My GF doesn’t work as hard as me.

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Anonymous #1
#1
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#1
ADVICE PLS

I literally never use TSR so I apologize If I have posted this in the wrong place

Me and my GF are both 17, in sixth form, I am a straight A student , where as she’s like ABC

I work at my PT job loads, on-top of doing regular work experience ( so 2 jobs) and the gym

Where as she doesn’t try hard enough in college in my opinion, always complains about her teachers, claims she doesn’t have enough time to go the gym a lot despite me being at least 2-3 times busier than her. Etc

She only works the job she has because I massively helped her get it

Idk man I’m lost

On the contrary, I love her loads and at times she is very pretty. However I’m not always fully attracted to her ( not always physically attracted)
But I love her sm

I am really unsure if this girl is for me

We have been together almost a year.

I feel I’m too young for all of this

However she does play a large role in my life and helping me cope with problems I face because I have bad joints,
So idk
She also knows a-lot about me

I have always put so much effort into helping her improve as a person and grow and build Better habits but she hardly ever actually achieves as result of not trying enough

I am not gonna solely base any decision based on TSR replies but maybe some external information could help me in my head.

If you have any questions feel free to ask ?
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joren yep
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#2
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#2
Consider these
- Accept that people will not be the same as you, dont try to find another you.
- She has the right to do whatever she pleases, if working not as hard as you is what she pleases, who are you to tell her otherwise. Its perfectly normal for you two to differ, and it shouldnt bother you so much at this age either. She wont be paying your bills anytime soon I presume, and lets be honest. Shes like most teenagers, not a lot of people are straight A students and care about it much. This typically changes the older people get.
- If you already know ure not physically attracted to her, or partly. Then I personally would consider this a reason to breakup, if thats smth that bothers you frequently. Or maybe consider options like: platonic relationship, open relationship, etc. Obv discuss this with her


But man, stop trying to push work and school on her so much. She isnt your daughter, respect her choices and accept she might not care as much as you (yet) about things like this. Maybe instead try to partake a bit in her way of thinking every now and then, sounds to me like loosening up a bit wont hurt. You have many years to work, have some fun while ure still in school.
Last edited by joren yep; 1 month ago
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username5960917
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#3
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#3
Break up to be honest. You don't want to be with a bum for the rest of your life. Your friends and partner should be as hard working as you.
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joren yep
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(Original post by wiseowlz72)
Break up to be honest. You don't want to be with a bum for the rest of your life. Your friends and partner should be as hard working as you.
Havent read the rules of this forum, but if they allow me to answer freely:

This is one of the, if not dumbest response I've seen on this platform thus far. Your partner or friends dont have to work as hard as you, to have a good and healthy relationship. Striving for this type of similarity is ******ed, it also completely destroys the idea of being able to compliment one-another because you are actually different.

Hard to actually improve and broaden your experience in life, when you limit yourself to similar people.
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SneakIsReal
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(Original post by joren yep)
Havent read the rules of this forum, but if they allow me to answer freely:

This is one of the, if not dumbest response I've seen on this platform thus far. Your partner or friends dont have to work as hard as you, to have a good and healthy relationship. Striving for this type of similarity is ******ed, it also completely destroys the idea of being able to compliment one-another because you are actually different.

Hard to actually improve and broaden your experience in life, when you limit yourself to similar people.
Thankyou very much for that insight , it is always nice seeing it from another perspective! Appreciated massively!
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username5960917
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#6
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(Original post by joren yep)
Havent read the rules of this forum, but if they allow me to answer freely:

This is one of the, if not dumbest response I've seen on this platform thus far. Your partner or friends dont have to work as hard as you, to have a good and healthy relationship. Striving for this type of similarity is ******ed, it also completely destroys the idea of being able to compliment one-another because you are actually different.

