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Girlfriend chats with her male best friend with ❤️ and 😘 emojis regularly
My girlfriend has a male best friend with whom she regularly chats and sends good morning/ good night messages with ❤️s and 😘s and all the chats in between too.
I know I should be better than that to think negatively about it, but since I kind of find it weird and never do it myself with my female friends, I felt a little odd about it.
I shared the same with her, and her reply felt rather condescending towards me. That if i tell her not to, she had no option but to not do it, and that she can't expect that I would understand but her best friend would (in a demeaning way). Like I'm telling her to change her nature and she feels suffocated in this relationship because of this single thing that i shared with her.
I understand that communication is the key in a relationship, but this key didn't work apparently.
Could someone help in sorting out my feelings here? Even if I'm wrong in telling it to her or feeling that way, please feel free to let me know.
I know I should be better than that to think negatively about it, but since I kind of find it weird and never do it myself with my female friends, I felt a little odd about it.
I shared the same with her, and her reply felt rather condescending towards me. That if i tell her not to, she had no option but to not do it, and that she can't expect that I would understand but her best friend would (in a demeaning way). Like I'm telling her to change her nature and she feels suffocated in this relationship because of this single thing that i shared with her.
I understand that communication is the key in a relationship, but this key didn't work apparently.
Could someone help in sorting out my feelings here? Even if I'm wrong in telling it to her or feeling that way, please feel free to let me know.
Scroll to see replies
Emojis are meaningless, people use them without thinking.
Give her the benefit of the doubt.
Give her the benefit of the doubt.
Original post by Anonymous
My girlfriend has a male best friend with whom she regularly chats and sends good morning/ good night messages with ❤️s and 😘s and all the chats in between too.
I know I should be better than that to think negatively about it, but since I kind of find it weird and never do it myself with my female friends, I felt a little odd about it.
I shared the same with her, and her reply felt rather condescending towards me. That if i tell her not to, she had no option but to not do it, and that she can't expect that I would understand but her best friend would (in a demeaning way). Like I'm telling her to change her nature and she feels suffocated in this relationship because of this single thing that i shared with her.
I understand that communication is the key in a relationship, but this key didn't work apparently.
Could someone help in sorting out my feelings here? Even if I'm wrong in telling it to her or feeling that way, please feel free to let me know.
I know I should be better than that to think negatively about it, but since I kind of find it weird and never do it myself with my female friends, I felt a little odd about it.
I shared the same with her, and her reply felt rather condescending towards me. That if i tell her not to, she had no option but to not do it, and that she can't expect that I would understand but her best friend would (in a demeaning way). Like I'm telling her to change her nature and she feels suffocated in this relationship because of this single thing that i shared with her.
I understand that communication is the key in a relationship, but this key didn't work apparently.
Could someone help in sorting out my feelings here? Even if I'm wrong in telling it to her or feeling that way, please feel free to let me know.
Honestly dude, she should put herself in your place and realise it herself without you even having to say it, the reason why you don't do it is because you know it would create a distance between you and your girlfriend and could lead to many misunderstandings. If she cares enough about your feelings and love towards her, she would straight up put that guy best friend in his place. And the fact that she took no action after you shared how you felt about it with her, I would be having second thoughts about my relationship.
My advice, talk to her again. Ask her how much she values communication in a relationship. And then tell her how you don't feel like you are being listened to and tell her how much you love her. Do this in person and not over texts.
(edited 2 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
My girlfriend has a male best friend with whom she regularly chats and sends good morning/ good night messages with ❤️s and 😘s and all the chats in between too.
I know I should be better than that to think negatively about it, but since I kind of find it weird and never do it myself with my female friends, I felt a little odd about it.
I shared the same with her, and her reply felt rather condescending towards me. That if i tell her not to, she had no option but to not do it, and that she can't expect that I would understand but her best friend would (in a demeaning way). Like I'm telling her to change her nature and she feels suffocated in this relationship because of this single thing that i shared with her.
