Should I tell my bf I sent nudes while broken up? We’re back together now.

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
To preface, my bf and I are long distance right now, about 2 hours not bad. We agreed to make things work. & the distance will probably last years.

He never called me, I was always the one reaching out. I asked to meet up, he said he was too busy w work. This went on for weeks.

Finally, I asked him why he never calls me. He said he’s too busy & tired w work. Now, he does have long days (til about 6pm) but I would hope he’d want to talk to me still. I didn’t rlly like his response, clearly.

I told him the next day that either we talk on the phone for 15-20 mins a day or every other day and try to meet up once every couple of months, or I’d have to end things. What we had going on wasn’t a relationship, it was just texting.

Well, he didn’t like this request. We talked on the phone and he was rude, disinterested, casual, and short with me. He said he was too busy and tired and carving out 20 mins a day would leave him wayyyy too tired in the morning for work. When we got off the phone he texted me and said he needed to focus on himself and work. I asked if we were done then, and he repeated that. So I assumed we were done.

I begged my bf to change his mind, but he kept saying he needed to be on his own to focus on himself and work. I was really hurt about the way he spoke to me on the phone, that he didn’t wanna talk to me, and that he’d rather break up than talk to me. When I would call him it was the highlight of my day. I was heartbroken.

So, while still begging my bf to not leave me and him just repeating he needs to be on his own, I reached out to a former hookup and sent him nudes that honestly, I just had in my gallery. I didn’t even take new photos for him. And I feel disgusted thinking about this man jerking off to my pics. I feel that I disrespected myself and my body more than anyone. I have no feelings for the former hookup, and I’m not even attracted to him anymore. I was just heartbroken and wanted validation and to feel better. I hate feeling emotional pain, and bc I suffer with depression, my lows are lower than the average person. Not that it’s an excuse, but I tend to go to great lengths to avoid my painful feelings. This was nothing but an unhealthy coping mechanism.

So after begging my bf for 24 hours to get back w me, and him saying no over and over, I accepted it. I asked him how he wanted his stuff back. With that question, hr told me he loved me and was sorry and just being stubborn and he would change for me. Long story short, we got back together 2 days later. I blocked the hookup as soon as we did.

So, do I tell him? Did I cheat? I really thought we were done bc he kept telling me we were done. There was no inkling that he wanted me back or wanted to continue the relationship. He just kept saying that he wanted to be on his own. And as soon as I accepted that, he wanted me back? He was playing a game and i acted emotionally. But we weren’t together bc of him. That was his choice. Did I act quickly , emotionally and immaturely? Yeah I did. But we weren’t together and that was his decision. Why would I still owe him loyalty? Did I? And should I tell him about this? I don’t want to hurt him and I’m not sure he deserves to know if we weren’t together. I go back and forth between hating myself and feeling so guilty and hating him for putting me through that. What should I do? Should I tell him?
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bella.knight
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#2
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#2
no u did not cheat and tbh he should also start reaching out more
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lizzieswellness
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#3
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This isn't cheating but it's better to have no secrets in relationships.
Last edited by lizzieswellness; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #1
#4
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(Original post by lizzieswellness)
This isn't cheating but it's better to have no secrets in relationships.
See, I agree with this 100%. But it didn’t happen while we were in a relationship. And he didn’t ask me if anything happened while apart. So I’m not sure that it counts as a secret that would apply to the relationship.
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SagaciousSag
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#5
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If he finds out another way, he's unlikely to believe that it coincidentally happened in the space of 2 days. I think it's better to tell him.
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Wired_1800
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#6
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#6
(Original post by Anonymous)
To preface, my bf and I are long distance right now, about 2 hours not bad. We agreed to make things work. & the distance will probably last years.

He never called me, I was always the one reaching out. I asked to meet up, he said he was too busy w work. This went on for weeks.

Finally, I asked him why he never calls me. He said he’s too busy & tired w work. Now, he does have long days (til about 6pm) but I would hope he’d want to talk to me still. I didn’t rlly like his response, clearly.

I told him the next day that either we talk on the phone for 15-20 mins a day or every other day and try to meet up once every couple of months, or I’d have to end things. What we had going on wasn’t a relationship, it was just texting.

Well, he didn’t like this request. We talked on the phone and he was rude, disinterested, casual, and short with me. He said he was too busy and tired and carving out 20 mins a day would leave him wayyyy too tired in the morning for work. When we got off the phone he texted me and said he needed to focus on himself and work. I asked if we were done then, and he repeated that. So I assumed we were done.

I begged my bf to change his mind, but he kept saying he needed to be on his own to focus on himself and work. I was really hurt about the way he spoke to me on the phone, that he didn’t wanna talk to me, and that he’d rather break up than talk to me. When I would call him it was the highlight of my day. I was heartbroken.

So, while still begging my bf to not leave me and him just repeating he needs to be on his own, I reached out to a former hookup and sent him nudes that honestly, I just had in my gallery. I didn’t even take new photos for him. And I feel disgusted thinking about this man jerking off to my pics. I feel that I disrespected myself and my body more than anyone. I have no feelings for the former hookup, and I’m not even attracted to him anymore. I was just heartbroken and wanted validation and to feel better. I hate feeling emotional pain, and bc I suffer with depression, my lows are lower than the average person. Not that it’s an excuse, but I tend to go to great lengths to avoid my painful feelings. This was nothing but an unhealthy coping mechanism.

So after begging my bf for 24 hours to get back w me, and him saying no over and over, I accepted it. I asked him how he wanted his stuff back. With that question, hr told me he loved me and was sorry and just being stubborn and he would change for me. Long story short, we got back together 2 days later. I blocked the hookup as soon as we did.

So, do I tell him? Did I cheat? I really thought we were done bc he kept telling me we were done. There was no inkling that he wanted me back or wanted to continue the relationship. He just kept saying that he wanted to be on his own. And as soon as I accepted that, he wanted me back? He was playing a game and i acted emotionally. But we weren’t together bc of him. That was his choice. Did I act quickly , emotionally and immaturely? Yeah I did. But we weren’t together and that was his decision. Why would I still owe him loyalty? Did I? And should I tell him about this? I don’t want to hurt him and I’m not sure he deserves to know if we weren’t together. I go back and forth between hating myself and feeling so guilty and hating him for putting me through that. What should I do? Should I tell him?
Please tell him immediately that you sent nudes to another guy. If you don't and he finds out then don't blame him for his reaction.
Last edited by Wired_1800; 1 month ago
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anosmianAcrimony
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#7
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(Original post by Wired_1800)
Please tell me immediately that you sent nudes to another guy. If you don't and he finds out then don't blame him for his reaction.
Tell you immediately :confused:
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anosmianAcrimony
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#8
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#8
I think it was very reasonable to consider yourself single when you sent them, and you shouldn't feel that you have to tell your boyfriend. However, it will probably continue to hang over you and poison the feelings you have about him if you don't tell him.
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Wired_1800
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#9
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(Original post by anosmianAcrimony)
Tell you immediately :confused:
Tell him*

Thanks for pointing it out. Would have come across as OP’s bf.
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