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    This may turn into a bit of a rant, please feel free not to read it.

    I'm at Oxford at the moment but half way through last year I got chronic fatigue syndrome. I just about managed to pass my 1st year exams (I got a high 2.ii) but I just can't cope. I'm constantly exhausted, I can't get through the work and so I'm getting more and more behind. I feel guilty when I go out with my friends because I'm not working, and when I do go out I can't work for days afterwards because alcohol and dancing/walking around make my chronic fatigue so bad that I can't do anything for days afterwards, but I worry if I don't go out then I'm going to end up isolated (and I can't cope with just working and not having any fun).
    Anyway I've decided to take a year out and repeat the end of my first year/beginning of second year(to be honest my tutors haven't given me a lot of choice) but I just feel awful about it. I feel like such a failure. I told my parents but while they say they don't mind I can tell how disappointed they are and how they think I've made the wrong decision and should just pull my socks up and work harder. I really want to work harder and get my essays in on time but I'm just so behind that I can't (and even if I could then I still won't be able to catch up on all the work from last term-which I need for my finals). Half the time I'm so tired I can't work and even when I can a lot of the time it doesn't feel like I'm taking anything in. The CFS means I really struggle to remember stuff (my short term memory is now appalling, when it used to be really good) and I find it impossible to construct coherent arguments/work (I also keep forgetting the words for things, which is a nightmare). I hate myself so much for not being clever any more but I just can't help it. When I think about my work I keep having panic attacks and I keep crying for no reason. What makes it worse is that I'm so stressed I can't sleep despite the fact I'm shattered and I'm on beta blockers for anxiety and migraines (which I get all the time) which make me even more tired. I just don't really care any more, I don't want to eat or go out (although I do, I'm aware that things will only get worse if I don't eat or speak to/see my friends) it all just seems so much effort. I just want to go to bed and for everything just to stop.
    I just don't know what to do anymore. I just want to get out of this situation but none of my options seem any better.
    I don't feel like I can really tell my friends all of this, they all have sooo much work or real problems. I don't feel I can tell anyone how bad I really feel because I don't want to burden them/worry them too much (my friends and family) or give them an excuse not to let me come back (my tutors). Also I think people think that I'm just exaggerating/making up how ill I feel as an excuse for being lazy and not being able to get through my work. I feel bad about going back to the doctors because there isn't any treatments for CFS (as they don't know what causes it), even if she knew how down the CFS was making me feel there's not anything she can do to make me better so I'm just wasting her time.
    I don't even know if I will be better when I get back. Like my dad said 'why will anything be different in a few months time', he's probably right, if I can't cope now what's going to change, maybe I'm just wasting time and money keeping trying. I just hate the idea of giving up and walking away when I've been given such an amazing opportunity. But I'm not even clever any more so I feel like a fraud being here, because I just don't feel like the person I was at interview(and maybe I never really was that clever or confident or happy or motivated, I just had a good memory, which is now gone) so maybe I don't deserve the opportunity anyway. But if I walk away what do I do?
    I don't have any confidence anymore, I feel stupid and because I've been so stressed and ill I've lost a lot of weight so I look awful.

    Arghh

    Anyway, well done if you got through all that. I'm not sure what advice anyone can give me, but thanks for reading. I just needed to vent and Im not sure where else I can.

    xxx
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    Ehhh, can you space some paragraphs into there? It's 2AM and very hard to read.
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    ok...

    I really think a lot of your problems are because you're putting too much pressure on yourself. The more you demand of yourself, and the less satisfied you are with what you're achieving, the worse you do. If you stopped with the 'I'm not clever anymore' shizzle - cos there's no way that's true - and stopped with stuff like 'I can't write anymore etc etc' - because you obviously can - and just didn't stress about achieving more than you absolutely strictly need to, I'm sure you would begin to feel much happier and things would start coming more naturally. If you're too tired to work and go out but don't want to miss out on friends, see them a few times a week in a non-after hours/alcohol consuming situation, and if you're struggling with work, just take it slowly, get as much help as possible, and as long as you keep passing don't worry about it for the time being. You don't have to be amazing from the outset, the point of uni is to improve. If I were you, I would take a year out, do something you enjoy and that gets you really active without being stressful, then come back and start over without worrying about everything and placing such high demands on yourself. The only way you're gonna waste uni is by doing what you're doing now which is getting so frantic about everything that you enjoy nothing.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This may turn into a bit of a rant, please feel free not to read it.

