Worried for uni/freshers

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#1
I know its a bit silly but I was wondering if anyone else feels the same? I haven't ever gone out clubbing or drinking with friends before. I haven't ever really been drunk. The only parties I've been to are kids birthday parties. I know that drinking and partying aren't all of uni life but it's a big part of it. I live in a pretty strict household (nigerian parents iykyk) so I've never been able to socialise like that, and I'm scared I'll be awkward or won't know what to do if I'm invited out. On top of this I'm very self conscious and I don't really have normal interest I could think of bringing up in a conversation ( unless I could find someone to talk through ethical dilemmas with in the club with lol). Of course I do want to experience freshers to its fullest, I'm just worried that if after the second day I start staying in instead of staying out late I'll be seen as boring.
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JT_888
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#2
Report 4 weeks ago
#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
I know its a bit silly but I was wondering if anyone else feels the same? I haven't ever gone out clubbing or drinking with friends before. I haven't ever really been drunk. The only parties I've been to are kids birthday parties. I know that drinking and partying aren't all of uni life but it's a big part of it. I live in a pretty strict household (nigerian parents iykyk) so I've never been able to socialise like that, and I'm scared I'll be awkward or won't know what to do if I'm invited out. On top of this I'm very self conscious and I don't really have normal interest I could think of bringing up in a conversation ( unless I could find someone to talk through ethical dilemmas with in the club with lol). Of course I do want to experience freshers to its fullest, I'm just worried that if after the second day I start staying in instead of staying out late I'll be seen as boring.
What you're feeling isn't silly at all and it's quite normal - I felt quite similar back when I first started uni in October 2019 having never been clubbing before and hardly ever drank with friends before nor been drunk.

The best thing I could honestly say is just be yourself and don't allow people to pressurise you into drinking and partying if that's not what you want to do. Also, you will eventually find people with like-minded interests who you'll want to socialise with and befriend.
Last edited by JT_888; 4 weeks ago
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StriderHort
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#3
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#3
You might (probably) find that drinking and clubbing is no where near as big a part as you think, it USED to be and we based a lot of our culture & comedy etc around it... but nowadays things are generally more inclusive and varied with different groups and events beyond just 'booze' (just a guess, but I'd be surprised if unis weren't under pressure to reign the booze promotion in a bit as well to try and shake the 'boozy student lout' stereotype')

Not to say folk don't go out and you can't, it's just not a big part of uni as it used to be. If you want to dip your toe in, a daytime food serving pub is likely a good low stress start, plenty space, well lit, probably quick service... possibly moving to busier louder pubs in the evening. If you haven't been clubbing before I would generally tell people, it can be pretty intense, I'd arrange things so you have the option to leave anytime you want and aren't stuck for hours waiting for others if you aren't enjoying it.

(also there will be PLENTY people out of their element and a bit nervy, it's a learning experience)
Last edited by StriderHort; 4 weeks ago
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University of Strathclyde
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#4
Report 4 weeks ago
#4
(Original post by Anonymous)
I know its a bit silly but I was wondering if anyone else feels the same? I haven't ever gone out clubbing or drinking with friends before. I haven't ever really been drunk. The only parties I've been to are kids birthday parties. I know that drinking and partying aren't all of uni life but it's a big part of it. I live in a pretty strict household (nigerian parents iykyk) so I've never been able to socialise like that, and I'm scared I'll be awkward or won't know what to do if I'm invited out. On top of this I'm very self conscious and I don't really have normal interest I could think of bringing up in a conversation ( unless I could find someone to talk through ethical dilemmas with in the club with lol). Of course I do want to experience freshers to its fullest, I'm just worried that if after the second day I start staying in instead of staying out late I'll be seen as boring.
Hey Anon!
You definitely won't be alone in feeling this way, lots of students will have similar reservations about starting university :hugs:Don't put lots of pressure on yourself to do things that are outwith your comfort zone, just take your time and do whatever you feel comfortable with. Of course if you want to go out clubbing to experience it then you'll be able to, but equally there will be people around you who aren't super interested in that and you can make other plans. Freshers isn't just about going out and clubbing/drinking - a big part of it is getting to know your university, having a chance to try out clubs/societies etc. and settle in to university life in general.

