pressure to do well not for yourself but for family expectations
basically what the title says.. i have been struggling alot the past two years and consequently been receiving near rubbish and failing grades in almost all 3 of my subjects - sparing the unusual high c low b here and there. there are reasons for this and i have been told by quite a few people close to me that i am not wrong in believing i have a learning disorder, it hinders me even more given my already bad mental state. i was going to try and receive some sort of help from my school for the same but was fearful that my parents would find out. they would be enraged if i did get diagnosis and prove myself as they do not believe in such things as mental health disorders etc. its extremely toxic, unable to sit my gcses i recieved alright grades but not top ones as my parents wanted. they have spent alot on tuition for me despite my refusal and use that to rebuke me when anything goes wrong, if i say i never wanted it in the first place they scold me for not appreciating their 'care' and 'support' for me to do well - it basically just becomes a long chain of gaslighting. all my decisions are altered and manipulated by them lol all down to my subject choices that i completely regret taking to not applying for uni away from home which is something i have dreamt of since i was pretty young - this also become a growing desire as i realised the unhealthy environment i was in and started to understand why it was wrong for my parents to treat me this way. its hard knowing i have probably blown it and will get **** grades this summer for my a levels and they will be really unhappy and dissappointed, i am more scared of how they will react than of my own future. i am constantly compared to others put down humiliated and belittled by my parents, my mother has even gone as far as to say she will do some extreme things to me if my results are crappy - but like always im not sure how much truth there is to that as she often using odd and hurtful things to 'motivate' me. its scarring and i have almost nothing but resentment for my father, i know the whole you need to start speaking and standing up to them has been brought up alot to me but its impossible with the amount of fear and anxiety instilled in me from all the years of.. basically abuse both mental and physical lol i rambled way too much but the jist is that i want to resit and i dont know if they would be approving of that, they are extremely strict conservative and judgemental people. tbh this concern goes beyond just my grades, their views and disposition on many factors of my life are way off what i want or wish to achieve. i feel guilt for wanting a life away from them as i am grateful for them for raising me and all i feel a responsibility to stick by them but then again there are things i want to do and achieve eventually and i do not think they will ever understand that and rather see it as disrespect and rebellion. if you couldnt already tell i am an extreme overthinker too 
Original post by Anonymous
basically what the title says.. i have been struggling alot the past two years and consequently been receiving near rubbish and failing grades in almost all 3 of my subjects - sparing the unusual high c low b here and there. there are reasons for this and i have been told by quite a few people close to me that i am not wrong in believing i have a learning disorder, it hinders me even more given my already bad mental state. i was going to try and receive some sort of help from my school for the same but was fearful that my parents would find out. they would be enraged if i did get diagnosis and prove myself as they do not believe in such things as mental health disorders etc. its extremely toxic, unable to sit my gcses i recieved alright grades but not top ones as my parents wanted. they have spent alot on tuition for me despite my refusal and use that to rebuke me when anything goes wrong, if i say i never wanted it in the first place they scold me for not appreciating their 'care' and 'support' for me to do well - it basically just becomes a long chain of gaslighting. all my decisions are altered and manipulated by them lol all down to my subject choices that i completely regret taking to not applying for uni away from home which is something i have dreamt of since i was pretty young - this also become a growing desire as i realised the unhealthy environment i was in and started to understand why it was wrong for my parents to treat me this way. its hard knowing i have probably blown it and will get **** grades this summer for my a levels and they will be really unhappy and dissappointed, i am more scared of how they will react than of my own future. i am constantly compared to others put down humiliated and belittled by my parents, my mother has even gone as far as to say she will do some extreme things to me if my results are crappy - but like always im not sure how much truth there is to that as she often using odd and hurtful things to 'motivate' me. its scarring and i have almost nothing but resentment for my father, i know the whole you need to start speaking and standing up to them has been brought up alot to me but its impossible with the amount of fear and anxiety instilled in me from all the years of.. basically abuse both mental and physical lol i rambled way too much but the jist is that i want to resit and i dont know if they would be approving of that, they are extremely strict conservative and judgemental people. tbh this concern goes beyond just my grades, their views and disposition on many factors of my life are way off what i want or wish to achieve. i feel guilt for wanting a life away from them as i am grateful for them for raising me and all i feel a responsibility to stick by them but then again there are things i want to do and achieve eventually and i do not think they will ever understand that and rather see it as disrespect and rebellion. if you couldnt already tell i am an extreme overthinker too
Would your parents physically hurt you?
