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Reply 20
I think its a hard time for your mum, illness sometimes does funny things to people, as would be expected.
I don't think your being completely selfish, but i am sure there is probably a reason for your mums behaviour. Have you tried talking to her and explaining how you feel, but in a calm way as im sure she is pretty fragile at the moment, or even talking to your dad about it?

Your friends probably dont mean to distance themselves from you, or appear as if they dont care. People just get caught up with their lives and what is going on in the present. Im sure they still care about you and want to know your okay.

As for your ex, sorry i cant help much there, you could just tell him how your feeling, if he throws it all back at you, atleast you have tried, there isnt much more you can do.
alexa123
I think its a hard time for your mum, illness sometimes does funny things to people, as would be expected.
I don't think your being completely selfish, but i am sure there is probably a reason for your mums behaviour. Have you tried talking to her and explaining how you feel, but in a calm way as im sure she is pretty fragile at the moment, or even talking to your dad about it?

Your friends probably dont mean to distance themselves from you, or appear as if they dont care. People just get caught up with their lives and what is going on in the present. Im sure they still care about you and want to know your okay.

As for your ex, sorry i cant help much there, you could just tell him how your feeling, if he throws it all back at you, atleast you have tried, there isnt much more you can do.



I have actually, i got replies like 'anna im fine, leave it alone' or nothing at all. Thats why im so concerned for her, it's only me she's like this with and it's hard to comprehend
Reply 22
anna_spanner89
That too..but i probably would've stuck it out longer if it wasn't for my mum.

How dare you say i can't handle being a nurse by the way i am with my mum, how dare you say that. Thats not fair at all, a patient is a patient..but when it's your mum its a whole different playing field, i would sit there whilst going through chemo and she would not say a word to me...im actually concerned for her mental well being, I understand she's going through a lot, but people forget about the family of cancer sufferers aswell, sometimes it gets too mcuh and its hard watching someone suffer..everyone focuses on my mum, but the loved ones suffer too, as in a way we're carrying it aswell..the fear of her dying, being unwell etc...


I know exactly how you feel especially the bolded bit, everyone was forever asking how my dad was etc but no one seemed to consider it was hard for me to watch him be like that and have my dad become so dependent on my help. he did say thank you but not all the time and its only know hes realising quite how much i did/do. its so difficult to have to watch someone you love go through something like that and be so helpless in helping them, not knowing what to say or do a lot of the time. i know it feels like people are having a go but from your first post it did seem a little bit selfish but sometimes when you're caring for someone you do reach that point and snap a little (i know i have lots of times). you have to remember how hard it is for your mum, how scary it is and how perhaps its awkward for her to have her daughter being the one looking after her when its meant to be the other way round (i know this is something my dads found hard) and perhaps her fear and this feeling is leading to her being distant. sometimes when we are hurting etc we push those closest away to us so not to hurt them. if you ever want to pm me feel free i know how it feels to have a parent with cancer.

as for the other issues as i have said before cut your ex out of your life COMPLETELY!! every time you speak to him etc your making getting over him so much harder.

as for friends... ive had a similar issue but just remember they're trying to settle in, perhaps text them or ring them and have a catch up and arrange to meet up when they're back for christmas.
Reply 23
anna_spanner89
I have actually, i got replies like 'anna im fine, leave it alone' or nothing at all. Thats why im so concerned for her, it's only me she's like this with and it's hard to comprehend


Ah sorry i cant be anymore help then, as hard as it maybe i would just suggest leave it a while and see what happens. I know that must be distressing for you, but i expect there is a reason behind it all. Hopefully she will make a recovery soon, which will improve things as it must be hard for all of you.

xx
Reply 24
I cant believe how cruel people on here are being about the OP. Obviously her mum wont be feeling great at all, and being a bit distant is understandable, but it must be extremely difficult for the OP aswell, taking care of someone who's really ill. I've not been in that situation thankfully, but can only imagine how upsetting it would be to be watch someone they love suffer. I can completely understand why she's feeling the way she is, she's only human, everyone needs someone to talk to once in a while, and some recognition that they're doing some good.
Reply 25
anna_spanner89
I have actually, i got replies like 'anna im fine, leave it alone' or nothing at all. Thats why im so concerned for her, it's only me she's like this with and it's hard to comprehend


perhaps shes sick of being asked if shes ok.

i hate the question are you ok? hows you because you really want to say **** but often you end up putting on a brave face and saying fine when you're not. have you tried speaking to your dad?
22KT22
I know exactly how you feel especially the bolded bit, everyone was forever asking how my dad was etc but no one seemed to consider it was hard for me to watch him be like that and have my dad become so dependent on my help. he did say thank you but not all the time and its only know hes realising quite how much i did/do. its so difficult to have to watch someone you love go through something like that and be so helpless in helping them, not knowing what to say or do a lot of the time. i know it feels like people are having a go but from your first post it did seem a little bit selfish but sometimes when you're caring for someone you do reach that point and snap a little (i know i have lots of times). you have to remember how hard it is for your mum, how scary it is and how perhaps its awkward for her to have her daughter being the one looking after her when its meant to be the other way round (i know this is something my dads found hard) and perhaps her fear and this feeling is leading to her being distant. sometimes when we are hurting etc we push those closest away to us so not to hurt them. if you ever want to pm me feel free i know how it feels to have a parent with cancer.

as for the other issues as i have said before cut your ex out of your life COMPLETELY!! every time you speak to him etc your making getting over him so much harder.

as for friends... ive had a similar issue but just remember they're trying to settle in, perhaps text them or ring them and have a catch up and arrange to meet up when they're back for christmas.



