Thoughts Average Looking

Well there's certainly some stuff we can work with here, I'll try and break it down a bit though



So your colleagues seem to enjoy your company and you seem to be the "Go-To" guy... but what's it like when they work with you? Is it primarily work focused or do you talk about social / personal stuff as well (e.g. what did you get up to on the w/e, the latest Netflix craze etc.). Do you ever go for a drink with them on Friday afternoon or when you've completed a really big project? Would you talk to them if it wasn't work related at all (e.g. would you spend your lunch hour with any of them, or go see a movie with them?



It's good that you've got other stuff going on in your life... have you thought about joining an evening cooking class? There must be some kind of evening class you could do for that, whether it's an actual course the local college offers, or just something someone has organised themselves? Cooking is good as it's an activity I can see women going to. Try Googling 'Cooking Clubs' and your postcode and see if anything comes up. As opposed to the traditional pub / club scene, a cooking class is more the sort of environment where your personality has a much better chance of shining through as the cooking means you all have something in common. Plenty of opportunities and talking points (e.g. how long have you been interested, how long did you cure this meat for; what happens if you switch light brown sugar for dark brown sugar etc.).

You've also got your football team... don't most sports teams have socials, where they do bar crawls etc? If they don't do them already, what's stopping you from taking the initiative and suggesting this? There's bound to be at least one guy in your team you can potentially use as a "wing-man"... I'll explain in case you don't know:-

A wing man is someone who helps their mates get their foot in the door by breaking the ice with a group of girls first. The wing man will go up and get chatting to the girls as a group, and once it's clear he's been accepted in their group, you turn up, he introduces you and says something funny or endearing about you, and you can then talk to the girl you like, while he keeps the others busy.

In order for this to work, the wing man has to be confident and comfortable talking to girls. From my experience, there are three types of guys who make great wing men:-

1) Someone who is naturally confident around women
2) Someone who is gay (it doesn't really work if they're bi)
3) Someone who is already in a committed relationship.

In any case, the point is that any of the three examples are capable of talking to women and getting a good rapport with them, without undressing them with their eyes, and creating that troublesome creepy / desperate vibe.

However, if you were to end up in a club with your footy team, I would suggest you break up outside, go in individually and maybe re-group inside, as I know most clubs aren't keen on large All male groups.



How well does all that stuff suit you? It's all well and good having Designer labels if it gives you that extra bit of confidence, but if the clothes don't really suit you, it can just look like you're trying too hard. IMHO, designer labels may work better with girls slightly younger than you (as well as the gold-diggers)... but I don't think a girl would mind if a guy looked good in more generic high street brands (e.g. Next / Topshop; Burtons etc.). Getting the right "look" for you is more important than fancy designer labels IMHO.



Good move, not much use now, but that's more of a long-term investment.

Networking can be very lucrative (especially if you're Cisco / CCNA qualified), and just about any modern business will have some sort of requirement for this.

Hey OP, I’d just like to chime in to say that incels are misanthropes stuck deep in delusion. They hate everyone and the end goal to their “advice” is always “be sad with me and hurt people”, they literally never know what they’re talking about. I’m going to address some of the topics I’ve seen in this thread, in case they bother you and add my own suggestions:

1. There are more boys on here complaining about being single than girls because girls use different websites for that type of thing but also tend to not fret so strongly about being single/virgins. There are also loads of incels trying to recruit on here so...

2. The 80/20 rule is a complete farce. Incels’ favourite fantasy is that there is a big handsome man stealing all their would be girlfriends. The statistic that figure came from refers to attractiveness ratings women gave men on a dating site. Specifically that they considered 20% of the men very attractive but still willingly dated and paired with the wider variety of men. This was also done vice versa and it was found that men actually concentrated their attention on the women they considered the most attractive. By that, you can at least be assured that more women are open to average men than men are to average women.

3.1 Women do not like being treated badly. Most incels are hateful, narcissistic would-be-abusers without a punching bag. They use scenarios of psychologically traumatised women in abusive relationships as proof of women being vapid with warped standards. Since they are sadists, they revel in this type of thing and encourage young men to mistreat and bully girls. Don’t.

3.2 Otherwise they’ll take a blatant example of women not having high standards at all, but as it doesn’t fit their narrative they’ll twist it into “women only care about ...abs!”

4.1 Stop trying to “get a girlfriend” and make some friends. If you just want a girlfriend, being your girlfriend is meaningless as the women are interchangeable. It’s also obvious. Friendships are how you make fulfilling connections with people, share interests and actually enjoy your life rather than crying over loneliness. Imagine the vitriolic baggage these incels take into the sad relationships they do foster, that’s not a good time at all.

