Should I tell my boyfriend I sent nudes to someone during our break?

Watch this thread
bluebirds141516
Badges: 4
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
To preface, my bf and I are long distance right now, about 2 hours not bad. We agreed to make things work. & the distance will probably last years.

He never called me, I was always the one reaching out. I asked to meet up, he said he was too busy w work. This went on for weeks.

Finally, I asked him why he never calls me. He said he’s too busy & tired w work. Now, he does have long days (til about 6pm) but I would hope he’d want to talk to me still. I didn’t rlly like his response, clearly.

I told him the next day that either we talk on the phone for 15-20 mins a day or every other day and try to meet up once every couple of months, or I’d have to end things. What we had going on wasn’t a relationship, it was just texting.

Well, he didn’t like this request. We talked on the phone and he was rude, disinterested, casual, and short with me. He said he was too busy and tired and carving out 20 mins a day would leave him wayyyy too tired in the morning for work. When we got off the phone he texted me and said he needed to focus on himself and work. I asked if we were done then, and he repeated that. So I assumed we were done.

I begged my bf to change his mind, but he kept saying he needed to be on his own to focus on himself and work. I was really hurt about the way he spoke to me on the phone, that he didn’t wanna talk to me, and that he’d rather break up than talk to me. When I would call him it was the highlight of my day. I was heartbroken.

So, while still begging my bf to not leave me and him just repeating he needs to be on his own, I reached out to a former hookup and sent him nudes that honestly, I just had in my gallery. I didn’t even take new photos for him. And I feel disgusted thinking about this man jerking off to my pics. I feel that I disrespected myself and my body more than anyone. I have no feelings for the former hookup, and I’m not even attracted to him anymore. I was just heartbroken and wanted validation and to feel better. I hate feeling emotional pain, and bc I suffer with depression, my lows are lower than the average person. Not that it’s an excuse, but I tend to go to great lengths to avoid my painful feelings. This was nothing but an unhealthy coping mechanism.

So after begging my bf for 24 hours to get back w me, and him saying no over and over, I accepted it. I asked him how he wanted his stuff back. With that question, hr told me he loved me and was sorry and just being stubborn and he would change for me. Long story short, we got back together 2 days later. I blocked the hookup as soon as we did.

So, do I tell him? Did I cheat? I really thought we were done bc he kept telling me we were done. There was no inkling that he wanted me back or wanted to continue the relationship. He just kept saying that he wanted to be on his own. And as soon as I accepted that, he wanted me back? He was playing a game and i acted emotionally. But we weren’t together bc of him. That was his choice. Did I act quickly , emotionally and immaturely? Yeah I did. But we weren’t together and that was his decision. Why would I still owe him loyalty? Did I? And should I tell him about this? I don’t want to hurt him and I’m not sure he deserves to know if we weren’t together. I go back and forth between hating myself and feeling so guilty and hating him for putting me through that. What should I do? Should I tell him?
Last edited by bluebirds141516; 1 month ago
0
reply
Shawn6
Badges: 5
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
Depends

1. How close are you?
2. Does he know this person?
3. If so, how close are they?
0
reply
bluebirds141516
Badges: 4
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#3
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#3
(Original post by Shawn6)
Depends

1. How close are you?
2. Does he know this person?
3. If so, how close are they?
I just finished adding more to my post, I hope that gives a lot more help. Thank you for ur reply
0
reply
bluebirds141516
Badges: 4
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#4
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#4
(Original post by Shawn6)
Depends

1. How close are you?
2. Does he know this person?
3. If so, how close are they?
But also to answer ur questions, im not close w this hookup at all, & they don’t know eachother at all
0
reply
xox416
Badges: 14
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#5
Report 1 month ago
#5
No I don't think you have to tell him, you were broken up. Why do you feel you should tell him though? Just curious.

He chose to break up with you and he was slacking as a boyfriend, you were unhappy. You were the one taking initiative in the relationship. I don't think you owe him anything.
1
reply
Shawn6
Badges: 5
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#6
Report 1 month ago
#6
(Original post by xox416)
No I don't think you have to tell him, you were broken up. Why do you feel you should tell him though? Just curious.

He chose to break up with you and he was slacking as a boyfriend, you were unhappy. You were the one taking initiative in the relationship. I don't think you owe him anything.
i completely agree with this person
0
reply
xox416
Badges: 14
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#7
Report 1 month ago
#7
Stop beating yourself up.
Some of us do silly thing when we're emotionally broken. All we can do is learn and do better.

You didn't have sex with the guy.
Last edited by xox416; 1 month ago
0
reply
bluebirds141516
Badges: 4
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#8
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#8
(Original post by xox416)
No I don't think you have to tell him, you were broken up. Why do you feel you should tell him though? Just curious.

He chose to break up with you and he was slacking as a boyfriend, you were unhappy. You were the one taking initiative in the relationship. I don't think you owe him anything.
Thanks so much for your response. I appreciate your time so much.
i guess I feel like I have to tell him because now we’re back together & I feel like a slut. I feel disloyal although rationally I know we weren’t together. I feel like I did it all too fast. I just feel like a horrible person.
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest

Were exams easier or harder than you expected?

Easier (55)
27.36%
As I expected (65)
32.34%
Harder (73)
36.32%
Something else (tell us in the thread) (8)
3.98%

Watched Threads

View All