Thankyou, its so nice to actually hear from someone whos been through it and knows what its like..than others who havn't got a clue, and decide to call me selfish and i shouldn't be a nurse...totally unsensitive.

I will PM you..its so tough right now, i really want to move out, get some space..but im worried that me not being around will lead to her cutting me out of her life for good
Lauren67
I cant believe how cruel people on here are being about the OP. Obviously her mum wont be feeling great at all, and being a bit distant is understandable, but it must be extremely difficult for the OP aswell, taking care of someone who's really ill. I've not been in that situation thankfully, but can only imagine how upsetting it would be to be watch someone they love suffer. I can completely understand why she's feeling the way she is, she's only human, everyone needs someone to talk to once in a while, and some recognition that they're doing some good.



Thanks, don't worry..some people on here havn't got a clue about reality
anna_spanner89
Thanks, don't worry..some people on here havn't got a clue about reality

because you're told the truth and you don't like it because it's neither what you want to hear nor in your comfort zone?
I thought you left uni because you didnt like the course, and you started a thread about it as well? So now its because of your mum?
arisk01
no it's not unfair at all, and it's not different in the sense that I'm saying. You clearly don't understand what she is feeling and what she is going through. How do you know that her being distant is not because she is scared of dying etc.? because im willing to bet it is, try and show some empathy, and in the sense of being a nurse, you will get the same reaction no matter what. Effectively you see your mum as being selfish because of her distancing, yet you clearly don't understand what she is going through. If you can't do that, then how are you going to cope day in day out with much worse cases as a nurse? how are you going to manage the emotional turmoil of it? What are you going to do? tell the people on their deathbeds they're selfish because they wont say thank you? As if that is the most important thing on their minds, saying thank you


the fact is that her mother is acting normal around anna's brothers, but distant towards anna. Is it so strange for anna to wonder why and feel a little put out about that?
Her abiliy to be a good nurse has nothing to do with it. She never said she doesn't have empathy as to how her mother is feeling - she clearly does, as she takes care of her! But wondering why she is being treated differently to her brothers is a totally separate issue.
If her mum's behaviour was cancer related, she would be acting distantly to everybody, wouldn't she?
arisk01
because you're told the truth and you don't like it because it's neither what you want to hear nor in your comfort zone?



I know for a fact i would make a brilliant nurse as im wonderful around my patients as a health care assistant, and a different person when it comes to my mum

go and have a parent of yours dying infront of your eyes..and come back and tell me whether im being selfish and wouldn't make a good nurse
anna_spanner89
I know for a fact i would make a brilliant nurse as im wonderful around my patients as a health care assistant, and a different person when it comes to my mum

go and have a parent of yours dying infront of your eyes..and come back and tell me whether im being selfish and wouldn't make a good nurse

I have no parents actually
JointVenture
I thought you left uni because you didnt like the course, and you started a thread about it as well? So now its because of your mum?



A number of things, like i said i didn't like the course...but i probably wuld have given it a few more weeks or months if it wasn't for my mum, when she was diagnosed that was the final push to leave
anna_spanner89
A number of things, like i said i didn't like the course...but i probably wuld have given it a few more weeks or months if it wasn't for my mum, when she was diagnosed that was the final push to leave


Ok, i'm confused... so you say to someone that 'come back to me when you parents are dying in front of your eyes', but by your logic then surely you think she will be ok next year, since you are obviously applying next year?

My sister died of breast cancer and I never once had an issue of how se was to me, and she was harsh let me tell you.

I think maybe you should re-read your first post. Something doesnt add up, or it could be me..
Reply 35
JointVenture
I thought you left uni because you didnt like the course, and you started a thread about it as well? So now its because of your mum?



Because people aren't allowed multiple reasons for dropping out are they :-/
MarshallJT
Because people aren't allowed multiple reasons for dropping out are they :-/


Of course, but Anna made a LOT of threads about dropping out, and this wasnt mentioned, which i find strange, and also that she is re-applyign next year as well, surely her mum would 'need' her then too?

To be honest it was more directed at Anna, not you.
Reply 37
arisk01
because you're told the truth and you don't like it because it's neither what you want to hear nor in your comfort zone?


Great I never knew being ill/ terminal granted people the option to be mannerless and rude. When my Step mom's cancers come back (and they will) I'll let her know that she can be as rude and arrogant as she wants and she wont need booze to use as an excuse, thanks for that advice :-)
MarshallJT
Great I never knew being ill/ terminal granted people the option to be mannerless and rude. When my Step mom's cancers come back (and they will) I'll let her know that she can be as rude and arrogant as she wants and she wont need booze to use as an excuse, thanks for that advice :-)

because someone is thinking about their life and what they have left of it, they cant do that then?
JointVenture
Of course, but Anna made a LOT of threads about dropping out, and this wasnt mentioned, which i find strange, and also that she is re-applyign next year as well, surely her mum would 'need' her then too?

To be honest it was more directed at Anna, not you.



Hmmm i've made SO many threads (not replys to threads about dropping out which it is in reality :rolleyes: )

I havn't mentioned it fully on TSR as what i do for my mum is a private issue and academically wasn't linked to me dropping out, but a personal reason which i didn't feel necesary to mention. I am reapplying next year, because although its taking a while, my mum is improving and this year is the hardest..if she's still ill next year, then yes i would be happy not to go, but if circumstances change theres no reason why i can't decide to go, and applying is simply ensuring I have something to do and not putting my life fully on hold whilst looking after her.

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