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    ...yet as everyday passes I feel as though I am losing the battle. My friend passing away is killing me, I am feeling really lonely at the moment, and I am scared that if I open up I will in effect drive people away. I have realised that by losing him, I have in effect lost a companion (we were not gay), but we helped each other out in the journey of self discovery.

    Suicide as a means to get rid of this pain has crossed my mind continiously, my friend passing away, plus pressures from both family along with fulfilling my own aspirations is not helping me. My degree is really hard now and I am not enjoying it, I can't concentrate even though I am getting decent marks, plus in addition the actual degree itself is surpressing my creative base which I am missing immensely.

    I am so strong for others, but it seems as though I have ran out of mental strength for myself, the loneliness and lack of support structure I have up here is driving me nuts, I just wish I had someone with whom I can share my journey with, but I know that in this mental state - it just isnt going to happen. I wan't to get out of this situation but I don't know how, dropping out is just not an option due to the fact that my whole future depends on my degree. (plus there will be a backlash)
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    As the saying goes; Only time will heal.

    I'm sure it's hard on you, but I'm sure you can endure it and keep going with life; work hard on your degree!
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    (Original post by Sparxy)
    As the saying goes; Only time will heal.

    I'm sure it's hard on you, but I'm sure you can endure it and keep going with life; work hard on your degree!
    Doesn't away the loneliness, the degree.
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    i don't know if this would help, but as you were talking about missing the creative side of things, why don't you try just doing something purely creative, maybe something that you really enjoyed as a kid? just doing one thing a day which you truely enjoy and can get something rewarding out of may help at the moment.
    i hope things get better for you x
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    A friend of mine in year 13 commited suicide earlier this year. Many of those in my year couldn't take the pain and 3 others tried to commit suicide as a result of it. (Fortunatley they all failed)
    My school dealt with it all extremely well, they had 24/7 support set out in school (I poped into school in the middle of the night a couple of times to get stuff off my chest). They had professionals working with every student individually and a priest also attended around the clock.

    Depending on your religious views perhaps you could pop to your local church and speak to somebody there, alternitively there will be someone at your Uni who will be able to put you onto someone who can help

    If not as someone else said try to keep active, keep busy it will help get your mind off whats happened and let you come to terms with it better. Good luck, it will get better in time just please dont give up
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    Think of what your friend would want. he would not want you to die. Greiving and struggling because of it is completely natural, and some people need help to get through it. I suggest you seek help from your uni counselling serivce. They will be used to talking about this and you dont have to worry that opening up will drive them away... its their job and it will allow you to open up without worring about the aeffect it will have on your friends.. (thoug I'm sure they'd want to know if you were feeling abd and would want to ehlp you)
 
 
 
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