4.2 Developing friendships and maintaining a good sense of self worth is the only way you’ll be able to do this properly. Also, becoming rich and essentially buying women to hang around you is far fetched and not so fulfilling. Happy opposite sex friendships that blossom mutual attraction are the best ways to get a partner. You can ask more casual friends on dates if you’re afraid of “ruining” something deeper. Understanding that unreciprocated feelings are just that and not a reflection of your self worth is of utmost importance. Everybody likes different things and two people can reject someone for completely different reasons.

5. Treating dating as a numbers game is the more disastrous version of my above point and it’s what incels will suggest. The idea is to divorce yourself completely from the relationships you’re attempting to create to avoid being hurt. It quickly leads to dehumanisation of the people you’re supposed to be close to and it’s also very clear from the outside. Women will begin to avoid men like that, leading to more failures, which then reinforces the incels hatred. I’ve seen it with my own eyes and it’s not even pitiable.

6. Women are not attracted to money, most women don’t care that you aren’t rich and will happily love someone within their socioeconomic range. Again, incels fantasise about being able to buy whoever they want but that literally isn’t a real relationship and the world is in fact, full of real relationships. I suppose it depends on the person but there are also many women who adore politeness and softness. There’s always some boyfriend/character/friend/online personality being referred to as a cinnamon roll somewhere. There definitely exists a bunch of women that would love you. You just have to grow up and find them.

7. Remember this is a group of people who either get out completely or fall deeper into it. They were likely preyed upon and groomed as vulnerable teens and extend that misfortune to anyone else they see who seems lonely. They aren’t to be listened to at all. Amongst their veterans are openly proud pedos, rapists, eugenicists and mass murders, it’s only under a thin veneer that they deny it. The vast majority become sympathetic to these things in very little time when it’s backed by their cult rhetoric.

8. It’s lovely that you already have someone you like and get along with. You should seriously put this wallowing stuff behind you and try and hang out with them more. You want her to like you back, so show her your charming, fun side.

Thank you for your tips. Can I just say for number 8 she finds me sweet, polite and helpful and caring the only issue is we haven’t been paired up to work with each other since and it’s been so long I haven’t seen her in ages ._. and I feel so empty and lost I try and I’m doing everything I can to be able to get the opportunity to see her more and work with her more whether that’s overtime or doing full time or requesting to change my shift however no matter what the response I get from my managers are there’s no shift for the day she’s in or every time I get the rota we are split by an hour apart and put in different locations I want to cry 🥺😢😭 it’s been 5 weeks and I haven’t seen her I feel so empty and lost and heartbroken 😔 💔 any further advice.

Hmm, you don‘t have her contact details? It’s tough if your shifts are always changing. You might leave a note somewhere she’d find it, jokingly explaining how your shifts hadn’t matched up so you’d like to meet up for an outing/activity/restaurant you’d both like. That’d be really cute, is it possible in your workplace? Maybe aim for the earliest shift so you can see when she’d be in and hide it somewhere.

Hello just wanted thoughts on whether or not average looking guys are able to attract girls. I am average looking myself, yet I get told from working with colleagues that I am a polite gentleman, and from their experience from having known me from a long time they know I am able to take care of a girl properly because of my polite, caring and affection nature and personality. Although I’d like your experience can being average looking actually attract girls or is that something that puts one off especially with such a humorous, gentle and humble personality. And if you consider being average looking yourself and tried out various dating apps or app did you manage to get any success?

Thank you!

You're sounding like a serious incel rn. Just have confidence, don't be super cringey and actually be fun and you'll be fine

Thank you. I just wanted some thoughts that’s all. I just have to be myself and let my personality do the talk.

I had her snap then she told me she had to inactivate it to focus on examinations for university and at that time I sustained a serious ankle sprain whilst playing football for my local club the only problem with a note is if I left it do you think another colleague may spot it? I would love to take her on a dinner out or a fancy cafe in all honesty I just want to spend some time with her and see her I miss her bubbly, cheerful personality and sunlike smile. And any early shifts are assigned by the managers 😣😖😭.

Definitely buy a card and put her name on the envelope. If someone sees it they can still give it to her or the manager who then could. I don’t think anyone will run away with it ha. Now you can pick what to do, maybe see the Batman movie? You can hang out a but more freely than if you were seated in a restaurant but the latter could be more romantic. Idk, this is for you to pick but you’re very cute op, you should express that you miss her in the card. Also give her your actual phone number.