Go in to Freshers week with a positive and friendly outlook and I'm sure you'll get on great

- Caitlin
Official University of Strathclyde Rep
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Anonymous #2
#5
Report 4 weeks ago
#5
Me too lol. I’m Muslim so I’m not planning to go partying or to drink. I don’t want to seem like I’m boring either and not make friends.
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mnot
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#6
Report 4 weeks ago
#6
(Original post by Anonymous)
I know its a bit silly but I was wondering if anyone else feels the same? I haven't ever gone out clubbing or drinking with friends before. I haven't ever really been drunk. The only parties I've been to are kids birthday parties. I know that drinking and partying aren't all of uni life but it's a big part of it. I live in a pretty strict household (nigerian parents iykyk) so I've never been able to socialise like that, and I'm scared I'll be awkward or won't know what to do if I'm invited out. On top of this I'm very self conscious and I don't really have normal interest I could think of bringing up in a conversation ( unless I could find someone to talk through ethical dilemmas with in the club with lol). Of course I do want to experience freshers to its fullest, I'm just worried that if after the second day I start staying in instead of staying out late I'll be seen as boring.
It’s not that’s unusual tbh, freshers is a mix of all different types of people from all around the country (and world...).

You’ll be fine, anxiety is normally but you’ll be fine.
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hallamstudents
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#7
Report 4 weeks ago
#7
Lots of students will have had little experiences clubbing and drinking. The most I'd ever had before university was a mulled wine at Christmas. Some tips for you are: don't feel pressured to overly drink, one or two (or even none!) is absolutely fine, just go and have fun and you don't need to do it every night. Your university will plan a lot of different activities during freshers week, such as freebie and society fairs, quizzes, bingo and other games, and societies will all be hosting events. Closer to the time, have a look on your students union page, and there will be a list of things they are doing for freshers. You can use this to plan in advance things you would like to do, and you can invite your flatmates to come to them with you. This is a much easier way to get to know everyone, if can be kind of hard in a club to really get to know people.

There is usually at least 1 or 2 people you will get on well with in your flat, but I find the people you might become really good friends with are those on your course, as they will have similar interests and values, so make an effort to get to know people on your course. When I first got to uni my lecturer advised us to all sit in different places with different people every lecture/seminar, and I did and got to know practically everyone on my course. Then at lunch don't be afraid to go and sit next to some of them. This is how you'll find who you click with

Also, just a little tip, don't mix your alcohol, this is how you get terrible hangovers. If you are going to be drinking then order stuff with the same type of alcohol, you'll be far better off the next day!

- Rosie
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Uni of Southampton Students
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#8
Report 4 weeks ago
#8
(Original post by Anonymous)
I know its a bit silly but I was wondering if anyone else feels the same? I haven't ever gone out clubbing or drinking with friends before. I haven't ever really been drunk. The only parties I've been to are kids birthday parties. I know that drinking and partying aren't all of uni life but it's a big part of it. I live in a pretty strict household (nigerian parents iykyk) so I've never been able to socialise like that, and I'm scared I'll be awkward or won't know what to do if I'm invited out. On top of this I'm very self conscious and I don't really have normal interest I could think of bringing up in a conversation ( unless I could find someone to talk through ethical dilemmas with in the club with lol). Of course I do want to experience freshers to its fullest, I'm just worried that if after the second day I start staying in instead of staying out late I'll be seen as boring.
Hi there!

How you're feeling is very common with a lot of students coming to uni! While clubbing and drinking is a part of university and fresher's events are often based on that, it's actually not as big a part as you think and there's a lot of other stuff to do like joining societies and going to the different daytime freshers events (there's stuff like orientations, tours of the city, day trips to nearby cities, coffee meets, friend speed dating - check out your student union and see what there is!) Socialising can be intimidating, but some neutral topics when meeting other freshers are usually asking what they study, where they're from, what halls are they in, what's their flat like if you're struggling for conversation topics.

