Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 3 weeks ago
#1
Has anyone ever felt that despite being dealt, by many standards, a great hand in life, your environment still screwed you over? My parents are doctors. Both came from nothing; families that were struggling to make ends meet, but they came all the way from a rural village in India to a 4bhk in an expensive area in the UK. We moved here when I was 9.

Thats really where all the goods things end, I'd say. It was an arranged marriage. They did, and still do, hate each others guts. As the first born son, I was stress relief. Had a *****y day at work, argument between the couple, just a bad/stressful day overall? No worries, just cane, punch, kick for the dumbest excuses you can find until you feel better. Not like I could ask for help. Nor did I know I could.

As a kid, neither parents had much of a presence in my life until I was 9. The few times they were home, I got beaten. Most of the time, I lived with my grandparents. They were nice people.

I have a memory, that despite the sheer volume of things I've experienced, I still have nightmares of to this day. My dad, glaring at me, pushing me up against the bathroom wall and off the ground, legs dangling, choking me with his hand around my neck. I fainted then, found myself in bed when I came to, a ring like bruise on my neck. I was 7, at the time, and I'd peed the bed, thus the beating. It was decided I would get the day off, Friday, and would go back to school on Monday. I was in India back then, and back then, getting beaten wasn't uncommon. The teachers participated in it, in fact. Students with a bruise on hands, back, wherever, it was just ignored. Might get sent to the nurse for painkillers and an ice pack, at most. I suppose the bruise on my neck would've raised concern even among them though.

The following day, my dad apologised. It was clear he'd not had any sleep, and eyes were bloodshot. It seemed like he'd cried a lot. I could tell it was genuine, his remorse, so I accepted it. We moved on. Similar instances happened hundred of times since with a variety of different tools, each time I would decide to forget. At some point, his remorse died out, and the blame was on me for being inadequate. No apologies, but since I was in the habit of forgetting, I continued to do so. In a way, if I could've just avoided making the obvious, avoidable mistakes, maybe it would have been better, so maybe he's right.

They then had my sister, and we moved to UK. I was sent to a private school. Lovely teachers, not so lovely students, and everything was expensive af. It's different here, people are a lot more concious about child safety. So the game shifted. It went from direct physical violence to deprivation. I never had, or have any toys, consoles, or cool gadgets apart from a phone, but one thing they always provided for me apart from study material and clothes was tuition. I played Tennis, Squash, roller skating. I'd say I'm pretty good, but I could've been better, at least state champ level had I been able to continue investing time into it. My sports stopped, my social interactions stopped, and I got grounded and shouted at. A lot. Grounding involved 4 toilet breaks, sometimes no food depending on thier mood, and that they wouldn't see my mug until morning the day after.

My sister, I won't say much about, but her treatment was the polar opposite of mine. She's the princess, and I'm the ant. I don't really resent her for it, but I do resent my parents from time to time.

As my sister grew, they did too. They grew as people, as parents. They're a lot friendlier and understanding now. When I messed up my GCSE's, it was my mum that held me as I cried. In fact, its to a point that she's my favourite in the family, and vice versa.

My dad, he's tried his best to be nice to me, but years of his own mental health issues to do with anger management coupled with years of hating me for just existing tend to work agaisnt his favour when it comes to that. And really, I try my best to avoid him too. A little too late, on his part. He's also ugly, and his smile looks ugly, and I dont like being around people that don't at least take care of their appearance, especially when they can afford to do so. He's obsessed now with making money, so he works long hours, is now far too thin, doesn't sleep, eat, or excercise well. A bunch of the money he sends off to poor relatives in India. I know its sweet of him, and its his money, but part of me wishes he'd spend it on the family instead. We still need to pay off mortgages on our home, and most of the people he sends money to are wasting it- blowing it off on booze and failed business ventures, but of course, he ignores that part.

I think therapy would be good for the family as a whole, but pops doesnt believe in mental health, so no is allowed to access it. It's to the point he monitors the wifi and our devices to stop us from accessing the 'bs on the internet'. Pops never liked me going out and socialising, so now I avoid people despite wanting to reach out and befriend them. Pops never liked LGBTQ+, so I now feel uncomfortable around them despite desperately wanting to get to know and understand them. It's a wierd feeling, wanting something but rejecting it when its available to you.

I honestly think our family could all win oscars for our acting at this point. From what it seems to friends and others, we're the perfect little family, me being the black sheep that does badly academically and a social recluse that's surprisingly amiable when people take the initiative to reach out and talk to me. It's a perfect little mask, a role that I think I might have played far too well. My teachers were upset at me, one of them saying I've let my parents down, becuase I'm not a great student. I can't bring myself to tell anyone else about this. Ultimately, they've improved. They are no longer the people they used to be, and it seems unfair for me to involve them now, with the authorities and destroy their life socially and at work, for something they did in the past. The important thing is that they've changed for the better, so I refuse to now hold them accountable for it. Maybe I should've done something when they were still in the dark phase of their life, but I can't do so now.

I've read some forums that insisted it's a first world problem and that children in war torn countries have it worse, so I should suck it up. I'm sure they do have a worse life. But we don't have the same issues, and I cannot, regardless of how much I try, empathise with a reality I've never had to experience.

I'm not sure why I'm even putting all of... THIS, here, to be honest. I think I wanted someone, anyone to know my story before I start the next phase of my life. I'm 18, hoping to soon go far away for either university or apprenticeship. I want to study economics and be a better person. I wrote this from a phone I bought discreetly with my own money from a cafe.

Thanks for reading
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hijabibubbles
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#2
Report 3 weeks ago
#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
Has anyone ever felt that despite being dealt, by many standards, a great hand in life, your environment still screwed you over? My parents are doctors. Both came from nothing; families that were struggling to make ends meet, but they came all the way from a rural village in India to a 4bhk in an expensive area in the UK. We moved here when I was 9.

