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How to 'settle' and accept not being good enough?
This is the first time I have made a post on here and I'm sorry if this gets too long but I really just need to get something off my chest. I don't have anyone to talk to so I decided to make an account on here.
In school, I used to be a high achieving, super competitive person with big aspirations. I did well in my GCSEs and obtained very good predicted grades for my A-Levels. Unfortunately, I was rejected from the universities I wanted to go to and I lost the motivation to do well in my exams. I ended up with poor A-Level grades and ended up at a low-ranked University through clearing. I still remember that period of time in August. Everything was pretty much a blur and I knew I had ruined any chance of getting into the career I always wanted (IB/finance). There was no point re-sitting the exams because the best universities don't really accept re-sit applicants anyway, and my home environment was too toxic to remain in. My parents were incredibly disappointed and were ashamed by my grades, as was I. Everyone we knew had done really well and had offers from top universities, so that essentially compounded my failure. My parents no longer wanted me in the house so I effectively had to take the clearing offer.
All my friends in sixth form got into the best universities and I was so embarrassed with myself that I would lie about where I went for uni. Eventually I just stopped talking to them because I would just get so angry at myself for how my life has ended up compared to where I thought I 'should have been'. I used to be very entitled and I guess this was my first humbling. I didn't talk to anyone at uni and spent all day in my room (the lockdown helped with avoiding people). My parents don't talk to me and I have no friends so I would just pass time on my laptop. My entire routine became really weird - I would wake up at 10pm and go to sleep at midday. I literally did zero work and only revised for my exams right before the deadline. My course was online for the first year so this was doable. I basically gave up and couldn't be bothered to do anything. I would always order takeaways and I gained like 20kg over this period.
I have been in this state of limbo for over 2 years now and there was a period of time where I have tried taking actions to improve my situation. I was fed up of doing nothing and decided to start applying for internships and insight weeks etc. I sent out over 100 applications and all of them were rejected. When I requested feedback, some companies mentioned that my university wasn't one that they 'target candidates from', further reaffirming my concerns about university reputation. (I know there are exceptions to the rule and sometimes students from low-ranking universities can get into high-finance, but this is incredibly rare).
I have now finished my second year of university with mediocre grades because I put no effort into the work, and I have been rejected by all the summer internship programmes I have applied to. On Linkedin I see all my old friends from sixth form getting the best internships and it just reminds me how much of a failure I am.
Over the past few months, I have had several moments of introspection and I have really tried overcome this negative attitude but my external environment (bad uni, low career prospects) have kept me miserable. I struggled with accepting that I am not good enough to get into my ideal career and that there are far superior candidates who will always be preferred to me. I have reluctantly lowered my expectations but I still can't deal with the fact that I am not good enough.
Just looking at an internship/graduate application makes me sad because I remember all the past rejections and I start imagining the position I would have been in if I did get into a top university like my friends. I have considered leaving the country after I graduate and working abroad for a while because my life here has been utterly miserable. I have no friends and I don't talk with my family so I wouldn't exactly be leaving anything behind here.
I am aware of how entitled this entire post may sound but this is an issue that I have been unable to deal with for a long time and I am just lost at the moment.
I would really appreciate any advice.
Thanks.
In school, I used to be a high achieving, super competitive person with big aspirations. I did well in my GCSEs and obtained very good predicted grades for my A-Levels. Unfortunately, I was rejected from the universities I wanted to go to and I lost the motivation to do well in my exams. I ended up with poor A-Level grades and ended up at a low-ranked University through clearing. I still remember that period of time in August. Everything was pretty much a blur and I knew I had ruined any chance of getting into the career I always wanted (IB/finance). There was no point re-sitting the exams because the best universities don't really accept re-sit applicants anyway, and my home environment was too toxic to remain in. My parents were incredibly disappointed and were ashamed by my grades, as was I. Everyone we knew had done really well and had offers from top universities, so that essentially compounded my failure. My parents no longer wanted me in the house so I effectively had to take the clearing offer.
All my friends in sixth form got into the best universities and I was so embarrassed with myself that I would lie about where I went for uni. Eventually I just stopped talking to them because I would just get so angry at myself for how my life has ended up compared to where I thought I 'should have been'. I used to be very entitled and I guess this was my first humbling. I didn't talk to anyone at uni and spent all day in my room (the lockdown helped with avoiding people). My parents don't talk to me and I have no friends so I would just pass time on my laptop. My entire routine became really weird - I would wake up at 10pm and go to sleep at midday. I literally did zero work and only revised for my exams right before the deadline. My course was online for the first year so this was doable. I basically gave up and couldn't be bothered to do anything. I would always order takeaways and I gained like 20kg over this period.
