22 parents giving me basically no option but to move out

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#1
I'm 22 turning 23 in february and I don't have a degree or any training in a proper job but my parents are kind of kicking me out. My parents always wanted me to go to uni but had a lot of trouble with school (and mental health issues) throughout my teens which my parents were not really sympathetic to (everything was my fault) until i was about 17 and a half and they realised me going to uni wasn't looking very likely. I dropped out of year 13 after narrowly avoiding being kicked out of year 12 but decided it was too much for me. At this point my parents decided to get me privately tested for any learning difficulties at obviously being diagnosed will get you extra time etc. Turns out I did have dyslexia and dyspraxia which none of my teachers ever picked up on because quite frankly i butted heads with them all and they didn't have a lot of time for me. I restarted A levels at a college when I was 18 and finished when I was 20 but didn't go to uni that september due to covid. My life outside of school was always okay, up until i was 20 (just finished a levels) we lived in a large town/city in the home counties which was a 30 min train into central london and had lots to do in the town itself i always had a decent social life and part time jobs. In summer 2020 we moved to a house in the same county but in the countryside as my parents prefer the country to the city, having always lived in a large town with good transport links i never learned to drive so was a bit stuck. This house was not too far from our old one and was about a 40 min walk to the nearest town but didn't have any shops or anything in the "village" (about 20 houses lol) so was decent a lot less convenient as I had to get a lift everywhere including to work and where we used to live to see my friends . Last september I did go to uni (in leeds) but as i always suspected it really wasn't for me plus i felt too old at 21/22 so dropped out in march and have been working part time at a pub since. My parents have decided that they like the countryside life so much they've bought a house in norfolk and are moving there in september. This house is literally in the middle of nowhere not in walking distance to any shops pubs nothing and also not really big enough for me and my brother (who goes to uni in bristol and plans to live there after uni) to stay in as well. My parents have basically said if you don't like it you can re apply to university somewhere else and start in september. I don't really want to go back to uni but even if i got an extra job between now and september i won't have enough money to move out especially as the area we live in is expensive compared to other parts of the country. Side note - i don't think my parents will enjoy norfolk, My dads meant to work from home but still has to go into London for work quite a bit and my mum already complains that ubers take too long/are expensive, that her friends never come out to our house because we live in the countryside, and how much of a hassle it is to get into london as we're not in walking distance of a train station however i can't just rely on the hope that they'll hate it and move back. Is my only option just to go back to uni?????
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Muttly
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#2
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Why would you go back to Uni?

Your only option is to become self sufficient. I am sensing you are perhaps overly reliant on your parents, psychologically, mentally, financially and they probably also fear this. Hence the need for their tough love and they are essentially 'ejecting' you.

Have you ever seen the wildlife programme where the tiny baby sea birds on top of a 300ft cliff have no option but to leave the nest? They literally bounce down the side of the cliff face hitting rocks before landing in the sea. Some die and some live in that process but that life survival is brutal.

You are in danger of failing to make your own decisions and seeing others as the cause of the lack of success in your own life?
Plan your own life going forward and stop waiting for others to make your decisions for you? If it goes wrong you have to be the one to take responsibility. Explore all accommodation options, house sharing, bedsit, lodger, etc You can pass your driving test if you put your mind to it and work to pay for it. You will need a job too to pay for the rent, rates, food, going out. Sit down and look at all of the jobs, apprentices available Nationally. Decide what career you see yourself doing to earn money longer term? Make a list of your strengths, weaknesses in all aspects of your life. Work out immediate needs, immediate funds, short term, long term. Go back to college and boost your Maths, English if you need to. Consider joining the army, navy, RAF, at least you will get accommodation while earning something.

I hear you talk a lot of negatives in your post about your life going forward. I read your comments about your parents house move but they are quite entitled to do what they want to do. I am sure they will advise you or give you practical support. It seems like now is the time for you to become independent and to make your own way in the world too.

You might need advice from various charitable helplines to understand your options but this is something you can also do. Embrace the challenge. You can revisit the gaps in your education and make up any base grades by resitting courses and exams. Only you will know if you are suited to the demands and discipline needed to study at Uni, accompanied by the horrendous student debt going forwards.
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StriderHort
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#3
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#3
Pretty much what Muttly said, this sounds like the time you need to start making your own life choices. Your parents will know fine well there will be little opportunity for you in the place they are moving and that to be blunt, you kinda can't afford to move with them without relying on their charity (no car, no transferrable income, no stake for the home I suspect either)

You think you are too old for uni... but young enough to lay about your parents with a part time job largely dependant on their whims?... sounds a bit silly when spelled out like that, doesn't it?
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Anonymous #1
#4
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
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(Original post by Muttly)
Why would you go back to Uni?

