Being married has more upsides than you think

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HucktheForde
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#1
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#1
This is not a discussion or a rant thread. I notice there are many members on here that are on the younger side so i am just sharing my experience.

This is the third time in my life i have been asked by my work place superiors regarding my relationship status. My bosses are always interested to know if employees are married, sometimes they dont ask directly but they invite me out for dinners and ask me to bring my family. They never explicitly say why but i guess its because

1) If you are married you are being perceived as mature and less likely to act impulsively
2) You are also more likely to settle down , be loyal to the company and not job hop
3) You are more suitable for leadership position

It may not impact you if you are in your 20s, but it will once you pass your 30. Its true that i have been overlooked for promotion but truth is i will never know how much my relationship status impact that decision.
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Inc3me
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#2
Ooh cool

Why leadership abilities?
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londonmyst
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#3
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#3
I know that there are plenty of positives to marriage & civil partnerships for those who either have the ambition or are open minded on the issue.

While many people and professional environments do have an obvious active preference/requirement for those in senior roles to be married/civil partners or engaged and planning a wedding/cp, I think that other factors like age group/being a property owner with children or a long term partner are perceived as more indicative of being stable & settled down than just the official married or civil partnership relationship status.
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j25_8
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#4
(Original post by londonmyst)
While many people and professional environments do have an obvious active preference/requirement for those in senior roles to be married/civil partners or engaged and planning a wedding/cp.
Really?
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skylark2
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#5
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(Original post by HucktheForde)
This is not a discussion or a rant thread. I notice there are many members on here that are on the younger side so i am just sharing my experience.

This is the third time in my life i have been asked by my work place superiors regarding my relationship status. My bosses are always interested to know if employees are married, sometimes they dont ask directly but they invite me out for dinners and ask me to bring my family. They never explicitly say why but i guess its because

1) If you are married you are being perceived as mature and less likely to act impulsively
2) You are also more likely to settle down , be loyal to the company and not job hop
3) You are more suitable for leadership position

It may not impact you if you are in your 20s, but it will once you pass your 30. Its true that i have been overlooked for promotion but truth is i will never know how much my relationship status impact that decision.
You're older than 30 and three whole times in your career someone has asked you to come for a family meal and wondered what the implications of that are for how many people they'll be feeding?

I think you're reading too much into it, to be honest.

(FWIW, I have no idea whether many of my colleagues are married. The only way I'd know is if they choose to say "my wife" or "my husband" in conversation.)
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londonmyst
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#6
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#6
(Original post by j25_8)
Really?
Yes.
Particularly where moderately conservative religious communities and asian family owned businesses are involved.
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YaliaV123
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#7
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#7
Feeling sorry for yourself won't help.
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Omannnae
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#8
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#8
I literally had this discussion with a male friend of mine a few days ago.

I argued that another upside to being married is the amount of new people you get introduced to.
Firstly of course theres your in-laws. Everyone from your parent in-laws to sibling-in-laws to cousin-in-laws. Your spouses entire family if you have the pleasure of meeting all of them and then a lot of the people they know - their bf/gf, their friends. Then theres any children you have, thats a given. And a lot of the time being married helps you create a social ladder. A lot of married friends end up creating a small group of friends who are also married.

Why is this very important?

Because one reason why so many men are reluctant to get married is the whole "getting screwed over in court/losing all your wealth and your home" argument.

So I say to him and everyone else - the next time you walk past some homeless men (sadly its mostly men) ask them their story. Ask how many of them were married and ended up homeless because of a divorce.

The actual stats will shock you. Aside from suffering from mental health problems, addictions and the obvious financial problems, many of these homeless men were actually never married (look it up). I'm not saying theres no divorced men or homeless fathers but many of them are actually single, never married men.

My parents are divorced as are many of my other family members and various other people I know. Yeah for a short while they had to find some place to live until they got settled but due to all the people they met through being married, they will always have more options of places to sleep.

You ever noticed how your dad/uncle/cousin/brother/male friend will have a divorced male friend sleeping on his couch for a few weeks/months. Its just something that they do. When they form a friendship or a connection to a bro they met through their married friends group or if he/she was married into their family, when they end up getting divorced someone will pity them enough to help them get through their divorce. Especially if they are married themselves/have been married. It will usually be one of their married friends, their former parent-in-laws or brother in law or someone who he knows through being married.

Its an accurate theory. And its actually quite sad as well. I've heard stories about single men who have struggled financially and when they turned to a few people for help, most people were reluctant (for some weird reason) to allow them to stay with them for a while. Hence why they ended up sleeping on the street. But if he was a married man (whether he had children or not) they seem to trust him more to let him sleep on their couch for a few weeks until he gets back on his feet again.

And financial strain can hit a man at any time. Whether he never marries or if he marries and gets divorced. Hardship can hit anyone at any time. The only perks of being once-married is that you will have more people to turn to in times of need (long story short).
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ROTL94 2
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#9
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#9
That's nice and all but I couldn't picture myself getting married for perceived career boosts, if they even exist.
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HucktheForde
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#10
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#10
(Original post by Inc3me)
Ooh cool

Why leadership abilities?
If you have kids, you are kind of a leader yourself in your home
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Genesiss
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#11
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#11
yes of course 'truth is i will never know how much my relationship status impact that decision'. indeed you're just speculating it was a matter at all
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skylark2
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#12
I was thinking some more about this theory, and it occurs to me that the opposite is almost certainly true to be successful in the really big companies. If you want to get promoted high up in a multinational, chances are you're going to have to move around and get experience in multiple arms of the company and they will be all over the place. The top people in the company I work for have lived in multiple different countries, moving every few years. I don't know how many of them are married, but I do know that that level of uprooting would be more difficult for anyone who isn't single, and a LOT more difficult for anyone with kids.

I'm bemused by the suggestion that being married means you're better at leadership. I just can't see any correlation for that at all. I'd think there was more correlation with the opposite, in that if you're married you don't have to make all the big decisions by yourself.
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Inc3me
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#13
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#13
(Original post by HucktheForde)
If you have kids, you are kind of a leader yourself in your home
Oh, hmm ok!
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PinkMobilePhone
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#14
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#14
I don't really know much about the other side of the coin.

I was engaged at 17. Moved in with my fiance when I was 18. Married with kids at 21.

I have no clue what it's like to be single.
Last edited by PinkMobilePhone; 1 month ago
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gjd800
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#15
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#15
Nobody is arsed in academia so no rush for me and my mrs
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Tammie2345524
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#16
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(Original post by Omannnae)
I argued that another upside to being married is the amount of new people you get introduced to.
Firstly of course theres your in-laws. Everyone from your parent in-laws to sibling-in-laws to cousin-in-laws. Your spouses entire family if you have the pleasure of meeting all of them and then a lot of the people they know - their bf/gf, their friends. Then theres any children you have, thats a given. And a lot of the time being married helps you create a social ladder. A lot of married friends end up creating a small group of friends who are also married.
I'd consider having to meet all those people a downside. I don't like being in social situations with my own extended family, let alone another person's family.
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