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    besides most of the problems in my life i have one big problem i will have with me for the rest of my life.

    sorry for the essay.

    basically last year i met a girl at work, who i really liked from the off. anyway, things got friendly and she invited me to a party, which i went to.

    got drunk, yeah yeah 'no excuse blah blah' and i ended up with some random girl there, and had sex with her. anyway, about 2 months pass, this is like from end nov 07/start dec 07 to about end of jan 08, this year. and i hear shes pregnant.

    my heart sank. i did not know this girl (and wasnt really attracted to her) and she was having my kid. ok it maybe wasnt mine if she did it with me she could have done it again but chances are its mine, and im not deluded.

    in my mind i thought about things for a week and came to a decision. i did not want her to have it. i thought about ways to get rid and finally, i thought, why not convince her i want to be with her, and that we shouldnt have it NOW, but get things going and have one later in life perhaps. she seemed the lonely type and whatever the reason , even to my surprise she agreed.

    within the next few weeks (about a month after) i used my money to pay for the abortion. i had done it. in my head i had sorted everything.

    then i turn into the [email protected] and finish with her (not that anything was started)but in her mind it had.

    anyway, time has passed and im looking back and thinking about it and im ****** up in the head. its drving me crazy. my first child gone.
    then come the old 'what if' etc questions and it wont leave me.

    and to get where i am now my life is ****** up. losing my friends, addicted to gambling and, more recently ive been drinking alot. ok, i wont lie, have i thought about suidcide? yes.

    well at least i have this someone now
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    wow....case for Jeremy Kyle I think...
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    Ok you've made some mistakes (although her having an abortion isn't necessarily one of them), but they're in the past and to be honest there isn't a lot you can do to change anything. You might be thinking 'what if' but having a child is really hard especially if you don't really care about the other parent and you would probably be just as miserable now if you had decided to keep it.
    What you can change now is the future. If you're addicted to gambling then get help (if you go to your GP/type 'gamblers anonymous' into google then you will get a list of professional services if you think you need it). Also if you are drinking heavily then you should try to cut down beforeit becomes a real problem, it won't make you feel better or solve your problems in the long term, again maybe you should talk to your doctor about seeing a counsellor.
    Why do you think you are losing your friends?

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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    Dude you really do need to talk to someone about this who can provide support. if there is no-one available, talk to Samaritans (they will show you where to go, they seem pretty good) Ill find the number in a mo and re-post it

    And also if you can, please try and ignore both these 'what if' thoughts and the suicidal thoughts. They won't solve anything. Suicide is not an option, its an easy way out with the biggest cost ever.

    For now what's done is done and maybe it's for the best, there is always another chance for a child with someone you love and care about. Try and keep yourself busy. It may help.

    For now if you ever need anoe to talk to, PM me ok?
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    could be worse. imagine you'd been told you had just a week left to live. a long and painful week in bed.
    man up!!
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    Sartre must have been right.
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    Go talk to your gp. They are there to help and anyone having suicidal thoughts will be treated seriously yet sensitively.
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    (Original post by wolvesfan)
    and to get where i am now my life is ****** up. losing my friends, addicted to gambling and, more recently ive been drinking alot. ok, i wont lie, have i thought about suidcide? yes.
    I'm pretty sure this is what you should be more worried about now, rather than dwelling on the consequences of apst actions...
 
 
 
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