Keeping notes of everything I say

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Anonymous #1
#1
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#1
So my partner and I haven’t had a physical relationship in 11 months. I have a scar on my face and knew before we got together how insecure I was about it. During an argument he said I’m ugly because of it and ever since then I’ve tried to forgive him and move past it but I can’t. He compliments me and apologises but I can’t do it. In the last 11 months he’s bought me a card, and complimented me. But I know deep down he doesn’t understand how it’s hurt me, because when we argue he says I should get over it and it’s been long enough. I don’t think it unreasonable for me to expect some sincere gesture to prove how sorry he is?

But my main reason for this message is, I was setting up an alarm on his phone. I don’t really know how to use Samsungs properly and it shows all tabs. I noticed a tab with notes about me. I shouldn’t have but I did. There were pages and pages of things about me. I only read the bottom part and it’s all the things I’ve said or done. It’s a LOG of all my complaints. But the ones that hurt me most is I’m trying so hard to communicate better about how I don’t think he wants children with me and he’s been writing that I complain. I feel so disgusted and hurt and I just want to switch off from him. How am I meant to speak to him when now all I’m going to think is he’ll make a note of it.

Also the reason I mentioned our physical life was there’s no mention of that. The notes he writes twists things to make me seem like the bad guy when it’s things he says or does that provoke it

Please don’t recommend I speak to him about this as I just feel disgusted by him right now. Someone I trust and care about does all this behind my back in moments of confidence
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Anonymous #2
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#2
Honestly, If a person is that audacious, think the right course of action is to just break off, staying in a relationship like this would only brew more negative emotions and distrust, better to get it over with. Im not sure wether you should confront him with the notes as he might get physical, but please be careful, I cant get much info but he could be unpredictable and might go awry, If you have the confidence to confide in your parents then maybe thats the best course of action, but either way please be safe and take care.
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Feastful
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#3
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#3
Is this really the one you want to spend the rest of your life with? What do you even see in this guy?

This is not a healthy/happy relationship, it sounds twisted and filled with more problems than you can shake a stick at. If I was you, I'd break it off.
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Son of the Sea
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#4
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#4
Sounds like a real psycho tbh. You deserve much better, get rid of him and find someone who actually appreciates you.
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steveaitchison00
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#5
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#5
Get. Out. Now.
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lizzieswellness
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#6
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#6
Get out, and start a new life.
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Anonymous #1
#7
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#7
(Original post by Anonymous)
Honestly, If a person is that audacious, think the right course of action is to just break off, staying in a relationship like this would only brew more negative emotions and distrust, better to get it over with. Im not sure wether you should confront him with the notes as he might get physical, but please be careful, I cant get much info but he could be unpredictable and might go awry, If you have the confidence to confide in your parents then maybe thats the best course of action, but either way please be safe and take care.
(Original post by Feastful)
Is this really the one you want to spend the rest of your life with? What do you even see in this guy?

This is not a healthy/happy relationship, it sounds twisted and filled with more problems than you can shake a stick at. If I was you, I'd break it off.
(Original post by Son of the Sea)
Sounds like a real psycho tbh. You deserve much better, get rid of him and find someone who actually appreciates you.
(Original post by steveaitchison00)
Get. Out. Now.
(Original post by lizzieswellness)
Get out, and start a new life.
Thank you all for your replies. But we’re married. And I’ve been considering a divorce for a very long time. It’s just frowned upon in my culture
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Hotheaded
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#8
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#8
(Original post by Anonymous)
So my partner and I haven’t had a physical relationship in 11 months. I have a scar on my face and knew before we got together how insecure I was about it. During an argument he said I’m ugly because of it and ever since then I’ve tried to forgive him and move past it but I can’t. He compliments me and apologises but I can’t do it. In the last 11 months he’s bought me a card, and complimented me. But I know deep down he doesn’t understand how it’s hurt me, because when we argue he says I should get over it and it’s been long enough. I don’t think it unreasonable for me to expect some sincere gesture to prove how sorry he is?

But my main reason for this message is, I was setting up an alarm on his phone. I don’t really know how to use Samsungs properly and it shows all tabs. I noticed a tab with notes about me. I shouldn’t have but I did. There were pages and pages of things about me. I only read the bottom part and it’s all the things I’ve said or done. It’s a LOG of all my complaints. But the ones that hurt me most is I’m trying so hard to communicate better about how I don’t think he wants children with me and he’s been writing that I complain. I feel so disgusted and hurt and I just want to switch off from him. How am I meant to speak to him when now all I’m going to think is he’ll make a note of it.