I understand that communication is the key in a relationship, but this key didn't work apparently.
Could someone help in sorting out my feelings here? Even if I'm wrong in telling it to her or feeling that way, please feel free to let me know.
I know I should be better than that to think negatively about it, but since I kind of find it weird and never do it myself with my female friends, I felt a little odd about it.
I shared the same with her, and her reply felt rather condescending towards me. That if i tell her not to, she had no option but to not do it, and that she can't expect that I would understand but her best friend would (in a demeaning way). Like I'm telling her to change her nature and she feels suffocated in this relationship because of this single thing that i shared with her.
I understand that communication is the key in a relationship, but this key didn't work apparently.
Could someone help in sorting out my feelings here? Even if I'm wrong in telling it to her or feeling that way, please feel free to let me know.
have you met her male best friend in real life? when your gf and the friend are hanging out, how does their 'friendship' seem to you?
Original post by sufys
Emojis are meaningless, people use them without thinking.
Give her the benefit of the doubt.
Give her the benefit of the doubt.
I do. It's not like I'm accusing her of anything. I know that they're best friends from before I even knew her, so it's not my place to come in between.
It's just that in a relationship, should I have this much say to discuss this with her, and atleast expect her to acknowledge my feeling and if she cares enough, try and see how i may feel uneasy about it. I'm not stopping her conversations or anything, just that my perception is for such emojis to be used more romantically, and that's what throws me off a little.
Some people use those emojis in a platonic way. If she was using them beforehand and does it with other people, there shouldn't be much of a problem, as there are probably clear boundaries in the relationship. Maybe you could ask her to change the colour of the heart from red to orange? Is there anything else you've asked her about like this that would cause her to feel 'suffocated', since you only mentioned the fact that you felt uncomfortable or negative about it?
Original post by Anonymous
I do. It's not like I'm accusing her of anything. I know that they're best friends from before I even knew her, so it's not my place to come in between.
It's just that in a relationship, should I have this much say to discuss this with her, and atleast expect her to acknowledge my feeling and if she cares enough, try and see how i may feel uneasy about it. I'm not stopping her conversations or anything, just that my perception is for such emojis to be used more romantically, and that's what throws me off a little.
It's just that in a relationship, should I have this much say to discuss this with her, and atleast expect her to acknowledge my feeling and if she cares enough, try and see how i may feel uneasy about it. I'm not stopping her conversations or anything, just that my perception is for such emojis to be used more romantically, and that's what throws me off a little.
They can be used in a platonic manner.
Original post by SagaciousSag
Some people use those emojis in a platonic way. If she was using them beforehand and does it with other people, there shouldn't be much of a problem, as there are probably clear boundaries in the relationship. Maybe you could ask her to change the colour of the heart from red to orange? Is there anything else you've asked her about like this that would cause her to feel 'suffocated', since you only mentioned the fact that you felt uncomfortable or negative about it?
See this ^^^^
I think that changing the colour of the heart is a bit over the top though.
(edited 2 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
I do. It's not like I'm accusing her of anything. I know that they're best friends from before I even knew her, so it's not my place to come in between.
It's just that in a relationship, should I have this much say to discuss this with her, and atleast expect her to acknowledge my feeling and if she cares enough, try and see how i may feel uneasy about it. I'm not stopping her conversations or anything, just that my perception is for such emojis to be used more romantically, and that's what throws me off a little.
It's just that in a relationship, should I have this much say to discuss this with her, and atleast expect her to acknowledge my feeling and if she cares enough, try and see how i may feel uneasy about it. I'm not stopping her conversations or anything, just that my perception is for such emojis to be used more romantically, and that's what throws me off a little.
