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Geography paper 2 for tomorrow pls help

please could someone rate my answer and give me really critical feedback on it?
Q. To what extent has urban change created social and economic opportunities in London?

A. In my opinion urban change has created a few social and economic opportunities in London.
For example, multiculturalism is the highest it has been in the last 50 years, and London is one of the most diverse capital cities in the world. Around 1/3 of all Londoners are born in foreign countries with over 200 languages spoken in London today. Opportunities for multiculturalism include the Notting hill carnival and easy access to many areas of worship for many different religions. Not to mention, more diversity in terms of food and drink in restaurants and food markets deriving from cultures worldwide.

As great as being so diverse is to the social scene of London there are downsides to so many different cultures in one city. Such as discrimination and racism being prominent in today's society even in the workplace with over 43% of people applying to high paying jobs being rejected purely because of their beliefs or race. A language barrier is also a downside to such a diverse community as a lack of education and linguistic skills means communicating with someone whose first language is not English creates a challenge to socialism with around 32.4% of Londoners only being able to speak English.

Urban change has resulted in the regeneration of areas such as the London docklands which allowed 3000 more jobs to arise in the tertiary and quaternary sectors. These jobs bring in skilled professionals who have more disposable income to funnel back into the economy and high taxes can be issued to allow more money to be dispensed into healthcare and education.

Even though London is moving towards a steadily post-industrial economy the people who were not as educated or do not have the skills required for the higher-paying jobs end up being pushed out of their previous manufacturing jobs to other areas which makes life more difficult for those people. London still has a very high rate of unemployment compared to other major cities due to a post-industrial economy leading the residents to lean on burglary and crime to make a livable wage, which makes the majority of the taxes fund the police service and unemployment benefits for those who can not secure a job. so less of the overall tax money is being spent on healthcare and education as intended.

To conclude, I believe that there are just as many challenges as opportunities when it comes to urban growth as the economy affects people in all different ways in terms of race, gender, skill level and income.
Original post by amy1109
please could someone rate my answer and give me really critical feedback on it?
Q. To what extent has urban change created social and economic opportunities in London?

A. In my opinion urban change has created a few social and economic opportunities in London.
For example, multiculturalism is the highest it has been in the last 50 years, and London is one of the most diverse capital cities in the world. Around 1/3 of all Londoners are born in foreign countries with over 200 languages spoken in London today. Opportunities for multiculturalism include the Notting hill carnival and easy access to many areas of worship for many different religions. Not to mention, more diversity in terms of food and drink in restaurants and food markets deriving from cultures worldwide.

As great as being so diverse is to the social scene of London there are downsides to so many different cultures in one city. Such as discrimination and racism being prominent in today's society even in the workplace with over 43% of people applying to high paying jobs being rejected purely because of their beliefs or race. A language barrier is also a downside to such a diverse community as a lack of education and linguistic skills means communicating with someone whose first language is not English creates a challenge to socialism with around 32.4% of Londoners only being able to speak English.

Urban change has resulted in the regeneration of areas such as the London docklands which allowed 3000 more jobs to arise in the tertiary and quaternary sectors. These jobs bring in skilled professionals who have more disposable income to funnel back into the economy and high taxes can be issued to allow more money to be dispensed into healthcare and education.

Even though London is moving towards a steadily post-industrial economy the people who were not as educated or do not have the skills required for the higher-paying jobs end up being pushed out of their previous manufacturing jobs to other areas which makes life more difficult for those people. London still has a very high rate of unemployment compared to other major cities due to a post-industrial economy leading the residents to lean on burglary and crime to make a livable wage, which makes the majority of the taxes fund the police service and unemployment benefits for those who can not secure a job. so less of the overall tax money is being spent on healthcare and education as intended.

To conclude, I believe that there are just as many challenges as opportunities when it comes to urban growth as the economy affects people in all different ways in terms of race, gender, skill level and income.

I would say its pretty good but in ur fourth n maybe other paragraphs that u add in statistics or facts or more case study specific knowledge so that ur essay is unique to London. N conclusion try to evaluate more by countering ur reason then countering it again to make ur conclusion stronger n add in new case study knowledge when u counter. That should get u into level 4ish rlly!! Dont worry bout getting higher than that u can spend that time on getting marks in ur 6/9 markers! All the best for ur exam im also writing it on Wednesday!!

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