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Is this a creative writing as I have my English Language GCSE tommorow?

CREATIVE WRITING
Everything stopped, the air turned black all around me, I couldn’t breathe.

“Bye mum, see you soon”. I blurted out as I eagerly waited for her to leave. A smile stretched out across my face, as the thought of tonight's party entered my mind. I paced up and down the hallway with such impetuous momentum waiting upon the arrival of my friends. As soon as I heard the knock, the words “it’s open” immediately shot out of my mouth. I took a deep breath and walked myself over to the door. A little swarm of about 5 people entered. I greeted them all with a mighty grin and walked them over to the kitchen. I offered them drinks and food, the usual, and we sat down on the sofas and started to chat. The sound of laughter enveloped the room. We were all overwhelmed with joy. The duskiness of the night started to consume the sunset and eventually the sky was black like coal. Then the booming, crackling and popping of the fireworks began to appear. We all scrambled over to the windows as we “oohed” and “ahhed” at the burst of colours which compelled our gaze to the sky.

As I looked out at the sky, I couldn’t help but peer over to a red box which was hidden beneath my dad's old tools at the back of the garden. I caught an exchanged look from Jessica as we both pondered our imagination on what was inside the box. I gathered my friends and placed my palm on the door handle. I gave the door a slight push open as a gust of wind hurled itself over me. Cautiously, we tiptoed over to the box, careful not to disturb the cameras. Suddenly, hell opened and buckets of rain and thunder started pelting its way down. Micheal and Derek were the only ones who got the closest to the box before getting drenched in the cloudburst. We scuttled like mice back into the house surrounded by comfort and safety, unsure of how long it would last. The boys started pulling out heaps of fireworks. There were all different types. We patiently waited at the doorframe of the house whilst they precisely picked out the perfect fireworks. We lit one of course, it was bonfire night after all.

The flames started spitting furiously into the night sky as we all laughed and cheered. Instantaneously, an ill-feeling overwhelmed me. My heart pounded in and out of my chest. It was booming up and down, backwards and forwards until it fell out. My breath quivered and my hands trembled violently as I picked it up and put it back. BOOM!! My eyes widened and my pupils shrivelled up like a raison as the sparks zoomed and hoisted themselves up into the blackness of the night. Where had the fireworks gone? Why had it not exploded yet?

Our heads slowly spinned around towards the explosion of light, as the house I had known all my life had gone up in flames, right before my eyes. My heart froze and sunk into my chest. Steady streams started to pour from my tear ducts, however, they very quickly turned into resentful rivers. I took a deep breath which pierced itself right the way down my oesophagus as my jaw dropped down to the floor. The house was engulfed and consumed by the monstrous blaze. The flames licked and tickled what was left of my home. The sizzling of the yellow dragons muffled out the raging alarms. The fire engine, the house, the screams drove me mad. I couldn’t take it. The smoke and ash painted a black hole down the back of my throat and I couldn’t physically take in any more air. It was time to say goodbye.
Reply 1
Original post by lilyh223
CREATIVE WRITING
Everything stopped, the air turned black all around me, I couldn’t breathe.

“Bye mum, see you soon”. I blurted out as I eagerly waited for her to leave. A smile stretched out across my face, as the thought of tonight's party entered my mind. I paced up and down the hallway with such impetuous momentum waiting upon the arrival of my friends. As soon as I heard the knock, the words “it’s open” immediately shot out of my mouth. I took a deep breath and walked myself over to the door. A little swarm of about 5 people entered. I greeted them all with a mighty grin and walked them over to the kitchen. I offered them drinks and food, the usual, and we sat down on the sofas and started to chat. The sound of laughter enveloped the room. We were all overwhelmed with joy. The duskiness of the night started to consume the sunset and eventually the sky was black like coal. Then the booming, crackling and popping of the fireworks began to appear. We all scrambled over to the windows as we “oohed” and “ahhed” at the burst of colours which compelled our gaze to the sky.

As I looked out at the sky, I couldn’t help but peer over to a red box which was hidden beneath my dad's old tools at the back of the garden. I caught an exchanged look from Jessica as we both pondered our imagination on what was inside the box. I gathered my friends and placed my palm on the door handle. I gave the door a slight push open as a gust of wind hurled itself over me. Cautiously, we tiptoed over to the box, careful not to disturb the cameras. Suddenly, hell opened and buckets of rain and thunder started pelting its way down. Micheal and Derek were the only ones who got the closest to the box before getting drenched in the cloudburst. We scuttled like mice back into the house surrounded by comfort and safety, unsure of how long it would last. The boys started pulling out heaps of fireworks. There were all different types. We patiently waited at the doorframe of the house whilst they precisely picked out the perfect fireworks. We lit one of course, it was bonfire night after all.

The flames started spitting furiously into the night sky as we all laughed and cheered. Instantaneously, an ill-feeling overwhelmed me. My heart pounded in and out of my chest. It was booming up and down, backwards and forwards until it fell out. My breath quivered and my hands trembled violently as I picked it up and put it back. BOOM!! My eyes widened and my pupils shrivelled up like a raison as the sparks zoomed and hoisted themselves up into the blackness of the night. Where had the fireworks gone? Why had it not exploded yet?

Our heads slowly spinned around towards the explosion of light, as the house I had known all my life had gone up in flames, right before my eyes. My heart froze and sunk into my chest. Steady streams started to pour from my tear ducts, however, they very quickly turned into resentful rivers. I took a deep breath which pierced itself right the way down my oesophagus as my jaw dropped down to the floor. The house was engulfed and consumed by the monstrous blaze. The flames licked and tickled what was left of my home. The sizzling of the yellow dragons muffled out the raging alarms. The fire engine, the house, the screams drove me mad. I couldn’t take it. The smoke and ash painted a black hole down the back of my throat and I couldn’t physically take in any more air. It was time to say goodbye.


I would say that it's pretty good writing for GCSE. Just some pointers my teacher used to tell me when I did mine:
Make sure speech has it's own line and maybe add a few more elements of speech as you need it to be balanced, not all description.
For things like "Boom!!", put it into a sentence more like, "Then I heard it. Boom."
Try to paragraph in a way of events. When you have words like "suddenly" I would start a new paragraph.

Thing might have changed since I did it but those are things I got told. It depends on how your teacher has taught you :smile:
Reply 2
Original post by Sav055
I would say that it's pretty good writing for GCSE. Just some pointers my teacher used to tell me when I did mine:
Make sure speech has it's own line and maybe add a few more elements of speech as you need it to be balanced, not all description.
For things like "Boom!!", put it into a sentence more like, "Then I heard it. Boom."
Try to paragraph in a way of events. When you have words like "suddenly" I would start a new paragraph.

Thing might have changed since I did it but those are things I got told. It depends on how your teacher has taught you :smile:

Thank you so much for your feedback, really grateful 😁

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