Your only option is to become self sufficient. I am sensing you are perhaps overly reliant on your parents, psychologically, mentally, financially and they probably also fear this. Hence the need for their tough love and they are essentially 'ejecting' you.

Have you ever seen the wildlife programme where the tiny baby sea birds on top of a 300ft cliff have no option but to leave the nest? They literally bounce down the side of the cliff face hitting rocks before landing in the sea. Some die and some live in that process but that life survival is brutal.

You are in danger of failing to make your own decisions and seeing others as the cause of the lack of success in your own life?
Plan your own life going forward and stop waiting for others to make your decisions for you? If it goes wrong you have to be the one to take responsibility. Explore all accommodation options, house sharing, bedsit, lodger, etc You can pass your driving test if you put your mind to it and work to pay for it. You will need a job too to pay for the rent, rates, food, going out. Sit down and look at all of the jobs, apprentices available Nationally. Decide what career you see yourself doing to earn money longer term? Make a list of your strengths, weaknesses in all aspects of your life. Work out immediate needs, immediate funds, short term, long term. Go back to college and boost your Maths, English if you need to. Consider joining the army, navy, RAF, at least you will get accommodation while earning something.

I hear you talk a lot of negatives in your post about your life going forward. I read your comments about your parents house move but they are quite entitled to do what they want to do. I am sure they will advise you or give you practical support. It seems like now is the time for you to become independent and to make your own way in the world too.

You might need advice from various charitable helplines to understand your options but this is something you can also do. Embrace the challenge. You can revisit the gaps in your education and make up any base grades by resitting courses and exams. Only you will know if you are suited to the demands and discipline needed to study at Uni, accompanied by the horrendous student debt going forwards.
Im not that close with my parents we've never got on so i wouldn't say i'm reliant on them psychologically or mentally, but financially sure. As i finished my A levels when i was 20 took a year out cause of covid and then went to uni at 21 im financially in the same situation as any 19/20 year old who has just finished first year of uni. I do have a job (and have had since i was 16 i have no aversion to working) but it's not enough to rent anywhere yet and as stated they only just told me they're moving so even if i starting working full time between now and september i doubt i'd have enough to move out, I don't need to go back to school for anything as i achieved AAB at A level seeing as i did them age 20 also no exams cause of covid deffo made them easier. I don't know if you already have a drivers license or just aren't aware of the situation but due to lockdown there is still an extreme backlog for tests at the dvla, i've been practicing driving since i dropped out and moved back home but the soonest available tests are in october/november unfortunately. I'm currently looking for apprenticeships and jobs as you are correct in that i don't want to go back to uni but there will be none in the norfolk countryside so i'd need to move out before then. If they were moving in say january it wouldn't be a problem as id have enough time to earn up enough money to move out but i don't know how i can make that much in 3 months which is the main problems. I'm looking at staying with friends in my hometown but again i'm not sure how long it will take me to save up as rent there is similar to london prices.
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Anonymous #1
#5
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
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(Original post by StriderHort)
Pretty much what Muttly said, this sounds like the time you need to start making your own life choices. Your parents will know fine well there will be little opportunity for you in the place they are moving and that to be blunt, you kinda can't afford to move with them without relying on their charity (no car, no transferrable income, no stake for the home I suspect either)