Hard to actually improve and broaden your experience in life, when you limit yourself to similar people.
Oh come off it. People should be around others who share their goals and ambitions and don't drag them down. My friends and I share common goals, ambitions, and work ethic. I don't make the time of day for people who are too lazy to help themselves. It's not about complementarities, it's about compatibility. OP is clearly not feeling compatible with someone that doesn't work hard and that's making him uncomfortable. There's a difference between being different and just being lazy.
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Genesiss
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#7
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#7
i would be really honest with yourself and ask yourself do you love her or are you comfortable with her as you've been together a year?

honestly, why does it matter to you if, in your opinion, she doesn't try hard enough in college? i couldn't be with someone who doesn't have the same work ethic but i'm also not 17 and in college where you're not sharing bills and living together (i presume?). if i were in your shoes it probably wouldn't matter to me much cuz it's not like i'm looking for marriage; just want a good time (but ofc i'm not you).
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Ten-Ten
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#8
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#8
You are 17 years old. Obviously your girlfriend isn’t in a rush to have multiple streams of income, go to the gym consistently and balance school work on top of that. You’re basically complaining that she doesn’t have her life together when it practically just started. You’re complaining as if you work a 9-5 trying to pay your bills on time while she sits on her couch all day in a council flat. Is it really that serious. Also school isn’t for everyone, just because she doesn’t get top grades doesn’t necessarily mean she isn’t trying, plus ABC is by far better than EEU. You’re expecting a lot out of her and frankly it’s weird
Last edited by Ten-Ten; 1 month ago
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joren yep
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(Original post by wiseowlz72)
Oh come off it. People should be around others who share their goals and ambitions and don't drag them down. My friends and I share common goals, ambitions, and work ethic. I don't make the time of day for people who are too lazy to help themselves. It's not about complementarities, it's about compatibility. OP is clearly not feeling compatible with someone that doesn't work hard and that's making him uncomfortable. There's a difference between being different and just being lazy.
I think thats very dependent on the person, maybe this works for you.

Who knows if shes actually lazy or not, for all we know the OP is a workaholic and doesnt know better than just studying and working. Which many would consider unhealthy..

I agree that you should find some people to share ambitions and hobbies with, however its not a must for every relationship nor friendship as you pose it to be. In fact I think that might be limiting yourself solely because its "harder to socialise and be with". I would consider someone, like yourself, lazy if thats your reasoning

I am friends with very different people, and I learn a lot of things from them. Doesnt mean I have to copy or think alike neccesarily, but I do take their perspective to enrich mine, and vics versa. I can get along just fine with people who are nothing like me, and I dont that thats very uncommon.
Last edited by joren yep; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #1
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To all on this post

I do love her she is my first proper relationship

And dating to be with them long term is the goal right?

Also for anyone unclear I am unsure if she’s lazy
Thats what i struggle to distinguish. I do more than her but does it make her lazy?

Like she does some things like have a job, somewhat try in college (as she is getting like (abc/bbc) so it’s not like a fail

She also does try a lot outside of stuff like supporting me

But I do all her support and plans for her and she doesn’t follow them etc

Like I make her a time management schedule to stick to which massively benefits me in achieving soemthing great, and she will claim she has used it but hasn’t . She also commonly says ‘ I am , or I am trying’ when I call her out on anything

But I massively doubt her trying efforts, me doubting her is an issue of mine but I can’t tell if it’s justified

I wanna succeed, and I feel with someone that isn’t as driven as me its not always the easiest to achieve
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Anonymous #1
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In addition to my last comment, all these replies are valuable insights into my own flaws and weaknesses of being overally critical or what feels like that anyway ?

And I am incredible grateful for people highlighting these for me , I will work on them.

In addition to someone referring to me as a work ahoic, in many ways, yes. I often work 30+ hr weeks alongside college and coursework

Which never is healthy

Um idk it isn’t great but for me, I think if not great thoughts when I’m not doing something productive !!
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joren yep
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#12
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(Original post by Anonymous)
To all on this post

I do love her she is my first proper relationship

And dating to be with them long term is the goal right?

Also for anyone unclear I am unsure if she’s lazy
Thats what i struggle to distinguish. I do more than her but does it make her lazy?

Like she does some things like have a job, somewhat try in college (as she is getting like (abc/bbc) so it’s not like a fail

She also does try a lot outside of stuff like supporting me

But I do all her support and plans for her and she doesn’t follow them etc

Like I make her a time management schedule to stick to which massively benefits me in achieving soemthing great, and she will claim she has used it but hasn’t . She also commonly says ‘ I am , or I am trying’ when I call her out on anything

But I massively doubt her trying efforts, me doubting her is an issue of mine but I can’t tell if it’s justified

I wanna succeed, and I feel with someone that isn’t as driven as me its not always the easiest to achieve
She is lazy in comparison to you, whether your drive is healthy or not is hard to judge. If you are an extreme example than, even if she was twice more lazy than you I wouldn't consider her lazy at all.