I absolutely get where you are coming from. Personally I don't think "Guy Best friends" ever stay friends. Specially if they are always texting your girl. I would see a relationship with a girl who has "guy best friends", inevitably going towards a dead end. Why does she still feel a need to have guy best friends if she has me?, am I not enough?. She wouldn't like me texting other girls and calling them my girl best friends, sending them goodnight and morning messages with kisses and hearts?. And if you're telling me its platonic then also see it from that guy best friends pov, if he's sending hearts and kisses with gms and gns back then he defo has feelings for her, 100%. Girls who still require "Guy best friends" while having me are not girl friend material, or even worth being in a relationship with in my books. Simple as that.
That's my opinion.
And this is based off the fact that I would never be happy in a relationship like this, so why torture myself and ruin my mental health?
(edited 2 years ago)
Original post by HashMash
I absolutely get where you are coming from. Personally I don't think "Guy Best friends" ever stay friends. Specially if they are always texting your girl. I would see a relationship with a girl who has "guy best friends", inevitably going towards a dead end. Why does she still feel a need to have guy best friends if she has me?, am I not enough?. She wouldn't like me texting other girls and calling them my girl best friends, sending them goodnight and morning messages with kisses and hearts?. And if you're telling me its platonic then also see it from that guy best friends pov, if he's sending hearts and kisses with gms and gns back then he defo has feelings for her, 100%. Girls who still require "Guy best friends" while having me are not girl friend material, or even worth being in a relationship with in my books. Simple as that.
That's my opinion.
That's my opinion.
Why does it matter what gender a best friend is? If they've been friends for a long time beforehand, is she supposed to end the friendship just because you exist, and then bring it back if you break up? Reason being, 'I have a boyfriend, so I won't be friends with any other guys.' If you had a girl best friend before a girlfriend, it would be fine to maintain that relationship, too.
You shouldn't expect to be the only man in her life, especially if the other guy came first. Women (who like men) are capable of maintaining platonic relationships with the opposite sex, and vice versa.
Original post by SagaciousSag
Why does it matter what gender a best friend is? If they've been friends for a long time beforehand, is she supposed to end the friendship just because you exist, and then bring it back if you break up? Reason being, 'I have a boyfriend, so I won't be friends with any other guys.' If you had a girl best friend before a girlfriend, it would be fine to maintain that relationship, too.
You shouldn't expect to be the only man in her life, especially if the other guy came first. Women (who like men) are capable of maintaining platonic relationships with the opposite sex, and vice
You shouldn't expect to be the only man in her life, especially if the other guy came first. Women (who like men) are capable of maintaining platonic relationships with the opposite sex, and vice
Original post by Anonymous
I do. It's not like I'm accusing her of anything. I know that they're best friends from before I even knew her, so it's not my place to come in between.
It's just that in a relationship, should I have this much say to discuss this with her, and atleast expect her to acknowledge my feeling and if she cares enough, try and see how i may feel uneasy about it. I'm not stopping her conversations or anything, just that my perception is for such emojis to be used more romantically, and that's what throws me off a little.
It's just that in a relationship, should I have this much say to discuss this with her, and atleast expect her to acknowledge my feeling and if she cares enough, try and see how i may feel uneasy about it. I'm not stopping her conversations or anything, just that my perception is for such emojis to be used more romantically, and that's what throws me off a little.
You can see my reply here. I also don't agree personally with her having to end her friendships because of me. People need friends too and friendships hold their own place. If I did, I would be too controlling and wouldn't deserve her anyway.
My point is that if some specific thing makes me feel uncomfortable, and omitting the said emojis won't do any harm to the friendship, which i don't even mean to cause, can i expect my girl to do that for me, or is that even too much to ask?
If I was you I'd do it to my female friends and see how she feels about it. If she's fine then it means nothing really but if she isn't then imo that reflects on her.
Original post by SagaciousSag
Why does it matter what gender a best friend is? If they've been friends for a long time beforehand, is she supposed to end the friendship just because you exist, and then bring it back if you break up? Reason being, 'I have a boyfriend, so I won't be friends with any other guys.' If you had a girl best friend before a girlfriend, it would be fine to maintain that relationship, too.