    I'm at Oxford at the moment but half way through last year I got chronic fatigue syndrome. I just about managed to pass my 1st year exams (I got a high 2.ii) but I just can't cope. I'm constantly exhausted, I can't get through the work and so I'm getting more and more behind. I feel guilty when I go out with my friends because I'm not working, and when I do go out I can't work for days afterwards because alcohol and dancing/walking around make my chronic fatigue so bad that I can't do anything for days afterwards, but I worry if I don't go out then I'm going to end up isolated (and I can't cope with just working and not having any fun).
    Anyway I've decided to take a year out and repeat the end of my first year/beginning of second year(to be honest my tutors haven't given me a lot of choice) but I just feel awful about it. I feel like such a failure. I told my parents but while they say they don't mind I can tell how disappointed they are and how they think I've made the wrong decision and should just pull my socks up and work harder. I really want to work harder and get my essays in on time but I'm just so behind that I can't (and even if I could then I still won't be able to catch up on all the work from last term-which I need for my finals). Half the time I'm so tired I can't work and even when I can a lot of the time it doesn't feel like I'm taking anything in. The CFS means I really struggle to remember stuff (my short term memory is now appalling, when it used to be really good) and I find it impossible to construct coherent arguments/work (I also keep forgetting the words for things, which is a nightmare). I hate myself so much for not being clever any more but I just can't help it. When I think about my work I keep having panic attacks and I keep crying for no reason. What makes it worse is that I'm so stressed I can't sleep despite the fact I'm shattered and I'm on beta blockers for anxiety and migraines (which I get all the time) which make me even more tired. I just don't really care any more, I don't want to eat or go out (although I do, I'm aware that things will only get worse if I don't eat or speak to/see my friends) it all just seems so much effort. I just want to go to bed and for everything just to stop.
    I just don't know what to do anymore. I just want to get out of this situation but none of my options seem any better.
    I don't feel like I can really tell my friends all of this, they all have sooo much work or real problems. I don't feel I can tell anyone how bad I really feel because I don't want to burden them/worry them too much (my friends and family) or give them an excuse not to let me come back (my tutors). Also I think people think that I'm just exaggerating/making up how ill I feel as an excuse for being lazy and not being able to get through my work. I feel bad about going back to the doctors because there isn't any treatments for CFS (as they don't know what causes it), even if she knew how down the CFS was making me feel there's not anything she can do to make me better so I'm just wasting her time.
    I don't even know if I will be better when I get back. Like my dad said 'why will anything be different in a few months time', he's probably right, if I can't cope now what's going to change, maybe I'm just wasting time and money keeping trying. I just hate the idea of giving up and walking away when I've been given such an amazing opportunity. But I'm not even clever any more so I feel like a fraud being here, because I just don't feel like the person I was at interview(and maybe I never really was that clever or confident or happy or motivated, I just had a good memory, which is now gone) so maybe I don't deserve the opportunity anyway. But if I walk away what do I do?
    I don't have any confidence anymore, I feel stupid and because I've been so stressed and ill I've lost a lot of weight so I look awful.

    Arghh

    Anyway, well done if you got through all that. I'm not sure what advice anyone can give me, but thanks for reading. I just needed to vent and Im not sure where else I can.

    xxx
    Maybe look at your diet, or look up things online that will help you overcome feeling so tired all the time.

    With regards to the work, why don't you break it down, instead of thinking of it as a whole chunk of work you have to get through. Take each topic, and then sub-catagorise that into smaller sections. Do a little bit at a time, and while you are doing one thing, let that be your focus. Don't start thinking 'arnhjdghbkjds but I have a million others things I need to do'. Just concentrate on the thing you are working on at that time.

    I'd suggest that if you got through an interview at Oxford, they would have figured out if you were not as 'clever or confident' as you thought. They have a pretty strict vetting process, from whar I hear, so either way, if you managed to fool them, you must be pretty damn clever in some respects.

    Good luck.
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    Suki, walk to the well.....
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    (Original post by a_t)
    Suki, walk to the well.....
    but father, i cannot walk many miles to de well to fetch de water to mash the grain!
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    (Original post by Maths Genius)
    but father, i cannot walk many miles to de well to fetch de water to mash the grain!
    But suki why can't you walk many miles to de well to fetch de water to mash de grain?
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    (Original post by a_t)
    But suki why can't you walk many miles to de well to fetch de water?
    M.E!

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    There might be something your doctor can do for you. Maybe prescribe you stimulants (e.g. Methylphenidate)? They won't cure your CFS but they will certainly keep you up and running for the day. It's commonly done for patients who have got multiple sclerosis experiencing fatigue, as far as I know. So, it won't heal your CFS but it may help you by curing your symptoms.

    Go to your doctor with this info, if they don't act on it, change them.

    I wish you all the best.
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    (Original post by <3m&s)
    ok...

    I really think a lot of your problems are because you're putting too much pressure on yourself. The more you demand of yourself, and the less satisfied you are with what you're achieving, the worse you do. If you stopped with the 'I'm not clever anymore' shizzle - cos there's no way that's true - and stopped with stuff like 'I can't write anymore etc etc' - because you obviously can - and just didn't stress about achieving more than you absolutely strictly need to, I'm sure you would begin to feel much happier and things would start coming more naturally. If you're too tired to work and go out but don't want to miss out on friends, see them a few times a week in a non-after hours/alcohol consuming situation, and if you're struggling with work, just take it slowly, get as much help as possible, and as long as you keep passing don't worry about it for the time being. You don't have to be amazing from the outset, the point of uni is to improve. If I were you, I would take a year out, do something you enjoy and that gets you really active without being stressful, then come back and start over without worrying about everything and placing such high demands on yourself. The only way you're gonna waste uni is by doing what you're doing now which is getting so frantic about everything that you enjoy nothing.
    As for the part in bold - actually, this isn't true. CFS makes your head feel like it's filled with cotton wool. You can't make connections, can't think properly and come across as very slow and unintelligent because it takes a long time for stuff to filter through. While it's of course true that the OP's basic intelligence is no difference, (s)he no longer has the means to access it efficiently.