Also the reason I mentioned our physical life was there’s no mention of that. The notes he writes twists things to make me seem like the bad guy when it’s things he says or does that provoke it

Please don’t recommend I speak to him about this as I just feel disgusted by him right now. Someone I trust and care about does all this behind my back in moments of confidence
STAY FAR AWAY FROM THIS MAN! this kind of reminds me of my Ex, who would use my trauma against me to hurt me on purpose, he also would keep screenshots of our arguments in this huge folder, and notes about everything "negative" about me, constantly using this against me, and at now point sent PARAGRAPHS about why we shouldn't be together using all these screenshots- but ofc we didn't break up, he only did it because I said I wanted to set boundaries and he was just trying to hurt me again, so he could manipulate me more. Anyway, I urge you to get out of that relationship, because you will end up losing all self worth and self esteem. To this day, that horrible relationship affects my life in such α huge way, and I don''t even talk to that boy anymore. It turned me psycho, it broke me down to the point of where my mental health was the lowest it ever had been and I was only 16/17 at the time. Please don't stay with people like this, he clearly has his own issues and insecurities that he projecting onto you
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Anonymous #1
#9
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#9
(Original post by Hotheaded)
STAY FAR AWAY FROM THIS MAN! this kind of reminds me of my Ex, who would use my trauma against me to hurt me on purpose, he also would keep screenshots of our arguments in this huge folder, and notes about everything "negative" about me, constantly using this against me, and at now point sent PARAGRAPHS about why we shouldn't be together using all these screenshots- but ofc we didn't break up, he only did it because I said I wanted to set boundaries and he was just trying to hurt me again, so he could manipulate me more. Anyway, I urge you to get out of that relationship, because you will end up losing all self worth and self esteem. To this day, that horrible relationship affects my life in such α huge way, and I don''t even talk to that boy anymore. It turned me psycho, it broke me down to the point of where my mental health was the lowest it ever had been and I was only 16/17 at the time. Please don't stay with people like this, he clearly has his own issues and insecurities that he projecting onto you
I can see it already happening. I feel like everything’s my fault. I’m too needy. Too insecure. Too emotional. I lose my temper over the smallest things and think it’s my fault he’s reacted. But really, I’m so tired and anxious and triggered that everything sets me off. We’ve tried marriage counselling, I’ve started therapy. I’m on depression tablets. I tried committing suicide. He’s had one session of anger management. I’ve tried everything and things did get better. And we were happier. But the lack of intercourse has made me frustrated and angry. And seeing that folder, it’s haunting me. I didn’t even read it properly but one said people dislike me. I don’t understand why he’s written that. Or yesterday, I said I’m going on a girls holiday and jokingly asked if he would miss me. And he laughed in my face. I said it’s rude to do that. In his notes however, he lied and wrote he should have said he missed me. That wasn’t the point, it was his evil hysterical cackle. Like who’s he sending these too. Or is he compiling evidence against me. The issue is we’re married and in my culture it’s just not done to divorce.

I’m also so sorry you had to go through all that. But thankfully you’re out of it now. Sending good vibes your way
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Hotheaded
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#10
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#10
(Original post by Anonymous)
I can see it already happening. I feel like everything’s my fault. I’m too needy. Too insecure. Too emotional. I lose my temper over the smallest things and think it’s my fault he’s reacted. But really, I’m so tired and anxious and triggered that everything sets me off. We’ve tried marriage counselling, I’ve started therapy. I’m on depression tablets. I tried committing suicide. He’s had one session of anger management. I’ve tried everything and things did get better. And we were happier. But the lack of intercourse has made me frustrated and angry. And seeing that folder, it’s haunting me. I didn’t even read it properly but one said people dislike me. I don’t understand why he’s written that. Or yesterday, I said I’m going on a girls holiday and jokingly asked if he would miss me. And he laughed in my face. I said it’s rude to do that. In his notes however, he lied and wrote he should have said he missed me. That wasn’t the point, it was his evil hysterical cackle. Like who’s he sending these too. Or is he compiling evidence against me. The issue is we’re married and in my culture it’s just not done to divorce.

I’m also so sorry you had to go through all that. But thankfully you’re out of it now. Sending good vibes your way
Although my situation was completely different to yours- I see so many similarities in how you’re feeling and so I really do feel for you. You aren’t the problem, it’s him. Unless he changes, things won’t get better.
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Genesiss
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#11
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#11
could it be his journal and he's venting and figuring things out in his head? sorry, why do you care if he writes it down?

you just need to talk to him about your marriage issue, namely you want kids and think he doesn't want them?
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aliaa03
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#12
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#12
(Original post by Anonymous)
So my partner and I haven’t had a physical relationship in 11 months. I have a scar on my face and knew before we got together how insecure I was about it. During an argument he said I’m ugly because of it and ever since then I’ve tried to forgive him and move past it but I can’t. He compliments me and apologises but I can’t do it. In the last 11 months he’s bought me a card, and complimented me. But I know deep down he doesn’t understand how it’s hurt me, because when we argue he says I should get over it and it’s been long enough. I don’t think it unreasonable for me to expect some sincere gesture to prove how sorry he is?

But my main reason for this message is, I was setting up an alarm on his phone. I don’t really know how to use Samsungs properly and it shows all tabs. I noticed a tab with notes about me. I shouldn’t have but I did. There were pages and pages of things about me. I only read the bottom part and it’s all the things I’ve said or done. It’s a LOG of all my complaints. But the ones that hurt me most is I’m trying so hard to communicate better about how I don’t think he wants children with me and he’s been writing that I complain. I feel so disgusted and hurt and I just want to switch off from him. How am I meant to speak to him when now all I’m going to think is he’ll make a note of it.

