I think I'm bi polar

I'm 17, male, just started sixth form, and pretty screwed up.

family stuff

sister is 19 and anorexic, on a 'gap' year, with no job. spends most days crying/ fighting with my mum cos my mum hates medicines and keeps tkaing her prozac. wont get to uni if she doesnt put her act together/ will just end up stuck as our house. she doesnt eat meals, preferably 300 calroies of tofu a day.

my dad is old and retired. in his 60s, with arthiritus, irirtable bowel sydndorme, a hernia, colon problems. generally grumpy, and spends his days in front of the television. lost the ability to drive throuhg pulling his neck muscles, menaing more grumpiness for the past few weeks.

mother, 50, just got a degree, and jobless. she got a pretty crappy degree forma crappy uni, and tbf isnt guna get a job. shes been looking for a long time, but this adds to financial pressures and the stress of the house.

me?

Blates i get affected by all of the above. furthermore i don't have a clue if i want to be doctor or not. chosen a levels im not enjoying. i'm an A* student at GCSE, but i'm considering quitting and leaving college until next sept and then i can restart. i love french and maths, but chem, bio and politics arent tht good. i want to do geogrpahy and english instead, but then that means having to ctach up lots. equalling more stress.

i wake up every morning wanting to cry. i have been like this for months. i dont know why. there must some underlying issues, but its making me choose the wrong things, and its generally affecting my whole life. i'd scared im gunna f** up, when i wna tto achieve so much in my life. i'm so scared. i need help. where do i go? i dont wana leave college, even iof i did what wud i do? but then again can i restart courses now? its exteunating circumstances, so my college might let me, but its guna be so difficult to. workwise, and mind wise. ive been self harming, and yes.

any advice please. i'm sorry for sounding so silly and pathetic, but i just dont know. i need advice. i worry all the time. im pretty sure i have some sort of anxiety disorder cos i worry about EVERYTHING. please help and keep anon. thank you.

Reply 1

Norfolkadam

Well my mum has bi-polar so I have alot of experience with it but you don't sound like you have it. Do you ever get high? A feeling like you can do anything or any kind of creative streak? When my mum is high she bakes cakes and paints things. Bi-polar is about getting both high and low.

It sounds alot more like you are just depressed.

Saying that I don't know anything properly about the disease just based on my experience of it so you should probably see a doctor and if you don't want to see a GP then talk to a support worker at college.

Reply 2

username130457

Sorry; you just have an anxiety disorder/depression.

Reply 3

Lampshade

Are the two different font sizes supposed to be a graphical representation of it??

And - don't ask students for a diagnosis :no:

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

I had really bad anxiety problems. Started out like you're saying here, I think it was all to do with my life at the time, things were stressful and nothing was going well (e.g. parents divorcing, mum being suicidal, sudden deaths of quite a few close family members and friends, etc etc.) And on top of that, I was doing 5 AS levels at college, all fairly hard subjects, and was hating college anyway without really knowing why. I had everything I could need there, escapism, a social life, lots of friends. Half way through the year, for no apparent reason, I just stopped going. I preferred to stay at home and lie on my living room floor for hours at a time, in front of the fire, just thinking, staring into space. After a year, I started having panic attacks, really bad ones where I thought I was going (and sometimes wanted) to die.

It took until I was 20 to get myself back into shape. I got a drinking problem, I got a gambling addiction, I ruined my long-term relationship with my boyfriend and I temporarily moved out of home. It was an awful period of my life that I regret, as I'm sure it will hinder me now (like you, I had good GCSEs and was immediately snapped up as a potential Oxbridge candidate in my first year at college).

What I would do if I could turn back time...

1. Go to a doctor, sort out some counselling, you can get it for free if you're on the NHS (I'm not sure about private health care?) And just get talking, talk yourself through everything.
2. Put a few hours aside, and figure out for yourself what would make you happy. Do you think you could see yourself getting through this year at college? If not, it might be best to act fast to avoid getting yourself a bad reputation as a student (and preventing you from maxing your potential in the future). Just keep perspective, you're a clever person - maybe studying could help you?
3. No matter how hard it is (because I know it's VERY hard), try not to worry about yourself. Worry about others, worry about the world, worry about anything you want, but don't over-analyse yourself. Don't diagnose yourself with the worst potential depression that's possible. Tell yourself that you're stressed and that you need breathing time, some time for yourself.
4. If you decide to carry on with your education (which I think could be best, though it's not for me to decide), remember to make time for you. Even if it makes you feel silly, do something really relaxing and calming. Go for a walk.

I'm back in education now, and I still feel things piling on top of me sometimes. I had three books to read and two essays to write in two evenings last week, and all you have to do is keep sight on your goals and ambitions and do it optimistically. I put time aside for myself, at least once or twice a week, where I can really *chill*. Sometimes this means sitting in my bed, writing, reading or even just thinking. Other times I go for a walk, I write poetry by the lake near to my house, or I go for a jog.

I think you're potentially your own worst enemy right now. And as long as you are always looking after yourself, your future, and your own happiness, you're one million miles stronger than I was.

Reply 5

River85

It sounds that you may be depressed. But why do you think you have bipolar? You do you have feelings of what you think is mania/hypomania? What are they like.

I suggest you see your GP about it. They are the only people who can really help and refer you to a psychiatrist for a diagnosis if needs be. You obviously need some help as you have a lot going on, have you considered counselling? Do you have any close friendships??

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