Can people stay together after a break?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#1
So I broke up with my partner last Friday. We'd been having some issues and a week before this we had sat down and determined that we wanted to be together and work on these, and were going to have a chat about how we can give each other what we need going forwards. Unfortunately I had final exams until last Friday, so we never got around to doing it. For context, we were together for nearly 3 years before this point.

I didn't want to break up, I was feeling insanely anxious about my life in general (I'm graduating uni) and was in the process of moving flats, which always triggers a MASSIVE fear of abandonment for at least a week. I also didn't know where he saw the relationship going, which nearly 3 years in was quite scary. To top it all off, my dad had just spent an hour convincing me to be the bigger person with my mum (who I'm now finally no contact with), and I'd been crying throughout the whole conversation. Looking back, I should've taken a breath and some space to myself to let me calm down before seeing my partner, I was in an insanely self-destructive place.

I went over to his flat to drop off the stuff he'd been keeping at mine (my new flat is a lot smaller than the last one and my dad was helping drive my stuff over, so it made sense to give him his stuff back then rather than making him walk halfway across town with it). Whilst I was over he asked when if we were still on to see in my new flat together, and I got really anxious and asked if we could leave it and explained my anxiety about moving and people leaving BUT I did it really badly because of how upset I was, so it came across as me saying that I didn't see us staying together. He (understandably) got upset and asked to take the weekend off, and I interpreted this as his way of beginning a breakup because of how anxious I was about him leaving me. So I asked if that was his way of saying we should break up, and he said that was where he thought I was leaning and told me to come right out and say it. I said I didn't want to do it, but I didn't know where to go from that point (should've said I was scared but that was scary in itself so I didn't) and he pressed again so I said we should break up.

As soon as I left I knew I'd messed up and I realised where everything had come from, and I was broken at the fact I hadn't given us the time to work things out like we had been planning to. Luckily, he emailed me that night (I blocked him on everything, but forgot about emails lols) saying how he'd been imagining a future together this whole time and loads of other lovely but heartbreaking things.

I emailed back and said how much I regretted what I'd said and how I'd take it back if I could, but that I knew that wouldn't be fair on him. He replied suggesting we meet up in the first week of June (30th May- 6th June) to talk things out and try again because we both love each other and wanted the same things out of the relationship, but I'm terrified that he'll change his mind before we get to that point or that he'll fall out of love with me by then. He said he loves and misses me in the last email he sent (17/5), but a lot can change in 14 days.

I love him so much and I ache so much without him, I know my feelings will still be here in a week and a bit, but I'm so scared about where he's at.

I'm currently in therapy to address the relationship anxiety and other issues that I knew I had, so I'm doing everything I can to make sure I never reach that point again.

If anyone has any experience of being in this sort of position or has any wisdom/reassurance than that would be massively appreciated!! I'm a very anxious bean (if you couldn't tell lols)
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Anonymous #2
#2
Report 4 weeks ago
#2
thats tough. ur a good gf. he seems like he sucks ngl. he needs therapy. why is he not giving you more reassurance always??? where are the flowers? why didnt he hack into ur phone and unblock himself? if he wanted to he would. keep slaying girl!
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Anonymous #1
#3
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#3
(Original post by Anonymous)
thats tough. ur a good gf. he seems like he sucks ngl. he needs therapy. why is he not giving you more reassurance always??? where are the flowers? why didnt he hack into ur phone and unblock himself? if he wanted to he would. keep slaying girl!
thank you so much for the helpful sarcasm xoxo
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