Also the reason I mentioned our physical life was there’s no mention of that. The notes he writes twists things to make me seem like the bad guy when it’s things he says or does that provoke it

Please don’t recommend I speak to him about this as I just feel disgusted by him right now. Someone I trust and care about does all this behind my back in moments of confidence
man he sounds like a real psycho 😭 you gotta get out of that relationship, there are SO many other guys (literally billions) who would treat you better. stop disrespecting yourself and LEAVE.
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Anonymous #1
#13
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#13
(Original post by Genesiss)
could it be his journal and he's venting and figuring things out in his head? sorry, why do you care if he writes it down?

you just need to talk to him about your marriage issue, namely you want kids and think he doesn't want them?
I honestly considered this. I used to type things as a diary. I don’t mind that at all. It’s the way and things he’s written. The things I find insecure, he thinks is me complaining or whingeing. It’s his perception

we have. We’ve had counselling. He does want kids, so do I. But it’s not the right time when we have so many issues
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Hotheaded
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#14
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#14
(Original post by Anonymous)
I honestly considered this. I used to type things as a diary. I don’t mind that at all. It’s the way and things he’s written. The things I find insecure, he thinks is me complaining or whingeing. It’s his perception

we have. We’ve had counselling. He does want kids, so do I. But it’s not the right time when we have so many issues
I don’t think it’s venting- the way he treats you + writing thing down is such a way is toxic, really wish you could get a divorce But I respect your culture, I hope for your sake he changes
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Anonymous #1
#15
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(Original post by Hotheaded)
I don’t think it’s venting- the way he treats you + writing thing down is such a way is toxic, really wish you could get a divorce But I respect your culture, I hope for your sake he changes
He won’t. I had a student point a knife at me today. He came home from work with his brother. And asked me to join them for a meal. When he should have prioritised me. And supported me through a traumatic day. I tried explaining to him, he could have got a takeaway for his brother. And his response as LOL that I’ll never change?!
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Anonymous #1
#16
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(Original post by aliaa03)
man he sounds like a real psycho 😭 you gotta get out of that relationship, there are SO many other guys (literally billions) who would treat you better. stop disrespecting yourself and LEAVE.
I’ve been engaged before. His mother had the audacity to call me a narcissist. He swears at me. All these things have had a knock on effect on my self esteem
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Anonymous #1
#17
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#17
(Original post by Anonymous)
Honestly, If a person is that audacious, think the right course of action is to just break off, staying in a relationship like this would only brew more negative emotions and distrust, better to get it over with. Im not sure wether you should confront him with the notes as he might get physical, but please be careful, I cant get much info but he could be unpredictable and might go awry, If you have the confidence to confide in your parents then maybe thats the best course of action, but either way please be safe and take care.
That last part, be safe and take care. I don’t know why it’s made me so emotional. I LITERALLY have tears in my eyes as I write this. I can’t remember the last time someone actually asked me how I was or put me first
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Hotheaded
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#18
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#18
(Original post by Anonymous)
He won’t. I had a student point a knife at me today. He came home from work with his brother. And asked me to join them for a meal. When he should have prioritised me. And supported me through a traumatic day. I tried explaining to him, he could have got a takeaway for his brother. And his response as LOL that I’ll never change?!
Listen- I know in your culture divorce is bad, but that’s ABUSE, and staying in an abusive relationship with someone that holds you at knife point is EXTREMELY DANGEROUS. For your own safety.

If you had kids with such an abusive man, those kids would also become unsafe, and also would witness their mother being abused. This man, I’m sorry to say - is awful.

I am SO SO SORRY you have to go through this, you don’t deserve it. But it won’t stop unless you leave
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Anonymous #1
#19
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He just grabbed me round my neck and threw me to the floor. Instead of apologising, I started screaming and asking for an apology. And he proceeds to record me and calling me amber heard. LOL?!
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Anonymous #1
#20
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#20
(Original post by Hotheaded)
Listen- I know in your culture divorce is bad, but that’s ABUSE, and staying in an abusive relationship with someone that holds you at knife point is EXTREMELY DANGEROUS. For your own safety.

If you had kids with such an abusive man, those kids would also become unsafe, and also would witness their mother being abused. This man, I’m sorry to say - is awful.

I am SO SO SORRY you have to go through this, you don’t deserve it. But it won’t stop unless you leave
I’m quietly sobbing while I type this. He shows no empathy, and hearing me cry makes him angry. We just got into an argument. Because I was saying how he’s running out of time. There’s only one month left till it becomes exactly a year since we had s**. Instead of reassuring me, his reply was that I’m running out of time too (he’s leaving me soon). I tired of explaining how he always brings up his issues when I bring up mine. I told him I hate him and he should leave. Again, instead of telling me everything will be fine and he’ll fix it he dared me to say it one more time. If he wants to leave, he should! As if bribing or blackmailing me to say it makes a difference.
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