Seems to me that shes a pretty normal student trying, have you considered that she might not be as smart as you? Maybe she has to work 3 harder for similar grades.

Also, your time management may work for you but completely mess up her efficiency. Your way of doing things are neccesarily perfect for the other, she has to find her own ways to success.

From what i hear she doesnt pull you down whatsoever, so why be insecure about her pulling you down. You can succeed by yourself, and as long as she supports and accepts you, for what and who you are - then where is the problem?

I would also be careful of being a bit controlling, she leads her life and you shouldn't worry too much about her life and how she handles things. Your personal success isnt bound to hers, not at this age anyway. So try not to link them the way you (kinda) do right now
Last edited by joren yep; 1 month ago
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YaliaV123
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#13
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#13
You don't seem to fancy her in general, but you like the fact that she supports you emotionally. It sounds like you're using her to be honest
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Anonymous #1
#14
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(Original post by YaliaV123)
You don't seem to fancy her in general, but you like the fact that she supports you emotionally. It sounds like you're using her to be honest
that’s not the case at all, I love her dearly. I have just been awful at phrasing this whole thing! But I do appreciate your perspective to how this situation can be perceived
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Genesiss
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#15
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(Original post by Anonymous)
To all on this post

I do love her she is my first proper relationship

And dating to be with them long term is the goal right?

Also for anyone unclear I am unsure if she’s lazy
Thats what i struggle to distinguish. I do more than her but does it make her lazy?

Like she does some things like have a job, somewhat try in college (as she is getting like (abc/bbc) so it’s not like a fail

She also does try a lot outside of stuff like supporting me

But I do all her support and plans for her and she doesn’t follow them etc

Like I make her a time management schedule to stick to which massively benefits me in achieving soemthing great, and she will claim she has used it but hasn’t . She also commonly says ‘ I am , or I am trying’ when I call her out on anything

But I massively doubt her trying efforts, me doubting her is an issue of mine but I can’t tell if it’s justified

I wanna succeed, and I feel with someone that isn’t as driven as me its not always the easiest to achieve
you make her a time management schedule :confused:

please don't take this the wrong way but that's weird, mate. and really inappropriate between equals. you're only 17. you're talking like you're a 50 year old man in 1895 laying the rules down for his wife.

so long as it makes you happy, honestly, you need to be true to yourself, even if it means taking yourself this seriously. but as Yalia said, i suspect you're using this girl for some emotional comfort. if you can't respect her as an equal making her own choices do yourselves both a favour and let her go.
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1secondsofvamps
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Ngl it sounds like you're the problem here, not her.
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lizzieswellness
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#17
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Accept, that not everybody is the same as you.
Last edited by lizzieswellness; 1 month ago
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Surnia
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#18
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So why is she your girlfriend? Didn't you get to know her properly before you became official?
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Son of the Sea
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#19
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I think it’s more of a red flag you don’t fully find her attractive and you’re not even 1 year into the relationship.
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SneakIsReal
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#20
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Hey all, thankyou for the replies

I don’t think I’ve worded it great
I don’t think I’m out right amazing with no flaws
However i dont think im the awful guy some people who have reasoned to the thread have suggested. She loves me loads too and I love her, it’s not at all a one way relationship.

By time management it wasnt for her to do X thing at X time. It was me trying to help her manage a lot because she identified with me she didn’t have time.

And yes not everybody is the same as me !! And I don’t and wont be able to have someone the same!! That’s almost exactly what I wanted to hear.

I don’t lay out rules at all just advice and encouragement to help her , which she apreciates at the time, but just doesn’t always manage to put it into action.

Yes we were close for like 3-4 months before the relationship. And at this point she was doing a lot more than me, I was failing highschool, let alone sixth form, I was in a bad place, and I didn’t have a job.

Where as she was the opposite.

The emotional comfort thing ? I do not fully understand? I wish I was cleared in laying it all out because I do seem like a phycho now.

I
I just wanted to identify that yes we love each-other loads. We are not dependent on each-other ( at times she is rather dependent on me to help her and comfort her about a lot, which isn’t an issue ).
I am no where near a control freak which has been identified, it’s more just wishing she was a lil more productive. But I guess the way I’ve layed it all out builds a different picture

Nonetheless I think all ur replies have been very useful and nice to understand what I could be doing wrong and what is the case within my relationship
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