I have been in this state of limbo for over 2 years now and there was a period of time where I have tried taking actions to improve my situation. I was fed up of doing nothing and decided to start applying for internships and insight weeks etc. I sent out over 100 applications and all of them were rejected. When I requested feedback, some companies mentioned that my university wasn't one that they 'target candidates from', further reaffirming my concerns about university reputation. (I know there are exceptions to the rule and sometimes students from low-ranking universities can get into high-finance, but this is incredibly rare).
I have now finished my second year of university with mediocre grades because I put no effort into the work, and I have been rejected by all the summer internship programmes I have applied to. On Linkedin I see all my old friends from sixth form getting the best internships and it just reminds me how much of a failure I am.
Over the past few months, I have had several moments of introspection and I have really tried overcome this negative attitude but my external environment (bad uni, low career prospects) have kept me miserable. I struggled with accepting that I am not good enough to get into my ideal career and that there are far superior candidates who will always be preferred to me. I have reluctantly lowered my expectations but I still can't deal with the fact that I am not good enough.
Just looking at an internship/graduate application makes me sad because I remember all the past rejections and I start imagining the position I would have been in if I did get into a top university like my friends. I have considered leaving the country after I graduate and working abroad for a while because my life here has been utterly miserable. I have no friends and I don't talk with my family so I wouldn't exactly be leaving anything behind here.
I am aware of how entitled this entire post may sound but this is an issue that I have been unable to deal with for a long time and I am just lost at the moment.
I would really appreciate any advice.
Thanks.
Original post by Anonymous
This is the first time I have made a post on here and I'm sorry if this gets too long but I really just need to get something off my chest. I don't have anyone to talk to so I decided to make an account on here.
In school, I used to be a high achieving, super competitive person with big aspirations. I did well in my GCSEs and obtained very good predicted grades for my A-Levels. Unfortunately, I was rejected from the universities I wanted to go to and I lost the motivation to do well in my exams. I ended up with poor A-Level grades and ended up at a low-ranked University through clearing. I still remember that period of time in August. Everything was pretty much a blur and I knew I had ruined any chance of getting into the career I always wanted (IB/finance). There was no point re-sitting the exams because the best universities don't really accept re-sit applicants anyway, and my home environment was too toxic to remain in. My parents were incredibly disappointed and were ashamed by my grades, as was I. Everyone we knew had done really well and had offers from top universities, so that essentially compounded my failure. My parents no longer wanted me in the house so I effectively had to take the clearing offer.
All my friends in sixth form got into the best universities and I was so embarrassed with myself that I would lie about where I went for uni. Eventually I just stopped talking to them because I would just get so angry at myself for how my life has ended up compared to where I thought I 'should have been'. I used to be very entitled and I guess this was my first humbling. I didn't talk to anyone at uni and spent all day in my room (the lockdown helped with avoiding people). My parents don't talk to me and I have no friends so I would just pass time on my laptop. My entire routine became really weird - I would wake up at 10pm and go to sleep at midday. I literally did zero work and only revised for my exams right before the deadline. My course was online for the first year so this was doable. I basically gave up and couldn't be bothered to do anything. I would always order takeaways and I gained like 20kg over this period.
I have been in this state of limbo for over 2 years now and there was a period of time where I have tried taking actions to improve my situation. I was fed up of doing nothing and decided to start applying for internships and insight weeks etc. I sent out over 100 applications and all of them were rejected. When I requested feedback, some companies mentioned that my university wasn't one that they 'target candidates from', further reaffirming my concerns about university reputation. (I know there are exceptions to the rule and sometimes students from low-ranking universities can get into high-finance, but this is incredibly rare).
I have now finished my second year of university with mediocre grades because I put no effort into the work, and I have been rejected by all the summer internship programmes I have applied to. On Linkedin I see all my old friends from sixth form getting the best internships and it just reminds me how much of a failure I am.
Over the past few months, I have had several moments of introspection and I have really tried overcome this negative attitude but my external environment (bad uni, low career prospects) have kept me miserable. I struggled with accepting that I am not good enough to get into my ideal career and that there are far superior candidates who will always be preferred to me. I have reluctantly lowered my expectations but I still can't deal with the fact that I am not good enough.