Thats really where all the goods things end, I'd say. It was an arranged marriage. They did, and still do, hate each others guts. As the first born son, I was stress relief. Had a *****y day at work, argument between the couple, just a bad/stressful day overall? No worries, just cane, punch, kick for the dumbest excuses you can find until you feel better. Not like I could ask for help. Nor did I know I could.

As a kid, neither parents had much of a presence in my life until I was 9. The few times they were home, I got beaten. Most of the time, I lived with my grandparents. They were nice people.

I have a memory, that despite the sheer volume of things I've experienced, I still have nightmares of to this day. My dad, glaring at me, pushing me up against the bathroom wall and off the ground, legs dangling, choking me with his hand around my neck. I fainted then, found myself in bed when I came to, a ring like bruise on my neck. I was 7, at the time, and I'd peed the bed, thus the beating. It was decided I would get the day off, Friday, and would go back to school on Monday. I was in India back then, and back then, getting beaten wasn't uncommon. The teachers participated in it, in fact. Students with a bruise on hands, back, wherever, it was just ignored. Might get sent to the nurse for painkillers and an ice pack, at most. I suppose the bruise on my neck would've raised concern even among them though.

The following day, my dad apologised. It was clear he'd not had any sleep, and eyes were bloodshot. It seemed like he'd cried a lot. I could tell it was genuine, his remorse, so I accepted it. We moved on. Similar instances happened hundred of times since with a variety of different tools, each time I would decide to forget. At some point, his remorse died out, and the blame was on me for being inadequate. No apologies, but since I was in the habit of forgetting, I continued to do so. In a way, if I could've just avoided making the obvious, avoidable mistakes, maybe it would have been better, so maybe he's right.

They then had my sister, and we moved to UK. I was sent to a private school. Lovely teachers, not so lovely students, and everything was expensive af. It's different here, people are a lot more concious about child safety. So the game shifted. It went from direct physical violence to deprivation. I never had, or have any toys, consoles, or cool gadgets apart from a phone, but one thing they always provided for me apart from study material and clothes was tuition. I played Tennis, Squash, roller skating. I'd say I'm pretty good, but I could've been better, at least state champ level had I been able to continue investing time into it. My sports stopped, my social interactions stopped, and I got grounded and shouted at. A lot. Grounding involved 4 toilet breaks, sometimes no food depending on thier mood, and that they wouldn't see my mug until morning the day after.

My sister, I won't say much about, but her treatment was the polar opposite of mine. She's the princess, and I'm the ant. I don't really resent her for it, but I do resent my parents from time to time.

As my sister grew, they did too. They grew as people, as parents. They're a lot friendlier and understanding now. When I messed up my GCSE's, it was my mum that held me as I cried. In fact, its to a point that she's my favourite in the family, and vice versa.

My dad, he's tried his best to be nice to me, but years of his own mental health issues to do with anger management coupled with years of hating me for just existing tend to work agaisnt his favour when it comes to that. And really, I try my best to avoid him too. A little too late, on his part. He's also ugly, and his smile looks ugly, and I dont like being around people that don't at least take care of their appearance, especially when they can afford to do so. He's obsessed now with making money, so he works long hours, is now far too thin, doesn't sleep, eat, or excercise well. A bunch of the money he sends off to poor relatives in India. I know its sweet of him, and its his money, but part of me wishes he'd spend it on the family instead. We still need to pay off mortgages on our home, and most of the people he sends money to are wasting it- blowing it off on booze and failed business ventures, but of course, he ignores that part.

I think therapy would be good for the family as a whole, but pops doesnt believe in mental health, so no is allowed to access it. It's to the point he monitors the wifi and our devices to stop us from accessing the 'bs on the internet'. Pops never liked me going out and socialising, so now I avoid people despite wanting to reach out and befriend them. Pops never liked LGBTQ+, so I now feel uncomfortable around them despite desperately wanting to get to know and understand them. It's a wierd feeling, wanting something but rejecting it when its available to you.

I honestly think our family could all win oscars for our acting at this point. From what it seems to friends and others, we're the perfect little family, me being the black sheep that does badly academically and a social recluse that's surprisingly amiable when people take the initiative to reach out and talk to me. It's a perfect little mask, a role that I think I might have played far too well. My teachers were upset at me, one of them saying I've let my parents down, becuase I'm not a great student. I can't bring myself to tell anyone else about this. Ultimately, they've improved. They are no longer the people they used to be, and it seems unfair for me to involve them now, with the authorities and destroy their life socially and at work, for something they did in the past. The important thing is that they've changed for the better, so I refuse to now hold them accountable for it. Maybe I should've done something when they were still in the dark phase of their life, but I can't do so now.

I've read some forums that insisted it's a first world problem and that children in war torn countries have it worse, so I should suck it up. I'm sure they do have a worse life. But we don't have the same issues, and I cannot, regardless of how much I try, empathise with a reality I've never had to experience.

I'm not sure why I'm even putting all of... THIS, here, to be honest. I think I wanted someone, anyone to know my story before I start the next phase of my life. I'm 18, hoping to soon go far away for either university or apprenticeship. I want to study economics and be a better person. I wrote this from a phone I bought discreetly with my own money from a cafe.

Thanks for reading
Wow... although i may not have the same experiences as you, im glad you shared it on here. its good that you were able to write it all down and send it off into the world cause it can be freeing (i definitely know the feeling).

Good luck with your uni / apprenticeship applications! I'm sure you will be amazing

If you wanna talk or rant just pm me.
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tinyperson
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#3
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