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Am I actually gay or bi/pan/omni e.t.c?

So I'm a cis guy and I very much like other guys. Whenever I imagine dating/sleeping with/marrying someone it's another guy (cis or otherwise). That being said, I do feel attracted to women. However, I'm not sure if I feel that way because it's genuinely part of my sexuality or just because I have internalised comphet and have become so used to the idea that I have to find girls attractive that I actually do. I don't wanna break any hearts if I can avoid it, but I also don't wanna miss out on a meaningful relationship if I can avoid it.. so I'm in a bit of a pickle. Do any of you struggle with anything like that? Is there a way to know?
Reply 1
Why would you need to struggle? Just be as you are and do what you want to do. End of. You are being coerced by a small section of society that is intent on having to label or compartmentalise everything and want you to fit that label.

Ignore how you fit into any of these created boxes and just go out there and be yourself. Just find what makes you tick. Go and find all of life's experiences and if you enjoy something do more of it. If you don't do less. Look after your self, your family and close friends, they will be there through the hard times. The important thing is to just do stuff and not to think too deep about life or try to control the things you have no control over.

If a relationship is meant to be you have to earn trust slowly, and find enjoyment in each other. Nothing else really matters. If a relationship is arguments all the way or reflects controlling behaviour or there is no joy & laughter get out of it quick, no matter what. That's it. Keep life simple.
You might enjoy Bob and Rose, a TV series by Russel T Davies. It's about a gay man who falls in love with a woman and the ensuing confusion from those around him.

Fundamentally, bisexuality is what you make of it. You don't have to identify any way that you don't feind comfortable, even if you might not technically fit the label you've chosen for yourself. If it is easier for you to identify as gay, then do that. If you want to probe your attraction to women and try being bi, go do that. The labels you pick for yourself should fit your usage.
Original post by Muttly
Why would you need to struggle? Just be as you are and do what you want to do. End of. You are being coerced by a small section of society that is intent on having to label or compartmentalise everything and want you to fit that label.

Ignore how you fit into any of these created boxes and just go out there and be yourself. Just find what makes you tick. Go and find all of life's experiences and if you enjoy something do more of it. If you don't do less. Look after your self, your family and close friends, they will be there through the hard times. The important thing is to just do stuff and not to think too deep about life or try to control the things you have no control over.

If a relationship is meant to be you have to earn trust slowly, and find enjoyment in each other. Nothing else really matters. If a relationship is arguments all the way or reflects controlling behaviour or there is no joy & laughter get out of it quick, no matter what. That's it. Keep life simple.


The crux of the problem is that I don't wanna get into a relationship with a woman and then realise I'm gay and have to dump her. However, I also don't wanna miss out on a meaningful relationship because I ruled out women too early.
Original post by vicvic38
You might enjoy Bob and Rose, a TV series by Russel T Davies. It's about a gay man who falls in love with a woman and the ensuing confusion from those around him.

Fundamentally, bisexuality is what you make of it. You don't have to identify any way that you don't feind comfortable, even if you might not technically fit the label you've chosen for yourself. If it is easier for you to identify as gay, then do that. If you want to probe your attraction to women and try being bi, go do that. The labels you pick for yourself should fit your usage.


I will definitely check that out!

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