Just looking at an internship/graduate application makes me sad because I remember all the past rejections and I start imagining the position I would have been in if I did get into a top university like my friends. I have considered leaving the country after I graduate and working abroad for a while because my life here has been utterly miserable. I have no friends and I don't talk with my family so I wouldn't exactly be leaving anything behind here.
I am aware of how entitled this entire post may sound but this is an issue that I have been unable to deal with for a long time and I am just lost at the moment.
I would really appreciate any advice.
Thanks.
In school, I used to be a high achieving, super competitive person with big aspirations. I did well in my GCSEs and obtained very good predicted grades for my A-Levels. Unfortunately, I was rejected from the universities I wanted to go to and I lost the motivation to do well in my exams. I ended up with poor A-Level grades and ended up at a low-ranked University through clearing. I still remember that period of time in August. Everything was pretty much a blur and I knew I had ruined any chance of getting into the career I always wanted (IB/finance). There was no point re-sitting the exams because the best universities don't really accept re-sit applicants anyway, and my home environment was too toxic to remain in. My parents were incredibly disappointed and were ashamed by my grades, as was I. Everyone we knew had done really well and had offers from top universities, so that essentially compounded my failure. My parents no longer wanted me in the house so I effectively had to take the clearing offer.
All my friends in sixth form got into the best universities and I was so embarrassed with myself that I would lie about where I went for uni. Eventually I just stopped talking to them because I would just get so angry at myself for how my life has ended up compared to where I thought I 'should have been'. I used to be very entitled and I guess this was my first humbling. I didn't talk to anyone at uni and spent all day in my room (the lockdown helped with avoiding people). My parents don't talk to me and I have no friends so I would just pass time on my laptop. My entire routine became really weird - I would wake up at 10pm and go to sleep at midday. I literally did zero work and only revised for my exams right before the deadline. My course was online for the first year so this was doable. I basically gave up and couldn't be bothered to do anything. I would always order takeaways and I gained like 20kg over this period.
I have been in this state of limbo for over 2 years now and there was a period of time where I have tried taking actions to improve my situation. I was fed up of doing nothing and decided to start applying for internships and insight weeks etc. I sent out over 100 applications and all of them were rejected. When I requested feedback, some companies mentioned that my university wasn't one that they 'target candidates from', further reaffirming my concerns about university reputation. (I know there are exceptions to the rule and sometimes students from low-ranking universities can get into high-finance, but this is incredibly rare).
I have now finished my second year of university with mediocre grades because I put no effort into the work, and I have been rejected by all the summer internship programmes I have applied to. On Linkedin I see all my old friends from sixth form getting the best internships and it just reminds me how much of a failure I am.
Over the past few months, I have had several moments of introspection and I have really tried overcome this negative attitude but my external environment (bad uni, low career prospects) have kept me miserable. I struggled with accepting that I am not good enough to get into my ideal career and that there are far superior candidates who will always be preferred to me. I have reluctantly lowered my expectations but I still can't deal with the fact that I am not good enough.
Just looking at an internship/graduate application makes me sad because I remember all the past rejections and I start imagining the position I would have been in if I did get into a top university like my friends. I have considered leaving the country after I graduate and working abroad for a while because my life here has been utterly miserable. I have no friends and I don't talk with my family so I wouldn't exactly be leaving anything behind here.
I am aware of how entitled this entire post may sound but this is an issue that I have been unable to deal with for a long time and I am just lost at the moment.
I would really appreciate any advice.
Thanks.
Hey this is literally the only well written long anon post I've ever read on here and I'm sorry you're in a bad position rn.
You also don't sound entitled to be honest and I see how your situation could feel hopeless especially after the rejections. But I don't think you should let internship rejections crush you - my brother got a high 2:1 from cambridge and is a very smart and extremely driven guy and applied to over 100 corporate law jobs/ positions and got no job out of it ultimately. I really think corporate law and IB are not recruiting many people at all rn cos of the Covid downturn so don't feel too bad about that.
As for the uni situation I suppose the best thing to do is get very good third year marks and try to apply for a good masters programme. You still have over a year to consider what kind of career and job you would really enjoy the most so that's a positive, and you can get some experience within your university in running a relevant society or starting a consortium or something.