You'll have plenty of time to experience nightlife, but there'll be other people who are just like you; not familiar with clubbing or people who just don't like it and you'll have a chance to meet new people and find friends who you can relate to. If you do what to go out clubbing and drinking, I'd advise you to take it slow and be careful - chances are you'll be going out with people you've just met so you want to keep your wits about you, especially since you don't know your drinking limits. Start slow and don't drink too much (maybe a single rather than a double) as you start testing the waters and learning how much you can handle, or if you even like drinking at all since it's not for everyone.

Clubbing can be a lot for someone who's never been before. It can be good fun! But not for everyone of course. If you do go, just remember that if you really hate it you always have the option to leave; you're not obligated to stay and if you're going with one other person or a small group, it would be courteous to just let them know that you may leave early, just in case they're planning on staying out late.

But I'm sure you'll find things you like and what works for you and you might even find that drinking and clubbing is fun! But even if you don't, there's a lot more to uni life than just clubbing and drinking and you'll find out as you settle in to uni!

Jade
Official University of Southampton
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Coventry University Student Ambassadors
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#9
Report 4 weeks ago
#9
(Original post by Anonymous)
I know its a bit silly but I was wondering if anyone else feels the same? I haven't ever gone out clubbing or drinking with friends before. I haven't ever really been drunk. The only parties I've been to are kids birthday parties. I know that drinking and partying aren't all of uni life but it's a big part of it. I live in a pretty strict household (nigerian parents iykyk) so I've never been able to socialise like that, and I'm scared I'll be awkward or won't know what to do if I'm invited out. On top of this I'm very self conscious and I don't really have normal interest I could think of bringing up in a conversation ( unless I could find someone to talk through ethical dilemmas with in the club with lol). Of course I do want to experience freshers to its fullest, I'm just worried that if after the second day I start staying in instead of staying out late I'll be seen as boring.
Hi there,

My name is El and although I had drank a bit before Uni, I didn't like to get too drunk and didn't like clubbing. Freshers was a bit scary for me as I didn't know what to expect or if I'd be okay- but luckily, I was able to be quite honest with my flat mates and tell them I had anxiety so they were able to understand if I stopped drinking or got anxious about something. They didn't baby me or take care of me, they just let me do what I wanted and needed to with no weird looks lol.
I will say though, once you're in the experience of freshers, you do usually end up having more fun than you expected and even drink more than expected as you're just having fun and letting those worries fly as everyone is in the same boat. Everyone just wants a good time and meet new friends, as everyone is alone at Uni.

I will say, a trick I learnt when I didn't want to drink was I would just keep a bottle or can of alcohol once I drank it and filled it with water so people didn't question you when playing drinking games but not wanting to drink more! This trick helped me a lot in social situations as I get tipsy very easily compare to others so I knew my limit and when to do this trick on people haha.

You may be surprised as well at how many people will get lazy with freshers and just want to relax in their rooms after the first night or two. You will be up for long hours the first night even if it's just talking to people so a lot of people are dead the next day of freshers!! You also have to be aware that some Uni's start lessons on the second week of freshers which is always a good excuse to avoid the second week of partying- I did this lol.

A lot of people are antisocial or clubbing aint their thing, so you will find these people (like I did) and be able to have a fun time with them as that's what YOU want to do and not others. You just need to find the right people that match how you feel too... and you'll be surprised at how many people are like that.

I hope this helps! Don't feel pressured into going out as that's okay! You will find the people who think and feel the same as you too, you just need to find them.

El
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ChichesterStuRep
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#10
Report 4 weeks ago
#10
(Original post by Anonymous)
I know its a bit silly but I was wondering if anyone else feels the same? I haven't ever gone out clubbing or drinking with friends before. I haven't ever really been drunk. The only parties I've been to are kids birthday parties. I know that drinking and partying aren't all of uni life but it's a big part of it. I live in a pretty strict household (nigerian parents iykyk) so I've never been able to socialise like that, and I'm scared I'll be awkward or won't know what to do if I'm invited out. On top of this I'm very self conscious and I don't really have normal interest I could think of bringing up in a conversation ( unless I could find someone to talk through ethical dilemmas with in the club with lol). Of course I do want to experience freshers to its fullest, I'm just worried that if after the second day I start staying in instead of staying out late I'll be seen as boring.
Hey!