Definitely buy a card and put her name on the envelope. If someone sees it they can still give it to her or the manager who then could. I don’t think anyone will run away with it ha. Now you can pick what to do, maybe see the Batman movie? You can hang out a but more freely than if you were seated in a restaurant but the latter could be more romantic. Idk, this is for you to pick but you’re very cute op, you should express that you miss her in the card. Also give her your actual phone number.

See her birthday is not till October I first came across her back at the end of March/April and I instantly felt a connection to her and I have been thinking of buying her a thoughtful and lovely gift/present even though it’s still not her birthday for another 4 months, if a colleague spots it if given to the manager I just hope the inevitable doesn’t happen where the manager sees who the card is addressed to or even worse snoop through it. I personally wanted to get a bouquet 💐 of roses and ask if she maybe wanted to go to a restaurant in a evening away. Thank you 🥹. She at first wanted me to take her socials and talk to her I would have exchanged numbers to WhatsApp each other though she uses it only for work related purposes and on the other hand the other social account I talk to her on is Snapchat however as said she deactivated to do her examinations though reactivated most recently I’ve tried sending requests to add her on snap since but so far there’s been no response ;( 😞😔 I miss her so much.

You should definitely do this because there's no harm in trying. However, you should keep in mind that a lot of people are just being friendly, particularly in a work environment. From my experience, women will just grab your phone and make sure you've got their number by texting you if they're interested.

Even if this doesn't work out, it sounds like you're a good guy. You're religious. You play for your local football club. Women will be interested in you.

Hey OP, I’d just like to chime in to say that incels are misanthropes stuck deep in delusion. They hate everyone and the end goal to their “advice” is always “be sad with me and hurt people”, they literally never know what they’re talking about. I’m going to address some of the topics I’ve seen in this thread, in case they bother you and add my own suggestions:

1. There are more boys on here complaining about being single than girls because girls use different websites for that type of thing but also tend to not fret so strongly about being single/virgins. There are also loads of incels trying to recruit on here so...

2. The 80/20 rule is a complete farce. Incels’ favourite fantasy is that there is a big handsome man stealing all their would be girlfriends. The statistic that figure came from refers to attractiveness ratings women gave men on a dating site. Specifically that they considered 20% of the men very attractive but still willingly dated and paired with the wider variety of men. This was also done vice versa and it was found that men actually concentrated their attention on the women they considered the most attractive. By that, you can at least be assured that more women are open to average men than men are to average women.

3.1 Women do not like being treated badly. Most incels are hateful, narcissistic would-be-abusers without a punching bag. They use scenarios of psychologically traumatised women in abusive relationships as proof of women being vapid with warped standards. Since they are sadists, they revel in this type of thing and encourage young men to mistreat and bully girls. Don’t.

3.2 Otherwise they’ll take a blatant example of women not having high standards at all, but as it doesn’t fit their narrative they’ll twist it into “women only care about ...abs!”

4.1 Stop trying to “get a girlfriend” and make some friends. If you just want a girlfriend, being your girlfriend is meaningless as the women are interchangeable. It’s also obvious. Friendships are how you make fulfilling connections with people, share interests and actually enjoy your life rather than crying over loneliness. Imagine the vitriolic baggage these incels take into the sad relationships they do foster, that’s not a good time at all.

4.2 Developing friendships and maintaining a good sense of self worth is the only way you’ll be able to do this properly. Also, becoming rich and essentially buying women to hang around you is far fetched and not so fulfilling. Happy opposite sex friendships that blossom mutual attraction are the best ways to get a partner. You can ask more casual friends on dates if you’re afraid of “ruining” something deeper. Understanding that unreciprocated feelings are just that and not a reflection of your self worth is of utmost importance. Everybody likes different things and two people can reject someone for completely different reasons.

5. Treating dating as a numbers game is the more disastrous version of my above point and it’s what incels will suggest. The idea is to divorce yourself completely from the relationships you’re attempting to create to avoid being hurt. It quickly leads to dehumanisation of the people you’re supposed to be close to and it’s also very clear from the outside. Women will begin to avoid men like that, leading to more failures, which then reinforces the incels hatred. I’ve seen it with my own eyes and it’s not even pitiable.

6. Women are not attracted to money, most women don’t care that you aren’t rich and will happily love someone within their socioeconomic range. Again, incels fantasise about being able to buy whoever they want but that literally isn’t a real relationship and the world is in fact, full of real relationships. I suppose it depends on the person but there are also many women who adore politeness and softness. There’s always some boyfriend/character/friend/online personality being referred to as a cinnamon roll somewhere. There definitely exists a bunch of women that would love you. You just have to grow up and find them.