Try not to decide that you're 'not good enough' or anything like that because it's just an excuse to drift and feel sorry for yourself. Clearly you're intelligent and capable but you seem to have your spirit crushed too easily. Start with the assumption that you will succeed and maybe things will go better...
You should aim for success in something beside academics as well as that will help you like yourself and find friends. Start Taekwondo or cross country running or rock climbing or something
Good luck!
I’m sorry you’re experiencing these issues, i understand how it feels as I was in a somewhat similar situation to you.
Ultimately, regarding education it is what you make it. To elaborate, if you wish to improve aspects of your life you need to do what needs to be done.
So if you wanted to go to a better Uni, you already know what you need to do, whether that’s drop out and reapply/resit or smash your current exams and get accepted into a prestigious masters program.
I similarly had to resit Yr13 because of extenuating circumstances this screwed up my biomedical science career goals and forced me to attend a mediocre non-Russell group Uni where I greatly matured and analysed my situation and career goals.
Years later after working as a biomedical scientist, I made a career change, resat my A-Levels and was accepted into Medicine at Cambridge, resolving me of the constant guilt of being such a high achiever but not being able to meet familial or social expectations, even though it was out of my control.
It will always boil down to how bad do you want it and what are you willing to do to correct for past “mistakes”.
I hope my perspective has helped,
Good luck!
Ultimately, regarding education it is what you make it. To elaborate, if you wish to improve aspects of your life you need to do what needs to be done.
So if you wanted to go to a better Uni, you already know what you need to do, whether that’s drop out and reapply/resit or smash your current exams and get accepted into a prestigious masters program.
I similarly had to resit Yr13 because of extenuating circumstances this screwed up my biomedical science career goals and forced me to attend a mediocre non-Russell group Uni where I greatly matured and analysed my situation and career goals.
Years later after working as a biomedical scientist, I made a career change, resat my A-Levels and was accepted into Medicine at Cambridge, resolving me of the constant guilt of being such a high achiever but not being able to meet familial or social expectations, even though it was out of my control.
It will always boil down to how bad do you want it and what are you willing to do to correct for past “mistakes”.
I hope my perspective has helped,
Good luck!
If you want to improve your life situation you need to proactively make an effort to change it.
To get over the guilt of attending a bad Uni with poor prospects, seek getting a masters from a solid Uni department in your chosen field. This will open up your options greatly and is typically the pathway people take when their career prospects are limited for whatever reason.
From what I’ve read, I recommend this pathway but ultimately you NEED to do the work, life doesn’t wait or chase anyone. If you want change, you need to make it happen.
To get over the guilt of attending a bad Uni with poor prospects, seek getting a masters from a solid Uni department in your chosen field. This will open up your options greatly and is typically the pathway people take when their career prospects are limited for whatever reason.
From what I’ve read, I recommend this pathway but ultimately you NEED to do the work, life doesn’t wait or chase anyone. If you want change, you need to make it happen.
Original post by Anonymous
If you want to improve your life situation you need to proactively make an effort to change it.
To get over the guilt of attending a bad Uni with poor prospects, seek getting a masters from a solid Uni department in your chosen field. This will open up your options greatly and is typically the pathway people take when their career prospects are limited for whatever reason.
From what I’ve read, I recommend this pathway but ultimately you NEED to do the work, life doesn’t wait or chase anyone. If you want change, you need to make it happen.
To get over the guilt of attending a bad Uni with poor prospects, seek getting a masters from a solid Uni department in your chosen field. This will open up your options greatly and is typically the pathway people take when their career prospects are limited for whatever reason.
From what I’ve read, I recommend this pathway but ultimately you NEED to do the work, life doesn’t wait or chase anyone. If you want change, you need to make it happen.
Your penultimate sentence is what resonates with me the most. What I have understood the most in these 2 years doing nothing and just drifting along is that time will not stop for you. No matter how bad your situation may be, you will not just wake up one day as a different person with the ability to solve your problems. I am aware of this, but the issue is being able to make adequate change despite adversity. It is difficult to try and 'improve' when you are constantly reminded by your past failure through current failures.
It is also difficult when you start wondering how much better your situation would have been if you had not made those failures in the past. Whilst failure is not permanent, your situation does become exponentially more difficult with each successive failure making it even harder to make positive change.
Thank you for this.
