Boyfriend lashing out

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#1
Over the last few weeks, my boyfriend has grown increasingly agitated over absolutely everything and has begun lashing out at me. He’s not physical- but the things he says are really hurtful and quite frightening at times. I’m not sure if this is down to uni stress (he hasn’t attended any lectures this year and he never revises) or the fact that he’s up until 6am gaming. When he’s gaming he’s shouting abuse at the people he’s playing against and he’s begun applying the same sort of language to me. For example calling me a dumb c*nt and things like that. If I react to his words in anyway by starting to cry or anything- it only gets worse. I don’t know if I should be more understanding if he is struggling with his mental health but it’s getting pretty unbearable. These outburst come from very small things as well - for example I asked to borrow a phone charger and then when he wanted to use it I got shouted at for using it even though I had asked? I understand it’s all just words- but he’s very strong and often punches walls whilst gaming so it’s all just a bit concerning. Please offer advice!
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turbobaithead
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#2
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#2
Bro it sounds like you're dating a child. Surely these are things one would spot at the start of any relationship. Could you provide context or a guess as to the reason why he had recently changed? + how long have you two been dating?
Last edited by turbobaithead; 4 weeks ago
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Scotney
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#3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Over the last few weeks, my boyfriend has grown increasingly agitated over absolutely everything and has begun lashing out at me. He’s not physical- but the things he says are really hurtful and quite frightening at times. I’m not sure if this is down to uni stress (he hasn’t attended any lectures this year and he never revises) or the fact that he’s up until 6am gaming. When he’s gaming he’s shouting abuse at the people he’s playing against and he’s begun applying the same sort of language to me. For example calling me a dumb c*nt and things like that. If I react to his words in anyway by starting to cry or anything- it only gets worse. I don’t know if I should be more understanding if he is struggling with his mental health but it’s getting pretty unbearable. These outburst come from very small things as well - for example I asked to borrow a phone charger and then when he wanted to use it I got shouted at for using it even though I had asked? I understand it’s all just words- but he’s very strong and often punches walls whilst gaming so it’s all just a bit concerning. Please offer advice!
Do not put up with it whatever the reason.This sort of behaviour is not acceptable whatever his issue is.What exactly is the attraction of this person for you?
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turbobaithead
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#4
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#4
(Original post by Scotney)
Do not put up with it whatever the reason.This sort of behaviour is not acceptable whatever his issue is.What exactly is the attraction of this person for you?
Just to keep it saucy ima play the Devil's advocate here and say maybe my man's had/has MAD HEAD GAME and was, or at times, a bona fide good guy. Maybe she's staying at his house, or maybe she isn't even the only partner. When people lash out at their partners suddenly it's usually an indication of their impatience and a loss of love seeping through the facade of commitments and obligated guilt.
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Scotney
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#5
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#5
(Original post by turbobaithead)
Just to keep it saucy ima play the Devil's advocate here and say maybe my man's had/has MAD HEAD GAME and was, or at times, a bona fide good guy. Maybe she's staying at his house, or maybe she isn't even the only partner. When people lash out at their partners suddenly it's usually an indication of their impatience and a loss of love seeping through the facade of commitments and obligated guilt.
Well I could come up with lots of scenarios but that was why I was asking OP for the facts.
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Anonymous #1
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literally the only thing that changed is that he started gaming again- he used to before we were together but we’ve been together nearly 2 years and lived together practically the whole time. Things were great before he got back into the gaming like no temper or anything just a very kind and loving person
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sufys
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#7
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#7
(Original post by Anonymous)
Over the last few weeks, my boyfriend has grown increasingly agitated over absolutely everything and has begun lashing out at me. He’s not physical- but the things he says are really hurtful and quite frightening at times. I’m not sure if this is down to uni stress (he hasn’t attended any lectures this year and he never revises) or the fact that he’s up until 6am gaming. When he’s gaming he’s shouting abuse at the people he’s playing against and he’s begun applying the same sort of language to me. For example calling me a dumb c*nt and things like that. If I react to his words in anyway by starting to cry or anything- it only gets worse. I don’t know if I should be more understanding if he is struggling with his mental health but it’s getting pretty unbearable. These outburst come from very small things as well - for example I asked to borrow a phone charger and then when he wanted to use it I got shouted at for using it even though I had asked? I understand it’s all just words- but he’s very strong and often punches walls whilst gaming so it’s all just a bit concerning. Please offer advice!
You can move on entirely, take a break until he fixes things for himself or something of the sort... but you definitely shouldn't be staying with him at this point in time.
Last edited by sufys; 4 weeks ago
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turbobaithead
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#8
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#8
(Original post by Anonymous)
literally the only thing that changed is that he started gaming again- he used to before we were together but we’ve been together nearly 2 years and lived together practically the whole time. Things were great before he got back into the gaming like no temper or anything just a very kind and loving person
What is your age range? are either of you working? do you see each other often? Do his 'rage' tendencies last longer than his 'non-rage' state? What game is he playing? Has he been diagnosed with any mental illnesses? What game is this mf playing?
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Anonymous #1
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We’re both nearly 22 - he’s retaken a year of uni so he’s staying next year whereas I’m moving to a job. He plays loads of different stuff like fifa, ufc, f1 and various shooting games. He’s struggled in the past with his mental health but only recently sought help (only because I contacted the doctor for him). We see each other less than last year because of the pandemic and I actually go into uni whereas he will sleep in until 4pm
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Admit-One
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#10
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#10
Just break up and find someone with more emotional intelligence than a teenager.
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Anonymous #1
#11
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I just don’t know if I should call his parents- His mental health has been really poor and I know they have been extremely worried about him since finding out he’s now on medication. We really don’t fight or argue- he just goes into these moods where he will treat me very poorly then apologise. It’s just very draining having to listen and wait for him to calm down because he always apologises and it never becomes a proper argument. It’s just so frequent it’s exhausting
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Scotney
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#12
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#12
(Original post by Anonymous)
We’re both nearly 22 - he’s retaken a year of uni so he’s staying next year whereas I’m moving to a job. He plays loads of different stuff like fifa, ufc, f1 and various shooting games. He’s struggled in the past with his mental health but only recently sought help (only because I contacted the doctor for him). We see each other less than last year because of the pandemic and I actually go into uni whereas he will sleep in until 4pm
What have you said to him about the way his behaviour is affecting you?You must have your finals coming up now so not ideal at all.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Scotney)
What have you said to him about the way his behaviour is affecting you?You must have your finals coming up now so not ideal at all.
Yeah exactly it’s very stressful. He never wants to talk about it though he just says how he can’t be bothered to deal with me being emotional etc
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Scotney
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#14
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#14
(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeah exactly it’s very stressful. He never wants to talk about it though he just says how he can’t be bothered to deal with me being emotional etc
Is it just medication he is on or is he having counselling.How long has he been taking the meds?Are they helping or has he got worse since starting them?
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turbobaithead
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#15
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#15
(Original post by Anonymous)
We’re both nearly 22 - he’s retaken a year of uni so he’s staying next year whereas I’m moving to a job. He plays loads of different stuff like fifa, ufc, f1 and various shooting games. He’s struggled in the past with his mental health but only recently sought help (only because I contacted the doctor for him). We see each other less than last year because of the pandemic and I actually go into uni whereas he will sleep in until 4pm
Aight homegirl. Everyone here almost unanimously agrees that you should probably move on. Not necessarily to someone else but for your own sake too. However, I've also seen insane relationship turnarounds that started from restraining orders to being married. We never really know with these things but what I do know is that at the end of the day you fell for this guy for a reason in the first place.