7. Remember this is a group of people who either get out completely or fall deeper into it. They were likely preyed upon and groomed as vulnerable teens and extend that misfortune to anyone else they see who seems lonely. They aren’t to be listened to at all. Amongst their veterans are openly proud pedos, rapists, eugenicists and mass murders, it’s only under a thin veneer that they deny it. The vast majority become sympathetic to these things in very little time when it’s backed by their cult rhetoric.

8. It’s lovely that you already have someone you like and get along with. You should seriously put this wallowing stuff behind you and try and hang out with them more. You want her to like you back, so show her your charming, fun side.

I’ll be honest I do have a strong connection with one girl we extremely enjoy working with each other, she enjoys my company so do I and we both have the support of each other or like to whenever I’ve strongly developed feelings for her even though initially we never came across each other before due to separate starting dates but…

...However, you should keep in mind that a lot of people are just being friendly, particularly in a work environment. ....

Parts of this may seem to go against what the other person has advised you to do here. Nonetheless, I've no desires to go through what they've said... instead I'll simply offer my thoughts on this and let you make up your own mind whose approach you prefer:-

Personally, I wouldn't rush in declaring your undying love for this person... instead, I think it's worth doing a bit of background research to see if she does like you, and you're not mis-interpreting friendly gestures. The danger is that you've far more to lose being rejected by someone you're already acquainted with against a complete stranger you'll never see again... I'll try and explain:-



This! Some girls do get upset when they find out that someone they always considered a friend then in turns out to be secretly in love with them. You'd think they'd be flattered (which it should be TBF), but from their point of view, it's like the whole friendship was a lie. There's a risk that it can lead to her distancing herself from you completely; not to mention making it completely awkward for those times you HAVE to work with her.

The other thing is that a lot of girls like to gossip (In B4 the snowflakes, I'm generalising here, I know you're not all like that), and chances are they won't keep it to themselves that you asked her out. It may not sound so bad, but take this scenario:- There's a shy girl (Chloe) on your course who actually likes you, and is waiting for you to notice her... but you like Jade, so you try and ask her out, but it turns out she's got a boyfriend. You also thought Kara was cute so you then decide to ask her out... you're not her type so she declines you, and so on and so forth. All that is fine, but in the background (e.g. during coffee / cigarette break) Jade and Kara have been telling each other as well as the other girls around them that you asked them out and eventually it gets back to Chloe. By the time you get to Chloe, she says "No" because you've already tried it on with every other person there, and she knows that the only reason you're asking her is because everyone else has already blown you out.

Instead, I think it's worth doing some investigative work before going swooping in like Don Juan on Viagra. There are certain things that will happen if she genuinely does like you including:-

1) Her approaching you for help or choosing to work with you ALL THE TIME... even if you're not the best suited person to help her (it means she trusts you and your opinion and it's a way of getting your attention).

2) You'll come up in various conversations she has with her friends (I'm specifically talking about her girl-mates here).

3) It looks like she's making an effort to impress you (e.g. you happen to casually mention you like a particular kind of clothing, or hair / make-up in a certain way, and guess what kind of look she's sporting the next time you see her?)

4) She regularly greets you in a flirty manner (e.g. "Hi gorgeous", "Hi sexy" etc.) even if it's said in a jokey way. Also, if she greets you with an intimate hug* rather than a distant or conventional "Hi" , always smiling when she's around you; she doesn't seem to mind those "accidental" brushes against her etc. etc.

5) Specifically if the above is directed to you and she's more "normal" with other guys.

Therefore, I would suggest you get the low-down from her friends first, and they'll give you an idea whether or not she truly likes you back... At the very least they should have an accurate idea on how receptive she'll be to your advances. If you then get the green light, then, by all means romance her in a way that makes Romeo and Juliette look like the Bloods and the Crips.

Detective 🕵️*♂️ mode it’ll be. Undercover I guess, I am curious to know why would she distance herself away from me though? Even though our friendship will never be a lie?

It's not necessarily how she'll see it though, that's why before you take a chance, it's always good to know how the cards are stacked.

Depending on how well you know her friends, it's best to go in subtly and build up a rapport before going in with the killer question.

Good luck

Thank you . I just wonder when I’ll be able to see her I haven’t been paired up to work with her in 5 weeks I hope there’s no evil eye over us even though I sustained an injury to my ankle playing for my club in football.