You think you are too old for uni... but young enough to lay about your parents with a part time job largely dependant on their whims?... sounds a bit silly when spelled out like that, doesn't it?
you're right i don't want to move to the middle of nowhere with them and be completely reliant i want to move out but i don't have the funds due to only finishing A levels at 20, covid and going to uni. Everyone my age i know in my area whether they've had a job since leaving school at 18, are in their final year of uni or finished uni last summer and now work still live with their parents and can't move out anytime soon as the rent around here is the same as london prices so no i don't feel like i'm too old to still live at home sorry, maybe if i lived up north where the rent was cheaper or if covid hadn't happened it would be a different story. if they were moving next summer or even the start of next year i would probably have time earn enough to move into a room at least but even if i pick up another job (which i'm trying to do now obviously) i dont think i'll have enough to move out unfortunately. I'm not annoyed at them for moving but I am annoyed at the lack of notice seeing as they've been planning it for months and only just told me, i assume this was partly to get me to go back to uni (they still desperately want me to go) in september as they know i won't be able to save up enough to move out in 3 months
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nousernameplease
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#6
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I get how you feel with parents moving from a big town to literally the middle of nowhere not being able to drive, I'm finishing uni now and moving home to them for at least the summer until I get a grad job. I also can't drive (but have an intensive course booked soon) and when I go home now I feel a bit like a 12 year old again - so I understand the frustration.
However, the people above are right. I know it isn't nice to hear, but as an adult you should be responsible for yourself, and that means being able to support yourself financially and practically. Why have you been working part time and not full time? Why haven't you made learning to drive a priority? To be clear, I'm not saying any of this to make you feel bad (no one here is) but these are just questions to make you think. I'd it possible for you to work full time hours? Or find a job that gives you full time work? 3 months should be enough time to save for a deposit for a rental flat or room in a house share and to go towards driving lessons. Although you might not be able to afford a flat local to your current area in which case you'll need to look elsewhere.
At 22 there is no reason for you to be upset at your parents moving, because you don't have to go with them. I know a lot of people are against renting because they'd prefer to put the money towards a house deposit. That would be amazing, but I know I can't have a career job living with my parents, and to be honest I like my independence, so I've accepted I'm going to have to rent immediately. It'll be difficult but I don't see why that's not an option?
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Feastful
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#7
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#7
(Original post by Anonymous)
you're right i don't want to move to the middle of nowhere with them and be completely reliant i want to move out but i don't have the funds due to only finishing A levels at 20, covid and going to uni. Everyone my age i know in my area whether they've had a job since leaving school at 18, are in their final year of uni or finished uni last summer and now work still live with their parents and can't move out anytime soon as the rent around here is the same as london prices so no i don't feel like i'm too old to still live at home sorry, maybe if i lived up north where the rent was cheaper or if covid hadn't happened it would be a different story. if they were moving next summer or even the start of next year i would probably have time earn enough to move into a room at least but even if i pick up another job (which i'm trying to do now obviously) i dont think i'll have enough to move out unfortunately. I'm not annoyed at them for moving but I am annoyed at the lack of notice seeing as they've been planning it for months and only just told me, i assume this was partly to get me to go back to uni (they still desperately want me to go) in september as they know i won't be able to save up enough to move out in 3 months
A full-time worker on minimum wage can expect to earn at least £311.85 per week, £1,351.35 per month, or £16,216.20 per year before tax and other deductions. A quick glance at Rightmove and there are flatshares available in London for less than £800 PCM, such as this one:

£715 pcm in Battersea: https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properti...hannel=RES_LET

£575 pcm in Brixton https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properti...hannel=RES_LET

£794 pcm in Battersea: https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properti...hannel=STU_LET

£500 pcm in Wimbledon: https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properti...hannel=RES_LET

(etc)

And the further you move away from the center, the more your options explode. In short, its absolutely doable to rent for £600 or less per month in London (and you can maximise on your earnings with good transport links) and its very easy to earn above the minimum wage if you try.

Where there is a will, there is a way. It won't be easy, but tens of thousands of young people successfully make the move to the city every year.

You can't expect your parents to accomodate you in the nest forever and at this point, they're within their right to want to focus on their own lives now and have their own space. Keeping you in the family home for many more years is arguably not in your best interests as it will stifle your independence, job prospects, confidence and more.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by nousernameplease)
I get how you feel with parents moving from a big town to literally the middle of nowhere not being able to drive, I'm finishing uni now and moving home to them for at least the summer until I get a grad job. I also can't drive (but have an intensive course booked soon) and when I go home now I feel a bit like a 12 year old again - so I understand the frustration.
However, the people above are right. I know it isn't nice to hear, but as an adult you should be responsible for yourself, and that means being able to support yourself financially and practically. Why have you been working part time and not full time? Why haven't you made learning to drive a priority? To be clear, I'm not saying any of this to make you feel bad (no one here is) but these are just questions to make you think. I'd it possible for you to work full time hours? Or find a job that gives you full time work? 3 months should be enough time to save for a deposit for a rental flat or room in a house share and to go towards driving lessons. Although you might not be able to afford a flat local to your current area in which case you'll need to look elsewhere.
At 22 there is no reason for you to be upset at your parents moving, because you don't have to go with them. I know a lot of people are against renting because they'd prefer to put the money towards a house deposit. That would be amazing, but I know I can't have a career job living with my parents, and to be honest I like my independence, so I've accepted I'm going to have to rent immediately. It'll be difficult but I don't see why that's not an option?
I've been trying to get a full time job since i left uni in march been applying for loads as i prefer working to studying and i need the money but that's easier said than done unfortunately, i started learning to drive in summer 2020 right after we moved but wasn't ready for a test before 2021 lockdowns, when they were all lifted in summer 2021 i think i would have been ready for a test in a few more weeks as i had some more lessons then but there was a huge backlog and there were no tests available for 2/3 at which time i was at uni in leeds. I have been practicing driving since moving back but haven't been able to get a test. Although if i do find a job that pays enough to move out and move to say London or another city with good transport links i won't need to drive as much. My main priority now is deffo getting a full time job which i have been doing for 2 months now
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YaliaV123
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#9
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#9
You sound like you're about 15 from your post. Your parents are entitled to do what they want and they shouldn't have to stop living in order to accommodate a 22 year old adult.
Last edited by YaliaV123; 4 weeks ago
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Anonymous #1
#10
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(Original post by Feastful)
A full-time worker on minimum wage can expect to earn at least £311.85 per week, £1,351.35 per month, or £16,216.20 per year before tax and other deductions. A quick glance at Rightmove and there are flatshares available in London for less than £800 PCM, such as this one:

£715 pcm in Battersea: https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properti...hannel=RES_LET

£575 pcm in Brixton https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properti...hannel=RES_LET

£794 pcm in Battersea: https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properti...hannel=STU_LET

£500 pcm in Wimbledon: https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properti...hannel=RES_LET

(etc)

And the further you move away from the center, the more your options explode. In short, its absolutely doable to rent for £600 or less per month in London (and you can maximise on your earnings with good transport links) and its very easy to earn above the minimum wage if you try.

Where there is a will, there is a way. It won't be easy, but tens of thousands of young people successfully make the move to the city every year.

You can't expect your parents to accomodate you in the nest forever and at this point, they're within their right to want to focus on their own lives now and have their own space. Keeping you in the family home for many more years is arguably not in your best interests as it will stifle your independence, job prospects, confidence and more.
Thanks for giving me some examples it's helpful to know what kind of house/area i could move into. I do want to move out as i don't want to go to uni obviously was just apprehensive about costs. Hopefully i can get a full time job soon which would give me enough money to put down a deposit come september
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Anonymous #1
#11
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(Original post by YaliaV123)
You sound like you're about 15 from your post. Your parents are entitled to do what they want and they shouldn't have to stop living in order to accommodate a 22 year old adult.
didn't say they weren't entitled to do anything i don't even get on with them lol was just looking for advice. If i was 15 why would i be making a post about trying to move out, jobs or uni as i wouldn't even be able to get a job for another year and would have 3 years of school left lol???
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YaliaV123
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#12
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(Original post by Anonymous)
didn't say they weren't entitled to do anything i don't even get on with them lol was just looking for advice. If i was 15 why would i be making a post about trying to move out, jobs or uni as i wouldn't even be able to get a job for another year and would have 3 years of school left lol???
I meant the entitled and whiny attitude. It sounds like you want them to be miserable when they move so that they can run back and take care of you again.
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StriderHort
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#13
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Everyone my age i know in my area whether they've had a job since leaving school at 18, are in their final year of uni or finished uni last summer and now work still live with their parents and can't move out anytime soon as the rent around here is the same as london prices so no i don't feel like i'm too old to still live at home sorry,
Tbh you are too old to be living with your parents the way you are. There's a difference between kids who are at uni or have just finished and are resting a bit (as their prospects are v good) or are now working full time and saving for a house deposit. YOU are in a far grimmer situation with nothing in progress or date to push forward to, just menial barwork likely paying buttons with apparently no full times possibilities.

Uni genuinely isn't for everyone, but I feel leaving largely because you felt too old was a bit, well, silly. (most wouldn't even call you a mature student at that age) leaving a course because you want to do a different course, or to try a vocational college course or explore working apprenticeships are all valid things to do, even having that flash that drives you to self employment... but dropping out and staying dropped out pulling pints part time has near 0 prospects and is probably worrying your parents quite a bit.

When I left home at 17 I moved into a run down flat with 2 friends and we could just about afford things between us with some state support and didn't go back to uni till my 30s and i was ready to face it like an adult that wanted to learn.

If you are only working part time you are probably eligible for some form of Universal Credit for a bit more £££, it will be likely be affected by you living with parents but prob still get something and could give more support if and when you moved out.
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