Mental health is to be acknowledged to be sure, but there's also a certain degree of personal accountability which I hope he's approaching. The pandemic has done a number to everyone and sometimes gaming can be a primary way for a lot of people to escape reality and vent out frustrations. I'd say before downright leaving him talk to him and give him an ultimatum or find a compromise that benefits you and him as ultimately if you want to succeed as a couple you have to work through it together. All depends on your personal conviction and how much you truly love this mf. Sleeping in til 4 pm is something I'm all too familiar with.



This is why im dating my best friend. Our foundation was of conversation and understanding.
Last edited by turbobaithead; 4 weeks ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Scotney)
Is it just medication he is on or is he having counselling.How long has he been taking the meds?Are they helping or has he got worse since starting them?
Yeah he was offered counselling but hasn’t been yet. He did improve for a bit but I think he may have ran out of medication and didn’t get the new prescription for a while? Not entirely sure but I know there was at least a week he didn’t take medication because he hadn’t picked it up
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turbobaithead
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#17
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#17
Fifa players be like. More dudes really need to be taught the importance of introspection and conversation. I hate to bring up the toxic masculinity card but quite honestly people just need to communicate their frustrations better. People just need to learn how to communicate. Period. I feel sorry for you bruh.
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Scotney
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#18
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#18
(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeah he was offered counselling but hasn’t been yet. He did improve for a bit but I think he may have ran out of medication and didn’t get the new prescription for a while? Not entirely sure but I know there was at least a week he didn’t take medication because he hadn’t picked it up
That will definitely be affecting his mood missing medication like that.I actually agree with turbobaithead to a large extent.I think at this point it would be ,it is either me or the console.The thing with mental health is if they won't face up to it themselves and try everything to improve things they will not get better.
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Scotney
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#19
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#19
I think you should concentrate on yourself at the moment and if you feel like he needs the support then call his parents.
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Anonymous #1
#20
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Yeah I mean he’s going back home after next week so I feel like I need to just endure until then and hope for the best. It’s all so strange because we were planning a fat holiday and he wouldn’t want to go or whatever if he didn’t love me/want to be with me? It’s a huge commitment (like 2 weeks in Florida so hella expensive) and I just don’t see him wanting to book it or organise if it was an issue with me or his feelings towards me
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