How you are feeling is completely valid and not silly at all! I have just finished my first year and I felt a really similar way before joining uni as well!

Obviously every uni is different but there are usually so many different activities and events during freshers week that do not involve any type of drinking. For example I joined in on a group dog walk where we walked round town whilst chatting to the group of people and getting to know them!

There will more people than you expect who don't particularly drink/ do not want to drink despite drinking being a common association with uni life. Also, if you felt comfortable, you could definitely go on the night out and not drink anything alcoholic! I have a few friends who never drink and still enjoy being on the night out!

From my experience, freshers can be overwhelming so please do not put too much pressure on yourself to go out every single day/night if you do not feel up for it. It does not mean that you are boring and you have lots of chances to meet people at any point during your time at uni!

Also, you will find people with similar interests to you. Its completely valid and normal to feel self conscious, however I would recommend just being yourself!

Best of luck,
Abby, University of Chichester Student Rep First year Student Ambassador
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Feastful
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#11
Report 3 weeks ago
#11
I've never really got into the post-uni clubbing or pubbing scene and yet I still have many good friends and lead and active social life at uni. I used to be really big on nights out but have generally avoided this at uni so that I can focus on my education.

My advice would be to just take life at your own pace and do what you want to do, I agree with someone else here who commented that getting drunk & partying all the time is a somewhat outdated uni trope from the past; to be sure, some groups of people are very much still like this (partying & getting drunk all the time), but not everyone is (and the people who aren't, are a sizeable percentage in their own right).

Most of the people I'm aware of who party a lot, are passing stuff at uni but aren't exactly producing their best work, and some are now beginning to really struggle (if you almost never work on anything after hours, it will become reflected). But I don't really judge as people are here for different things and have different priorities and for some, socializing & partying is very important for their university experience.

IF you DO want to drink alcohol and/or go out clubbing, my top advice would be:

