Friend won’t take no for an answer

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RushingRiver
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#1
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#1
I’ve been having a lot of issues with my ex (I’ll call her R) since we broke up. We go to the same school and have a couple of hours together in lessons. She’s very confusing, seems to enjoy playing with my emotions, and I feel that she’s been quite manipulative. Every time she’s near, I still feel hurt that she left, and I become attached to her again whenever she’s being friendly, but then she always leaves me again so I’ve learned to keep my distance where possible and just say hi but otherwise leave her alone.

I know she’s okay with me being around her, despite her saying she doesn’t want to be friends - I choose to stay away for the sake of my own mental health, not because anyone’s forcing me to leave her alone. She actually seems to like it when I’m around. Part of distancing myself included moving to a new group of friends. My old friends all followed me over there (their choice, I’ve made it clear that they can do what they like) apart from one, who’s R’s best friend and stayed with her. I’ll call her C.

C has been saying for ages that she misses the old friend group and wants us all back together again. Today, she kept pushing me to agree to sit with everyone, and that includes R. I told her I wouldn’t do it because I needed to look after myself and wouldn’t be happy or comfortable at the same table as R. But she won’t listen - she spent 15 minutes at break today asking me non stop to just agree to it, and I kept saying no. It kinda ruined my day, and I know she won’t stop asking unless I say yes.

I know how much she wants this, but she’s deliberately making me feel guilty for not sitting with her and I don’t like it. She was saying things like “oh, but I really miss sitting with everyone, why won’t you do it?” “Please? You don’t have to sit next to her.” “Please come sit with us.”

Eventually, she said, “okay, well R and I are going to come over and sit with you at lunch today then.” I told her that was fine, that she could sit with our friends, but that I’d move away and sit on my own if she did. She’s not happy. She didn’t try it, but the constant pestering is making me angry.

I can’t help feeling like maybe I’m being selfish for being so insistent, but then she’s being equally insistent. I just feel like I need to look after myself and do my best to move on, because I have another year at this school yet and I don’t want to spend it all feeling miserable.

What do I do? Just keep saying no, or give in and sit with my ex to keep the peace?
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TriplexA
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#2
Report 4 weeks ago
#2
(Original post by RushingRiver)
I’ve been having a lot of issues with my ex (I’ll call her R) since we broke up. We go to the same school and have a couple of hours together in lessons. She’s very confusing, seems to enjoy playing with my emotions, and I feel that she’s been quite manipulative. Every time she’s near, I still feel hurt that she left, and I become attached to her again whenever she’s being friendly, but then she always leaves me again so I’ve learned to keep my distance where possible and just say hi but otherwise leave her alone.

I know she’s okay with me being around her, despite her saying she doesn’t want to be friends - I choose to stay away for the sake of my own mental health, not because anyone’s forcing me to leave her alone. She actually seems to like it when I’m around. Part of distancing myself included moving to a new group of friends. My old friends all followed me over there (their choice, I’ve made it clear that they can do what they like) apart from one, who’s R’s best friend and stayed with her. I’ll call her C.

C has been saying for ages that she misses the old friend group and wants us all back together again. Today, she kept pushing me to agree to sit with everyone, and that includes R. I told her I wouldn’t do it because I needed to look after myself and wouldn’t be happy or comfortable at the same table as R. But she won’t listen - she spent 15 minutes at break today asking me non stop to just agree to it, and I kept saying no. It kinda ruined my day, and I know she won’t stop asking unless I say yes.

I know how much she wants this, but she’s deliberately making me feel guilty for not sitting with her and I don’t like it. She was saying things like “oh, but I really miss sitting with everyone, why won’t you do it?” “Please? You don’t have to sit next to her.” “Please come sit with us.”

Eventually, she said, “okay, well R and I are going to come over and sit with you at lunch today then.” I told her that was fine, that she could sit with our friends, but that I’d move away and sit on my own if she did. She’s not happy. She didn’t try it, but the constant pestering is making me angry.

I can’t help feeling like maybe I’m being selfish for being so insistent, but then she’s being equally insistent. I just feel like I need to look after myself and do my best to move on, because I have another year at this school yet and I don’t want to spend it all feeling miserable.

What do I do? Just keep saying no, or give in and sit with my ex to keep the peace?
Hi there.

You need to do what you feel is right for you - if you don't feel comfortable sitting with R then don't feel the need to. Clearly but politely tell C that you'd rather spend some time alone rather than sit with R. You're not doing anything wrong for asking for some time to yourself so try not to worry.

Hope this helps.
Take care and best wishes.
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RushingRiver
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#3
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#3
(Original post by TriplexA)
Hi there.

You need to do what you feel is right for you - if you don't feel comfortable sitting with R then don't feel the need to. Clearly but politely tell C that you'd rather spend some time alone rather than sit with R. You're not doing anything wrong for asking for some time to yourself so try not to worry.

Hope this helps.
Take care and best wishes.
PRSOM
Thank you, I guess I’ll just keep being persistent and saying no, hopefully she doesn’t get too annoyed
Last edited by RushingRiver; 4 weeks ago
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aliaa03
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#4
Report 4 weeks ago
#4
(Original post by TriplexA)
Hi there.

You need to do what you feel is right for you - if you don't feel comfortable sitting with R then don't feel the need to. Clearly but politely tell C that you'd rather spend some time alone rather than sit with R. You're not doing anything wrong for asking for some time to yourself so try not to worry.

Hope this helps.
Take care and best wishes.
i C you R giving excellent advice as always

(🥁)
Last edited by aliaa03; 4 weeks ago
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TriplexA
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#5
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#5
(Original post by RushingRiver)
PRSOM
Thank you, I guess I’ll just keep being persistent and saying no, hopefully she doesn’t get too annoyed
Good luck!

Thank you aliaa03 - hoping that Chem Q explanation made sense.
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aliaa03
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#6
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#6
(Original post by TriplexA)
Good luck!

Thank you aliaa03 - hoping that Chem Q explanation made sense.
yess !! i think i’m getting pretty good at puns tbh as you can C
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aliaa03
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#7
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#7
(Original post by aliaa03)
yess !! i think i’m getting pretty good at puns tbh as you can C
Actually idk if that classified as a pun
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