Original post by Anonymous
Your penultimate sentence is what resonates with me the most. What I have understood the most in these 2 years doing nothing and just drifting along is that time will not stop for you. No matter how bad your situation may be, you will not just wake up one day as a different person with the ability to solve your problems. I am aware of this, but the issue is being able to make adequate change despite adversity. It is difficult to try and 'improve' when you are constantly reminded by your past failure through current failures.
It is also difficult when you start wondering how much better your situation would have been if you had not made those failures in the past. Whilst failure is not permanent, your situation does become exponentially more difficult with each successive failure making it even harder to make positive change.
It is also difficult when you start wondering how much better your situation would have been if you had not made those failures in the past. Whilst failure is not permanent, your situation does become exponentially more difficult with each successive failure making it even harder to make positive change.
At one point you need to come to terms that life is about failing and then learning from your failures and that your path may not be identical to everyone else's. Of course, life would be perfect if it would go the way we want it to but typically it never goes to plan. You have to accept your losses and bounce back. That is your only choice or you can continue to pity yourself and see how far that gets you.
Sorry this isn't what you were expecting but you will need to realise life isn't sunshine and rainbows, you don't have time to cry about failures, and the longer it takes you to realise this, the longer you will remain off your path and the longer you will remain unhappy about your life.
If you have a goal, analyse how feasible and probable it is, then think about how badly you want to achieve it, set a plan and achieve it, fail? get over it and start again. You will regret living life stringing along thinking about what ifs, especially when you have the time to correct those shortcomings.
Hi so I’ve been in a pretty similar position as you in the sense that I got really good gcses and a level predictions, but fell short on my a level grades. They weren’t awful but they weren’t good enough to get into any universities i wanted. And all my friends went to places like durham, UCL, Oxford. So I felt pretty *****y for getting mid grades when they are at some of the best unis in the world. I’ve done first year and two different unis since and I’m retaking my a levels simultaneously. I’m considering of withdrawing from everything entirely and just retaking my a levels next year to go somewhere as a mature student.
I think if you don’t like your course and you feel disappointed, there’s no point wasting time or money on a degree that you won’t enjoy or won’t do well in. There’s a lot of good unis like queen Mary, Manchester, SOAS and Birmingham that do foundation years that take you straight into their Bachelors degrees if you pass the foundation. And employers don’t really care if you had to do a foundation as long as you get a good overage grade in your degree. And the foundations normally require like BCC-CDD. These are always available in UCAS extra and clearing. You’ll be able to do all the internships that your school peers are doing. And you’ll be able to feel like you’re in a place where you feel comfortable in your academics. Or you could take a year out and work, possibly retake your a levels as a private candidate and get to the uni of your dreams. It’s obviously going to be more financially strenuous when you’ve already done two years at uni. But if you think there’s a way of possibly making this change work, it’ll be so worth it in the end. And private student loans exist too which can be helpful.
I think if you don’t like your course and you feel disappointed, there’s no point wasting time or money on a degree that you won’t enjoy or won’t do well in. There’s a lot of good unis like queen Mary, Manchester, SOAS and Birmingham that do foundation years that take you straight into their Bachelors degrees if you pass the foundation. And employers don’t really care if you had to do a foundation as long as you get a good overage grade in your degree. And the foundations normally require like BCC-CDD. These are always available in UCAS extra and clearing. You’ll be able to do all the internships that your school peers are doing. And you’ll be able to feel like you’re in a place where you feel comfortable in your academics. Or you could take a year out and work, possibly retake your a levels as a private candidate and get to the uni of your dreams. It’s obviously going to be more financially strenuous when you’ve already done two years at uni. But if you think there’s a way of possibly making this change work, it’ll be so worth it in the end. And private student loans exist too which can be helpful.
Original post by Anonymous
Just looking at an internship/graduate application makes me sad because I remember all the past rejections and I start imagining the position I would have been in if I did get into a top university like my friends.
You would still be in this same position if you took such a laidback approach to studying at another university. Mediocre grades at a top university won't get you internships or guarantee you entry into graduate programmes. You don't need to graduate from the best university to succeed, what you need is to do the best with your current circumstances and put in the effort to to excel where you currently are. Work hard and secure at least a 2:1 and you'll have the same progression opportunities as anyone else. Continue with your current approach to learning and you're just sabotaging yourself.
tl;dr - how your future plays out is not tied into the university you are attending; it's about your attitude to learning and your ability to apply yourself and achieve good grades in the course you are currently taking.
