one. But after my brother applied for and went to uni that was all my parents ever talked about
0
reply
Meduse
Badges: 16
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#14
Report 1 month ago
#14
(Original post by Anonymous)
yh I never felt these pressures until about 5 years ago, which is when my life started becoming unbearable, because before then I was the special one. But after my brother applied for and went to uni that was all my parents ever talked about
Interesting, so the dynamic shifted when this happened.

When your parents discuss your brother in front of you or with you, how do they go about it? Is it patronising, very comparative, or in any way demeaning?
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#15
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#15
(Original post by Anonymous)
yh I never felt these pressures until about 5 years ago, which is when my life started becoming unbearable, because before then I was the special one. But after my brother applied for and went to uni that was all my parents ever talked about
(Original post by Meduse)
Comparison is a perfectly natural human function. It can stimulate motivation in some cases. However, unhealthy comparison is becoming more and more common nowadays. Your comparison appears to be unhealthy, because it is not driving any sort of motivation, but rather anger and suffering.

Here's another quote: 'It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society'. Now, this may be an extreme viewpoint - but, just because your parents/grandparents/teachers or whoever feel the need to compare you or even themselves to others, does not mean that it is healthy. Ultimately, if it results in feelings of anger or self-loathing, it is not healthy.

You seem very insistent on 'proving yourself' and not acknowledging the real issue. 'Academics alone is so blatantly enough anymore' - obviously the standards of others are affecting you quite deeply. If you got into Oxford, that is a big achievement and many people would be impressed. It could be that your family has rather an unhealthy dynamic that goes unnoticed because, well, it's all anyone in the family may have ever known. If you have always felt a sense of pressure while growing up, then this may be a possibility.

As I said before, I would advise seeking support. I see this unhealthy competitive obsession worsening. Your perspective is warped by the pressures around you. It's fair to say that unless you meet the expectations that cause such pressures, you may be leading yourself down an endlessly dark tunnel. Essentially, your mental health is contingent upon the ideals of others. This can be detrimental to your emotional wellbeing.

At the end of the day, it is your choice.
It's clear to me that, owing to my own unbounded vanity and the high standard I set for myself, I often look at myself with furious discontent, verging on loathing, and I attribute the same feeling to everyone I meet
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#16
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#16
(Original post by Meduse)
Interesting, so the dynamic shifted when this happened.

When your parents discuss your brother in front of you or with you, how do they go about it? Is it patronising, very comparative, or in any way demeaning?
not at all, they were just very excited for him and always recounted his anecdotes of what he got up to with friends and how well he was doing. It only became comparative later, and my mum stopped seeing me as an individual and just seemed to see me as a generic teenage girl and told me to take advice from him, and ask him for help on my personal statement etc
0
reply
Meduse
Badges: 16
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#17
Report 1 month ago
#17
(Original post by Anonymous)
It's clear to me that, owing to my own unbounded vanity and the high standard I set for myself, I often look at myself with furious discontent, verging on loathing, and I attribute the same feeling to everyone I meet
I see. In that case, it's a good thing that things have become clearer.

Do you think you'll still go ahead trying to meet those high standards, or will you try to channel the negative emotion into something else?
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#18
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#18
(Original post by Meduse)
I see. In that case, it's a good thing that things have become clearer.

Do you think you'll still go ahead trying to meet those high standards, or will you try to channel the negative emotion into something else?
sorry those aren't my words, I was just quoting Dostoevsky, although I do seem to have a disturbing amount in common with the Underground Man
0
reply
Meduse
Badges: 16
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#19
Report 1 month ago
#19
(Original post by Anonymous)
sorry those aren't my words, I was just quoting Dostoevsky, although I do seem to have a disturbing amount in common with the Underground Man
Oh, I'm not as familiar with Russian literature as I ought to be.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#20
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#20
(Original post by Meduse)
Oh, I'm not as familiar with Russian literature as I ought to be.
you're pretty good on the Buddhist and new world stuff lol dw
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest

Were exams easier or harder than you expected?

Easier (64)
27.83%
As I expected (71)
30.87%
Harder (87)
37.83%
Something else (tell us in the thread) (8)
3.48%

Watched Threads

View All