You shouldn't expect to be the only man in her life, especially if the other guy came first. Women (who like men) are capable of maintaining platonic relationships with the opposite sex, and vice versa.
You shouldn't expect to be the only man in her life, especially if the other guy came first. Women (who like men) are capable of maintaining platonic relationships with the opposite sex, and vice versa.
It obviously matters what gender a best friend is considering the gender you are attracted to and at the very least how your person/partner feels about it, and it's not about them being a best friend, it's about what's happening in that friendship. And even now the way you're phrasing it is terrible. You should be the only "man" in her life. But I'm not at all saying a friendship should be ended because of you as her partner, that's controlling and unhealthy. What we are talking about here is the consideration of your partners feelings towards something and whether you act on it or not. She can be in a friendship but not send a guy hearts(colour doesn't matter btw, a heart is a heart) and kisses. Her being able to keep it platonic or not doesn't matter, I know I would act on it if she didn't like me doing something of the sort.
Original post by Anonymous
You can see my reply here. I also don't agree personally with her having to end her friendships because of me. People need friends too and friendships hold their own place. If I did, I would be too controlling and wouldn't deserve her anyway.
My point is that if some specific thing makes me feel uncomfortable, and omitting the said emojis won't do any harm to the friendship, which i don't even mean to cause, can i expect my girl to do that for me, or is that even too much to ask?
My point is that if some specific thing makes me feel uncomfortable, and omitting the said emojis won't do any harm to the friendship, which i don't even mean to cause, can i expect my girl to do that for me, or is that even too much to ask?
If you've outlined it in this way to your girlfriend, then personally, I don't think it's unreasonable to expect, however, you might have to compromise in some way.
Original post by Anonymous
You can see my reply here. I also don't agree personally with her having to end her friendships because of me. People need friends too and friendships hold their own place. If I did, I would be too controlling and wouldn't deserve her anyway.
My point is that if some specific thing makes me feel uncomfortable, and omitting the said emojis won't do any harm to the friendship, which i don't even mean to cause, can i expect my girl to do that for me, or is that even too much to ask?
My point is that if some specific thing makes me feel uncomfortable, and omitting the said emojis won't do any harm to the friendship, which i don't even mean to cause, can i expect my girl to do that for me, or is that even too much to ask?
Think about you doing it, if she asked you the same thing would it be too much for her to ask?.
Original post by HashMash
It obviously matters what gender a best friend is considering the gender you are attracted to and at the very least how your person/partner feels about it, and it's not about them being a best friend,
Original post by HashMash
Why does she still feel a need to have guy best friends if she has me?, am I not enough?.
Girls who still require "Guy best friends" while having me are not girl friend material, or even worth being in a relationship with in my books. Simple as that.
Girls who still require "Guy best friends" while having me are not girl friend material, or even worth being in a relationship with in my books. Simple as that.
Contradiction, perhaps? Anyway, if she sent hearts to male friends before you got together and does it all the tine, is it really that bad? A blue heart is completely platonic. If you don't typically do something of the sort with friends but then started doing it with one person, that would be a problem, because it would have romantic implications.
Original post by SagaciousSag
Contradiction, perhaps? Anyway, if she sent hearts to male friends before you got together and does it all the tine, is it really that bad? A blue heart is completely platonic. If you don't typically do something of the sort with friends but then started doing it with one person, that would be a problem, because it would have romantic implications.
No contradictions. When I said "It's not about them being a best friend" I was not ignoring what I said previously. I was just trying to make it clearer what the problem really was, should have been more specific for you my bad.
Original post by SagaciousSag
Contradiction, perhaps? Anyway, if she sent hearts to male friends before you got together and does it all the tine, is it really that bad?
Again, not what I said. If she continues to do it considering how you feel towards it, that I say it isn't okay.
(edited 2 years ago)
To me personally it means nothing other than affection, be it platonic affection. If you have an issue with that that's fair enoof I understand where you are coming from but it's not right to think she means anything other than that they are a good freind. I send them to my freinds that are girls and they send them back to me.
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