(edited 1 year ago)
Original post by Anonymous
This is the first time I have made a post on here and I'm sorry if this gets too long but I really just need to get something off my chest. I don't have anyone to talk to so I decided to make an account on here.
In school, I used to be a high achieving, super competitive person with big aspirations. I did well in my GCSEs and obtained very good predicted grades for my A-Levels. Unfortunately, I was rejected from the universities I wanted to go to and I lost the motivation to do well in my exams. I ended up with poor A-Level grades and ended up at a low-ranked University through clearing. I still remember that period of time in August. Everything was pretty much a blur and I knew I had ruined any chance of getting into the career I always wanted (IB/finance). There was no point re-sitting the exams because the best universities don't really accept re-sit applicants anyway, and my home environment was too toxic to remain in. My parents were incredibly disappointed and were ashamed by my grades, as was I. Everyone we knew had done really well and had offers from top universities, so that essentially compounded my failure. My parents no longer wanted me in the house so I effectively had to take the clearing offer.
All my friends in sixth form got into the best universities and I was so embarrassed with myself that I would lie about where I went for uni. Eventually I just stopped talking to them because I would just get so angry at myself for how my life has ended up compared to where I thought I 'should have been'. I used to be very entitled and I guess this was my first humbling. I didn't talk to anyone at uni and spent all day in my room (the lockdown helped with avoiding people). My parents don't talk to me and I have no friends so I would just pass time on my laptop. My entire routine became really weird - I would wake up at 10pm and go to sleep at midday. I literally did zero work and only revised for my exams right before the deadline. My course was online for the first year so this was doable. I basically gave up and couldn't be bothered to do anything. I would always order takeaways and I gained like 20kg over this period.
I have been in this state of limbo for over 2 years now and there was a period of time where I have tried taking actions to improve my situation. I was fed up of doing nothing and decided to start applying for internships and insight weeks etc. I sent out over 100 applications and all of them were rejected. When I requested feedback, some companies mentioned that my university wasn't one that they 'target candidates from', further reaffirming my concerns about university reputation. (I know there are exceptions to the rule and sometimes students from low-ranking universities can get into high-finance, but this is incredibly rare).
I have now finished my second year of university with mediocre grades because I put no effort into the work, and I have been rejected by all the summer internship programmes I have applied to. On Linkedin I see all my old friends from sixth form getting the best internships and it just reminds me how much of a failure I am.
Over the past few months, I have had several moments of introspection and I have really tried overcome this negative attitude but my external environment (bad uni, low career prospects) have kept me miserable. I struggled with accepting that I am not good enough to get into my ideal career and that there are far superior candidates who will always be preferred to me. I have reluctantly lowered my expectations but I still can't deal with the fact that I am not good enough.
Just looking at an internship/graduate application makes me sad because I remember all the past rejections and I start imagining the position I would have been in if I did get into a top university like my friends. I have considered leaving the country after I graduate and working abroad for a while because my life here has been utterly miserable. I have no friends and I don't talk with my family so I wouldn't exactly be leaving anything behind here.
I am aware of how entitled this entire post may sound but this is an issue that I have been unable to deal with for a long time and I am just lost at the moment.
I would really appreciate any advice.
Thanks.
In school, I used to be a high achieving, super competitive person with big aspirations. I did well in my GCSEs and obtained very good predicted grades for my A-Levels. Unfortunately, I was rejected from the universities I wanted to go to and I lost the motivation to do well in my exams. I ended up with poor A-Level grades and ended up at a low-ranked University through clearing. I still remember that period of time in August. Everything was pretty much a blur and I knew I had ruined any chance of getting into the career I always wanted (IB/finance). There was no point re-sitting the exams because the best universities don't really accept re-sit applicants anyway, and my home environment was too toxic to remain in. My parents were incredibly disappointed and were ashamed by my grades, as was I. Everyone we knew had done really well and had offers from top universities, so that essentially compounded my failure. My parents no longer wanted me in the house so I effectively had to take the clearing offer.
