30 year old virgins

Heya, I was wondering if there are any other virgin in their 30s on this site.
If so, it'd be interesting to know your story.

Prettymuch setting this chat up as a bit of a support / encouragement group.

This chat is meant as a safe haven, so no trolls, mysoginists, racists, and other forms of discrimination will be tolerated here

https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/sho....php?t=4852362

to Jack22031994





So you're in your twenties? Perhaps you’ve graduated from or are at university, you’ve passed your driving test, maybe moved out from home and working. However, there is one thing that hasn't happened. You have yet to have sex. This may be out of choice for religious or personal reasons, which is fine and great. However, if it isn't out of choice it maybe playing on your mind, hurting your confidence and might even be stopping your from feeling like you're a ‘real adult.’

It does mess with your mind, I agree as from my experience you end up hating drinking games, especially ones like ‘Never Have I Ever’, as they always end up sexual which makes it difficult to take part to the point you don't want to as you cant join in. This may mean you lose social time with friends or even a new group of people. However, as someone who is in this position, I am able to offer some advice for those of you feeling down or bad about it due the societal pressures many of us may feel to lose it well before our twenties, and in many ways are expected to.

Don't do it until you’re ready
As I’d advise anyone, no matter how old you are, don’t do it until you're ready. Yes, it may seem you're falling behind socially if all your friends are sexually active, but if you don’t feel ready, don’t as you will be ready one day and it you are more likely not to regret it, which leads me to my next point.

You're more likely to not regret your first time
How many times have you heard your friends other say that they regret their first time and wish they hadn’t lost it then? Too many times in my experience. This is something you are unlikely to do as you're older and more emotionally mature than you were in your teens when many of your friends lost theirs. Therefore you’re more likely to be sure you want to lose it and to who as well.

Friends may take the mick but they don’t really care (or shouldn’t)
Maybe this is more relevant for guys, who on occasion may take the mick out of a mate who is a virgin. In reality though, they don't care, nor they should. In all honesty, it has shocked them that I am, and towards the end of uni, some of them were wondering what girls they could hook me up with every time we went out. As well as this, if they do care about you being a virgin, are they really a friend?

Don't let it define who you are
You may (like I did), let it start to define who you are, but you really shouldn't as it’ll just make you feel down and depressed. Let the other accomplishments and milestones you have already achieved define you. Having sex is just a life milestone you haven’t reached yet - just like people in their 20s who havent passed their driving test. They are both things which we are expected to have done by our 20s. This feeling will only be worse if you let it define you and your worth as a person. If you let other things scubas accomplishments define you, you will be more confident and in turn more likely lose it.

It does have its advantages
At the end of the day being a virgin and/or not sexually active does believe it or not have its benefits. You don't have to worry about unplanned pregnancies or STI’s or having to worry about carrying contraceptives on you etc For the former, I’d rather be a virgin than to have had STIs or even a baby at 23.

I hope that small advice is helpful to some of you, and remember, it will happen it its own time and you shouldn't worry about it or care what others think, as most dont care and for the ones that do, are usually quite insecure about themselves so feel like they have to put others down to give themselves some form of self-validation.

Jack

sure they are male dominated

What hurts me isn't the lack of sex but rather the fact nobody loves me and I honestly cry whenever people talk about being married or having kids.

I'll be 28 in 2 months and i've decided to wait until marriage. All my friends who have been having sex since we were teenagers are all messed up in the brain and have unusual bonds with the guys they sleep with. I have a friend who is with a very toxic guy right now but she can't even leave him just because of the sex. When I meet a guy and I notice that he's not right for me, it's always so easy to leave because we haven't had "soul ties".
Honestly, I'm a very logical person and I pride myself in making very good life decisions so, I'd rather make the right choice with a clear mind and not be fixated on the sex. Also, I believe anyone that truly loves me for me would also wait. A lot of guys pretend and act very caring and when they get what they want, they become so cold and distant. So many girls are scarred and traumatised because of this. I've met guys who suddenly lost interest just because I mentioned waiting till marriage. They're all about the physical aspects and if you look at most relationships, when you take out the sex, there's almost nothing left between them. Finally, My big sister married at 29. She waited until marriage and she said it's the best decision she ever made. So, I'll be a patient girl

Well done.😊👍