1. 100% line your stomach before drinking, it makes a big difference to your alchol tolerance. Bready carby things (like pizza, pasta or sandwiches) often make the best foods to line a stomach with before a night out.
2. Avoid drinking lots of different types of alcohol, it will make it harder to monitor your unit consumption and will make you feel more drunk (some people debate this, but I agree with it based on personal experience).
3. Drink a pint of water at some point in the night, it will help you avoid or lessen a hangover the next day.
4. ALWAYS ALWAYS KEEP AN EYE ON YOUR DRINK! NEVER LET IT OUT OF YOUR SIGHT! DON'T GIVE IT TO OTHER PEOPLE (NOT EVEN A FRIEND) TO WATCH OVER! TAKE IT TO THE TOILET WITH YOU, IF NEED BE! I cannot emphasize this enough. And this advice goes towards you whether you are male, female or anything else, irregardless of your sexuality!
5. Injection spikings have been a thing recently, be awares; if you see anyone behaving strangely or a group is making you feel uncomfortable, TRUST YOUR GUT INSTINCT and move away (or go to a different place entirely). There is no need to justify stuff in a club- if you don't like someone, move away from them!
6. Let your roommates or someone else know when you'll be going out and what time you expect to be back.
7. Have a back up plan for if you lose your key, card or phone or if any of these things get nicked while you're out. When drunk, you are entering a state of vulnerability and when in a packed club or dance floor, it can be the perfect place for pick pockets, so think about what you'd do if your valuables got stolen (i.e. how would you get home, and would you know how to get home?).
8. DO NOT separate from your friends nor travel alone late at night, especially if drunk.
9. If you are in a group and someone is clearly not keeping up (alcohol consumption wise) with everyone else, make sure they get back safely rather than trying to encourage them to keep on drinking (which they will if they continue to stay out).
10. Another way to pace yourself better with alcohol is to have a soft drink inbetween drinks; no-one will be able to tell the difference if you're drinking a class of coke VS a coke & rum/vodka (etc) and it will be cheaper on your wallet and make the night go on longer.
11. Be mindful about how drunk you're getting and don't assume that stopping drinking will stop you from getting more drunk! The alcohol already consumed in your stomach will continue to make you feel more drunk for some time afterwards, so think of your condition as being like a car with bad brakes (you can put the brakes on, but don't expect the car to stop immediately!). If you're in a good place, then don't keep on thoughtlessly piling in more alcohol without thought.
12. IF YOU DO end up drinking too much alcohol, then consider finding a nearby toilet and purging your stomach; it will not be pleasant, but it will sure as hell be better than allowing the alcohol to continue putting you in an even worse state and getting to a point where you either throw up against your will, act like a complete douchebag, get mugged or some other bad thing while incredibly drunk, or wake up with the most almighty hangover the next day (or even all of the above!).
13. If you do end up being sick (for whatever reasons), absolutely make sure to drink a lot of water afterwards and to rinse your mouth out with it (stomach acid is terrible on tooth enamel). It will also help get rid of any vomit smell in your mouth and this will help you get a taxi back if you need one (if taxi drivers feel that you are too drunk or suspect that you might throw up, they are more than within their rights to refuse to give you a lift home).
14. If you've never really gotten drunk before, you are not going to know what kind of drunk you are. And there are many types; happy drunks, sad drunks, party on the dance floor drunks, generous drunks, look for a fight drunks, sleepy drunks, hungry drunks and more. Figure out what kind of person alcohol makes you more into and you can avoid a lot of regrettable night out decisions.
15. Take the next day off; alcohol gives you a poor quality of sleep and if you've consumed a very large quantity of units, you can still be technically drunk the next day (and certainly in no legal shape to drive or ride a motorbike). Don't assume that you'll be doing anything productive after a night out of drinking, it is better that you just rest up and eat well.

Going out clubbing or pubbing is very expensive and a night out in the city can easily cost upwards of £100 or more, especially if you start adding in travel expenses or other things into the mix. Many people will have some drinks at home or at a friends house before going out so that they feel a little bit buzzed from the get-go. Weatherspoons is a popular choice for a 1st place to go as the drinks are cheap there but as a vibe, its not really a party place so many people typically go somewhere more interesting after getting things started off at a weatherspoons.

Further tips:

1. Cocktails can be cheap & cheerful, but don't be led into a false sense of security by their sweet flavours; they can be very strong in alcohol content!
2. You will get asked if you want ice in your drinks a lot - which can be nice - but ice is also used by establishments to bulk out drinks. If you want more bang for your buck, then avoid having ice in your drinks!
3. Plain water COSTS NOTHING in clubs and pubs. There is an actual rule everywhere that prevents them from charging customers for this! So always remember that if you're feeling too drunk (or are worried about getting a hangover the next day), you can always ask for a free glass of tap water!
4. If you look like you could pass for age 25 or younger, then EXPECT TO GET ID'd! Always bring some form of ID on a night out with you, or your night might not go very far!
5. Their job is to look out for trouble but don't expect the bouncers or doormen to have 360 degree vision! If you see something beginning to go down, someone in trouble or something else bad (like someone slipping something into someone else's drink), then staff are always grateful if you inform them.
6. Likewise, if the toilets are in a right state or are completely out of toilet roll (etc), don't expect the staff to be aware of this situation (especially on a busy night)- a quick word a the bar and they'll often send someone out very soon to sort out the situation.
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Anonymous #3
#12
Report 3 weeks ago
#12
(Original post by Anonymous)
Me too lol. I’m Muslim so I’m not planning to go partying or to drink. I don’t want to seem like I’m boring either and not make friends.
I'm also nigerian and Muslim and I empathise with you sm. My advice would be to not change yourself for people if you haven't done so all this time. People will like you for who you are so stay firm in your beliefs and you'll attract the right kind of people, that's what I plan to do when I start in September. Good luck!
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