All my friends in sixth form got into the best universities and I was so embarrassed with myself that I would lie about where I went for uni. Eventually I just stopped talking to them because I would just get so angry at myself for how my life has ended up compared to where I thought I 'should have been'. I used to be very entitled and I guess this was my first humbling. I didn't talk to anyone at uni and spent all day in my room (the lockdown helped with avoiding people). My parents don't talk to me and I have no friends so I would just pass time on my laptop. My entire routine became really weird - I would wake up at 10pm and go to sleep at midday. I literally did zero work and only revised for my exams right before the deadline. My course was online for the first year so this was doable. I basically gave up and couldn't be bothered to do anything. I would always order takeaways and I gained like 20kg over this period.
I have been in this state of limbo for over 2 years now and there was a period of time where I have tried taking actions to improve my situation. I was fed up of doing nothing and decided to start applying for internships and insight weeks etc. I sent out over 100 applications and all of them were rejected. When I requested feedback, some companies mentioned that my university wasn't one that they 'target candidates from', further reaffirming my concerns about university reputation. (I know there are exceptions to the rule and sometimes students from low-ranking universities can get into high-finance, but this is incredibly rare).
I have now finished my second year of university with mediocre grades because I put no effort into the work, and I have been rejected by all the summer internship programmes I have applied to. On Linkedin I see all my old friends from sixth form getting the best internships and it just reminds me how much of a failure I am.
Over the past few months, I have had several moments of introspection and I have really tried overcome this negative attitude but my external environment (bad uni, low career prospects) have kept me miserable. I struggled with accepting that I am not good enough to get into my ideal career and that there are far superior candidates who will always be preferred to me. I have reluctantly lowered my expectations but I still can't deal with the fact that I am not good enough.
Just looking at an internship/graduate application makes me sad because I remember all the past rejections and I start imagining the position I would have been in if I did get into a top university like my friends. I have considered leaving the country after I graduate and working abroad for a while because my life here has been utterly miserable. I have no friends and I don't talk with my family so I wouldn't exactly be leaving anything behind here.
I am aware of how entitled this entire post may sound but this is an issue that I have been unable to deal with for a long time and I am just lost at the moment.
I would really appreciate any advice.
Thanks.
I would really recommend speaking to any support service your uni has, therapy if you can afford it. It really sounds like you’re suffering from depression and you need someone to help you work your way out of a negative mindset.
I’m really curious to know what uni you go to? Because I have a suspicion it probably isn’t that bad of a uni .I also have a suspicion your A Level grades were probably acc average when comparing to national stats, so not actually terrible . So, many ppl succeed and do well going to uni’s outside of the Russel group and below the top 40+. Going to a ‘bad’ uni does not make you a failure, getting not so great grades in your A levels also does not make you a failure. There are opportunities to improve, you need to break out of this mindset.
You have the opportunity now to do well in your degree to improve your prospects. If it matters so much to you to go to a ‘good’ uni, try your best in your degree and then you could apply to some of the best masters programmes in the uk. Ik of people who went to uni’s like Coventry who then converted to a masters at top ranking Russel Groups. I’m currently at UEA (which I think you would argue is a mid uni, not sure how fussy you are) & Ik ppl who have then gone on to study at Oxford & UCL.
You may still be able to secure a job in finance regardless if you do well in your degree. But, If not… maybe a similar job in that area that isn’t so competitive? If you don’t get the exact job you want, Is it really the end of the world? What matters is finding yourself financially stable & happy, not what other ppl think.
I’m sure there are ppl with worse A levels & at worse uni’s who go on to work in great jobs & are happy. Life is what you make it. Those 2yrs of your life where you did not do so well should not dictate the rest of your life, they only will if you let it. I’m sorry that your parents didn’t make that clear to you.
Also, ik I’m asking probably a lot of you here, but joining societies, running societies & volunteering would also improve your prospects and make you stand out. How you come across is very important to employers & as you aren’t feeling good in yourself it’s probably showing. Why should someone believe in you, if you can’t believe in yourself? It would help your social life too. But, that is a lot and I’ve been struggling with that myself as I’m not very self confident either.
Honestly, just wish I could give you a hug. I’m sorry your parents treated you that way, they shouldn’t have shamed you. If I could be your parents, I would tell you that yes it may be disappointing and I understand why you’re upset, but it doesn’t matter anymore, now we have to focus on the future. Try and light some fire in you to prove that you can be successful regardless of your past.
Also, success is not all about uni. You can lead a perfectly good life without a degree. My parents have given me a great childhood, brought me up in a safe wealthy area, and we’ve never struggled with money. Neither of my parents went to uni.
What uni do you go to if you don’t mind me asking?
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