    Other than that, though, you make sense and this is good advice. I feel for you OP; I had to quit my medical degree due to CFS and even though now I'm getting better the university won't consider letting me come back, even if I dropped out of my current course and reapplied as a standard applicant (and end rant, this isn't your problem :p:).

    Definitely supporting the non-alcoholic situations for seeing your friends. Alcohol is actually thought by some to exacerbate CFS and it will make you feel even more tired and crappy than before. Obviously you're not totally stuffed because you still have the energy to go out and drink with your friends, so be careful not to make things worse for yourself by pushing too hard.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This may turn into a bit of a rant, please feel free not to read it.

    I'm at Oxford at the moment but half way through last year I got chronic fatigue syndrome. I just about managed to pass my 1st year exams (I got a high 2.ii) but I just can't cope. I'm constantly exhausted, I can't get through the work and so I'm getting more and more behind. I feel guilty when I go out with my friends because I'm not working, and when I do go out I can't work for days afterwards because alcohol and dancing/walking around make my chronic fatigue so bad that I can't do anything for days afterwards, but I worry if I don't go out then I'm going to end up isolated (and I can't cope with just working and not having any fun).
    Anyway I've decided to take a year out and repeat the end of my first year/beginning of second year(to be honest my tutors haven't given me a lot of choice) but I just feel awful about it. I feel like such a failure. I told my parents but while they say they don't mind I can tell how disappointed they are and how they think I've made the wrong decision and should just pull my socks up and work harder. I really want to work harder and get my essays in on time but I'm just so behind that I can't (and even if I could then I still won't be able to catch up on all the work from last term-which I need for my finals). Half the time I'm so tired I can't work and even when I can a lot of the time it doesn't feel like I'm taking anything in. The CFS means I really struggle to remember stuff (my short term memory is now appalling, when it used to be really good) and I find it impossible to construct coherent arguments/work (I also keep forgetting the words for things, which is a nightmare). I hate myself so much for not being clever any more but I just can't help it. When I think about my work I keep having panic attacks and I keep crying for no reason. What makes it worse is that I'm so stressed I can't sleep despite the fact I'm shattered and I'm on beta blockers for anxiety and migraines (which I get all the time) which make me even more tired. I just don't really care any more, I don't want to eat or go out (although I do, I'm aware that things will only get worse if I don't eat or speak to/see my friends) it all just seems so much effort. I just want to go to bed and for everything just to stop.
    I just don't know what to do anymore. I just want to get out of this situation but none of my options seem any better.
    I don't feel like I can really tell my friends all of this, they all have sooo much work or real problems. I don't feel I can tell anyone how bad I really feel because I don't want to burden them/worry them too much (my friends and family) or give them an excuse not to let me come back (my tutors). Also I think people think that I'm just exaggerating/making up how ill I feel as an excuse for being lazy and not being able to get through my work. I feel bad about going back to the doctors because there isn't any treatments for CFS (as they don't know what causes it), even if she knew how down the CFS was making me feel there's not anything she can do to make me better so I'm just wasting her time.
    I don't even know if I will be better when I get back. Like my dad said 'why will anything be different in a few months time', he's probably right, if I can't cope now what's going to change, maybe I'm just wasting time and money keeping trying. I just hate the idea of giving up and walking away when I've been given such an amazing opportunity. But I'm not even clever any more so I feel like a fraud being here, because I just don't feel like the person I was at interview(and maybe I never really was that clever or confident or happy or motivated, I just had a good memory, which is now gone) so maybe I don't deserve the opportunity anyway. But if I walk away what do I do?
    I don't have any confidence anymore, I feel stupid and because I've been so stressed and ill I've lost a lot of weight so I look awful.

    Arghh

    Anyway, well done if you got through all that. I'm not sure what advice anyone can give me, but thanks for reading. I just needed to vent and Im not sure where else I can.

    xxx


    I can understand how you're feeling... I've just had to take a year out of uni because of M.E., so can understand the feeling so fed up, and also being worried you won't get better this year.
    Try and just forget about your degree for now - go home and relax, do stuff you enjoy, get loooooads of rest, build up the amount you're able to do, and just forget about next year for a while... you don't need to think about it until a month or two before you go back.
    It might be a good idea to see your doctor again... they obviously can't cure it but they might be able to prescribe something or at least give you advice.
    Also, don't assume no one else will care... try explaining to your friends and family how you're feeling, and you might be surprised at how understanding they are, and if your parents don't agree with you having a year out, explain that right now you don't feel like you have any other option... it is important to put your health first for a bit.
    If you need to talk, feel free to message me.
    I hope you start feeling better soon!
 
 
 
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