Friend tries to control what I wear?

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Anonymous #1
#1
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#1
I've got this female friend and I am also a girl. She's fun most of the time, but sometimes she makes embarrassing comments about me in front of people. She also sometimes makes comments about what I wear, saying my clothes are "too expensive". We have a grad ball for our uni coming up, and I sent her some dress choices that I like online. It was the choice between a brown dress or a white dress, but I prefer the white. My friend said she wants me to wear the brown one. I said "sorry, but I've chosen the white. I think I'll wear that one." And she texts me back "well, don't. You're not wearing that one. Choose the brown." I said "sorry to burst your bubble but I want to wear the white one." And she texts back "I hate you." Why is she insisting on me wearing something I would prefer not to? This is not the first time she has done this.
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xox416
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#2
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#2
Do you normally "outshine" her?
I sense a bit of jealousy.
Idk, I'd need her side of the story..

Is she also wearing white?
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londonmyst
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#3
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#3
Are you sure that you want to continue to consider her as a friend? :confused:
Her actions and attitude towards you does not appear at all friendly.

She sounds obnoxious and overbearing.
Might be insecure.
Seems very jealous of your appearance or easy access to the money that can buy expensive clothes.
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skylark2
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#4
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Maybe best not to ask her opinion in the future, especially not when you've already made your choice.
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Anonymous #1
#5
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#5
This is OP. Thank you both, she's wearing a green dress so it's not like I would be wearing the same colour as her? I don't think I outshine her, she has said she wishes she looked like me but I would wish the same thing about her! I think we're both beautiful and I don't get why the need to say these things.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by skylark2)
Maybe best not to ask her opinion in the future, especially not when you've already made your choice.
True, but this time I hadn't made up my mind when I sent her the pictures. I was torn, but edging slightly towards the white dress. I just thought I would share my options as she had shared with me what she's wearing.
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Anonymous #1
#7
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Thank you, she's wearing green. It really suits her!
(Original post by xox416)
Do you normally "outshine" her?
I sense a bit of jealousy.
Idk, I'd need her side of the story..

Is she also wearing white?
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xox416
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#8
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(Original post by Anonymous)
This is OP. Thank you both, she's wearing a green dress so it's not like I would be wearing the same colour as her? I don't think I outshine her, she has said she wishes she looked like me but I would wish the same thing about her! I think we're both beautiful and I don't get why the need to say these things.
Do you tend to get more attention than her?


Either way, if someone in your life is weighing you down, you have the right to cut them loose.

Personally for me if she is a close friend and I cared about our friendship I would have a discussion with her. Figure out why she feels entitled in this way.
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Quierosaber
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Firstly I’m glad that you’ve recognised that what your friend is doing is weird and most importantly that you stood up to her. It does seem like she’s jealous of you. No one cares about what she wants you to wear. It’s none of her business. Why does she want you to wear something you don’t want to? It’s very strange. Personally I’d keep my distance from someone like that. But if you do want to keep her as a friend I think you should have a discussion with her to try to understand why she behaves like that and to establish some boundaries.
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ROTL94 2
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#10
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#10
You should explain to her calmly that you're not a ****ing doll and you're not interested in being dressed by her.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by xox416)
Do you tend to get more attention than her?


Either way, if someone in your life is weighing you down, you have the right to cut them loose.

Personally for me if she is a close friend and I cared about our friendship I would have a discussion with her. Figure out why she feels entitled in this way.
Thanks again, I do get quite a bit of attention sometimes but she definitely gets attention too. It's sad because in other ways she's a really fun friend. Also, our friendship didn't start off like this, we've been friends for 2 years and at the beginning she was very supportive, complimentary and hyped me up as I did her.

I want to have a discussion with her, but I don't want to come off as too intense or as though I'm overreacting? Also, I don't want to make her feel bad.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Quierosaber)
Firstly I’m glad that you’ve recognised that what your friend is doing is weird and most importantly that you stood up to her. It does seem like she’s jealous of you. No one cares about what she wants you to wear. It’s none of her business. Why does she want you to wear something you don’t want to? It’s very strange. Personally I’d keep my distance from someone like that. But if you do want to keep her as a friend I think you should have a discussion with her to try to understand why she behaves like that and to establish some boundaries.
Thanks, yeah it's definitely weird. Her comments really surprised me and they seemed so out of the blue. Like with the slight throwing shade in front of other people, I ignored it because she is generally quite a "jokey" person and I took it as a joke and told myself I was overthinking it. But these last comments about my dress definitely made me feel weird.

I want to establish boundaries but in a way that doesn't hurt her feelings? I think she has some insecurities, and I don't want to make her feel bad.
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Anonymous #1
#13
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(Original post by ROTL94 2)
You should explain to her calmly that you're not a ****ing doll and you're not interested in being dressed by her.
Very true I am not a doll! It ****ed me off a bit not going to lie so that's why I put her in her place
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Son of the Sea
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#14
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#14
You call this person a friend??? Get rid of her like a rat in pest control.
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_Robyn_
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#15
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I've got this female friend and I am also a girl. She's fun most of the time, but sometimes she makes embarrassing comments about me in front of people. She also sometimes makes comments about what I wear, saying my clothes are "too expensive". We have a grad ball for our uni coming up, and I sent her some dress choices that I like online. It was the choice between a brown dress or a white dress, but I prefer the white. My friend said she wants me to wear the brown one. I said "sorry, but I've chosen the white. I think I'll wear that one." And she texts me back "well, don't. You're not wearing that one. Choose the brown." I said "sorry to burst your bubble but I want to wear the white one." And she texts back "I hate you." Why is she insisting on me wearing something I would prefer not to? This is not the first time she has done this.
I think you need to reconsider if she is actually you're friend. Friends don't say "I hate you" to each other.
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Anonymous #1
#16
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(Original post by _Robyn_)
I think you need to reconsider if she is actually you're friend. Friends don't say "I hate you" to each other.
Yeah I totally get that, but I saw her comment as sarcastic, we tend to joke around quite a lot and we're both quite sarcastic people
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Bacterium 2.0
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#17
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeah I totally get that, but I saw her comment as sarcastic, we tend to joke around quite a lot and we're both quite sarcastic people
Fair, but that context makes it seem not sarcastic. I think you need to do something. If she's making you uncomfortable in front of other people that's not ok. You should talk to her and take it from there.
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Dunnig Kruger
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#18
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#18
The embarrassing comments: they're great training for you. Encourage her to make more of them. The encouragement may well result in her making them less often - reverse psychology and all that.

They are great training because you should think of them as **** tests. There's 3 easy ways to pass these tests. When you pass them you tend to look good in the eyes of others.
1 ignore the comments and carrying on saying what you want to say
2 agree and exagerate. The greater / more far out / funnier the exageration the better.
3 deliberately misinterprete. Pretend it was a compliment to you. EG as if you misheard what she said. Or you take a double entendre from what was said.

You can also carry on using her as a source of clothing advice. Whatever she tells you not to buy or wear, go ahead and buy / wear it. Unless she starts double bluffing you. In which case you double bluff her back. Or just wear whatever the hell you want to wear.

As for her texting "I hate you". Allow her to text you that once every 5 months. Any more often than that and you should call her out on it. Something in response like "What's up? What's with the negativity?"
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Cimija
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#19
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#19
She's jealous! You don't need such friends, it's going to be even worse, so act now.
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